Platonic Love

Platonic love, or the love between friends, can be nourishing, fulfilling, and a source of support as we go through life. Human beings often require strong social and personal relationships, and platonic friendships are typically a significant part of these networks. Read on to learn more about what characterizes platonic love relationships, how you can benefit from having a platonic love in your life, and how to build more of these types of connections.

The definition of platonic love

Benefits of platonic relationships

The existence of relationships in your life that are characterized by platonic love isn’t just a nice-to-have; research indicates that this type of platonic intimacy and love may be crucial for mental and even physical health. Below are some of the key benefits that platonic relationships can offer.

Emotional support

One of the key benefits of platonic love is the emotional support you can get from a close friend. These types of relationships are usually characterized by mutual acceptance and care, meaning that you can lean on these people in your life when you’re facing a problem, feeling sad, or otherwise need support. Friends can also help each other heal and grow by modeling and encouraging honesty, compassion, boundaries, calm conflict resolution, and other important elements of healthy interpersonal relationships. This type of love can be crucial when you’re experiencing challenges and need to reach out for support. Many people make meaningful connections with their platonic friends that may even outlast romantic love they may have with someone they are sexually attracted to. 

Decreased risk of physical health problems

Having strong, platonic love in your life may also decrease health risks and even increase life expectancy. Part of the reason may be that friends can check in on each other and encourage one another to adopt healthy habits, but another part may be that feelings of loneliness can cause psychological processes that may be detrimental to health as a result of the mind-body connection. For example, one study that included over 300,000 participants found that those who had “stronger social relationships were 50 percent more likely to survive over the studies' given periods than those with weaker connections—a risk comparable to smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day and one double that of obesity”. Close friendships have also been associated with a decreased risk of high blood pressure, high cholesterol, depression, and anxiety. You may not have thought about friendship and platonic love as part of physical health, but this love can have astonishing benefits.

Better mood

Being around loving friends can simply make us feel better emotionally as well. Spending time with those we share platonic love with can increase levels of dopamine in the brain, which is known as the “feel-good” chemical. Spending time with like-minded friends can also help decrease levels of cortisol, the stress hormone. As one study puts it, “successful social interaction can provide one of the most rewarding stimuli for humans”. When we share laughter, love, and engage in activities that we love with our platonic lovers (friends), these effects can be increased even more, promoting better mental health.

Higher resilience

Having true platonic friends you can rely on can even help you be better prepared to face life’s inevitable challenges. They can provide support, advice, love, and encouragement that may help you see difficult circumstances from a new perspective. According to one study, having a close group of supportive, platonic friends is one of the top predictors of an individual’s ability to recover after stressful life experiences. Your platonic relationships may offer invaluable support and love during times of difficulty and uncertainty.

Building platonic relationships

Having strong, supportive platonic friendships can be enriching and even have health benefits. If you're looking to make or maintain platonic love connections or experience genuine platonic love, the following tips may help.

Find people you have something in common with

Be proactive about forming loving, platonic relationships

It’s important to remember that, just like romantic love relationships, relationships of virtually every kind are two-way streets. If only one person is reaching out, checking in, making plans, and providing emotional support, they may start to feel uncared for or taken for granted. In general, both friends should aim to contribute roughly the same amount of time and emotional energy in order for a platonic love to thrive. If your friend is great about asking how you’re doing, texting or calling you, and setting up times to hang out, it may be wise to make sure you’re doing the same for them.

Similarly, even if you’re in a romantic love relationship, try not to leave your friendships behind. It can be crucial to continue to prioritize them, even if you have a partner with whom you share romantic love and physical intimacy. Love, platonic or otherwise, needs to be maintained and given attention in order to flourish. Platonic relationships are often based in part on quality time, so you might find mutually enjoyable activities, or activities that can help facilitate deep conversations.

Address unhealthy dynamics within your platonic love

Developing feelings for a friend

A true platonic friend will not have any romantic love or sexual feelings for you, but what can you do if these feelings do develop? The first step might be to determine how deep these feelings of romantic love go. You may experience physical attraction for your friends without having any desire to pursue a different kind of relationship with them. In these cases, the feelings may not need to be addressed at all. If your feelings go deeper and you think you want a relationship with the person, you will have to decide whether you want to remain platonic. If your relationship with a platonic friend starts to develop unwanted romantic or sexual features, you might try communicating with the friend about your feelings and establishing clear boundaries.

Speak with a therapist