How To Deal With Anger Issues And Angry Feelings
Anger is an expected part of life and a normal response to certain types of interactions. This emotion can become maladaptive, though, if you are having difficulty controlling anger or expressing anger in a productive way. Experiencing uncontrolled anger, struggling to manage anger, and anger escalating to the point where it impacts your relationships or your health could all be signs that you may benefit from seeking professional support.
There are steps you can take to control anger and practice anger management, which a therapist can help you learn. Uncovering more about how certain events affect your anger levels and how to reduce stress may help you address angry feelings before they get out of control.
When anger is a normal response vs. when angry feelings become problematic
Since virtually everyone will feel angry from time to time, how can you tell when you may be experiencing anger issues? There are a few key ways to notice when it may be time to seek help.
When anger is a normal response
Anger is a healthy emotion in many circumstances; it’s natural to feel angry sometimes. Anger could be an indication that someone is treating you poorly or that a situation is not beneficial for you. Anger, at its core, is a protective mechanism that’s meant to help us respond to threats and ensure our safety.
When angry feelings might indicate anger issues
While anger can be a productive emotion, if you are experiencing constant anger, it could indicate a larger issue. Anger that provokes you to attempt to manipulate or control other people through intimidation or passive-aggressive behavior like the silent treatment, can be maladaptive.
Excessive anger can also be associated with problematic coping mechanisms like substance use (formerly referred to as “substance abuse”). In general, if you find that your anger is damaging relationships around you, affecting your work or daily functioning, or causing you significant distress, it may be time to seek support.
If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.
What to do if it’s difficult to control anger
If you’ve recognized that your anger may be getting out of control, there are a number of steps you can take to work toward better managing anger. Anger-management techniques can be helpful, particularly if you engage in them with the guidance of a mental health professional.
Learn key anger management strategies
There are many different anger management strategies that may be helpful. Some examples include:
- Learning to identify situations that commonly trigger your anger
- Engaging in anger-defusing techniques, like deep breathing or taking a few moments to yourself to step away, breathe deeply, and reset
- Counting to 10 slowly when you feel anger escalating
- Keeping a journal to track your progress
Engage in self-care
Sometimes, a heightened emotional response could be a sign that we are not taking adequate care of ourselves. Basic self-care starts with aiming to eat nutritious foods often, exercise regularly, and sleep enough each night. The last two factors can be particularly important in regulating your anger, as not getting enough sleep can heighten irritability levels, and exercise has been consistently suggested by research to be a healthy way of reducing anger and stress.
Seek professional help
If extreme anger has become a common response or a consistent pattern in your life or if you’d simply like support as you work toward improved emotional management, it may be useful to connect with a mental health professional. Anger can sometimes be an indication of a mental health condition, such as mood disorders like depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder or trauma and stress responses like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Whether there’s an underlying mental illness at play or not, a mental health professional can help you identify any underlying concerns and work to more healthily address your anger.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
Mental health support for anger issues
Even if your anger is not linked to a mental health condition, you may still be able to benefit from speaking to a therapist. Licensed professional counselors can help you work on strategies to get in touch with your emotions, identify patterns associated with your feelings, and learn to more effectively manage your anger.
Online therapy with a mental health counselor to learn to control anger
Being unable to control your anger can sometimes inspire deep feelings of shame and embarrassment in people. It can be hard to overcome these feelings and stigmas in order to reach out for help from a therapist. In these situations, online therapy may be a more approachable alternative to traditional in-person sessions. With online therapy through a service like BetterHelp, you can connect with a licensed therapist from the comfort of your own home, which may help to take some of the pressure off.
Research suggests that online therapy may have similar efficacy rates to traditional in-person therapy for addressing a wide range of mental health concerns, including anger issues. For example, one study indicates that an online therapeutic intervention was able to significantly reduce problematic anger symptoms in participants.
Takeaway
Uncontrollable anger can have a wide range of negative impacts on your life, health, and personal relationships. That said, there are a number of strategies that may be helpful when addressing anger concerns. Talking to a therapist can be the first step in learning more about your anger and how to better control it.
Why do I cry when I’m angry?
Anger can provoke a wide range of physiological responses in the body. Although crying is often associated with sadness, crying can be a common physical reaction whenever a person is experiencing any form of overwhelming emotions, including anger.
What emotion is behind anger?
Anger is sometimes described as a secondary emotion, prompted by the experience of a primary emotion such as fear, hurt, or helplessness. For example, if one of your coworkers makes a mistake and attempts to blame it on you, your anger could be inspired by fear of losing your job. Understanding the primary emotions behind anger may be able to help you control it more effectively.
Why do some people get angry very easily?
As mentioned above, a quick anger response can be a symptom of a variety of mental health conditions, including mood disorders, trauma- and stressor-related disorders, and personality disorders. Anger can also be a symptom of substance use or misuse, particularly alcohol and stimulants. Some people may also become angry more quickly because they grew up in a home where anger was consistently modeled as an appropriate emotional response.
