Teenage Anger Towards Mother: How To Address Teenage Aggression

While the idea of “teenage anger towards mother and father” may seem like a trope from the movies, the reality is that as children transition into their teen years, anger can become more frequent. As difficult as this anger can be for teens, it can also create challenges for mothers, other parents, and guardians, putting strain on the parent-child relationship. In order to address teenage anger, it may be helpful to learn more about what it is and what underlying situations can lead to its development. 

What is teenage anger?

Although each individual is unique, teenage anger often manifests as a state of irritation which may range from mild to severe. For example, you may notice that your teen is quick to respond negatively, prone to emotional outbursts, or frequently appears moody, gives the silent treatment, or storms off.

Teenage anger signs and symptoms

The signs and symptoms of teenage aggression and anger can vary from individual to individual. However, they may include things like:

• Rapid changes in mood
• Emotional outbursts
• Yelling or screaming
• Verbal aggression
• Physically aggressive behavior
• Frequent arguments 
• Sulking
• Damaging property
• Self-harm

Why do many teens feel so angry? 

There can be a number of underlying causes that may result in teen anger. Hormones are one commonly cited reason. During puberty, most teens experience rapid changes in hormone levels, particularly in testosterone, estrogen, and progesterone. These shifts can have a significant impact on mood, sometimes resulting in more frequent or more intense anger.

Difficulty at school, academic pressure, peer pressure, violent media, and interpersonal challenges with friendships or romantic relationships could cause stress too, which may manifest as angry outbursts. It’s also possible for teens to experience mental health challenges that could affect mood. For example, depression and anxiety can impact mood in many cases, as can bipolar disorder, post-traumatic stress disorder, eating disorders, and other conditions. 

Teen anger vs. anger in a child or adult

In general, teenagers may have more difficulty controlling their anger than many adults do while having the potential to inflict more harm as a result of it than children. As teens are experiencing hormonal changes and learning to understand their emotions, they could struggle to express their anger in a healthy way, like an adult may have learned to do. In addition, as teens grow, the physical aggression potentially related to an anger outburst could be more dangerous than a child’s tantrum.

How parents can cope with child or teen anger issues

According to the UK National Health Service (NHS), there are several ways to defuse arguments with a teen. These include: 

• Model good behavior. If you display aggression, threats, or other poor behavior, your teenager may feel it’s okay to do the same.
• Try to maintain a peaceful environment at home, and do your best to keep a calm demeanor when engaging with your teen.
• When they ask for space, give it to them. 
• Pay attention to your own body language to ensure you don’t appear closed off (e.g., crossed arms or legs, rolling eyes, avoiding eye contact) when interacting with your teen.
• Take a break if you feel you’re losing control of your own emotions.

During arguments, you may find that you are also experiencing feelings of anger. To help prevent things from escalating, it may be beneficial to try breathing exercises. For example, taking a deep breath, holding it for several seconds, exhaling slowly, and repeating may help lower stress levels. Talking calmly may improve the outcomes of your conversations.

Can teen anger issues negatively impact the mental health of parents? 

As a mother, your teen’s frequent negative mood and angry outbursts may come to affect your own mental health. In addition to implementing the techniques outlined above for calmer interactions, it can also help to take care of your mental health along the way through self-care practices.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), effective self-care may include things like:

• Exercise: Regular exercise can help boost mood and improve overall health. The NIMH reports that as little as 30 minutes of walking each day can be effective. 
• Sleep: The NIMH recommends prioritizing rest and establishing a regular sleep schedule. Practicing good sleep hygiene—such as creating a cool, dark, and quiet sleep environment and avoiding screens before bedtime—may help you get better rest. 
• Nutrition and hydration: Ensuring that you drink enough water and eat nutritious foods as often as possible can positively influence energy and focus, which can help regulate mood. 

Can anxiety contribute to anger and aggression?

Research suggests that anxiety may contribute to aggression and even violence. Anxiety disorders, such as generalized anxiety disorder, social anxiety disorder, and panic disorder, may develop during a person’s teen years. These disorders could present with a variety of symptoms that could cause aggressive behaviors in some cases. 

