Pent-Up Anger: Healthy Ways To Manage It

While you may associate anger with negative events or situations, this emotion is a natural part of the human experience. Anger is healthy and may teach important lessons. However, if you suppress this emotion without reflecting on or addressing its potential cause, the unexpressed anger could cause harmful urges that may lead to unhealthy behaviors. 

Mental health professionals recognize the value of addressing and expressing anger in a healthy, assertive way, without aggression or the intention to hurt others. If you struggle with anger, it may be beneficial to consider the potential causes and common signs of pent-up anger, followed by coping strategies to manage this emotion healthily.

What is pent-up anger?

As a standalone emotion, anger is characterized by tension and hostility stemming from frustration, perceived injustice, or injury by another party. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), this “injury” can be real or imagined and may motivate aggressive or angry behaviors like swearing or physical fighting. 

“Pent-up” or suppressed anger occurs when angry feelings are experienced but not expressed. When people habitually suppress their anger, they may report higher levels of conflict avoidance, guilt, irritability, depressive symptoms, rumination, and decreased life satisfaction, based on studies of anger and emotional expression.

What causes pent-up anger? 

Depending on your degree of comfort with anger, early experiences with this emotion, and other personal circumstances, the causes of pent-up anger can vary. Some potential causes (internal and external) include the following:  

• A history of trauma or post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), which includes anger as a symptom
• Growing up in a household that discouraged the expression of anger
• Guilt or shame around feeling anger, which may also be influenced by experiences in childhood
• Cultural stereotypes about anger

If you’re unsure why you’re experiencing pent-up anger, you may benefit from reflecting on your feelings in writing or talking to a trusted person. For some, a combination of childhood experiences and upbringing, personal identity, and other ongoing factors can influence their expression of anger. 

Signs of pent-up anger

Internally, your feelings of pent-up anger may differ dramatically from the anger of others. While everyone’s experience of pent-up anger is distinct, anger incites specific physiological changes, including the release of adrenaline and cortisol, two essential hormones in the body’s “fight or flight” response.  

Specific bodily changes and other health problems can be signs of pent-up anger and may include: 

• Increased heart rate
• Increased blood pressure
• Digestive issues
• Headaches
• Insomnia
• Anxiety and depression
• Skin diseases or rashes 

These signs are often linked to unmanaged anger, which may be suppressed or left unaddressed to the point of emotional “explosion.” Others express anger more regularly but aggressively, leading to potentially destructive behaviors like arguing, physical fighting, and other physical or verbal assaults.  

If you notice any of these signs in yourself or a loved one, a few strategies may help you better understand your anger and express this emotion healthily and productively.

Healthy ways to manage your pent-up anger

Suppressing your anger may seem safe or offer a temporary sense of control. However, from a long-term perspective, pent-up anger can harm your health and relationships. The following four tips and coping strategies may offer guidance, motivation, and hope if you want to address and process your anger. 

Connect with other people

You’re not alone in your experience of anger. When angry or frustrated, consider reaching out to a trusted loved one. You might benefit most if this person is uninvolved in your situation and can offer an unbiased perspective. 

With some research or suggestions from a therapist, you may also be able to find in-person or online support groups for people seeking anger management strategies. The goal of anger management is often to reduce anger and its unwanted behavioral urges, like yelling, swearing, or saying something unkind without thinking about the consequences. 

Identify common sources of anger

It may be possible to identify common obstacles in your daily environment, like bad traffic or a frustrating meeting at work, that contribute to a build-up of anger throughout the day. While you may suppress your anger to get through the day, continually holding those feelings in may lead to a “tipping point,” when you no longer feel capable of expressing your anger clearly and healthily. 

To avoid reaching this point, consider identifying and anticipating common sources of anger in your day-to-day life. By emotionally preparing yourself for specific scenarios with mantras, breathing exercises, or other relaxation techniques, you may be more in control of your ability to process them in the moment. 

Aim for calm, assertive communication

The APA emphasizes the importance of expressing anger in an “assertive” manner as an alternative to suppressing or expressing anger with aggression. Being assertive means calmly stating your needs and how others can fulfill them while respecting yourself and others.

While anger can be a vehicle for calm, assertive communication, mustering the courage to communicate this way can be scary and uncomfortable. Consider creating a list of your favorite relaxation strategies to clearly express your needs in a moment of anger. Below are some options to try:  

Deep breathing exercises

These exercises can offer a sense of control over your anger and its effects on your body. By breathing deeply from your gut rather than shallowly from your chest, you may gradually reduce your heart rate and blood pressure. 

Mantras

Mantras are phrases you repeat aloud or in your mind. Phrases like “I will get through this moment” or “I’m going to take some deep breaths” can help you ground yourself and reflect on your emotions rather than acting on them immediately. 

Exercise or gentle movement

Exercise could include yoga, stretching, or a short walk, depending on what feels best for your body. 

These techniques can help you tune into your mind and body while giving yourself a moment to reflect on your needs before communicating. 

Challenge your perspective on anger

Over time and potentially with the support of a therapist, you may learn to understand anger as a necessary and helpful feeling rather than a universally “negative” emotion. While anger is often associated with aggression, harm, or out-of-control behaviors, this emotion also serves as an invaluable social and emotional barometer. Often, anger is a sign that a situation would benefit from being addressed, listened to, or communicated.  

For example, perhaps you’re frustrated with your partner’s unkindness or a friend’s comment about an important cause. Whatever the source, acknowledging and carefully communicating your anger, rather than suppressing it, is a form of emotional honesty and encourages more direct communication.

To avoid lashing out or being unkind, some people take a few minutes or hours to reflect on their anger before addressing a point of contention with a loved one or acquaintance. Take space before expressing your emotions, with the understanding that anger is a natural and valuable human emotion. 

Process your pent-up anger in therapy

If you’re looking for more personalized support with anger management, you may benefit from working with a licensed therapist. Mental health professionals help clients understand and express pent-up anger in ways that align with their goals for relationships and personal lives.  

Get support with online therapy

Some people prefer to begin this process in face-to-face therapy. Still, a growing number of people utilize online platforms like BetterHelp to schedule therapy sessions at their convenience. When you sign up for an online platform, you can specify whether you’d like to attend phone, video, or live chat sessions and set your goals for therapy before you are matched with a provider. 

Several studies show that online therapy can be an effective alternative to face-to-face options, including a 2022 study of an online, coach-assisted intervention for women veterans diagnosed with PTSD. Based on a sample of 102 veterans, the researchers found that those who completed the eight-week online intervention experienced significant improvements in their PTSD symptoms and higher treatment satisfaction compared to those who only received phone calls from a coach. 

Remember, anger is not good or bad; it's simply an emotion. It's up to you to learn how to manage it the best way possible and if you are struggling, a therapist can help.