Why Do I Have Anger Issues? Understanding And Controlling Your Anger

Anger is a natural emotion, but this feeling can jeopardize your personal and professional relationships when unhealthy anger-motivated behavior becomes frequent or uncontrollable. Anger issues can be complex, often involving deeply rooted psychological and emotional issues such as past trauma or maladaptive coping mechanisms developed in childhood. Understanding these factors can be a first step in addressing anger issues.

Below, explore the underlying causes of anger issues to begin to understand them more profoundly and develop healthy emotional regulation skills. Read about common events that incite anger, the different types of anger, and evidence-based anger management strategies and coping skills.

Understanding anger

Anger is a natural emotion that everyone experiences at times, often in response to frustration, perceived threats, or unfair treatment. Psychologists and ethicists have identified three main forms of anger, including the following. 

Sudden anger

If you feel anger or angry outbursts that arise suddenly, you might be experiencing an instinct for self-protection. This form can be observed in humans and animals in response to a perceived threat or harm. Sudden anger is a defense mechanism that protects individuals against danger and allows the body to confront or escape risky situations.

Moral anger

Moral anger is closely tied to one’s sense of right and wrong. This type arises when a person believes they have been wronged or has witnessed unfair treatment. Moral anger involves judging another’s actions or intentions and may lead to resentment or a desire to correct the perceived injustice.

Dispositional anger

Unlike sudden and moral anger, dispositional anger can be considered a personality trait in which a person is prone to frequent or ongoing irritability and frustration. This type of anger isn’t tied to specific situations but reflects a general tendency to react with anger in various aspects of life.

Recognizing anger issues

While episodic anger may be a natural reaction in certain situations, frequent anger or rage can indicate a deeper issue. A professional may recommend evaluation under the following circumstances:

• Anger is disproportionate to the situation or lasts longer than expected
• Anger results in destructive behaviors, such as verbal or physical aggression
• The individual has difficulty calming down or controlling their reactions
• Anger causes persistent problems in relationships or work environments
• There is a history of trauma, mental health conditions, or substance use connected to the anger episodes

Why do I have anger issues? Identifying underlying causes

Anger issues can stem from various underlying causes, many of which may not be immediately obvious. Causes could include past trauma, mental health conditions, or background and upbringing, as well as physiological changes related to hormones, medications, or substance use. Understanding the root causes of your anger can be a step in seeking treatment. 

Past trauma

Anger can be a natural response to emotional pain or being treated unfairly, and it’s not uncommon for anger issues to develop in response to unresolved trauma. Anger often serves as a protective mechanism, and life adversity may cause some individuals to become more reactive or sensitive to triggering situations due to unresolved feelings of fear, hurt, or betrayal associated with negative past experiences.

Mental health conditions

Frequent episodes of anger or rage can be a symptom of an underlying mental health condition. Anger can present in mental health disorders like depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and is a key feature of five other diagnoses, per the DSM-5, including: 

• Bipolar disorder
• Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
• Intermittent explosive disorder (IED)
• Oppositional defiant disorder (ODD)
• Disruptive mood dysregulation disorder (DMDD)

Anger may also arise in physical symptoms like chronic pain or emotional symptoms like poor self-esteem and self-harm. 

Hormones

Hormones play a significant role in mood and emotion regulation. Natural fluctuations, such as during puberty, the menstrual cycle, or pregnancy, may lead to increased irritability and anger. Similarly, hormonal imbalances, such as those caused by thyroid or endocrine disorders, can contribute to anger issues.

Medications and substances

Certain medications, such as stimulants, statins, corticosteroids, and others, can cause irritability and potentially contribute to heightened anger responses. Talk to your doctor about any medications that may be affecting your mood. Alcohol and other substances can have a similar effect, so limit intake or avoid use altogether.

Nature and nurture

Genetics, upbringing, culture, and early childhood experiences can shape personality, making some individuals more prone to anger issues. Known as dispositional anger or trait anger, this characteristic can manifest as aggression, cynicism, resentment, and other negative psychological states. This type may develop in those who did not learn healthy coping skills during childhood.

Anger is a normal emotion: Common causes of anger

Many factors can incite anger, some of which may be more subtle than others. Below are common events that often lead to feelings of frustration or rage.

Stress and anxiety

Stress and anxiety activate the body’s “fight or flight” response, inciting a cascade of physical symptoms that make the body and mind tense, hyper-alert, and on edge. If you are in a heightened state of stress—whether due to work pressure, personal issues, or ongoing anxiety—you may be more quick to anger.

Disrespect

While potentially an unpleasant emotion, anger can also reflect genuine concern over a perceived moral transgression. Anger can be a natural emotional response to situations where you encounter disrespect, unfair treatment, a lack of consideration, or a denial of dignity toward yourself or others. 

