Impacts Of An Emotionally Abusive Relationship On Mental Health & How To Get Help
Emotional abuse is one of the most common types, and research suggests it can be uniquely harmful to mental well-being. Learning to recognize the signs of this type of abuse can be the first step toward seeking help if you or a loved one experiences it. Below, explore what an emotionally abusive relationship can look like, how it might impact mental health, and how you can seek help.
What is emotional abuse?
According to the National Domestic Violence Hotline, emotional abuse involves “non-physical behaviors that are meant to control, isolate, or frighten you.” They report that examples of this type of abuse can include but are not limited to:
- Threats
- Insults
- Constant monitoring
- Excessive jealousy
- Manipulation
- Humiliation
- Intimidation
- Dismissiveness
Emotional abuse, also called psychological abuse or verbal abuse, can occur on its own or in conjunction with other forms of relationship abuse. Abuse can be perpetrated or experienced by a person of any age, gender, sexuality, or socioeconomic status. Abuse of any type is never okay, and you deserve to seek help if you feel unsafe in a relationship.
Other types of relationship violence beyond emotional abuse
The American Psychological Association (APA) defines abuse as “interactions in which one person behaves in a cruel, violent, demeaning, or invasive manner toward another person.” Relationship abuse, in particular, can take many different forms. In addition to emotional, examples of other types of abuse a person could experience include:
- Physical abuse, which involves forms of physical violence such as hitting, choking, or restraining
- Sexual abuse, such as coercion, coercive control of one’s sexuality, sexual assault, or other forced sexual contact
- Financial abuse, such as controlling a person’s finances or ability to work
- Cyber-abuse, such as online stalking or posting humiliating or other harmful content about the person
While relationship abuse is often talked about in the context of romantic relationships, it can affect any connection. A person’s partner could be abusive, but so could their parent, sibling, boss, coworker, friend, or other type of connection.
Statistics about relationship abuse in the US
Statistics that describe the prevalence of relationship abuse among Americans shed light on why intimate partner violence is considered a widespread and pressing public health issue. For example, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), over 61 million women and 53 million men have experienced intimate partner violence in the form of psychological aggression specifically.
In addition, the CDC reports that one in five homicides involves the individual being killed by an intimate partner. Their statistics also indicate that the “lifetime economic cost associated with medical services for IPV-related injuries, lost productivity from paid work, criminal justice, and other costs” is $3.6 trillion. This data reflects both the high individual and societal costs of relationship abuse in the United States.
The potential mental health impacts of an emotionally abusive relationship
Although they may not be visible, emotional abuse can leave scars just as physical abuse can. Being treated this way by a loved one can have severe mental health impacts that can be long-lasting. In a 2019 study on the effects of abuse, researchers reported that individuals who experienced only emotional abuse scored higher for depression, anxiety, stress, and neuroticism compared to participants who reported experiencing solely physical, solely sexual, or physical and sexual abuse. In other words, in terms of mental health, emotional abuse can be as impactful or more so than other types.
Emotional abuse can profoundly affect a person’s sense of self. Their self-esteem and self-worth may gradually decrease when exposed to overt or subtle attempts to demean, control, or ignore them. Feelings of guilt are common as well, especially if the target of the abuse is being gaslit into the false belief that they’re only being abused because of their own personal flaws.
Often, emotional abuse leads the survivor to develop a mental health condition. Depression and anxiety are common in survivors of all types of abuse, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or complex PTSD (c-PTSD) are also possible. Research suggests that certain physical health conditions may also be linked to a history of abuse in some cases, like insomnia, fibromyalgia, and chronic pain in various forms.
Recognizing signs of emotional abuse in a relationship
Identifying signs of abuse is typically the first step toward getting help. Becoming familiar with common indicators of emotional abuse could empower you or a loved one to take action and seek support if you ever notice them. The University of Rochester Medical Center lists many potential signs of emotional abuse on its website. Some key examples include the abusive person:
- Yelling at you
- Forcing you to do degrading actions
- Bullying or name-calling you
- Threatening you, your loved ones, or your pets
- Acting with excessive jealousy
- Restricting when you can and can’t leave the house
- Controlling who you spend time with
- Intentionally embarrassing you in front of others
- Criticizing or controlling what you wear or how you look
- Withholding affection or using the silent treatment to manipulate you
The above behaviors are only a few examples; emotional abuse can take many forms. In general, if your partner is frequently and intentionally putting you down, manipulating you, or scaring you, they may be engaging in psychological abuse. Seek help when you first become concerned instead of waiting to see if the behavior escalates.
How to seek help for emotional abuse or relationship violence
Speaking to your partner about how their treatment makes you feel and setting boundaries to prevent further harmful behavior may help you protect yourself. You also have the right to leave a relationship that has consistently made you feel worthless or unsafe. If it's not safe to speak to your abusive partner about their actions or if doing so has been ineffective, it may be time to reach out for help. Reaching out for immediate help is also recommended if you feel your or a loved one's bodily safety and life may be at risk.
