Does It Matter If Other Girls Don't Like Me?

There are plenty of reasons why some women may gravitate toward male friendships over female ones. This might happen because of interests, values, or personal styles. However, if you’re a woman who feels like other women don’t like you, it’s worth taking the time to understand why you feel that way.

To get to the bottom of this belief, you’ll need to have some honest conversations with yourself. How did this come about? And have you always felt this way? Do you have a perception that people don’t like you, in general? If you’re generalizing women into a group of people who don’t like you, then this could be a problem, which may connect to your perceptions.

Generalizations are workable problems. If you learn to reframe your thoughts, you may see things in a different way. In this article, we’ll talk about strategies to help you avoid this type of negative thinking.

All women don’t like me

Often, you may develop the perception that an entire group of people doesn’t like you because you’re struggling with self-esteem or issues of self-worth. Did you have a problem forming female friendships in childhood or adolescence? Were you hurt by other girls or women previously in your life? Sometimes, bullies and torment can lead to the stigmatization of women in general. Lumping all other girls into a single category means that you’re unwilling to look at other people as individuals with distinct personalities. There are many kinds of women in the world, just as there are many kinds of people in general in the world. With that in mind, you may want to ask yourself why you feel ostracized by other women.

Perhaps there is a competitive undertone to your perception. For some, the idea that other women don’t like them is, in reality, a cover for their fear that other women are somehow more appealing than them. The fear that someone is smarter, more charming, or more conventionally attractive can influence women to compete for respect, employment, romantic partners, and more.

Overcoming toxic comparisons and building healthy relationships

Letting go of toxic thinking to build self-esteem and healthy connections

It can be difficult to build self-esteem when you’re thinking this way. The first step toward letting go of this toxic thinking is to recognize where it comes from, which is likely mass media or a previous bad experience, such as being bullied. By letting go of these ideas and supporting others instead of living in competition, you have a better chance at having healthy friendships, relationships, jobs, or anything else that you desire.

Building true self-esteem and a support network

While you may have solid evidence that some women treat you negatively, it’s important to analyze your role in those situations. Maybe you’re innocent. However, it’s always easier, even if it may not seem like it, to start from within – the goal is to work on assessing and changing yourself, not the female gender as a whole. Usually, female friendships will follow when you build a solid foundation of self-esteem and learn the value of empowering and being empowered by other women.

Be yourself 

Instead of worrying about whether other women are judging you, try to relax and enjoy an activity. Are you so different that no other woman in the world likes the same hobbies as you? That’s unlikely. You may find that if you can be yourself instead of trying to defend who you are, there are plenty of other women who would love to be your friend. Even if you don’t fit the typical feminine stereotypes, many other women don’t either. Stereotypes are not absolutes, and every person exists on a massive spectrum of personality, interests, and values. As you get to know other women, you may find more commonalities than differences.

When you’re able to value your own uniqueness and strengths, you can be your authentic self without comparing yourself to others. Even when you find that you’re different than others, most authentic people will be attracted to the authenticity they see in you. If you allow your fears about how you’ll be perceived to consume you, they may impact your behavior, and you may inadvertently do something to push other women away. Making friends requires friendliness in addition to being comfortable with who you are.

Recognize stereotypes for what they are

You might find that you dislike women because you dislike feminine qualities in yourself. If you’re trying hard to “be like one of the guys,” it may be because society tells you that feminine characteristics are less desirable. However, the truth is that both men and women have a mixture of masculine and feminine traits. Embrace yourself for having both while recognizing that your guy friends and girlfriends also have a mix of these traits. This can have a huge impact on our self-worth, which has a big effect on the way we interact with others. Furthermore, having good friends who accept you for who you are can actually boost your self-confidence.

No matter what society says, there’s no right way to be a woman. Women come in all shapes and sizes, and all of them have highly varied ideas and interests. Not only can stereotypes leave some women feeling like they don’t fit in, but they are also unfair to all women. Women are so unique and dynamic that you cannot put all of them in one box. One size does not fit all. Sometimes building better relationships with other women requires that we release ourselves from the pressure of feminine stereotypes. Additionally, we can let go of the preconceived notions we have about other women, so we can give them – and ourselves – a fair chance.

Step outside of your comfort zone

You may find that you just don’t click with the women in your current environment. Maybe you have interests or ideas that don’t make sense to them. It doesn’t mean that you’re wrong in any way, nor does it mean that there’s something wrong with them. Consider expanding your social network by finding another community or group where there are women interested in the things you enjoy. 

Joining a community organization or a club or engaging in activities you enjoy not only can help you meet other women who have similar interests, but it can also help you build self-esteem and self-empowerment. Sometimes when you’ve had a bad experience with a group of women, it can seem like all females feel the same way about you. The key to building friendships with other women may lie in exploring other communities and environments. Women everywhere are different. If you have a bad experience with a group of women, don’t let that experience keep you from having better experiences with other groups.

Use humor when you think, "Girls don't like me"

If you repeatedly find that women seem to feel threatened by you, it’s important to realize that this is not entirely their (or your) fault. As mentioned earlier, society’s messages often encourage this behavior in women. That said, no matter the underlying reason, being bullied, ignored, or harassed by a group of women is neither healthy nor acceptable. If this is happening to you at a minor level, you might be able to turn it around with a little humor. Joking about the hardships or obstacles in your life can make you seem less threatening and more approachable.

Humor can break the tension and help others see you as relatable, which can positively shift their perception of you. For example, the next time you’re in a social setting where someone says something hurtful to you, make a casual joke about yourself using self-deprecation. Similarly, if someone is complimenting you, thank them and then crack a little joke about yourself to show that you can laugh about yourself and that you have challenges just like anyone else. This tactic, coupled with the following tip, can bridge the gap between competition and camaraderie. Be careful, though, to not put yourself down or use this type of humor so often that you build a negative view toward yourself.

Offer genuine compliments

When you give a compliment, remember to be as genuine as possible. Don’t make it obvious that you’re scoping someone else out, but look for specific ways in which you might be able to compliment genuinely. Make direct eye contact, and strive to focus on personal attributes over commodities like clothing, accessories, or items connected to wealth. If you couple a healthy amount of humor with genuine compliments, most women will be more open to connecting with you.

Online therapy can help you build lasting friendships

If you have a preference for male friendships, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, if you truly believe that all women dislike you, you might want to talk to someone about it. A licensed counselor can work with you to recognize and reframe any potentially harmful thought patterns. For example, research published in the Journal of Medical Internet Research shows that people who used BetterHelp experienced a significant reduction in depression symptoms.

Seeking guidance and building healthier relationships

A counselor can help you work through potential issues such as self-esteem, stereotyping, forging healthy relationships, or bullying. Even better, you can begin your journey of self-improvement from the comfort of your own home. After a little work, you may stop feeling like other women don’t like you (or perhaps as though you don’t like them), and you’ll start being able to forge the friendships that you want and need. 

"I’ve only had a couple of sessions with Sue, but that’s all it’s taken to build a lot more self confidence that I had lost over a couple of years. I would definitely recommend her to anyone struggling with self-worth."

— BetterHelp member’s review of their therapist

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