Do You Struggle With Anger? Seven Tips For Gaining Control
If you find yourself quick to anger, you may feel your emotions are out of control. For many people, being an angry person can feel like a part of your personality. However, anger is an emotion that can be healthy and separate from your behaviors if channeled properly. Chronically angry people or people with unresolved anger on the other hand, can find that this emotion causes trouble in personal relationships or hurts other people. Anger affects health outcomes, as well. If you experience anger, are unable to manage angry urges, or partake in unhealthy behaviors when angry, you might benefit from a few anger management tips to reduce the severity.
Seven tips for taking control of anger
Below are seven tips to help you take control of your anger as well as manage the behaviors and urges that may accompany it.
Take responsibility
Reading about anger and finding ways to control it is one way to take responsibility for your concerns. When looking to control your anger, it can be beneficial to acknowledge that you're experiencing it, understand that it is a problem for you, and be willing to take the steps necessary to reduce it. It can be more challenging to overcome your anger-motivated behaviors or urges and their impact on you if you are unwilling to take responsibility for them.
To take responsibility in your daily life, consider paying attention to how you communicate with others when angry. For instance, when you want to express your anger to someone else, it may be helpful to use "I" statements, like "I am angry and need to take five minutes alone before we talk." Techniques like this can help you acknowledge that you are involved in the situation in question. Despite your emotions, you may recognize that a solution to a problem can come from productive communication. This will also help you realize that you’re not an “angry person,” but someone who experiences anger like most people and can be capable of managing your anger in a productive way.
Learn deep breathing techniques
Deep breathing may help you regain control of your emotions, including those that tend to be overwhelming, like anger. When you're experiencing anger, your body experiences physical changes that can make it difficult to calm down. You might start to breathe faster and shallower, and your heart rate may increase. Shallow breathing can cause your blood pressure to rise, and you might experience headaches, body aches, or shakiness.
When you practice deep breathing techniques, you can slow your breathing and heart rate, which can help bring down blood pressure. If you can do this at the onset of your anger, you may be able to avoid the surge that can make working through your feelings challenging.
One of the simplest forms of deep breathing that you can practice is called box breathing. To do this, you breathe in while counting to four, hold your breath for four seconds, breathe out while counting to four, and then wait four seconds to inhale and start the process again. Box breathing can also help take some of the focus off whatever caused your anger. Instead, you can shift your attention to your breath.
Write it out
When you act out of anger, it may feel easier to say what you don't necessarily mean. However, you might feel that expressing your anger helps you move forward. Instead of expressing your anger outwardly, writing about it may be beneficial. Studies show that ruminating and venting about anger at the moment it occurs can make anger worse rather than help you cool off.
Journaling has been proven to improve mental health and help you get your thoughts out without harming yourself or others. You can try journaling or writing a letter to the person who angered you without giving it to them. Writing allows you to hold on to your thoughts until you can control your emotions. Try writing the letter or thoughts and leaving it for a day or two afterward. You may find that you no longer want to send it or say it to someone after the time has passed.
Take a walk
Exercise may help you clear your head when you're angry. In addition, stepping away from a situation when angry may help you control.
Taking a walk can allow you the time and space to regain control and think about how to respond. If you can go outside and spend time in the fresh air, you may feel clearer about your emotions, thoughts, and urges and the separation between them.
As you allow yourself to think and calm down, try not to ruminate on your anger. Instead, focus on calming yourself. Take deep breaths, walk somewhere you enjoy, and partake in activities that help you take your mind off the situation. After you give your body a chance to return to its baseline, you may find that addressing your concerns is easier.
Take a mental break
Both external and internal challenges can prompt anger. However, regardless of its cause, taking a mental break may better prepare you to cope with the emotion. In addition, fear and sadness often masquerade as anger, so taking a moment when you are upset may help you to recognize the difference between these feelings.
You can take a break anytime by closing your eyes and picturing a scene that makes you happy. It could be the last beach vacation you went on or a quiet bench in the park that you like to sit at. It may even be a scene in a movie that always makes you laugh. The image can be anything that helps you step away from your current situation and find a calmer state of mind. If you struggle to picture images, you can also listen to music or guided meditations and mindfully focus on the sounds.
Try stretching
Anger and tension can be stored within different areas of the body. For example, after you're angry, you may sense tension in your shoulders, or experience back pain or a stomachache.
