How To Manage Anger: 8 Strategies To Calm Your Mind

Have you ever experienced conflict when navigating anger? When challenges arise in life, there are often an array of emotions that come about. Of those emotions, many tend to experience anger when they encounter a stressful life circumstance.  Several attitudes exist regarding the expression of anger which are commonly demonstrated during one’s upbringing.  Contrary to popular belief, anger is actually a neutral emotion, although many tend to assign a positive or negative connotation to it. With this in mind, anger can be a more volatile emotion which requires mindful awareness.  Emotions have the potentials to influence favorable change when we respond to them proactively and not reactively. Finding effective ways to regulate emotions like anger can assist you in expressing it in more meaningful and fostering ways. Read more surrounding effective ways to cope with and regulate emotions like anger.

Reframe your thoughts and feelings

Glass half empty or glass half full? Taking the time to view a situation with a renewed perspective can change the emotional responses we have. Like changing a lens, the concept of re-framing allows for a renewed perspective on examining the evidence of what’s occurring in the present moment. Re-framing is also known as cognitive restructuring: a way to teach the brain to view a situation and more reasonable and grounded manner to increase the likelihood of seeking resolution vs experiencing a plethora of emotion. 

Avoid absolute statements

“Always” and “never” can overdramatize situations and prevent you from forming rational thoughts about a situation. Telling yourself “I always have to eat last” or “this printer never works” may make you feel like your anger is justified and prevent you from seeking a solution.

Thinking in absolutes, such as within the lens of “always” or “never” can further veil what’s actually occurring in a given situation. In the case of anger, it tends to heighten a reactive response, and in turn, reduce likelihood of remaining rational. Building mindful awareness to the potentials emotions like anger brings reduces the likelihood of responding volatility. Furthermore, it enhances your ability to build awareness as to what may be contributing to your anger in the first place. Modalities like Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy (CBT) teach individuals how to pay attention to their emotions, and in turn, how they may influence absolute statements. 

Consider what is worth being angry about

Anger provides the opportunity to distinguish between two options: whether or not you have the ability to influence change or if the change is outside of your control. Therapists often refer to this strategy as balancing both acceptance and change. When we take the time to consider what we’re angry about it not only allow us to gauge more mindful awareness as to the emotions influence, but also, that there is often more than one way to view a particular situation. For instance, if you were to forget to pack your favorite shoes for a vacation, there’s nothing you can do to change this situation. On the other hand, if you’re experiencing anger because a colleague at work didn’t complete their part of a project, you can make changes to ensure this doesn’t happen again via use of boundaries and assertive communication. 

Avoid ruminating 

Rumination is a process that involves a cyclical nature to our thinking. It is typically regarding something negative that doesn’t warrant a particular solution. Think of rumination as a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it doesn’t actually get you anywhere. Similarly, rumination is much like a car being stuck in a rut. Directing your mind towards awareness of rumination can not only assist in establishing rational perspectives, but also allows you to focus on distraction techniques. Whether it’s reading a book or calling a friend, taking time to pause when rumination arises ensures you remain in control of your anger. 

Consider the role your mental health plays

Mental health can correlate with experiences of anger. Anger is commonly referred to by professionals as a secondary emotion. Of note, empirical research suggests that anger is an integral criterion in diagnosing certain mental health conditions such as borderline personality disorder, bipolar disorder, as well as oppositional defiant disorder. Furthermore, there are correlations of anger manifesting with other mental health conditions like post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety, as well as depression. Mental health therapy can be of benefit to learn useful strategies to cope with anger should you find your mental health contributing to these anger reactions. 

Use exercise to control anger

You may benefit from having a physical outlet for your angry feelings. Regular physical activity can help you reduce stress and release tension caused by your frustrations. Many people may think of activities like running or boxing as a way to release your anger. However, researchers suggest that low-arousal activities may be even more effective in helping to manage your anger. In one meta-analysis, yoga was shown to significantly reduce anger, while jogging and stair climbing significantly increased anger. Ball sports and aerobic exercise also helped to decrease anger in participants. 

Recognize and avoid your anger triggers

Think about what events affect your anger levels the most. You may experience less anger if you look for solutions to prevent you from encountering those scenarios. For example, if you notice you often yell at your kids during the chaos of school mornings, you might implement strategies to make mornings run more smoothly, such as packing the car the night before or getting up 20 minutes earlier so you can have breakfast ready.  

Anger is often influenced and accompanied by triggers. A trigger is any situation that influences an unfavorable emotion. Whether it’s getting the kids ready for the school day or encountering a disgruntled driver on the road, triggers for anger can vary. Recognizing trends that contribute to your anger allow you to either avoid such instances when in a stressed state or to take actionable steps to reduce these stressors. For instance, packing the car the night prior or getting up 20-30 minutes earlier to prepare a meal can substantially reduce your susceptibility to anger triggers. 

Practice deep breathing

Research suggests that deep breathing provides the benefit of lowering resting blood pressure, while also reducing stress and anxiety. These strategies are useful to implement during moments of anger, as anger causes blood pressure to rise. There are a variate of breathing techniques worth considering. 

The 4-7-8 deep breathing technique

The 4-7-8 deep breathing technique has the potential to promote relaxation, while also alleviating stress. To participate in this breathing exercise, inhale for at least four seconds, hold your breath for at least seven seconds, then focus on purse-lip exhaling (as if you’re blowing a kiss) for eight seconds. 

