Can You Learn How To Control Anger Immediately?
Anger is an emotion that nearly everyone experiences at some point, although people can experience it in different ways. While anger can be a positive emotion when managed effectively, some people have difficulty learning to keep their anger under control, and uncontrolled anger can have significant negative effects on physical and mental health.
There are various techniques for learning how to control anger, but many of them take time. Can you learn how to control your anger immediately? Keep reading to learn more about the causes of anger and how to manage anger in the short and long term. Consider working with a therapist to develop an effective plan of action for understanding and responding to anger.
Anger is an emotion
Anger is an emotion that can arise for many reasons. It can be a reaction to an attack or physical distress, or it can result from the frustration of being unable to achieve a goal. Anger can be a healthy emotion. It can motivate you to solve problems, address negative feelings, or defend yourself when someone wrongs you.
However, experiencing too much anger or responding to it unhealthily can have consequences. When people suppress anger, this emotion can be redirected into something constructive or positive—but the opposite can also be true.
In addition, if anger isn’t expressed, it can turn inward, which can contribute to various physical and mental health concerns. Unexpressed anger can lead to challenges like hostility, passive-aggressive behavior, or cynicism.
Can you control anger?
Everyone gets angry sometimes. Although you may not be able to stop yourself from experiencing anger, you can choose how to manage it.
Short- and long-term anger management
Like many emotions, anger can be complex. It may have multiple causes, and everyone tends to be affected by it differently.
To learn to manage your anger, you may have to focus on both what you can do to get it under control in the moment and how you can prevent it from getting out of hand in the first place. To start, it can help to determine what is causing your anger.
Stress and other causes of anger
Anger can emerge in multiple situations and as a result of several triggers, including the following.
Stress
Anger can result from stress. Stress puts the body in a state of heightened arousal, meaning that a situation that might otherwise cause mild irritation could trigger a more intense anger response.
Trauma
Previous traumatic events can affect anger in the present. For example, people who have experienced bullying, abuse, discrimination, rejection, or other forms of trauma may experience complicated, lasting emotions that influence their reactions to current situations.
Other emotions
Anger can also be considered a secondary emotion. For example, we may become angry due to suppressed sadness, embarrassment, disgust, anxiety, envy, shame, or disappointment. We may also feel anger when we feel powerless or threatened. These feelings can be challenging to cope with or even acknowledge because they can involve a sense of vulnerability. Sometimes, anger can be an easier emotion to experience.
How to tell if you have anger issues
Everyone experiences anger occasionally, but how do you know if your anger is more than a typical reaction? Here are some potential signs of challenges with anger.
Signs of anger issues
While “anger issues” is a colloquial term and not an official diagnosis, there can be multiple potential signs of anger issues, or anger that is unhealthy. Still, it can be important to note that anger affects everyone differently.
Some people express anger by taking it out on others and showing more outward signs—they may, for example, throw things or slam doors, raise their voice, or engage in other destructive or antisocial behaviors. Others may internalize their, such as by using the silent treatment or other passive-aggressive behavior.
People with anger issues may criticize everything, including others, and may have difficulty establishing or maintaining successful relationships. This can lead to difficulties at school, work, or with friends and acquaintances. In some cases, anger problems can lead to legal issues.
Potential signs of anger issues can include the following:
- Elevated heart rate
- High blood pressure
- Teeth grinding
- Muscle tension
- Fist clenching
- Irritability
- Resentment toward other people
- Shouting
- Starting arguments
- Throwing things
- Self-harming or harming others
Angry feelings as a sign of a mental health condition
Anger can be present in a number of mental health conditions and is a key part of diagnostic criteria in the DSM-V (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition) for multiple disorders, including intermittent explosive disorder, disruptive mood dysregulation disorder, bipolar disorder, oppositional defiant disorder, and borderline personality disorder.
Anger can also be linked to some forms of substance misuse (previously called substance abuse).
These conditions usually have many symptoms aside from anger and can be complex to manage on your own. Talk to your doctor or a mental health professional about potential diagnosis and treatment options.
Tips for anger management: Deep breathing and more
You can try some strategies on your own to manage anger, both in the moment and long-term.
Take a moment before you speak
If someone says or does something that leads to angry feelings, take a minute to calm down and collect your thoughts. Expressing anger can be beneficial, so when you sense you are ready to talk, choose your words carefully to avoid escalating the situation. Avoid sarcasm, criticism, and blame, instead using “I” statements. State your concerns clearly and directly, trying to convey your point without being confrontational.
Use deep breathing techniques
Deep breathing exercises can help you calm down in the heat of the moment. Multiple types of breathing exercises may work, including box breathing, where you count to four while slowly inhaling through your nose, hold your breath for a count of four, exhale for a count of four, and hold for a count of four.
Another exercise is 4-7-8 breathing, where you breathe in through your nose for a count of four, hold for a count of seven, and slowly exhale through your mouth while counting to eight.
Exercise
Particularly if stress is contributing to your anger, physical activity may help. Exercise releases mood-boosting endorphins and reduces tension in the body, and can distract your brain from troubling situations. Next time you’re angry, consider going for a walk, doing a short yoga sequence, or heading to the gym for a workout.
As well as a short-term solution, exercise serves as an important component in your mental health toolbox. Incorporating exercise into your daily routine can help you reduce stress, remain calm, and stay clear-headed, which can make you more resilient to anger and frustration.
What are the 5 keys to controlling anger?
Developed by anger management counselor Dr. Christian Conte, the following tips can help you control your anger:
- Stay open-minded. Don’t get attached to your own ideas or perspective; instead, consider whether there may be some information you don’t have that could be leading to conflict. Treat the moment as an opportunity to learn, connect, and communicate.