Doing yoga or stretching can help you work these emotions out of your body. It may relieve some of the tension that builds up when you're angry. In addition, you don't have to have any equipment to stretch, and you can partake in stretching on the go.
Have a phrase to focus on
Often little things lead to feeling frustration and then initiating the wrong response. Find a short mantra or phrase you can repeat to yourself when you first start to feel anger rising. It could be phrases like, "I will be okay," "take some deep breaths," “there are no angry people, just people who experience anger,” or “anger is a normal emotion and I’m allowed to feel angry.” Any phrase that makes you stop and consider your emotions can be beneficial and redirect you to a more positive mindset.
How to recover from angry outbursts
If you've recently experienced an angry outburst, consider whether your anger hurt someone else. In the moment, anger tells you that your actions are justified. Once you can emotionally control and change your mindset, evaluate the situation to decide if you owe an apology to yourself or anyone you've impacted.
It can be difficult to admit you've made a mistake and challenging to face those you may still be angry with or hurt by. However, apologizing and trying to make a change may help you repair relationships and find a solution for the root of your anger.
In addition, consider how you'll put your words into action. The sincerest apologies may include empathy and actionable steps to repair the situation. Showing you're committed to change can help those you've hurt trust that you are taking accountability for your actions. For example, if you've signed up for an anger management course, let the individual know you're working toward solutions. Also, realize that they may need time to trust you again after things that may have happened in the past when you were mad. Hear what they have to say, and speak your intention of giving them space to heal.
Counseling options
For many people, anger challenges arise from a core root. For example, your anger could stem from a challenging experience in childhood that you should resolve, a family history of anger, or a mental illness like depression. While anger is an emotion and not always a symptom of a mental health condition, a mental health professional can treat extreme anger or anger that causes challenges in your life.
Whether you have a mental health diagnosis or are concerned with signs that your anger is not under control, working with a licensed professional can help you understand your emotions, learn emotional management skills, and find support for anger. If you face barriers to treatment, you can also work with a professional from home.
Many clients find that online therapy for anger is effective due to its discreet nature. In addition, researchers have found that specific therapeutic methods can significantly reduce anger over time. One study on online therapy found it as effective as in-person therapy for reducing anger and aggression. With online therapy, you can learn to control your anger on your own time, at your own pace, in a way that works for you. Consider signing up with a platform like BetterHelp to get started.
Takeaway
What does it mean to be an angry person?
Being an angry person typically means that anger is a prominent and frequent emotion in one's life, and it often plays a central role in how a person reacts to various situations and interacts with others. Here are 10 common characteristics and signs of being an angry person:
- Frequent Anger: An angry person experiences anger regularly, often in response to minor frustrations, annoyances, or perceived injustices. They may feel upset at small, non-threatening behavior.
- Quick Temper: They have a short fuse and can become angry rapidly, sometimes reacting impulsively to triggers.
- Intense Reactions: Their anger reactions tend to be strong and intense, leading to verbal outbursts, aggressive behavior, or physical tension.
- Chronic Irritability: They may exhibit chronic irritability and hostility, making it challenging for them to maintain positive relationships.
- Difficulty Letting Go: An angry person may have difficulty expressing anger or holding grudges for extended periods. After an anger outburst with another person, they may point to the other person’s behavior to justify their response.
- Negative Thought Patterns: They often engage in negative thoughts or have negative feelings that fuel their anger, such as dwelling on perceived slights or constantly expecting the worst from others.
- Impact on Relationships: Being an angry person can strain personal and professional relationships, leading to conflicts and misunderstandings.
- Physical and Emotional Toll: Chronic anger can affect physical health, including increased stress, blood pressure, and overall well-being.
- Difficulty in Coping: They may struggle with coping mechanisms and use unhealthy ways to deal with anger, such as aggression, avoidance, or suppression.
- Impact on Mental Health: A person’s anger can contribute to or exacerbate mental health issues, such as anxiety, depression, or substance abuse.
How can you tell someone is angry?
Recognizing when someone feels angry involves paying attention to a combination of verbal and nonverbal cues. Here are 10 common signs that can help you tell if someone is angry:
- Facial Expressions: Angry individuals often display facial expressions that convey their emotions. Look for signs like furrowed brows, narrowed eyes, clenched jaw, or a tight, tense mouth.
- Tone of Voice: Anger can affect the tone and volume of a person's voice. Someone angry may speak loudly, with a harsh or aggressive tone, or their speech may become rapid and clipped.
