Anger Management: 13 Ways To Better Regulate Emotions

Anger is a natural yet complex human emotion that all of us experience at some point. While occasionally being angry is normal, the way we respond to anger can determine the quality of our relationships with ourselves and the people around us. A certain level of anger is to be expected in our lives, but experiencing intense outbursts of anger may indicate the existence of unresolved internal conflict or an underlying mental health condition. 

Feelings of anger can range from mild annoyance to excessive rage. For some, the tendency to lean toward rage can lead to feeling out of control. It may seem as though your anger controls you instead of the other way around.

There are many ways to address your emotions and manage your anger if you are worried it is negatively impacting your daily life. From mild irritation to more frustrating situations, you can learn how to deal with anger in a positive way. Understanding anger can help you learn coping skills to prevent your anger from escalating.

Understanding anger 

According to the American Psychological Association, learning to control anger before it controls you can help reduce both the emotional and physiological arousal that anger can cause. While you can’t always avoid or get rid of the things that lead to angry feelings, nor can you change the fact that you’re angry, APA.org presents several ways that you can learn to control your reactions.

How anger affects your body

Anger is a normal and healthy emotion. If you’re not expressing anger positively, however, it can impact both your physical and mental health.

Experiencing anger affects not only your emotional state but also your body. Emotions like anger can elicit physiological arousal, causing a fight or flight response. When you’re angry, you may notice an increase in your heart rate. Coping with anger can also cause your blood pressure to spike, and you may feel hot or flushed.

While you may not enjoy the experience of anger, seeking to avoid feeling anger in the moment may ultimately make you feel worse. People with unexpressed angry feelings, who often also have limited skills to reduce stress, can be more likely to develop high blood pressure, which has a variety of detrimental health impacts.

Research shows that anger manifesting in the form of rage, hostility, or aggressiveness can lead to the development of coronary heart disease, diabetes, and eating disorders. People who express their anger in unhealthy ways may also be more likely to experience driving accidents, potentially due to a phenomenon known as “road rage.”

While excessive anger can cause the development of some mental health conditions, it could also be an indication of an existing mental health condition. If you believe you may be more prone to anger than other people, it could be beneficial to screen for symptoms of other mental health concerns, such as:

• Depression

• Intermittent explosive disorder

• Oppositional defiant disorder

• Disruptive mood dysregulation disorder

• Borderline personality disorder

• Bipolar disorder

13 ways to control anger before it controls you

Uncontrolled anger can affect a person's entire life. Hostility and aggressiveness toward a partner, a boss, children, or others around you can often lead to detrimental consequences and damage to important relationships.

Anger control is a valuable skill that can result in an overall improved quality of life. You may find the following 13 tips helpful if you are seeking to better manage your anger:

Take a time-out

Although the term time-out is typically used with children, it can be effective for adults. If you are in a situation where you are arguing with someone or working on a task that induces anger, it can help to take a break or a time-out.

Walking away from a situation that is making you angry will likely allow you the time to calm down and come back with a refreshed perspective.

Find a healthy distraction

For many of us, anger tends to consume our thoughts. When anger is taking up space in our heads, it can be difficult to calm down or identify possible solutions. For this reason, it may be helpful to find a healthy distraction.

Activities like reading, exercising, or even watching a television show or movie that is comforting to you can help distract you from angry thoughts. Taking some quiet time for yourself may be beneficial and help you feel more balanced.

Change your environment

Similar to taking a time-out, changing your environment can be a helpful way to control and reduce anger. If you are in a situation that is making you angry, it might be beneficial to temporarily walk away. Going to a park, a coffee shop, or even another room in your home or workplace can help. A relaxing scene or a change of pace may reset your thoughts and energy.

Practice deep breathing

As mentioned above, anger can affect our bodies. If we can calm down our nervous system, we may find it easier to control emotions. Practicing deep breathing may help with this process. Breathe deeply to help relax your body and reduce stress levels.

An article published by Harvard Medicine details a simple method to get started: “Find a quiet, comfortable place to sit or lie down. First, take a normal breath. Then try a deep breath: Breathe in slowly through your nose, allowing your chest and lower belly to rise as you fill your lungs. Let your abdomen expand fully. Now breathe out slowly through your mouth (or your nose, if that feels more natural).”

Writing and journaling

Journaling is another emotional control technique recommended by experts. Writing down your feelings often acts as a release and can help you notice patterns in the ways you respond to certain situations. Keeping a journal may help you understand which aspects of your life activate your anger.

Have a nourishing meal

It is not uncommon to feel irritable or frustrated when we are hungry. If you find yourself becoming angry, you may want to try eating a meal or snack and then reevaluating your emotions.

Think before you speak

It can be easy to speak without thinking when we are in a state of anger. But if you are arguing with a partner, friend, or colleague, it can be helpful to pause before you speak. You may want to try creating distance between you and the person you are arguing with.

Expressing your emotions in the form of a letter or approaching the person once you have calmed down can be a healthy way to communicate your concerns.

Identifying possible solutions

A wide array of things can make us angry, from everyday situations to the people we may encounter. Instead of directing your energy toward your anger, you may want to try identifying possible solutions. For example, if a project is frustrating you, you might consider reaching out to someone who can help. Or if you feel angry every morning because of a traffic jam on your morning commute, consider taking an alternate route or leaving earlier.

Stick with “I” statements

When addressing your concerns or frustrations with another person, it can be helpful to use “I” statements. Avoid sarcasm or criticism and focus on expressing how a particular situation or behavior makes you feel. This shift can help make the conversation more productive and reduce the odds of it becoming an argument. For example, saying, “I am upset that you did not offer to help me with housework,” rather than saying, “You never do anything around the house,” can be a more effective way of communicating your concerns.

Exercise

Physical activity can serve as an excellent stress reducer. If you begin to feel angry, going for a walk or participating in another type of exercise you enjoy can relieve tension and frustration. A brisk walk or jog may help clear your mind and give you a new sense of perspective.

Practice relaxation techniques

Along with deep breathing, practicing relaxation techniques can be helpful in reducing anger. Healthy relaxation methods include yoga, meditation, tai chi, and art therapy. 

Other resources for learning relaxation techniques can be found online. For example, you might look for guided progressive muscle relaxation videos to learn these techniques and apply them in your daily life. 

Use humor to release tension

Humor and laughter can diffuse tension when you are feeling angry. Humor can make the problems you are facing feel less overwhelming and provide a new, more relaxed perspective.

Know when to seek help

Anger is a complex emotion that can be challenging to control.  A person experiencing uncontrollable anger doesn't simply throw things or yell. They might internalize their feelings instead, becoming socially withdrawn or irritable. If you feel anger is affecting your livelihood, relationships, or quality of life, it may be best to seek help from a professional. 

Benefits of online therapy

If it seems like your anger is out of control, or if your anger is leading to risky behaviors like substance use, it may be time to seek professional help. Uncontrollable anger can lead to detrimental consequences both personally and professionally. If anger is negatively affecting your work life or relationships, know that help is available through therapy. Talk therapy may help you understand the root cause of your anger. The goal of anger management is to develop strategies to manage your anger more effectively, and speaking with a therapist can help you achieve this goal.

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can connect with a therapist via phone or video chat, and you can contact your therapist in between sessions through in-app messaging.