How To Help Someone With Anxiety

While we might all experience feelings of nervousness and stress on occasion, those who live with anxiety disorders can experience them on a greater, more severe scale. Understanding this is crucial when you want to help someone with anxiety. 

Even though it may be difficult to tell if an individual has an anxiety disorder, we can choose to be as helpful as possible if we see those around us experiencing difficulties that could be indicative of an anxiety disorder (or of other mental health distress). By recognizing these signs, you can better help someone with anxiety. 

Read on to learn more about anxiety disorders, how they might manifest and how to help someone with anxiety. 

Exploring anxiety disorder

Different people might manifest anxiety disorder-related symptoms in different ways. Recognizing these symptoms is a key step to help someone with anxiety. These anxiety-related symptoms can appear physically, emotionally, and cognitively, and can include the following: 

• Feelings of nervousness
• Feelings of restlessness
• Muscle tension 
• Trembling
• Weakness
• Lethargy
• Trouble concentrating
• Insomnia
• Digestive problems
• Obsessing about fears
• Feeling out of control (or fearing being out of control) 
• Repetitive, seemingly compulsive behaviors (like repeatedly washing hands)
• Shortness of breath
• Chest pains

How to help someone with anxiety

There are many ways that you can help someone who is living with an anxiety disorder. Understanding these methods can help someone with anxiety effectively.

Often, one of the most fundamental things you can begin doing for a person who lives with an anxiety disorder is asking them what they need from you at the moment. Perhaps they just need you to be there with them. Maybe they need you to hold their hand. This approach can significantly help someone with anxiety. 

They may need practical help for their anxiety symptoms, too, such as help working out a complex problem they don't know how to solve, which could be contributing to their overwhelm. 

You can help by taking this time to listen to them actively. Active listening is an essential part of how you help someone with anxiety.

Validating their feelings and their personal space

Different action can make different people feel nervous or may bring on symptoms of an anxiety disorder, so it can be important to provide support and validate their emotions and feelings when possible. Validation is a powerful tool when you help someone with anxiety. 

Being sensitive to their mental health condition

There might not be much you can do to make anxiety disorder-related symptoms “go away,” particularly when they are being felt actively. Simply letting someone know you care can be a strong act of support, especially if they are feeling anxious. Compassion can profoundly help someone with anxiety. 

When you notice your loved one displaying anxiety disorder-related symptoms, you might focus on approaching them with a sense of care and positivity. You might also let them know you recognize possible signs of anxiety and then begin a dialogue about them, which can possibly validate their feelings and experiences. These actions can help someone with anxiety feel understood and supported. 

Encouraging them to get treatment for anxiety

If your loved one isn’t seeing a mental health professional for their symptoms yet, you might encourage them to consider starting the process. Anxiety disorders aren’t usually things that “go away” on their own. However, with a treatment plan developed by a therapist, people with anxiety can mitigate symptoms. Encouraging professional treatment is a crucial step to help someone with anxiety.

What to avoid when helping someone with anxiety

When your loved one is experiencing symptoms of an anxiety disorder, it may be difficult to resist trying to “fix” things. Because of the general nature of anxiety disorder symptoms, even the most well-meaning people may unwittingly make anxiety worse rather than better. Knowing what to avoid can help someone with anxiety more effectively. 

Here are some tips to give your friends and peers a better overall experience in times of difficulty with anxiety symptoms.

Allow discretion: Don’t force them to talk to you about anxiety

Fear can be one of the most prevalent symptoms of an anxiety disorder, and pushing someone to express their feelings before they’re ready can not only make things worse for them—but may also damage your relationship. Speaking comfortably about their uneasiness and fear may require guidance from a professional. You might wait to address their experiences until you are confident in your approach. 

Don’t minimize their distress

Consider avoiding downplaying the distress they might be feeling. Telling someone living with an anxiety disorder that they're overreacting might worsen things, and it may sour your relationship with them. After all—their thoughts and feelings can be genuine to them, as yours are to you. When you deny them, you might seem to be rejecting your loved one and their experiences. 

Instead, you can work to validate their experience, grounding them in support which can be essential to help someone with anxiety. 