- Verbal Expressions: Listen to their words and language. Angry individuals may use strong or aggressive language, criticize others, make accusations, or express frustration and annoyance.
- Body Language: Pay attention to their body language. Signs of anger can include clenched fists, crossed arms, pacing, or physically leaning in toward the source of their offense.
- Flushing or Sweating: Physical reactions like flushing of the face or increased sweating can be signs of anger.
- Increased Heart Rate: Anger can trigger a physiological response, causing an increase in heart rate and breathing.
- Defensive Posture: Some people respond to anger by adopting a defensive posture, such as backing away, raising their hands, or trying to create distance from the perceived threat.
- Restlessness: Restlessness, fidgeting, or agitation can indicate inner tension and anger.
- Avoidance: In some cases, individuals may respond to anger by avoiding eye contact, leaving the situation, or withdrawing from interaction.
- Sarcasm or Passive-Aggressive Behavior: Instead of direct expressions of anger, some people may resort to sarcasm or passive-aggressive comments to mask their anger.
No two people show anger in the same way and one person’s anger may be different from someone else’s anger. Understanding how individuals in your life show anger is important and may help you to identify the root cause of their anger.
How do you describe a person who is always angry?
A person who is consistently and excessively angry can be described as having chronic anger or as being chronically irritable. This individual frequently experiences anger as their dominant emotional state, reacting with irritability, frustration, or hostility even in response to minor triggers or everyday stressors. Their emotional responses are often intense and may include outbursts of anger, aggressive behavior, or verbal confrontations. Chronic anger can negatively impact their personal relationships, leading to conflicts and strained interactions with others. This persistent anger may be indicative of deeper emotional issues, unresolved trauma, or mental health concerns, and addressing the underlying causes through therapy or anger management techniques may be necessary for their well-being and the improvement of their relationships.
How do you express angry feelings?
Expressing angry feelings in a healthy and constructive manner is important for maintaining positive relationships and emotional well-being. Here are some strategies for expressing anger effectively:
- Identify and Acknowledge Your Anger: The first step is recognizing that you are feeling angry. Acknowledge your emotions rather than suppressing them.
- Take a Pause: Before reacting, take a moment to calm yourself. Deep breaths, counting to ten, or stepping away from the situation temporarily can help you gain perspective.
- Use "I" Statements: When communicating your anger, use "I" statements to express your feelings and needs without blaming or accusing others. For example, say, "I feel frustrated when…" instead of "You always…"
- Be Specific: Clearly and expressly state what is causing your anger and why it's bothering you. This helps others understand your perspective.
- Stay Calm: Speak in a calm and controlled tone, even when discussing sensitive topics. Yelling or shouting can escalate conflicts.
- Reflect on Past Anger: Reflecting or reappraising prior anger can help you manage anger in the future. Studies have shown that reappraisal modulates behavioral and neural responses to social stimuli giving individuals more control over how they react to anger.
Why do people get angry?
People get angry for a variety of reasons, and anger is a normal and natural emotion that serves several purposes in human psychology. Some common reasons why people get angry include:
- A Perceived Threat
- An Injustice
- Frustration
- Hurt or Disappointment
- Fear
- Stress
- Lack of Control
- Violation of Boundaries
- Mental Health Conditions
How do you act when you are angry?
How individuals act when they are angry can vary widely based on their personality, coping mechanisms, and the specific circumstances triggering their anger. For some, anger may lead to aggression, physical violence, or loud verbal outbursts. However, others may act more withdrawn when they feel threatened or experience anger, they may become passive-aggressive, seek revenge, engage in substance use, or suppress their emotions entirely. When you feel angry it is important to recognize your anger and manage or release it in healthy ways. How individuals manage anger is a matter of preference. Some may be using coping strategies such as breathing techniques, while others may remove themselves from a situation entirely.
How do you help someone with anger issues?
Helping someone with anger issues requires empathy, patience, and a supportive approach. Here are some steps you can take to assist someone in managing their anger:
- Offer a Listening Ear: Allow the person to express their feelings without judgment. Listen actively to understand their perspective and emotions.
- Encourage Self-Awareness: Help them recognize and acknowledge their anger. Encourage them to identify the triggers and patterns of their anger.
- Suggest Calming Techniques: Teach and encourage relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing, mindfulness, or progressive muscle relaxation, to help them calm down when anger arises.
