Coping With The Anger Stage Of Grief
The anger stage of grief tends to be common, but it may be uncomfortable and confusing for those experiencing it. Learning about the stages of grief and what one may expect during the process may alleviate some of the distress associated with the experience. It can be important to recognize and accept that grief is a complex process that can be both unique to each individual and universal in some of its aspects. If you’re struggling to navigate grief, working with a licensed mental health professional may be beneficial.
Navigating the five stages of grief
The five stages of grief were introduced by Dr. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book On Death and Dying, which was based on her observations of many patients' experiences with sadness, loss, anger, and other emotions associated with the grieving process.
The five stages of grief model devised by Kübler-Ross generally acknowledges that grieving is a deeply personal experience, but at the same time, the model recognizes some commonalities in how people process grief. While a person may not go through each of the stages sequentially, knowing about the five stages of grief may be helpful.
An overview of the five stages of grief
Learn more about each of the five stages of grief below.
- Denial: Often viewed as a defense mechanism that can protect us from the full realization of loss, denial generally involves one's refusal to accept the reality of their newfound situation. Denial might involve refusing to acknowledge the person's death, for example, or changing the subject when it is mentioned.
- Anger: Following the acceptance of loss, many people experience anger, which may be directed toward themselves, family members, the deceased, or others. Anger may present in various ways. For example, a person may feel irritable and impatient, blame others for failing to prevent the illness from progressing, or get angry at family and close friends for not providing enough support.
- Bargaining: During this stage, a person may want to bargain, negotiate, or make compromises with oneself, God, or a spiritual entity or power to experience a different outcome and feel less emotional pain. An example of bargaining might be, "If only I had taken him to the doctor sooner, she would still be here."
- Depression: Depression may ensue once the earlier stages of grief have subsided. At this stage, a person may experience a deep sense of sadness and hopelessness, as well as other symptoms of depression, such as impaired concentration, lack of energy, and sleep disturbances. While the earlier stages of grief may have protected a person from experiencing intense emotional pain, this stage of acute grief can affect one's overall function for a time. However, some people may take longer to recover, or they may experience prolonged grief disorder, a condition usually characterized by intense grief that does not subside over time.
- Acceptance: This stage of grief typically refers to the acceptance of an individual’s current situation. During this stage, a person may think about their loss in more lighthearted ways, such as cherishing good memories. At this stage, a person may also be ready to take steps to look toward the future.
Coping with the stages of grief: Anger, bargaining, depression, and more
It can be challenging to accept the different stages of grief. Experiencing anger, for example, may be uncomfortable, as anger may spark feelings of guilt, blame, and a sense of loss of control.
For example, many people feel angry toward the deceased for leaving them in a difficult situation, for being left alone, or for having to manage many new things on their own. Feeling ashamed for having certain thoughts and feelings can worsen the grief experience, however, potentially leading to emotion suppression and exacerbated depression symptoms.
Tips for coping with the stages of grief, including anger, bargaining, and depression
While it can be challenging to experience, anger tends to be a common manifestation of grief. Some ways to cope with anger include the following:
- Allow yourself to feel angry
- Journal about your thoughts and feelings
- Exercise to release your feelings
- Write a letter to the deceased person
- Join a support group
- Seek out creative ways to express anger, such as painting or singing
Accepting the stages of grief: Denial, anger, depression, and more
Many people find it challenging to accept the array of complex emotions that can accompany the grief process. While everyone usually experiences grief in their own way, acknowledging your feelings may contribute to eventual healing and acceptance. While it can be common to deny the reality of the loss at first and feel angry about the situation, by recognizing and accepting these emotions, you may be able to let these feelings run their course.
Tools of acceptance for the stages of grief, including denial, anger, and others
Some ways to navigate challenging emotions like denial and anger include those listed below:
- Remind yourself that it's okay to feel what you feel
- Consider whether anger might be a substitute for other feelings that may be more challenging to manage
- Practice mindfulness meditation
- Recognize and let others know that you may be short-tempered right now
- Apologize if you believe you crossed the line when expressing anger
Anger's role in the grief process
Viewed sequentially, anger may be seen as the second stage of grief, after denial and prior to bargaining. While people may experience anger at different times during the grieving process, some may experience anger for a long time, or it may be their prevalent emotion while grieving. This may interfere with their healing process.
While anger can be a common emotion, it may sometimes serve as a substitute for other feelings, which may be even more challenging to manage. For example, anger can keep us from experiencing deep feelings of loss and a sense of loneliness. It may be crucial to identify any underlying emotions and address them accordingly.
Depression as part of the grief process
The depression stage of grief can involve overwhelm, regret, loneliness, and deep sadness—feelings that can be challenging to experience. As a defense mechanism against experiencing depression symptoms associated with grief, anger may persist for a longer period for some people.
When anger is a person’s primary emotion after an extended period has passed, seeking support for managing difficult emotions may be helpful, as less helpful coping mechanisms may raise the risk of one developing prolonged grief disorder. Moreover, experiencing prolonged grief tends to be associated with substance misuse (formerly referred to as substance abuse), as well as the development of various physical and mental health conditions.
