Impulsivity, Relationship Conflict & Mental Health: Arguing With Someone Who Has ADHD
Relationships are often a central aspect of life. However, every relationship tends to face challenges. For neurodivergent individuals, including people with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), relationship challenges can be especially difficult to navigate due to a variety of factors, such as impulsiveness and difficulty managing emotions. Strategies like learning about each other’s values, establishing guidelines, and taking a step back when challenging emotions arise can be helpful. For more personalized guidance, consider scheduling an online or in-office session with a licensed therapist.
What is attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder?
How many people have ADHD?
ADHD is relatively common. According to Children and Adults with Attention-Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder (CHADD), 15.5 million adults (6%) in the US currently have an ADHD diagnosis. People of any age, gender, sexual orientation, or race can and do experience ADHD.
How attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder can show up: common ADHD symptoms
- Impulsive behavior
- Lack of organization
- Difficulty with prioritization
- Challenges with time management
- Difficulty maintaining focus on tasks
- Excessive restlessness or activity
- Ineffective planning skills
- Limited tolerance for frustration
- Frequent fluctuations in mood
- Struggles with task completion and follow-through
- Tendency toward a quick temper
- Difficulty coping with stress
Challenges that people with ADHD may face in relationships
In neurodivergent relationships, the impact of ADHD symptoms often goes beyond challenges with attention and focus. Emotional dysregulation, one of the key symptoms of the disorder, can significantly influence personal interactions and lead to conflict.
Impulsivity, other ADHD symptoms, and relationship conflict: arguing with someone who has ADHD
ADHD communication strategies
Explore each other’s values before arguing with someone who has ADHD
Establish guidelines for your neurodivergent relationship to balance out symptoms like impulsivity
Take a step back
Look out for body language in people with ADHD symptoms
Consider the importance of the argument compared to harmony and mental health
Assess the significance of the argument and consider whether it's worth the potential toll on your and your partner’s physical and mental well-being. Maintaining perspective can be crucial for mental health, especially in neurodivergent relationships.
Acknowledging and addressing the unique communication needs associated with ADHD can be vital for fostering understanding and creating a supportive environment for neurodivergent relationships.
How individual mental health therapy or couples therapy can help a neurodivergent relationship
Using arguments to cope with the challenges of ADHD can inadvertently exacerbate conflicts and strain connections with loved ones. Therapy may serve as a transformative tool in addressing these tendencies. Through therapeutic interventions, individuals can gain insight into the root of their impulsive behavior and develop healthier coping mechanisms.
A marriage and family therapist or other provider specializing in ADHD can offer guidance in identifying symptoms and navigating them effectively. However, it can be challenging to stick to the therapy process, particularly for individuals with ADHD. The demands of life and busy schedules can often pose obstacles to consistent attendance. This challenge may be amplified for couples seeking therapy, when synchronizing schedules can become an added complication.Benefits of online therapy for people in neurodivergent relationships
Research on the effectiveness of online therapy treatment
Yes. Both attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) and autism spectrum disorder (ASD) are considered neurodivergent conditions.
Why do people struggle with neurodivergent relationships?
Communication is an important aspect of any healthy relationship, but neurodivergent people may communicate differently than their neurotypical partners. This can sometimes result in misunderstandings, conflicts, or the inability to validate one another’s emotions. Some people who are neurodivergent may have trouble expressing emotions or reading nonverbal communication, which can negatively impact emotional intimacy in romantic relationships.
Can couples with neurodivergence stay together?
How does a neurodivergent partner show love?
Neurodivergent partners may show love and affection differently in relationships. While one partner may desire sensory stimulation through physical touch, for instance, another partner may have sensory sensitivities (e.g., aversion to certain textures and sensations) and might need to set personal boundaries for some types of physical intimacy. Enhancing communication can help ensure each partner’s needs are met within a neurodivergent relationships.
What is a neurodivergent relationship?
A neurodivergent relationship is one in which the individual partners have neurological differences that could affect how each partner processes information, communicates, or behaves in certain situations. Of course, no two relationships are alike and there will be natural variations for each couple, whether neurodivergent or neurotypical.
What is the divorce rate for neurodiverse couples?
One study suggests that up to 85% of neurodivergent relationships (including one partner with autism and one partner without) end in divorce. Because these results have not been replicated by additional studies, they should be taken with a grain of salt. It is also noteworthy that this study focused only on neurodivergent relationships where one partner had autism-different mental health conditions likely have different rates of divorce.
What are neurodivergent intimacy issues?
Some neurodivergent couples struggle with intimacy. These challenges could be due to a number of different issues such as sensory overload, rejection sensitivity dysphoria, or the inability to communicate expectations. Couples can overcome these obstacles with mutual support, active listening, and acknowledging one another’s strengths. There are also plenty of benefits to being in a relationship with a neurodivergent individual, including unique perspectives on life and love.
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