- Promote Healthy Outlets: Encourage them to engage in physical activities or hobbies that can help release pent-up anger, such as exercise, sports, or creative pursuits.
- Discuss Communication Skills: Teach assertive communication techniques to help them express their feelings and needs in a respectful and non-confrontational manner.
- Set Boundaries: Encourage them to establish clear boundaries and assert their limits with others to prevent situations that trigger anger.
- Problem-Solving: Help them develop problem-solving skills to address the underlying issues that lead to their anger. Assist in brainstorming solutions and alternatives.
- Seek Professional Help: If their anger issues are persistent or significantly impacting their life and relationships, suggest that they seek therapy or counseling. A mental health professional can provide specialized guidance and techniques.
- Be Supportive: Offer your support and encouragement as they work on managing their anger. Let them know you are there for them and are willing to assist in their efforts.
- Stay Safe: If their anger escalates into aggressive or violent behavior, prioritize safety. Remove yourself from the situation if necessary or if you feel unsafe, and consider involving authorities if there is a threat to physical safety.
What happens when you are angry?
When a person experiences anger, it triggers a series of physiological and emotional responses in the body and mind. Here's what typically happens when someone is angry:
- Physiological Changes: Anger leads to various physical responses, such as an increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure, and the release of stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. These changes prepare the body for a "fight-or-flight" response.
- Emotional Response: Anger is characterized by intense feelings of displeasure, frustration, or irritation. The person may experience a strong desire to confront the source of their anger or to express their feelings.
- Cognitive Effects: Anger can affect cognitive functioning. When angry, people may have difficulty thinking, problem-solving, or making rational decisions. Their thoughts may become focused on the source of their anger.
- Behavioral Responses: How anger is expressed can vary widely among individuals. Common behavioral responses to anger include raising one's voice, shouting, gesturing, or displaying aggressive body language. Some people may become physically aggressive, while others may withdraw or give the silent treatment.
- Verbal Expressions: When angry, individuals may use harsh or critical language, make accusations, or engage in arguments or confrontations. They may say things they later regret.
- Adrenaline Surge: The release of adrenaline can provide a burst of energy, making a person more physically and mentally alert. This surge can contribute to impulsive actions.
- Duration of Anger: The duration of anger can vary. Some people experience brief episodes of anger, while others may harbor anger for an extended period, leading to grudges or resentment.
- Health Implications: Chronic or unmanaged anger can have negative health consequences, such as an increased risk of cardiovascular problems, a compromised immune system, and heightened stress levels.
Is anger a bad behavior?
Anger itself is not inherently a "bad" behavior or emotion. It is a natural and universal emotion that serves as a response to various situations, often signaling that something is wrong or needs attention. Anger can motivate individuals to address problems, set boundaries, and safeguard themselves in certain circumstances.
However, whether anger is considered "bad" depends on how it is expressed and managed. Destructive or harmful behaviors associated with anger, such as aggression, violence, verbal abuse, or prolonged resentment, are generally considered negative and unacceptable. These behaviors can harm relationships, lead to legal consequences, and negatively impact one's well-being.
What are the benefits of being angry?
While anger is generally associated with negative emotions and behaviors, it does serve some potential benefits when managed and expressed constructively:
- Alertness and Energy: Anger can increase alertness and energy levels, preparing the body for action. This can be useful in situations that require assertiveness or addressing problems.
- Problem Solving: In some cases, anger can motivate individuals to identify and solve issues that are causing their anger. It can serve as a catalyst for making necessary changes.
- Boundary Setting: Anger can help individuals establish and communicate their boundaries, ensuring that their needs and rights are respected.
- Conflict Resolution: When managed effectively, anger can be a catalyst for addressing conflicts and resolving issues in relationships or at work.
- Emotional Release: Expressing anger can provide emotional relief and reduce emotional tension. It allows individuals to vent their feelings and may prevent emotional buildup.
- Advocacy: In advocacy and activism, anger can motivate people to bring attention to social injustices and drive positive change.
- Self-Defense: Anger can activate the "fight" response in the fight-or-flight reaction, helping individuals safeguard themselves in dangerous situations.
It's important to note that these potential benefits of anger are contingent on how it is managed and expressed. Uncontrolled or destructive anger can lead to negative consequences, while healthy anger management can help individuals harness their energy for positive outcomes. Learning to recognize and channel anger effectively is key to experiencing these potential benefits.
- Previous Article
- Next Article