If you’re experiencing abuse, you might confide in a friend or family member to get help seeking support. Your doctor or therapist can also help connect you with resources. One helpful resource for people in abusive situations is the National Domestic Violence Hotline, which you can contact 24/7 by calling 1-800-799-7233, texting “START” to 88788, or visiting their website to live chat with someone who can help. They can support you in evaluating your situation, making a safe exit plan if needed, and connecting you with support in your area. Help is available, and there's no shame in seeking it. Everyone deserves loving and healthy relationships.
Addressing the impacts of past abuse in therapy
Psychological abuse can have a significant impact on a person's mental and emotional well-being—even years after the fact. Anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, and other potential impacts of trauma typically require treatment to address, and those living with effects like low self-esteem or attachment issues may also benefit from treatment. A therapist—particularly one who is trained in working with abuse survivors—can offer a safe space for an individual to share their feelings, process their trauma, rebuild their self-worth, and address any symptoms of a mental health condition they may be experiencing.
Processing a past emotionally abusive relationship in online mental health therapy
For many reasons, an individual might not be comfortable with or be able to attend in-person sessions regularly. In such cases, online therapy can be an effective alternative for receiving mental health care. Through an online therapy platform such as BetterHelp, you can get matched with a licensed therapist after filling out a brief questionnaire about your needs and preferences. Then, you can meet with them virtually via phone, video, or chat anywhere you have an internet connection.
Many people find speaking with a therapist remotely more comfortable and convenient, and online therapy is often more affordable than in-person sessions without insurance. Plus, a growing body of research points to the potential effectiveness of virtual mental health treatment. For example, research from 2023 suggests that online therapy can often be as effective for treating post-traumatic stress disorder as in-person therapy and various other studies report similar results for depression, anxiety, and other challenges.
Takeaway
An emotionally abusive relationship can involve psychological harm in the form of threats, demeaning language, intimidation, control, manipulation, or similar acts. Research suggests that this type of abuse can have lasting mental health impacts, such as anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder, low self-worth, and others.
Everyone deserves to feel safe and cared for in their relationships, and help for those who are experiencing or have experienced abuse is available. Setting boundaries and speaking to your doctor, contacting your local shelter, or reaching out to the National Domestic Violence Hotline are recommended next steps once you've identified abuse. For support coping with the emotional impacts of past abuse, meeting with a therapist online or in your area may be helpful.
What is it called when someone constantly puts you down?
When another person constantly puts you down, it could be referred to as belittling, demeaning, or degrading. This behavior could qualify as bullying and emotional abuse, and it’s never okay.
What is gaslighting me?
Gaslighting is when one person uses manipulation to make another person doubt their own perception of reality. For example, an emotional abuser might gaslight their target by denying that their own past harmful actions ever happened. Gaslighting can be a form or component of emotional abuse.
What is controlling behavior in a relationship?
Controlling behavior in a relationship can take many forms. Some examples of controlling behavior are telling you who you can and can’t spend time with, reading your emails or text messages, telling you what you can and can't wear, and not allowing you to leave the house.
How do I tell if I'm being emotionally abused?
The National Domestic Violence Hotline website lists many different signs that could indicate you may be experiencing emotional abuse. In general, emotionally abusive people often intentionally make their target feel unsafe, threatened, worthless, and/or demeaned. If you’re unsure, contacting the National Domestic Violence Hotline or speaking with your doctor or therapist could help you determine whether your situation may qualify as abusive or otherwise unsafe.
What are the five cycles of emotional abuse?
There aren’t necessarily five cycles of emotional abuse. Instead, there are five stages in the cycle of abusive behavior. These usually include the following:
- Enmeshment
- Overprotection and overindulgence
- Complete neglect
- Rage
- Rejection or abandonment
What are four key signs that a relationship may be unhealthy or emotionally abusive?
A few signs of emotional abuse in intimate relationships include isolation, controlling behavior, extreme jealousy, and unrealistic expectations. If these red flags are present in your relationship, it’s likely unhealthy. You deserve respect, even when disagreements arise.
What is narcissistic emotional abuse?
Narcissistic emotional abuse generally refers to abuse that occurs in relationships where one partner has narcissistic personality disorder. This type of abuse often involves gaslighting, manipulation, and love-bombing. Individuals who have experienced narcissistic abuse often report that it made them “feel crazy” and that they believed it was their responsibility to behave correctly in order to avoid escalating the abuser’s behavior.
What does emotional abuse do to a woman?
While emotional abuse may not leave physical marks, it often comes with consequences like anxiety, depression, and chronic pain. People who have experienced emotional abuse may feel guilty for desiring that their basic needs be met, and they may blame themselves for the way they have been treated. Survivors of emotional abuse often experience fear and other negative emotions and may struggle to feel comfortable and calm.
How do you leave an emotionally abusive person?
Leaving an emotionally abusive person can be very challenging. It may be helpful to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline (800-799-7233) or a therapist who can guide you in creating a safety plan. This may be especially important if children are involved in the situation.
How can you heal from emotional abuse?
Healing from emotional abuse is often a long-term process. Recognizing that abuse is not a normal part of relationships and that you didn’t deserve to be hurt or convinced that the mistreatment was your fault can be a big step. Practicing self-care, working with a therapist, and leaning on your support system may benefit you throughout the healing process. It can be beneficial to have certain people to whom you can turn when you’re struggling emotionally.
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