Dealing With Anger On Your Own And When To Get Help

Updated November 13, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Anger can be a common emotion, and like all emotions, people may experience it differently. Some may be able to effectively manage anger on their own, while others may need help learning how to cope with and respond to their feelings. Anger can be challenging and even overwhelming to experience, and uncontrolled anger can significantly impact your health and daily life. Working with a mental health professional to learn anger management skills can enhance your relationships, mental health, and overall well-being.

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Coping with anger can be overwhelming

Anger: A complicated emotion

Anger is often viewed as a negative emotion, but it is inherently neutral and can be helpful in some situations. For example, anger can help us realize what might be standing in the way of meeting our goals and gain the motivation to overcome obstacles. 

Research shows that anger can enhance performance and help people persevere at tasks. Anger can also help us learn what we want in our relationships and give us the motivation to satisfy those needs. 

That said, the frequency and intensity of anger often matter. Anger that is too strong or intense can interfere with daily life, mental and physical health, and relationships. Getting angry about the same things repeatedly, as well as misdirecting or internalizing anger, can have significant consequences. Read on to learn more about the origins of anger, how to cope with it, and when to seek professional help.

Why it can be important to express your anger in a healthy way

There can be a variety of ways to express anger. For some people, lashing out aggressively may seem like a natural reaction, but there tend to be more productive ways to express your feelings.

Some people cope with anger by suppressing it; that is, holding onto it and redirecting it or converting it into something else. It can be possible to redirect anger into something positive. However, by avoiding directly addressing it, anger can turn inward and contribute to the development of various mental and physical health concerns. 

Inward anger can also lead to the expression of anger in less productive ways, like cynical, hostile, or passive-aggressive behavior toward others, which can severely damage relationships. 

Expressing anger by being assertive, rather than aggressive or passive-aggressive, may be the healthiest way to cope. Learning to do so can involve knowing your needs, how to communicate them, and how to meet them without hurting others.

The effects of anger

Anger can affect both mental and physical health in several ways.

How anger issues can affect mental health

People can experience anger differently, but some of the effects it can have on mental health include the following:

  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Hostility
  • Poor decision-making
  • Risk-taking
  • Low self-esteem
  • Substance misuse
  • Guilt and shame
  • Increased risk of self-harm

How anger issues can affect physical health

Anger can also have a variety of effects on physical health:

  • Increased stress hormones, which can lead to increased blood flow to the muscles and organs
  • High blood pressure
  • Elevated heart rate
  • Rapid breathing
  • Increased adrenaline to fuel the fight-or-flight response

Chronic anger can also increase the risk of heart attack and stroke. Recent research suggests this could be because the body’s physiological response to anger may affect the blood vessel’s ability to dilate, leading to vascular damage over time.

A man suit and tie looks outside through a glass while holding his phone and coffee.
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Tips for anger management

There are many strategies you can try to manage anger

First, it can be important to recognize the signs that you are becoming angry. It can be easier to prevent anger from escalating to uncontrollable levels than to try to calm yourself down in the heat of the moment. 

If you can pick up on the warning signs that you are starting to feel annoyed, you may be able to breathe deeply or use other stress reduction techniques to prevent the anger from growing and stop yourself from taking out the emotion on a friend or family member.

Next, try not to dwell on what is making you angry, as doing so may only exacerbate the emotion. Instead, try to change how you’re thinking about the situation and how the events affect you. When you are angry, it tends to be easy to believe that things are worse than they really are, so try to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. For example, you might try to find the positive in the situation or use logic to remind yourself that things may not be as they seem. Aim to find a more balanced outlook on the situation. 

Relaxation techniques can also help you calm down when you’re angry. Practicing techniques like focused deep breathing, visualization, and progressive muscle relaxation can help you manage your body’s physical response to anger.

Learn to express your anger productively

When you learn to express anger productively, you may be able to avoid some of its damaging mental and physical health effects. In addition, learning to communicate your anger calmly and clearly can benefit your professional and personal relationships.

Can you eliminate angry feelings?

It’s unlikely that anger can be completely eliminated. Instead of focusing on getting rid of anger completely, it may be beneficial to learn healthy ways to respond to it.

Angry feelings are natural

Anger tends to be a natural response to circumstances in which we sense that something is unfair or that we are being mistreated, and it can be a productive emotion if managed properly. It is unlikely that anyone can completely eliminate angry feelings, but we can work to change how those feelings affect us and how we use our anger.

Trait anger vs. state anger

Whether someone is experiencing trait anger or state anger can affect how difficult it may be to manage. 

Trait anger can be seen as an aspect of one’s personality that relates to how often, how long, and how intensely they feel anger. Meanwhile, state anger generally refers to temporary bursts of anger that arise in response to a person’s current circumstances.

People who have high trait anger may be more likely to interpret neutral situations as hostile and experience aggression and hostility when faced with events that make them mad. They may be said to have a short temper, and they often experience conflict at work and in their personal relationships.

Lessening anger can be challenging for people with high trait anger. If you have tried anger management techniques and other interventions and are still having a difficult time managing your emotions, it may be time to seek professional help.

When to get help

If you have tried the anger management techniques listed above and still cannot control your emotions, or if your anger is causing problems in your personal or professional life, it may be time to seek the support of a professional.

Anger management vs. therapy

Therapy can help you learn anger management techniques, and a therapist can also help you learn more about your triggers and the root of your anger.

Anger can arise from situations in the past, like unresolved conflict or trauma. It can also be a symptom of another mental health condition, like anxiety, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), sleep disorders, or bipolar disorder. A therapist can help you identify whether an underlying condition could be contributing to your anger, and they may provide treatment for that condition as well.

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Coping with anger can be overwhelming

Mental health care for anger issues

There are multiple ways you can approach therapy for anger issues. Family or group therapy can be an option, as can one-on-one treatment. 

If you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone in person, or if sitting in a traffic jam during your commute to an in-office appointment is likely to lead to anger, you might consider online therapy. 

With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can attend one-on-one sessions with a licensed mental health professional from any location with a reliable internet connection. Most people are matched with a therapist within 48 hours of signing up. There are more than 30,000 providers on the platform, and you can change therapists at any time for no additional fee until you find the right fit. 

Research shows that online therapy can be effective. A 2018 review of 14 studies found that online CBT led to an approximate 50% improvement in symptoms of several mental health conditions, including some that may be linked to anger, like generalized anxiety disorder, depression, and stress. 

Takeaway

It can be difficult to manage anger. While some people can control this strong emotion on their own, others may have a more difficult time determining where their anger is coming from and learning how to prevent it from interfering with their lives. There are a variety of anger management techniques to try, but if you need more guidance or support in managing anger, working with a licensed therapist online or in person may be beneficial.

Learn to separate anger from behavior
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.
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