Unmet expectations

Anger often arises from a mismatch between how you feel a situation should be versus how it actually is. For instance, a person might be feeling angry when a coworker doesn’t pull their weight, when travel plans are disrupted due to the mismanagement of an airline, or when a particular law or policy impacts society in a way one deems harmful.

Interpersonal conflict

Relationships and social interactions are a common cause of anger. Some may expect others to feel or behave in a certain way, and frustration can arise when those expectations are unmet or when one believes they are not being listened to and understood. Anger can also be a response to another person’s anger, callousness, or disregard.

Unmet physical needs

Physical well-being can impact the ability to regulate one’s emotions, and unmet physical needs may cause a short temper. Fatigue, hunger, pain, discomfort, and a lack of exercise can make one more susceptible to anger and other negative emotions.

Seven evidence-based anger management tips

If you struggle to control your anger, several evidence-based strategies may help you manage anger more effectively. Below are seven proven anger management tips to guide you toward healthier reactions. 

Take a time-out

When you begin to have angry feelings, giving yourself time and space to calm down may be helpful. If possible, remove yourself from the situation by going for a walk, stepping outside, or cooling off in a different room. Putting physical distance between yourself and the situation may help you downregulate and collect yourself.  

Engage in relaxation exercises

Relaxation techniques can be an effective way to mitigate feelings of anger and frustration, allowing you to reclaim a sense of calm. These techniques could include deep breathing exercises, grounding techniques, and progressive muscle relaxation. These interventions work by combating your body’s fight-or-flight response, which may restore emotional balance.

Address problematic thoughts

Cognitive restructuring is a therapeutic technique that involves identifying and challenging unhelpful thoughts that fuel negative emotions or behaviors. In the case of anger, this process might include:

• Managing your expectations of others (“I can’t blame them for being the person that they are—their life has shaped them.”)
• Putting the problem in perspective (“Will this matter a week from now?”)
• Focusing on what you can control (“I can’t change what happened, but I can choose how I respond.”)
• Considering a more charitable interpretation of a situation (“Maybe it wasn’t malicious. It could have been a mistake.”)
• Practicing self-compassion (“I’m allowed to feel frustrated, but I don’t need to act upon it.”)

Problem-solve

Problem-solving can be another helpful strategy for managing anger. Often, anger causes individuals to dwell on problems, leading to blame, frustration, and other counterproductive thought processes. Rather than focusing on the source of your frustration, focus on potential solutions.

Use healthy communication skills

Effective communication may prevent and resolve conflict. Avoid letting your emotions drive your interactions; use clear, respectful dialogue to promote mutual understanding and problem-solving. Listen closely, express your feelings using "I" statements, and avoid blame, criticism, swearing, or other expressions of anger.

De-escalate with humor

When appropriate, humor can be an effective way to defuse tension and prevent anger from escalating. A well-timed joke may shift the mood and put a frustrating situation into perspective. Self-effacing humor can allow you to preserve your pride when your ego is damaged. However, be mindful to avoid sarcasm, which can backfire and potentially worsen conflict.

Cultivate mindfulness

For those seeking to overcome anger issues, mindfulness can be an essential skill to develop. Mindfulness allows you to observe and acknowledge your anger without letting it overwhelm you, helping you stay in control and grounded in the present moment. You can learn mindfulness through self-study, guided meditation, and mindfulness-based therapies.

What type of therapy is best for anger?

Anger management therapy often incorporates techniques from a variety of psychotherapeutic approaches. The following types of treatment are well-supported by scientific research for treating anger issues:

• Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): Helps individuals identify and change thought patterns and behaviors that lead to anger
• Dialectical behavior therapy: Focuses on emotional regulation, mindfulness, and building healthy interpersonal skills
• Mindfulness-based treatments: Teaches techniques to help individuals control emotional responses and remain mindfully present

What to expect in anger management therapy

In anger management therapy, you’ll learn to identify the inciting events and thought patterns that lead to your anger. Your therapist may incorporate cognitive restructuring to help you reframe negative thoughts, mindfulness and relaxation techniques to remain calm and centered, and problem-solving strategies to address conflicts constructively. 

You’ll also work on improving communication skills to help you express your feelings without escalating situations and potentially address any underlying trauma or mental health issues that may be causing or contributing to your anger issues. Therapy often aims to help clients develop healthier ways of responding to anger and reduce its impact on their lives.

Alternative mental health support for anger issues

If you are experiencing anger issues that affect your well-being and relationships, you might struggle to find help in your area. Through online platforms like BetterHelp, you can connect with a licensed mental health professional and attend weekly anger management therapy via phone, video, or live chat. Online therapy is known to be as effective as in-person therapy and may be preferable for those seeking a convenient, low-cost alternative.

An online platform’s vast network of mental health providers includes dozens of therapists and counselors specializing in anger management therapy. With tools and features like guided journaling, digital CBT worksheets, and daily messaging with your therapist, you may progress faster in expressing anger healthily and maximize your time in therapy.