How Do You Define Temper? Learn How To Overcome Your Anger

Medically reviewed by Arianna Williams, LPC, CCTP
Updated October 10, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

The word "temper" is often used to describe one's behaviors or reactions to their anger. A temper or a "short fuse" might not seem serious, but it can impact multiple areas of life. Defining temper and its role in anger in your life can be a start to understanding how to manage any negative emotions or behaviors that might arise from it.

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Work with a therapist to overcome your anger

How do you define temper?

One of the Merriam-Webster dictionary's definitions of temper is "heat of mind or emotion; proneness to anger." It also defines it as a "state of feeling or frame of mind at a particular time usually dominated by a single strong emotion." 

Dictionary.com defines temper as "a particular state of mind or feeling; the habit of mind, especially concerning irritability or patience, outbursts of anger, or the like; disposition; the heat of mind or passion, shown in outbursts of anger, resentment, etc." 

On a community level, when people think of "temper," they may think of someone who is easily angered or shows outbursts of anger. However, tempers aren't necessarily unhealthy or "bad." The way someone reacts to their anger can vary depending on various factors. 

Reasons to work on your temper

Learning healthy coping skills to manage your anger and temper allows you to gain control over your behaviors in response to uncomfortable emotions. When you don't have control over how you act, it can make you more vulnerable to unhealthy relationships and put you in risky or dangerous situations.

Below are a few reasons some people choose to work through their anger and calm their temper instead of partaking in unhealthy anger-motivated behaviors. 

It can lead to poor choices

You may not make the best decisions when your temper takes control. Making poor choices can reflect on your character, image, and relationships. Making consistent poor choices motivated by anger may cause you to lose relationships, jobs, or other opportunities. 

It can cause relationship conflicts

It can be challenging to have a healthy relationship when anger is at the center of it. If you are often angry and have a short temper, your loved ones might avoid talking to you in certain situations. 

Struggling to control your temper and attitude can ruin marriages, damage parental relationships, and impact your relationships with coworkers and your boss. When you believe you are consumed by anger, it can be challenging to control your words, and you might regret how you've spoken to people in the past.

It can hurt your health

Anger plays a significant role in your physical health. People who constantly experience unhealthy anger-motivated behaviors are more likely to experience insomnia, digestive problems, depression, and headaches. They are also more likely to have chronic conditions like high blood pressure, heart attacks, and strokes.

It can consume your thoughts

When your temper and attitude seem to control your life, accomplishing your goals can be difficult. When anger takes over, it may consume your thoughts, making it difficult to make wise decisions. 

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How to overcome anger

Living in constant anger can take a toll on various areas of life. However, there are steps you can consider to reduce the impact this emotion has on your behavior and decisions. Below are a few healthy lifestyle changes that may reduce your anger. 

Exercise

Some people don't like exercising, but research suggests that exercise can significantly improve mental health. Physical activity can reduce stress and produce mood-boosting endorphins. If your temper seems out of control, take a walk or head to the gym to work through the angry energy. However, refrain from violent or aggressive sports and exercises, as these can worsen anger. 

Take reign of your thoughts and beliefs

Try to be aware of and mindful of your thoughts. If you think about a topic that makes you angry, purposefully change the topic in your mind. If the exercise is challenging to complete mentally, you can write out a list of positive aspects of your life that you can think about instead. Carry this list in your pocket or keep it on a note-taking app on your smartphone. Pull out your list and pick a new topic to consider when struggling with your thoughts.

Identify inciting events 

Some people experience anger due to the same events or ideas each time. If you can identify what sets off your temper, you may be able to avoid these events or become more aware of when they are occurring. When you aren't angry, try to devise solutions to some of these common challenges and implement them before your anger occurs.

Listen and think before you speak

If you struggle with anger, you may speak before you think. One way to overcome this habit is to actively focus on listening when conversing with someone else. Instead of interrupting or thinking about what you're going to say, try to listen and wait until they are finished to think and respond. Consider listening to understand the other person's point of view or to feel empathy for them instead of listening to respond or argue. 

Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness is awareness of each moment as it occurs. It involves taking time to shut down all distractions and be present. If you want to practice mindfulness, start by learning deep breathing exercises to use when faced with a situation where your anger is rising. Alternatively, choose a phrase, verse, or quote you can repeat to yourself when your blood pressure rises.

Practice forgiveness

It can be challenging to overcome anger if you are holding on to a situation that hurts you. Holding a grudge against someone who has wronged you impacts you more than it does the other person. Forgiving someone does not necessarily mean you will restore the relationship with them or excuse their behavior. It can mean that you're removing yourself as the judge over them, letting go of what wrong they did to you, and moving on freely. 

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Work with a therapist to overcome your anger

Don't isolate yourself 

If you have worked to understand how you define temper and its negative impact on your life, but you still struggle with anger, consider seeking professional support. Talking to a licensed therapist can help you get to the root of your anger and find evidence-backed techniques for reducing its impact on your behavior. 

Learn to manage your anger with online therapy

If you don't have time to go to an in-person session or feel more comfortable talking to someone remotely, online therapy platforms like BetterHelp are also an option. With online treatment, you can meet with your therapist anywhere you have an internet connection, whether at home or the office. In addition, you can choose between phone, video, or chat sessions with your provider.  

Research shows that online therapy can effectively treat various mental health disorders. One review of 14 studies found that online treatment led to a 50% improvement in symptoms of depression and multiple anxiety disorders and significantly decreased the impact of chronic fatigue and stress. Another study found that online therapy could significantly reduce anger and aggression in participants. 

Takeaway

Anger is a natural human emotion. However, it can sometimes cause complex behavioral challenges and habits. If you're living with anger you struggle to control, consider reaching out to a licensed professional for further compassionate advice and support.
Learn to separate anger from behavior
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