What medication addresses anger?
There is no medication that has been specifically designed to address anger issues, as research has shown that other interventions, such as therapy, can be more effective. However, if anger is linked to a mental health condition, medications to address that condition can sometimes also help mitigate problematic angry behaviors.
How to get help for anger issues?
If you are experiencing anger problems or feel like you are losing control, it may be beneficial to speak to a mental health professional. Many factors can contribute to anger, like present-day stress or past trauma, and a therapist can help you identify and work through any of these challenges.
Anger can also be a symptom of a mental health condition, like depression, anxiety, or PTSD, and getting a diagnosis can help you determine the next steps for treatment.
How to calm an angry person?
It can be difficult to understand how to interact with angry people. If you notice that someone is getting upset or their frustration is growing, you may want to help, but there are some things to keep in mind. If someone’s anger is escalating, they may begin to lash out and engage in aggressive behaviors. Interacting with them can be delicate.
If you are trying to help someone exhibiting anger, it can help to take a step back and respond thoughtfully rather than reacting. Listen, remain calm, and respond thoughtfully and with empathy. You can try to distract them to help them see outside of their anger or help them find a solution to whatever upsetting them.
When interacting with an angry person, it can also be beneficial to set boundaries for what you are willing to tolerate in your relationship. For example, you may feel like you can handle someone who is yelling but decide to walk away if they start to throw things. Anger can make people unpredictable, and prioritizing your boundaries can help keep you safe.
How to stop getting angry so fast?
If you tend to get angry quickly, there are some strategies that can help you manage your anger in the moment. Taking slow, deep breaths while using imagery or repeating a calming word or phrase can help, as can changing your environment. Sometimes, moving to another room or taking a walk outside can help you feel less trapped by whatever is making you angry.
Another way to keep yourself calm is to avoid the things that irritate you. For example, if you get angry seeing how messy your child keeps their bedroom, close the door so you won’t have to see it. While this may not solve the overall problem, it can help you stay calm so you can work on a solution while thinking calmly and rationally.
Anger can contribute to multiple physical health problems, including high blood pressure and gastrointestinal problems, as well as affecting sleep and memory. If you learn how to manage your anger, it can have benefits for both your physical and mental health.
How to stop being irritable?
If you find yourself getting irritable in frustrating situations, like rush hour traffic during your daily commute or a long time at the grocery store, here are some strategies that may help you stay calm.
- Take deep breaths to slow your body’s physical response to stress and help you feel less agitated.
- Establish a regular exercise routine to reduce stress and improve your mental and physical well-being.
- Prioritize self-care. Self-care can be different for everyone. For some people, it may mean eating more nutritious foods, getting more exercise, or prioritizing sleep. For others, it could be going for a walk, taking a bubble bath, or going to dinner with friends.
- Make time to relax. Irritability can increase when we are stressed and busy and haven’t given ourselves enough time to slow down and relax.
What are the 5 keys to controlling anger?
Five things that can help you learn how to control anger can include the following:
- Take a moment. When you realize that you are getting angry, it may help you to stop, give yourself some quiet time, and count to ten or take deep breaths to help you calm down.
- Think about why you’re angry. Part of understanding anger is learning where it comes from. Naming the thing that you are angry about can give you a different perspective and help you figure out how to work through it.
- Make time to relax. Being stressed can contribute to anger. By taking time to relax and manage your stress, you can be better prepared to handle frustrating situations when they arise. Some stress-reducing activities you can try include taking a nature walk, exercising, creating art, or meditation.
What are the 7 steps to defuse anger?
There are many relaxation techniques you can use to diffuse anger. Here are seven steps you might take to help you diffuse anger.
- Think before you react. When you are angry, it can be difficult to think clearly, which can make it more likely that you will say something you regret. Try taking a few breaths or counting to ten to avoid lashing out.
- Clearly express what is upsetting you in a calm and rational manner. Use “I” statements when you talk, and avoid sarcasm and placing blame by stating your feelings directly and clearly.
- Use humor to lighten the mood when possible. Humor can help diffuse a tense situation and help you face what it is that’s making you angry. That said, using sarcasm or making passive aggressive jokes can increase tension and worsen the situation.
- Take breaks. Taking a break when you are stressed can help you manage tension throughout the day so you can be better prepared to handle stressful situations when they arise.
- Establish a regular exercise routine. Exercising can help release tension and reduce stress. If you feel yourself getting angry, try going for a brisk walk or jog around the block.
- Use relaxation skills. There are many techniques that can help defuse anger, but everyone is different, and it may take some time to find the technique that works for you. Some things you might try include deep breathing, imagining a relaxing scene, listening to calming music, walking barefoot in the grass, or meditating.
- Let go of grudges. Not forgiving people for the things they’ve done to hurt you can result in hanging onto anger. If you forgive people who have hurt you, you can move forward without that emotional baggage weighing you down.
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