Accepting depression within the grief process
One may expect to experience deep sadness, sleep difficulties, lower energy, and other symptoms associated with depression during the process of grieving. These symptoms may come and go, and a person may feel very low one day and more hopeful the next.
Self-care to foster mental health
Fostering mental health during the grief process usually involves connecting with others in a supportive environment, practicing self-care, and finding healthy coping mechanisms to manage emotions.
Self-care strategies to foster mental health as you grieve
- Exercise regularly
- Get seven to nine hours of sleep each night
- Eat nutritious meals
- Avoid or limit alcohol
- Practice mindfulness
- Spend time in nature
- Seek support from a support group, close friends, family, or a therapist
Therapy for grief and anger
Therapy cannot necessarily eliminate the complex emotions associated with the grieving process, but it can support you as you navigate grief and introduce helpful coping strategies. If you sense that you might benefit from receiving support, consider speaking with a therapist in your local area or online.
Online platforms like BetterHelp allow you to have sessions with a licensed mental health professional from the comfort of your home. You can choose between video, audio, and online chat sessions to suit your preferences and comfort level.
According to a 2021 study, “Internet- or mobile-based interventions might constitute an effective treatment approach against symptoms of grief in bereaved adults.” Participants generally experienced reduced symptoms of grief, depression, and post-traumatic stress after participating in online therapy.
Takeaway
People tend to experience grief in different ways, but there are often commonalities in the grieving process. Anger, for example, can be a common manifestation of grief that many people experience. By allowing oneself to accept anger as a natural part of the grief process, one may be able to express it and address it accordingly. Those who struggle to cope with grief often benefit from working with a therapist online or in person.
FAQs
Is it normal to feel angry when grieving?
Anger is a common emotion when you are grieving. You may feel angry at the situation, angry at others involved, or even angry at someone who died. When you can’t control the situation, anger can make you feel like you still have some sort of power over your own life.
How will a person in the anger Stage act?
Everyone experiences grief differently. Someone in the anger stage may be angry at anyone who was involved with the loss of their loved one, or experience anger toward the person who died. They may lash out at others through verbal attacks, or even release their anger physically through self-harm or other destructive behaviors.
Why does anger grow out of grief?
Anger is a natural response to grief. Feeling angry may be a coping strategy for people to avoid feeling helpless when they lose something. Anger may also grow out of grief when a loss is unexpected, such as being laid off without warning or losing a friend in a car accident.
How do you know what stage of grief you are in?
It’s suggested that there are five stages of grief, and each one is characterized by specific behaviors and actions. Understanding grief and what it looks like at various points can help you identify where you are in your grief journey. The stages of grief may happen in any order, and not every individual will experience every stage.
Denial stage: During this stage, the person may have trouble accepting the loss or change.
Anger stage: Anger is a natural reaction to loss or extreme change. Someone may blame others or even a loved one who died for what has happened.
Bargaining stage: When you reach the bargaining stage, you may feel helpless and look for ways to regain control.
Depression: People who have reached this stage may begin looking to find support and develop coping skills that help them process their grief.
Acceptance: When someone has reached acceptance, they have learned to live with the way their life is after the loss and find support from others. They know how to cope with grief in healthy ways and are moving forward, even though things are different.
How long does the anger stage of grief last?
Grief looks different for every individual. Not everyone will go through every stage, and individuals do not necessarily experience them in the same order. Anger can be a natural reaction to loss, and the stage can last days, weeks, months, or longer.
Why do I get angry after losing?
Experiencing anger is a natural reaction to losing something or someone you care about. It can be a coping strategy when you don’t know another way to express emotions that are weighing on you.
Can grief make you go mad?
The death of a loved one can feel overwhelming. For many people, the intensity associated with grief decreases over time. In some people, however, the feelings of grief don’t ease with time, and can cause major disruptions to their loves. When this happens, a person may be experiencing prolonged grief disorder. Symptoms include feeling as though a part of yourself has died, emotional numbness, feeling intensely lonely, and struggling to reintegrate with others.
How to get out of the anger stage of grief?
Anger is just one stage of grief, but sometimes you can feel stuck if you don’t know how to move forward. It can be helpful to find ways to express your anger in a safe way, such as screaming into a pillow, recording your emotions in a journal, or going for a run to physically release your emotions. The Hospice Foundation of America suggests joining support groups, practicing gratitude, and reading books from authors who have experienced loss to help you navigate grief. For some people, time is needed to process unresolved grief and move on to other stages of grieving.
Can grief cause lashing out?
Someone who is navigating grief may lash out at others, especially if they are in the anger stage of grief. They may blame others for the loss, which can result in verbal outbursts or attacks. They may also express their emotions physically, such as breaking things or hitting.
Is aggression a stage of grief?
The Kubler-Ross stages of grief were proposed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in her book Stages of Dying and Subsequent Models of Grief. They include five stages that can occur in a non-linear order: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While aggression is not a stage of grief, people experiencing the anger stage may act out in aggression as they process their intense emotions.
- Previous Article
- Next Article