Symptoms that may indicate that teens feel anxiety

Anxiety symptoms can vary depending on which condition a teen may be experiencing. Some types of anxiety disorders and a few common symptoms of each include:

• Generalized anxiety disorder: fear or worry that’s difficult to control, feelings of restlessness, headaches, irritability, difficulty sleeping
• Social anxiety disorder: extreme fear of being judged or embarrassed in social situations, difficulty making eye contact, trembling, blushing, and feelings of self-consciousness
• Panic disorder: panic attacks, which can cause chest pains, feelings of impending doom or disaster, excessive sweating, and a racing heartbeat

Anxiety in general can trigger the body’s fight-or-flight response, or the stress response. When your teen lives with near-constant stress and tension as a result of an anxiety disorder, they may be more likely to lash out in anger, even at small inconveniences. For this reason, irritability is a common symptom of anxiety disorders.

What other mental health conditions can cause teenage anger?

While conditions like anxiety can make some teens feel angry or lash out, it’s possible to have an anxiety disorder without these symptoms. In contrast, there are two types of mental health conditions where angry outbursts are a key symptom and part of the core diagnostic criteria: intermittent explosive disorder and oppositional defiant disorder.

Intermittent explosive disorder

Intermittent explosive disorder (IED) is a mental illness that’s characterized by severe and recurrent episodes of anger. Those experiencing IED may feel as though they cannot control their anger, which could lead them to express it in potentially harmful ways—such as by harming oneself, others, animals, or property. 

Oppositional defiant disorder 

Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD) is typically diagnosed during childhood. While some may outgrow it or receive effective treatment by the time they reach adolescence, it may continue into the teen years for others. Those with ODD may have frequent angry outbursts, refuse to listen to their parents or other authority figures, and consistently question boundaries or rules. ODD can also cause a person to be easily annoyed, which may lead them to respond to others in a harsh or angry manner. 

When is anger a sign of a mental illness?

It can be important to remember that anger is a natural human emotion that virtually everyone will experience from time to time. It’s normal for teenagers too, especially given the many changes and challenges young people often experience. That said, anger may be a sign of a mental health condition when anger episodes are frequent, intense, and/or significantly interfere with school, relationships, or everyday functioning. If you suspect your teen may be living with a mental illness or could simply use additional emotional support, arranging for them to meet with a therapist is generally recommended.

Are there mental health treatments for teenage aggression? 

There are several treatment methods that might help teenagers address anger, whether it’s the result of a mental health condition or not. The first step is usually to have your child meet with a mental health professional for evaluation and treatment advice. Some therapy modalities they may recommend include the following, whether they are pursued in the form of individual therapy or support groups:

• Family therapy: Family therapy focuses on the dynamics between teens and other family members in order to determine whether the home environment may be contributing to feelings of anger. This type of therapy can also teach all family members how to develop and respect boundaries and cultivate strategies for emotional regulation, which could help avoid conflict. 
• Cognitive behavioral therapy: Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is a talk therapy approach that may help teens identify the patterns of thought that contribute to their anger. Once identified, a CBT provider can show teens ways to understand why these thoughts happen and restructure their patterns to reduce anger. CBT is also commonly used to treat depression and anxiety. 
• Acceptance and commitment therapy: Acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) focuses on learning to accept one’s feelings, which can aid in emotional regulation. This can involve the use of techniques like cognitive defusion, which may allow teens to control how they react to anger or angry thoughts. 

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Support for parents of teens experiencing anger issues

If your own child is experiencing anger issues, their struggles may take a toll on your own mental health and emotional well-being as well. It can be helpful to know that mental health support is available for parents as well. If your busy schedule makes it difficult for you to attend in-person therapy appointments, you might explore alternatives, such as online therapy. Research suggests that online therapy can be as effective as in-person therapy, with a 2022 study indicating no significant differences in outcomes for those who participated in these therapeutic formats.