Dealing With Anger On Your Own And When To Get Help
Anger can be a common emotion, and like all emotions, people may experience it differently. Some may be able to effectively manage anger on their own, while others may need help learning how to cope with and respond to their feelings. Anger can be challenging and even overwhelming to experience, and uncontrolled anger can significantly impact your health and daily life. Working with a mental health professional to learn anger management skills can enhance your relationships, mental health, and overall well-being.
Anger: A complicated emotion
Anger is often viewed as a negative emotion, but it is inherently neutral and can be helpful in some situations. For example, anger can help us realize what might be standing in the way of meeting our goals and gain the motivation to overcome obstacles.
Research shows that anger can enhance performance and help people persevere at tasks. Anger can also help us learn what we want in our relationships and give us the motivation to satisfy those needs.
That said, the frequency and intensity of anger often matter. Anger that is too strong or intense can interfere with daily life, mental and physical health, and relationships. Getting angry about the same things repeatedly, as well as misdirecting or internalizing anger, can have significant consequences. Read on to learn more about the origins of anger, how to cope with it, and when to seek professional help.
Why it can be important to express your anger in a healthy way
There can be a variety of ways to express anger. For some people, lashing out aggressively may seem like a natural reaction, but there tend to be more productive ways to express your feelings.
Some people cope with anger by suppressing it; that is, holding onto it and redirecting it or converting it into something else. It can be possible to redirect anger into something positive. However, by avoiding directly addressing it, anger can turn inward and contribute to the development of various mental and physical health concerns.
Inward anger can also lead to the expression of anger in less productive ways, like cynical, hostile, or passive-aggressive behavior toward others, which can severely damage relationships.
Expressing anger by being assertive, rather than aggressive or passive-aggressive, may be the healthiest way to cope. Learning to do so can involve knowing your needs, how to communicate them, and how to meet them without hurting others.
The effects of anger
Anger can affect both mental and physical health in several ways.
How anger issues can affect mental health
People can experience anger differently, but some of the effects it can have on mental health include the following:
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Hostility
- Poor decision-making
- Risk-taking
- Low self-esteem
- Substance misuse
- Guilt and shame
- Increased risk of self-harm
How anger issues can affect physical health
Anger can also have a variety of effects on physical health:
- Increased stress hormones, which can lead to increased blood flow to the muscles and organs
- High blood pressure
- Elevated heart rate
- Rapid breathing
- Increased adrenaline to fuel the fight-or-flight response
Chronic anger can also increase the risk of heart attack and stroke. Recent research suggests this could be because the body’s physiological response to anger may affect the blood vessel’s ability to dilate, leading to vascular damage over time.
Tips for anger management
There are many strategies you can try to manage anger.
First, it can be important to recognize the signs that you are becoming angry. It can be easier to prevent anger from escalating to uncontrollable levels than to try to calm yourself down in the heat of the moment.
If you can pick up on the warning signs that you are starting to feel annoyed, you may be able to breathe deeply or use other stress reduction techniques to prevent the anger from growing and stop yourself from taking out the emotion on a friend or family member.
Next, try not to dwell on what is making you angry, as doing so may only exacerbate the emotion. Instead, try to change how you’re thinking about the situation and how the events affect you. When you are angry, it tends to be easy to believe that things are worse than they really are, so try to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. For example, you might try to find the positive in the situation or use logic to remind yourself that things may not be as they seem. Aim to find a more balanced outlook on the situation.
Relaxation techniques can also help you calm down when you’re angry. Practicing techniques like focused deep breathing, visualization, and progressive muscle relaxation can help you manage your body’s physical response to anger.
Learn to express your anger productively
When you learn to express anger productively, you may be able to avoid some of its damaging mental and physical health effects. In addition, learning to communicate your anger calmly and clearly can benefit your professional and personal relationships.
Can you eliminate angry feelings?
It’s unlikely that anger can be completely eliminated. Instead of focusing on getting rid of anger completely, it may be beneficial to learn healthy ways to respond to it.
Angry feelings are natural
Anger tends to be a natural response to circumstances in which we sense that something is unfair or that we are being mistreated, and it can be a productive emotion if managed properly. It is unlikely that anyone can completely eliminate angry feelings, but we can work to change how those feelings affect us and how we use our anger.
Trait anger vs. state anger
Whether someone is experiencing trait anger or state anger can affect how difficult it may be to manage.
Trait anger can be seen as an aspect of one’s personality that relates to how often, how long, and how intensely they feel anger. Meanwhile, state anger generally refers to temporary bursts of anger that arise in response to a person’s current circumstances.
People who have high trait anger may be more likely to interpret neutral situations as hostile and experience aggression and hostility when faced with events that make them mad. They may be said to have a short temper, and they often experience conflict at work and in their personal relationships.
Lessening anger can be challenging for people with high trait anger. If you have tried anger management techniques and other interventions and are still having a difficult time managing your emotions, it may be time to seek professional help.
When to get help
If you have tried the anger management techniques listed above and still cannot control your emotions, or if your anger is causing problems in your personal or professional life, it may be time to seek the support of a professional.
Anger management vs. therapy
Therapy can help you learn anger management techniques, and a therapist can also help you learn more about your triggers and the root of your anger.
