How Therapy Can Help After Abuse
- For those experiencing suicidal thoughts, please contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988
- For those experiencing abuse, please contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)
- For those experiencing substance use, please contact SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357
Abuse in romantic relationships is more common than one might think – one study indicated that various forms of emotional abuse take place in nearly 80% of intimate relationships, with overt aggressive behavior and subtle coercion as the most frequent forms.
When someone abuses you, you might feel alone or stuck, and the situation may be worse if you have met an abusive counselor, making it difficult to seek assistance and support. It’s tough to manage your life and your emotions when you’re living with someone who shows such little regard for your mental and physical well-being.
No matter your age, gender, socioeconomic status, sexuality, or education level, all people can experience abuse or domestic violence. It may be a relief to find that there is someone available who can help you explore these issues and make decisions that will benefit you now and in the future. Therapy can help people who face many different types of abuse.
Therapy can offer compassion and emotional support
One of the first things you might notice in therapy is your counselor’s support and compassion. Their emotional support may be something you’ve lacked for a long time. They can listen non-judgmentally while you talk about problems like emotional and physical abuse. As you discuss what’s happening or has happened in your life and how you feel about it, you might feel a sense of relief or hopefulness that you perhaps haven’t felt since the abuse started.
Therapy can teach you about the types of abuse you’re experiencing
Sometimes, it helps to know more about the different types of abuse, why they might happen, and what can occur as a result. Here are several types of abuse your counselor might tell you about:
Emotional abuse – When someone abuses you emotionally, they engage in behaviors that cause you psychological harm. Also called psychological abuse, this type of abuse may include criticizing you, humiliating, threatening, or blaming you for things that are not your fault. Abusers ultimately seek power over you and achieve it through intimidation, fear, and other tactics. Figuring out how to deal with controlling partners of this type is exhausting and can cause mental, emotional, and psychological stress.
Sexual abuse – According to the American Psychological Association, sexual abuse includes any unwanted sexual activity that someone forces on you physically, by threatening you, or by taking advantage of you at a time when you’re unable to give consent.
Physical abuse – Being abused physically means that an abuser is intentionally hurting you through bodily contact. It may include slapping, punching, kicking, biting, burning, or other forms of painful contact. If you’re experiencing physical abuse, it’s critical to get help right away and remove yourself from danger.
Verbal abuse – Most people have arguments from time to time. In emotionally abusive relationships, arguments can escalate into abusive behavior. When someone is calling you names, verbally attacking you, constantly disregarding your voice, or insisting that their perspective is the only one that matters, they’re verbally abusing you.
Therapy can help you recognize the signs of abuse
It may feel hard to sort out what is abusive behavior and what is normal behavior. It is normal for, and makes sense that, you would be confused. You may have a deep attachment to the person abusing you, and it can be hard to think that someone you care about might be doing things to hurt or control you. Your therapist can teach you how to recognize a wide range of abuses that might be occurring. For example, you might be able to identify emotional abuse from any of the following categories:
- Bullying
- Threatening
- Name-calling
- Controlling what you wear or where you go
- Controlling your money
- Isolating you from friends and family
Therapy can help you identify and cope with your emotions about the abuse
One thing that is common to many people who experience emotional abuse is that they don’t recognize what happened to them as abuse. Research on the effects of abuse has found there to be a connection between being emotionally abused or neglected and having difficulties identifying and describing emotions.
Your counselor can help you with this by providing you with a safe environment and encouraging you to think about and express your feelings. They also can help you sort through the facts of your situation in a supportive environment so that you can understand your feelings more effectively.
Therapy can help you build tools to manage emotions and stress
Emotional abuse can leave you feeling many different distressing emotions. Therapists can teach you stress management techniques to use, whether you choose to stay in the relationship or leave it. As you learn to manage your emotions and your stress more effectively, you may become emotionally healthier and less likely to accept the abuse any longer.
Therapy can help you choose helpful thoughts
The problem with emotional abuse is not just what happens to you. It’s also what you think about what happens, about yourself, and about the person who abuses/abused you. Sometimes, negative thought patterns can keep you stuck in a cycle of ongoing emotional abuse. But through cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and other psychological techniques, your therapist can help you learn how to identify negative thoughts, evaluate them, decide whether it’s time to change them, and, if so, adopt more empowering thoughts.