Don’t tell them to “just calm down”

It can be important to remember that generally speaking, no one chooses to live with an anxiety disorder and that if they could calm down easily, they probably would. Acting like the symptoms are not a big deal or giving a command to “calm down” can place even more stress on the person experiencing anxiety disorder-related symptoms, possibly leading to worsening symptoms. Especially after an episode like a panic attack, it’s important to offer compassionate care and support. 

Don’t tell them what they should do about their anxiety

Well-meaning loved ones might often be tempted to dive right in and try to fix the pain they believe their loved one might be experiencing. It can be difficult to see someone you care about experience anxiety disorder-related symptoms. However, it can be important to remember that there may be things you don’t know about the origins and nature of their fear—and that may need to be considered before any good-intentioned suggestions are given. Respecting their process is vital when you help someone with anxiety. 

Don’t say you understand if you don’t

If you’ve never lived with an anxiety disorder, it can be perfectly fine to say so. You can then let your loved one know you won’t try to guess what they’re feeling, and while you may not know how it feels—but that you’d like to hear about their experience when and if they are ready. This can prompt further conversation and may provide a helpful diversion for those experiencing symptoms. Honest communication can help someone with anxiety feel heard and understood. 

Don’t borrow from their experience

You may mean well if you try to do this, but assimilating their symptoms as your own may not come across as authentic empathy. Instead, focus on their individual experience to help someone with anxiety. 

For instance, if your loved one is experiencing a moment of anxiety disorder-related symptoms, it may not be helpful to tell them that you’ve been there and done that. Even if you have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and it’s true, they might need to process the experience on their own before being receptive to the moment that you offer up your own story. Allowing them to process their experience is essential to help someone with anxiety.

Don’t take over their responsibilities

While it can be good to be helpful and supportive, you might consider avoiding changing the environment or your behavior around them to accommodate your loved one’s fears. 

Don't give them drugs or alcohol to calm anxiety

If you feel powerless to help someone you love cope with their anxiety disorder-related symptoms, it may be tempting to suggest they “take the edge off” with drugs or alcohol. 

Your loved one may feel better for a moment, but drugs and alcohol can substantially change the brain’s chemistry, possibly having a particularly negative impact on people who live with anxiety disorders. With substance use, symptoms may worsen, and there could be an increased chance of comorbidity with other disorders like depression and substance use disorder. 

Don't humiliate someone with an anxiety disorder

Humor can be a common human reaction to difficulty—but a poorly timed joke can possibly be harmful when you're trying to lighten the mood, especially if someone is struggling with social anxiety. Instead of helping, calling someone out for feeling uncomfortable in a social setting or in other difficult situations can seem humiliating and shaming. Unless you know beyond the shadow of a doubt that it’ll get a smile from your loved one, it may be best to hold off on the jokes, particularly in public or social settings. 

Take care of yourself, too

Although you may be most concerned with helping your loved one, you might not have the capability to authentically do so if you’re not at your mental and emotional best. Daily self-care and a healthy lifestyle can be helpful ways to meet your physical, mental, and social needs while managing symptoms of anxiety disorders. Taking care of yourself ensures you are at your best to help someone with anxiety.

Living with an anxiety disorder can be difficult

Find support from a licensed therapist

Online therapy can help

Online platforms like BetterHelp can offer the most convenient ways to find a licensed professional therapist who can help you develop strategies for coping with your own experiences related to anxiety disorders, depression, or other mental health conditions. During therapy sessions, you can engage in different forms of specialized therapy, from cognitive behavioral therapy to interpersonal therapy, both of which are highly valued as effective interventions for assisting with various types of anxiety and anxiety disorders. Professional therapy is a valuable resource to help someone with anxiety.

Seek treatment online by talking to mental health professionals

If you decide to seek treatment online, you can talk to a BetterHelp counselor from home or anywhere with a reliable internet connection via phone, online chat, or video chat on your schedule. During an online therapy session, you may find that you feel more comfortable than you might in a therapist’s office. This convenience can help someone with anxiety feel more at ease.

Details referenced from the National Center for Health Research have suggested that online therapy can be effective in addressing anxiety disorders, depression, trauma and more. Referenced meta-analysis of over 40+ studies found that there was little discernable difference between those who attended in-person therapeutic sessions and virtual sessions online, possibly suggesting that online therapy offers comparable benefits to in-person methods (possibly at a fraction of the cost, for some). A web-based program during the pandemic also showed that cognitive behavioral therapy is an effective method of treatment for anxiety and depression.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.