Box breathing

4-4-4-4 breathing, more commonly known as either box breathing or square breathing, involves a cycle of inhalation, exhalation, as well as pauses. You can participate in box breathing by breathing in for four seconds, holding your breath for four seconds, breathing out for four seconds, then holding for four seconds. This type of breathing can be repeated as often as necessary to reduce feelings of anxiety and stress. 

Diaphragmatic breathing

For those that prefer to not keep count while they’re breathing, diaphragmatic breathing may serve as a useful option. To participate in diaphragmatic breathing, it is suggested to lie on your back, preferably on a flat service with your knees bent. It this isn’t possible; you can also utilize either standing or sitting in a chair. Place one hand on your stomach and the other on your upper chest. Inhale slowly through your nose; pushing the air deep towards your stomach. You should feel the hand on your stomach rise. Then, tighten your abdominal muscles and exhale through pursed lips, recognizing the hand on your stomach lowering. 

Utilize the 5-4-3-2-1 technique

The 5-4-3-2-1 technique has a wide array of purposes. While its main purpose is to calm anxiety, it’s functions can also make the technique useful for managing anger. When you sense yourself experiencing anger, engaging the senses by naming 5 things you can see, four things that you can touch, three things that you can hear, two things that you can smell, and one thing that you can taste allows for grounding and immersion in the moment vs having a sole focus on what’s contributing to your anger. Incorporating deep breathing into this strategy can also enhance the exercise. 

Sharpen your communication skills

Focusing on effective communication reduces the likelihood of there being misunderstands that lead to or further increase your levels of anger. Taking time to learn how to communicate both before and when you become angry reduces the likelihood of you saying things that you may regret. Communication techniques like assertive communication can teach you ways to take ownership of your feelings, while explaining them calmly and factually to those around you. 

Anger management involves expressing anger, not avoiding it

Repressing your anger has been shown to result in health issues. In a longitudinal study over several studies, researchers found that people who didn’t voice their anger were more likely to develop bronchitis or experience a heart attack, and they were also more likely to experience premature death compared to others who expressed their anger. It may be tempting to stay quiet or engage in passive aggressive behavior when you’re feeling angry, but the healthiest option is to calmly say how you’re feeling. 

A common reaction to anger is no reaction at all. Repressing anger is understandable; however, it has been shown in longitudinal studies to have repercussions. Of note, individuals that repressed their anger were more likely to develop bronchitis, certain heart conditions, and in severe cases, heart attack. The temptation is high to repress anger, however, being open and assertive surrounding feelings of anger promotes health and increases satisfaction in relationships. Furthermore, it allows you a safe, expressive outlet to both understand how you’re feeling, while communicating these feelings simultaneously with others. 

Control anger before before communicating

Healthy expression of anger involves doing so when you’re in a balanced state. Expressing your feelings during a heightened state of unease may influence temptations to yell or say things that you don’t truly mean. Taking a moment of pause when angry allows the opportunity to regulate your emotions, while also gauging how you’re feeling in the moment. This decreases the likelihood of an unfavorable or volatile response. 

Use “I” statements to express your feelings

Using “I” statements provides an opportunity to be assertive surrounding your feelings vs temptations to tell others what exactly they’ve done wrong. When someone has caused you to feel angry, considering statements like, “I feel you don’t help me with the dishes”, vs, “You never help me with the dishes” allows for solution-focused language vs focusing on problems language. People tend to respond favorably to “I” statements as they allow ownership of your feelings instead of placing the blame for them onto someone else. 

Practice anger management before you’re angry

Adopting more of a mindful awareness of anger triggers reduces the likelihood that you’re not attempting to cope in the moment you’re upset with someone. With this in mind, it’s more effective to not practice anger management during an initial overwhelm. Instead, consider adopting exercises like the 5-4-3-2-1 technique when you’re encountering calm so that this translates well during moments of anger. 

It is also beneficial to consider maintaining a list of certain anger management strategies that benefit you on your device or a list. You can utilize this list when you’re encountering anger to determine what strategies will work best for you. 

Seek professional mental health support

Research suggests that 7.8% of US adults experience challenge in association with controlling aspects of their anger. This translates to about 26 million Americans. In considering this prevalence, therapy can be a great option to explore effective anger management strategies in conjunction with what’s called cognitive restructuring exercises that essentially reduce the prevalence of anger reactions. 

Online therapy platforms such as BetterHelp provide solution to a variate of access to care challenges. Whether it’s being in a rural area or access to transportation, therapy services like BetterHelp mitigate common access to care concerns, while also allowing more immediacy and access to care in days versus weeks to months. Furthermore, BetterHelp works with your schedule, providing convenient options surrounding when you would like to meet with your therapist. 

Research conducted in a Swedish study indicates that online therapy can show promise with improving anger control. Participants were led through therapy sessions designed to assist individuals with navigating maladaptive anger responses. Participants noted markable decreases in their expression of anger, while also reporting less rumination of their anger cues. 

Takeaway

Anger is actually a common emotion. While many may assign a negative connotation to it, having anger doesn’t necessarily indicate maladaptive behavior. Furthermore, having strategies to assist in managing and expressing your anger in healthy ways is key. Deep breathing, cognitive restructuring, as well as exercise are common tools utilized for the management of anger. Therapy can also be an effective tool in learning strategies to cope with anger responses in a healthy manner.