- Focus on the issue rather than personal feelings. While it can be difficult to not take it personally when we feel wronged, keeping the conversation focused on the facts of the problem and possible solutions can help you maintain a constructive dialogue.
- Embrace flexibility and acceptance. Learning when and how to let go of unrealistic expectations or past grievances can be an important step to managing anger and releasing negativity.
- Be mindful of your physical state. Try to pay attention to how you feel—are you hungry, tired, or stressed out? If so, could your physical needs be contributing to your handling of the situation? Maintaining a mindful awareness of the mind-body connection can be an important step towards greater self-awareness.
- Learn how to communicate effectively. Practice communicating how you feel without blaming or criticizing others. Try starting with “I” statements, such as “I’m feeling confused because it was my understanding that…” or “I’m exhausted and that’s making it hard to talk about this now”. Then, you can work towards a resolution.
Learn to manage angry feelings in therapy
If you need help managing anger, consider working with a mental health professional. A therapist can help you determine your triggers and identify whether past trauma, stress, or another underlying concern could be contributing to your challenges. They can develop a treatment plan tailored to your needs to help you learn to manage your anger, both in the moment and long-term.
Online therapy can be a convenient option if you’re interested in convenient treatment that suits your schedule. With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can work with a qualified mental health professional from anywhere with a reliable internet connection. Most people who sign up are matched with a provider in around 48 hours, and you can change therapists at any time for no additional fee until you find the right fit.
Research has found that online treatment can be effective. A 2022 review found that online and in-person therapy typically produce the same outcomes, and either option may effectively address anger and other mental health challenges.
Takeaway
Anger is an emotion that can be difficult to control, but there are various techniques you can use to manage your anger, such as stepping away from the situation, exercising, and practicing breathing exercises. If you need help managing your anger healthily, online or in-person therapy can be beneficial.
Frequently asked questions
How can I stop being so angry?
If you experience frequent bouts of anger, it may be worth considering how you frame the problems you encounter. Rather than letting adverse events affect your emotional state, approach challenges with a balanced perspective.
For example, rather than entertaining thoughts of blame, you might consider searching for a more empathetic interpretation of another person’s actions. If you have a tendency to shut down and stew in your anger, think about how you can problem-solve instead. Sometimes, it can help to simply breathe deeply and cultivate a mindful acceptance of negative circumstances.
How do I calm my anger ASAP?
When you feel angry, a good first step is to take some deep breaths and, if possible, step away for some quiet time in which you can gather your thoughts. It may help to take a brisk walk, which can help you release tension in a healthy way.
Progressive muscle relaxation is another effective method of diffusing angry feelings: Starting with your toes, tense your muscles, hold the tension, then relax, working your way up through all muscle groups while breathing deeply.
Visualization is another powerful tool for calming down: Picture a relaxing scene, such as a beach or forest. When your mind begins to wander, simply return your focus to your imaginary place.
How to be less sensitive to anger?
While you’re bound to encounter frustrating situations in your daily life—whether it’s a daily commute, work challenge, or household issue—it is possible to become more resilient to anger and irritation.
To become less sensitive to anger, check in with yourself about the helpfulness of your thoughts: Does your current understanding of the situation help you problem-solve, communicate effectively, or stay calm? Or does it escalate the situation? By questioning the usefulness of your thoughts, you can shift your focus to more constructive perspectives, helping you respond calmly. Recognizing unhelpful thought patterns is a key step in building resilience against anger and improving emotional control.
Can anger be cured?
While there is no “cure” for anger, there are ways to control anger and prevent outbursts. If you struggle with anger problems, it may be worth learning some anger management techniques to help you work through challenging situations. This could include strategies like understanding anger triggers, using relaxation exercises, and learning healthy ways of communicating with yourself and others. Talking to a therapist or attending anger management classes can be an especially effective way to learn coping skills and anger management techniques.
Why can't I control my anger?
There are a number of issues that could make it difficult to control your anger. It can stem from other emotions (e.g. hurt or betrayal), stress, or a lack of healthy coping skills. Developing skills in self-awareness, stress reduction, and emotional regulation can help regain control, making it easier to respond constructively.
How can I reduce my anger naturally?
To reduce anger naturally, you can use anger management techniques like deep breathing, exercise, or mindfulness meditation. These practices can help you downregulate your nervous system, giving you a chance to problem-solve, communicate respectfully, and make sound decisions.
Can you control anger immediately?
It may be difficult to stop anger immediately, but using some of the above relaxation techniques may be helpful. If you frequently struggle with anger, a therapist may be able to help you develop additional anger management skills.
What is anger trying to tell you?
The exact cause of anger can vary. It often signals unmet needs or unresolved emotional pain. It can act as an alert to address underlying frustrations, disappointments, or feelings of injustice. By understanding what triggers anger, you can calm down and respond more constructively. Rather than acting on your anger, you can use it as motivation to problem-solve.
What emotion is at the root of anger?
Anger is often considered a secondary emotion because there are usually deeper feelings or emotions that fuel it, such as fear, sadness, frustration, or hurt. Anger can act as a protective response to these vulnerable emotions, masking them with intensity. Looking past anger to identify these underlying feelings can help you address the root causes of your anger.
What medication is used for anger outbursts?
In some cases, a psychiatrist may prescribe medication for anger outbursts when they are severe or linked to an underlying mental health condition. Common options include antidepressants (like SSRIs) to help with mood regulation, mood stabilizers for intense emotional reactions, and antipsychotic medications if anger stems from specific mental health conditions. A psychiatrist can determine the most appropriate option based on individual needs.
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