The Power Of Forgiveness: How To Stop Being Angry At Someone Who Hurt You

Medically reviewed by Paige Henry, LMSW, J.D. and Corey Pitts, MA, LCMHC, LCAS, CCS
Updated October 10, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team

Forgiveness can be a tool with the potential to significantly impact a person's mental and emotional well-being. Holding onto anger and resentment may cause stress and even harm physical health. On the other hand, releasing anger and practicing forgiveness may lead to improved relationships and bring peace. You may be able to forgive others by practicing empathy, focusing on the present moment, and letting go of the desire for revenge. If you’re having trouble forgiving yourself or others, a licensed therapist may be able to help. You can seek out a therapist locally or through an online therapy platform.

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Learn to let go of anger and resentment

Understanding forgiveness

Forgiveness is often misunderstood and can pose a challenge, but it often plays a crucial role in self-care and personal growth. Forgiveness is usually not about approving or disregarding bad behavior. Instead, it can be about freeing yourself from the anger and bitterness that may be holding you back.

Engaging in forgiveness can be a choice to abandon resentment and bitterness and move forward with a clearer, more positive outlook. There can be various forms of forgiveness, including self-forgiveness, the forgiveness of others, and even forgiveness of circumstances or situations. It’s usually a gradual process that takes time, effort, and a willingness to release negative emotions. Despite the challenges, the rewards of forgiveness are often worth pursuing.

Let go of resentment: The benefits of forgiveness and empathy

Releasing anger and bitterness through forgiveness may lead to the following:

Improved relationships and communication

Holding onto anger and resentment can damage relationships and make it hard to connect with others. Forgiveness may rebuild trust and enhance communication, potentially leading to stronger, more fulfilling relationships.

Increased patience and reduced stress

Carrying anger and bitterness can increase stress and anxiety levels. Forgiveness may offer relief from these negative emotions and bring peace and calm.

Improved physical health

Chronic anger and stress may harm physical health in the long term. Forgiveness may reduce stress levels and improve overall health and well-being.

Increased self-esteem

Forgiving others and letting go of anger can increase self-esteem and self-confidence. It may also reduce feelings of shame, guilt, and self-blame.

Better emotional well-being

Forgiveness may improve mood, reduce negative emotions, and increase positive feelings like joy and gratitude.

Forgiveness may not always be easy, but it can be a transformative experience. It may require facing your emotions and confronting the past, but it can also open the door to a brighter future. 

Forgiveness may not be a one-time event, but a continual process that generally requires effort and patience. It may involve setbacks and challenges, but the rewards of improved relationships, reduced stress, and increased well-being are likely worth pursuing. As you practice forgiveness, you can learn to let go of anger and bitterness and find peace in your life.

Understanding the challenges of forgiveness

While forgiveness often has many benefits, it can also be difficult.

Common challenges people tend to face when attempting to forgive can include the following:

Difficulty releasing anger and resentment

Holding onto anger and resentment can be deeply ingrained.

Fear of being hurt again

When someone hurts your feelings, forgiving that person can be scary due to the fear that they could hurt you again.

Difficulty forgiving yourself

Forgiving yourself is often even more challenging than forgiving others. Many people struggle with feelings of guilt, shame, and self-blame, which can make it hard to forgive themselves.

Resistance from others

Forgiveness can be a personal process, but resistance from others frequently makes it challenging.

Despite these challenges, the rewards of forgiveness can make it a valuable and worthwhile practice. By letting go of anger and bitterness, you may improve relationships, reduce stress and anxiety, and lead a more fulfilling life.

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How to stop being angry at someone: Steps for forgiving others

Forgiveness is usually a process that takes time, effort, and a willingness to release negative emotions.

Here are some steps that may aid in the process of forgiving others:

Acknowledge your feelings

Acknowledging anger and resentment can be important in understanding why these emotions are held and what needs to be released to forgive.

Practice empathy and understanding

Understanding the other person's perspective and what may have led them to act in a certain way can reduce anger and resentment while increasing empathy and compassion.

Let go of the need for revenge and embrace forgiveness

Holding onto a desire for revenge usually only perpetuates negative emotions and hinders forgiveness. Releasing this need may help you release anger and bitterness.

Focus on the present and leave the past behind

Forgiveness is generally about moving forward and leaving the past behind. Focusing on the present moment and what you want to create in life can shift your focus away from anger and resentment.

Seek support to learn how to stop being angry at someone

Forgiving can be a difficult process, and seeking help from friends, family, or a therapist may be helpful. Having someone to talk to and process feelings with often makes forgiveness easier.

Steps for forgiving yourself

Forgiving yourself can be even more challenging than forgiving others. Here are some steps that may help with the process of forgiving yourself:

Acknowledge and accept your feelings

Acknowledging and accepting feelings of guilt, shame, and self-blame may be necessary.

Practice self-compassion

Treating yourself with kindness and understanding, as you would a friend, can reduce feelings of guilt and shame and increase self-compassion.

Focus on the present

Focusing on the present moment and what you want to create in life can shift focus away from negative emotions toward self-forgiveness.

Seek support so you can stop feeling angry at yourself

Seeking support from friends, family, or a therapist can be helpful in the process of forgiving yourself.

Exploring forgiveness in online therapy

If you are struggling to forgive, consider seeking out therapy services. A licensed therapist can provide an unbiased and non-judgmental space to explore and address the feelings that may be preventing forgiveness. They can also offer guidance, support, and tools to aid in forgiveness. 

Online therapy may be particularly beneficial for those who wish to experience the power of forgiveness. Online therapy can make it simple and quick to match with a licensed therapist who has experience helping others with similar challenges. Plus, you can attend sessions from the comfort of your home at a time that fits your schedule.

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Learn to let go of anger and resentment

Effectiveness of online therapy for releasing anger

In general, online therapy can be highly effective in treating a variety of mental health concerns. When it comes to forgiveness and letting go of anger, research shows that online therapy can help. If you’re ready to let go of anger and resentment, consider reaching out for professional help.

Takeaway

Forgiveness can be a powerful tool to bring peace and improve our well-being. By letting go of anger and resentment, we can enhance our relationships, reduce stress and anxiety, and lead more fulfilling lives. While the process of forgiveness is often challenging, the benefits can make it a valuable and worthwhile practice. By acknowledging our feelings, practicing empathy and self-compassion, focusing on the present, and seeking support, we can learn to forgive others and ourselves. Forgiveness may not be easy, but it typically has the power to bring healing and transformation to our lives. If you're struggling with anger and resentment, consider seeking online or in-person therapy to move forward.
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