Anger can arise from situations in the past, like unresolved conflict or trauma. It can also be a symptom of another mental health condition, like anxiety, attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), sleep disorders, or bipolar disorder. A therapist can help you identify whether an underlying condition could be contributing to your anger, and they may provide treatment for that condition as well.
Mental health care for anger issues
There are multiple ways you can approach therapy for anger issues. Family or group therapy can be an option, as can one-on-one treatment.
If you don’t feel comfortable talking to someone in person, or if sitting in a traffic jam during your commute to an in-office appointment is likely to lead to anger, you might consider online therapy.
With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can attend one-on-one sessions with a licensed mental health professional from any location with a reliable internet connection. Most people are matched with a therapist within 48 hours of signing up. There are more than 30,000 providers on the platform, and you can change therapists at any time for no additional fee until you find the right fit.
Research shows that online therapy can be effective. A 2018 review of 14 studies found that online CBT led to an approximate 50% improvement in symptoms of several mental health conditions, including some that may be linked to anger, like generalized anxiety disorder, depression, and stress.
Takeaway
It can be difficult to manage anger. While some people can control this strong emotion on their own, others may have a more difficult time determining where their anger is coming from and learning how to prevent it from interfering with their lives. There are a variety of anger management techniques to try, but if you need more guidance or support in managing anger, working with a licensed therapist online or in person may be beneficial.
How can I stop being angry?
You can learn to control anger and address underlying concerns that may cause you to regularly feel angry.
If you are currently experiencing a lot of stress and anxiety, it can be helpful to learn relaxation techniques, spend time in nature, and practice mindfulness to reduce stress and regulate emotions. If your anger stems from encountering frustrating situations you wish to change, channeling your frustration into constructive projects can be helpful. Moreover, anger is often a shield for more vulnerable emotions, such as hurt or fear, and can be a symptom of a physical or mental health condition, or excessive substance use (what used to be called substance abuse).
What emotion is behind anger?
Often, anger stems from a sense of powerlessness at being unable to change or address a challenging situation. In many cases, anger is a secondary emotion to embarrassment, sadness, fear, and other emotions that make us feel vulnerable. Since these secondary emotions can make us feel vulnerable, they can sometimes be more challenging to address. After experiencing anger, it’s helpful to reflect on these other feelings.
Can anger issues be cured?
A person can learn to control their responses to anger. Many anger problems, for example, stem from a reduced tolerance for frustration, as well as less skillful communication skills of underlying emotions and needs. By learning new skills to reduce stress and navigate negative feelings, a person may be able to control anger more easily and skillfully.
How to emotionally process anger?
Understanding anger can help you find ways to process it. Anger can be a response to a perceived threat, such as being mistreated or bullied, and act as a shield that hides other negative emotions, such as embarrassment, hurt, or fear. One way to process anger is to acknowledge it when you’re feeling it, name it, observe its physical signs, and look for constructive ways to channel it. It’s also helpful to express anger rather than suppress it, as unexpressed anger is linked to depression, heart disease, among other conditions.
Why do I get so angry so easily?
There are many reasons why you may experience anger more intensely or frequently. Some people may be less tolerant of frustration and have a genetic predisposition to anger. Stress and anxiety can make a person more sensitive to anger.
How to calm down anger?
When you feel angry, you are likely to experience both the emotional state and its physiological reaction that primes your body to respond to a perceived threat. Your heart rate increases and your breathe faster, for example. By learning to recognize the warning signs of anger and taking steps to stay calm, you may be able to prevent anger escalating. To control anger on the spot, it’s helpful to focus on breathing deeply, step away from a situation, go for a brisk walk, and reframe thoughts by thinking in more rational terms.
Are anger issues a mental illness?
Anger concerns can stem from various causes, including stress, excessive alcohol use, past trauma, and buried emotions. Anger can also be a symptom of many mental health conditions, including intermittent explosive disorder and bipolar disorder. Depression is also associated with suppressed anger.
How to release anger and resentment?
Anger can be a healthy emotion when a person learns to express it in constructive ways. Usually, anger is a response to a perceived “wrong” or threat, and resentment arises when a person holds onto these past “wrongs” or injustices. Some ways to release anger and resentment involve acknowledging it fully, identifying what other feelings may be behind your anger, releasing your feelings through physical activity, and practicing forgiveness. While forgiveness can be a process, you can practice cultivating compassion and empathy through mindfulness and the intention to forgive. You may also want to try a technique known as self-distancing, which involves watching the replaying of a usually distressing mental scene from another perspective, such as being an observer or fly-in-the-wall.
Why do I get so angry over little things?
Many factors can influence one’s propensity to get angry, including stress, anxiety, and underlying concerns, such as trauma. If you regularly experience strong bouts of anger, it may indicate a physical or mental health condition, such as depression.
What are the 5 keys to controlling anger?
Some helpful tools for addressing anger include identifying warning signs of anger, such as muscle tension and pounding heart; avoiding dwelling; reframing the way you think by replacing negative thoughts with more rational ones; using relaxation tools, such as deep breathing and progressive muscle relaxation; and exercising to release extra tension. It’s also helpful to have quiet time to decompress, avoid sarcasm, and wait until you feel calmer to address a challenging situation.
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