Therapy can teach you assertiveness
People who abuse others often use emotional abuse to take control of a person. After a while, you might find yourself letting them have their way without questioning it. You might even accept their hurtful words and behaviors, especially if you feel you deserve the abuse in some way or don’t recognize the abuse as such. By learning how to stand up for yourself in an assertive way, you can improve your mental health and be better equipped to make any changes you decide to make.
Therapy can improve your self-esteem
Being subjected to emotional abuse for any length of time can wear down your self-esteem. You could end up blaming yourself for the person’s abusive behaviors and feeling like they wouldn’t hurt you if you didn’t deserve it. You might start thinking that all the criticism and anger they throw at you is justified. Through therapy, though, you can rediscover your strengths and positive attributes. You can begin to see yourself as a worthwhile person again until you realize that you don’t deserve to be treated that way at all.
Therapy can help you overcome past traumas
Sometimes, the abuse you’re trying to overcome happened in the past, maybe even when you were a child. Whether the abuse is still going on or not, past traumas can have a profound negative impact on your life. Your psychologist or counselor can help you uncover old memories, recognize and express your emotions about them, and assist you in the healing process.
Therapy can guide you in creating a safety plan
If you’re experiencing abuse of any kind, it is important to know what to do in case it escalates to an emergency. Your therapist can help you make a safety plan with practical steps to take if you need to leave immediately. They can point you toward community resources for people who are being abused, as well.
Therapy can offer treatment for related mental health issues
Living with emotional abuse can lead to or exacerbate many mental health conditions including anxiety and substance abuse. So, if you’re in therapy for help with an abusive relationship, it might be useful to know that your counselor can also help you with the mental health concerns that might come up. Some of these conditions might include:
- Depression
- Anxiety
- Obsessive-compulsive behaviors
- Insomnia or other sleeping problems
- Eating disorders
- Substance use disorders
Therapy can empower you to make decisions about what to do next
Once you recognize how you’re being abused and the negative impact it’s having on your life, you will probably want to make some changes. If the person abusing you has been trying to control you for some time, it might be hard to decide what to do next. Or, if you’re financially or otherwise dependent on the person perpetrating the abuse, it might be frightening to think of making changes.
In many cases, the only way to improve your situation may be to do something different, whether that’s leaving the relationship, getting more support, or finding some other type of solution. Your counselor won’t make the decisions for you, but they can help you determine what your options are and weigh each one carefully for yourself. Then, they can encourage you to do what you think is best for you and support you in whatever decisions you make.
Therapy can prepare you for healthier relationships in the future
After you’ve experienced any kind of abuse, there’s one more thing you might need to address in therapy. You may not know, or you may have forgotten, what a healthy relationship is and looks like. Your therapist can give insight into healthy relationships. They can guide you as you think about what you want in a new relationship. Additionally, they can help you develop a healthier communication style. Then, when you’re ready to move on, you can have the skills to cultivate healthier relationships in the future.
How to start therapy after experiencing abuse
Starting therapy during or after abuse can feel like an overwhelming task. It’s natural to be a little hesitant when your world is in such turmoil. Many people who felt the same way have found therapy to be an important part of transforming their life and their self-worth.
If you’re experiencing physical abuse or worry that your partner might start physically abusing you, it is important not to wait and to get help right away. That might mean seeking help at a domestic violence shelter or talking to a counselor in your community.
If you would like to connect with a therapist online, you can get therapy online at BetterHelp from licensed counselors who are experienced in helping people who have been abused. You can search for a therapist that fits your needs and have therapy from home or wherever you are and at a time that is right for you. Therapy sessions generally last between 45 and 60 minutes depending on the therapist and sessions may be ongoing until you feel like you are ready to move on without therapy.
There is substantial evidence affirming virtual trauma-focused treatments like CBT and other forms of psychotherapy as effective treatment methods for survivors of emotional, sexual, and domestic violence (including children and teenagers).
Takeaway
Frequently asked questions:
What are examples of emotional abuse?
