How To Manage And Express Anger As A Parent

Medically reviewed by Elizabeth Erban, LMFT, IMH-E
Updated October 10, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team
Content warning: Please be advised, the below article might mention trauma-related topics that include abuse which could be triggering to the reader. If you or someone you love is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7. Please also see our Get Help Now page for more immediate resources.

Parenting stress may come from various sources, including concern for your child or a reaction to the behavior displayed by the child. When you’re angry, it may be challenging to respond in a calm, constructive way. It can be normal to feel frustrated or angry as a parent, but there are coping mechanisms and healthy ways to address anger management challenges while tending to your mental health and that of your child. 

Trying to understand where your anger stems from and seeking healthy coping strategies are often key to managing anger. Doing so may help you make logical decisions rather than emotional ones. While trying to separate emotions and actions can feel challenging, it might allow you to approach your child’s behavior with empathy instead of reactivity.

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Online therapy can help you manage anger

Have a plan for stressful moments

It may be beneficial to set limits on how you choose to interact with your child when they lash out at you. Gaining control of your reactions (or having a plan for moments where you anticipate losing control) may help you discipline your child without physically or mentally harming them. Feeling angry is a normal emotion. Allowing for the fact that parenting styles differ, there are constructive and destructive ways of addressing a situation in which parental anger gets triggered.

The American Psychological Association recommends various strategies to manage anger, including improving communication skills to navigate conflict and methods to relax your body and mind when you’re feeling angry.

Research shows that physical punishments are ineffective and typically do not accurately convey the boundaries that have been crossed. Adverse childhood experiences, such as physical violence, are linked with serious negative effects. Additionally, Physical discipline may lead to emotional and mental trauma for children, as well as increased aggression, violent behavior, and decreased academic achievement. Both physical and verbal abuse negatively affect a child's life, establishing a foundation for negative relationships and mental health issues in the future. 

It can be normal for a parent to reach their limit or feel overwhelmed, as anger is a normal emotion. Try to have empathy and forgiveness for yourself. 

 If you have lashed out in a way that you are uncomfortable with, taking a moment to address this reaction with your child can benefit your mental and emotional well-being. Learning how to apologize to your kid and take accountability for your actions may allow you to move forward in healthier ways.

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Use a calm tone

The way that you speak to your child can have an impact. Parents often serve as examples for their children, including the language, tone, and volume they use. Think about the words you’re using and how you’re saying those words. Studies show that yelling at your child can have detrimental impacts.  Findings indicate that the effects of verbal abuse may carry into the child's future, leading to several mental health issues, such as internalized abuse, a form of abuse turned on themselves. 

Disciplining your child may mean teaching them right from wrong. 

Instead of allowing their negative actions to influence you, calmly tell your child what they did wrong. Conveying that you’re disappointed in their behavior and discussing their actions with them could be more beneficial than raising your voice.

For example, adults do not often solve problems by shouting at others and making inflammatory statements to other adults. Similarly, with children, talking through challenges and taking accountability may help create solutions. While experiencing a teachable moment, approaching it from an understanding angle can make a lasting difference.

Consider your child’s side of the story

It may help parents to keep in mind that any behavior from a child may represent communication. If you frequently become angry in response to your child’s behavior, it may be worthwhile to consider their perspective.

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Online therapy can help you manage anger

How to find an anger management therapist

Many parents are busy with parenting, work, and other life commitments. It may make it difficult to find time for an in-person therapy session or a frequent commitment from nine to five. You might try online anger management therapy if you want to attend therapy on your own schedule and from anywhere with an internet connection. 

A recent study found that online mindfulness-based interventions demonstrated significant potential to improve participants’ mental health outcomes, particularly when stress was involved. The services offered by platforms like BetterHelp may help offer perspective on a multitude of parent/child relationships.

Therapy may help you find ways to grow as a parent. It’s possible to contain anger issues and focus on improving communication in your relationships with your children. A therapist might help you respond from a place of composure and rational thought, which could help you parent more effectively.  

Takeaway

When managing angry reactions to your children’s behavior, try not to take things personally and view moments of frustration as teachable moments. Creating a gap between an irritating behavior and an automatic reaction may provide the space to breathe, consider the communication behind the behavior, and respond with empathy. 

If you’re struggling to control your behaviors, consider reaching out to a counselor to learn research-backed techniques for healthy parenting.

Learn to separate anger from behavior
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