Emotional abuse is not always as obvious as physical abuse, so it is sometimes hard to see the signs or know what it looks like. However, here are a few behaviors and examples of what emotional abuse is:
Name-calling
Giving the silent treatment
Guilt trips
Humiliation
Blaming or shaming
Any form of verbal abuse
What can emotional abuse do to a woman?
Emotional abuse can have long-lasting effects on women. Some of these include the development of depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), anxiety, and certain personality disorders. Furthermore, trauma and abuse can damage self-worth, hurt a woman’s abilities to create healthy boundaries, and prevent them from enjoying romantic relationships in the future. An emotionally abused woman may also feel unlovable, unwanted, and unworthy of self-care or expressing her own needs. It is important to know that while most reported cases of abuse come from female survivors, people of all genders and sexual orientations can experience abuse.
What is the best therapy for abuse?
Once you are free from the person who abused you and ready to process your situation and heal, you can seek out a therapist who specializes in trauma and abuse. However, you might also try group therapy for abuse survivors so that you can interact with people who have had the same experiences as you.
If you are still in an abusive relationship but wish to stay and make it work, you can seek help with couples’ therapy. You should only do this if you feel safe and your partner sees their behavior as harmful, is willing to improve their behavior, and change. Couples therapy works best when your partner is willing to change their language and behavior to reestablish a healthier relationship. However, if you are experiencing physical abuse or just don’t feel safe with your partner, it is better to seek safety than try to fix your problems in couples’ therapy.
Does therapy work for emotional abuse?
Yes, therapy can help if you have experienced or are experiencing emotional abuse. In therapy, a mental health professional can help you with the trauma and side effects of abusive behaviors as well as help you find safety if you are currently experiencing emotional abuse or domestic violence. Furthermore, emotional abuse counseling can provide you with the emotional tools to rebuild your self-worth and a great future.
Some couples seek couples therapy or a family therapist if emotionally abusive behavior is present in the relationship or if there is family violence. However, do not feel obligated to stay with an abusive partner.
What are four signs of emotional abuse?
Understanding emotional abuse and its signs are keys to helping yourself or your loved ones find safety and freedom. However, emotional abuse occurs most often away from any witnesses and rarely leaves physical evidence. There are several signs that someone could be involved in an emotionally abusive relationship
First, emotionally abusive people tend to act in a manipulative manner. If they want their partner to do something, they may attempt to control the other person’s feelings to get them to feel guilty and do what they want. For example, if they are upset with their partner, they may stay silent or ignore them to make their partner feel bad. An emotionally abusive person may also guilt trip or say things to make their partner doubt themselves.
Second, someone who is in an emotionally abusive relationship will likely have little freedom or free will to do anything. For example, the abusive partner may not allow them to spend time with friends or family. If they do, they may still find ways to monitor their partner’s actions and movements. For example, they may secretly install a GPS tracker on their partner’s car, or they will constantly text or call their partner for updates on their location and activities.
Abusive people may also be dismissive of their partner’s feelings. They may laugh at, invalidate, or downplay any feelings their partner expresses or be completely indifferent. They may also refuse to take responsibility for anything and choose to blame their partner or others for their actions.
Finally, emotional abuse often results in verbal abuse and harsh criticism. Abusive partners in relationships will often put their partner down in front of others, find ways to humiliate them, or constantly say things to make their partner feel bad about themselves. They will often have an opinion about everything their partner does, including how they dress, eat, talk, and so on.
It is important to note that while most people associate emotional abuse with adult relationships, children can frequently experience emotional abuse. In fact, emotional abuse is a common factor and cause of childhood trauma. Any human being is susceptible to emotional abuse, no matter what age, gender, race, or sexuality they are.
Emotional abuse is also highly correlated with other forms of domestic violence. Therefore, if you see these signs or recognize them in your own relationship, do not ignore or dismiss them.
What type of therapy is used for emotional abuse?
How do you break the cycle of emotional abuse?
Can you reverse emotional abuse?
What happens to the brain after emotional abuse?
How do you cope with emotional abuse?
Does CBT help with emotional abuse?
What part of the brain is damaged by emotional abuse?
How does emotional abuse affect a woman?
What mental illnesses are caused by emotional abuse?
Does emotional abuse get worse over time?
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