Overcoming Social Anxiety
- For those experiencing suicidal thoughts, please contact the 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline at 988
- For those experiencing substance use, please contact SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357
Social anxiety—whether it’s anxious feelings or symptoms of a diagnosable disorder—can make interacting with others difficult and stressful. Here, we’ll talk about the difference between routine and clinical symptoms of social anxiety, then we’ll discuss ideas for asking questions that may help keep the conversation flowing and reduce feelings of nervousness.
Anxious feelings vs. social anxiety disorder
The term “social anxiety” can be interpreted in one of two ways: colloquially or clinically. The colloquial use refers to the feelings of shyness or nervousness many people experience in social situations—especially when they don’t know the other person(s) or are in a large group. The clinical use refers to a diagnosable mental health condition, social anxiety disorder. This is when adults or children experience intense anxiety symptoms in response to certain or all social situations, stemming from a fear of being judged or embarrassed in front of others.
Common symptoms
Symptoms of either type can be both physical and mental. With social anxiety disorder, symptoms may be severe enough to cause avoidance of certain or all social situations altogether. Feelings of routine social anxiety can typically be overcome or managed with the right strategies. Symptoms of social anxiety disorder, however, typically require professional treatment to address. So, while the tips we’ll list here may be helpful for both those experiencing routine social anxiety and those experiencing symptoms of social anxiety disorder, it’s usually important to seek professional treatment for clinical symptoms as well.
Situations that often cause social anxiety and fear
Common social situations that may cause feelings or symptoms of anxiety can include:
- Speaking in public
- Being introduced to new people
- Having to spend time being the center of attention
- Being watched while you’re doing something
- Meeting people of authority
- Talking to a stranger
- Having to go around the room and say something
- Going to parties
- Entering a room full of people
In such situations, you might notice signs like sweating, feeling overheated, your mind going blank, nausea, speaking too softly, feeling extremely self-conscious, and finding it difficult to make eye contact. Some people with social anxiety disorder may also experience panic attacks.
Building rapport: Open-ended questions when socializing
Topics to help you radiate confidence while socializing
Getting support for overcoming social anxiety
Keep in mind that conversational techniques typically aren’t enough to effectively address symptoms of a mental health condition like social anxiety disorder. Without professional treatment like therapy, those with social anxiety disorder may be at risk for decreased performance at work and school, lower-quality relationships and self-esteem, decreased quality of life, relying on alcohol or other substances to cope, and even suicidal ideation in some cases. That’s why seeking support for symptoms can be so important.
Building confidence and self-esteem
Therapy is typically the first-line treatment for social anxiety disorder for adults, adolescents, and younger people, and medication may also be prescribed in some cases. Therapy can also be helpful for those who don’t have a diagnosable disorder but are looking for support in increasing self-esteem, improving social skills, or managing feelings of nervousness in social situations.
Online therapy for overcoming social anxiety
Whether you experience butterflies in your stomach before you go to a party or are unable to bring yourself to leave the house, feelings or symptoms of social anxiety can make attending in-person therapy intimidating or impossible. In cases like these, you might prefer online therapy as a more comfortable alternative. It allows you to connect with a licensed therapist from home or anywhere with an internet connection with no commuting required.
Studies suggest that online therapy can be highly effective in treating social anxiety disorder. In a 2022 study, for example, researchers evaluated the efficacy of an internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy intervention for social anxiety disorder. Compared with the waitlist control group, those who engaged in the online treatment method experienced significant reductions in their social anxiety symptoms, which were maintained after a three-month follow-up visit.
Takeaway
What questions should I ask in therapy about social anxiety?
If you have social anxiety, talking to a therapist can help you understand the reasons behind it and develop ways to cope. Here are some questions you might want to consider asking your therapist during your sessions:
- Can you explain the major symptoms of social anxiety?
- How much of your practice is geared toward helping people with social anxiety?
- Can group therapy help?
- Will medication cure me?
- Do I have to do exposure therapy?
- What should I expect in an online therapy session?
Is social anxiety or fear of socializing a disability?
Yes, anxiety disorder can be considered a disability. If you have social anxiety that prevents you from being able to work or leave the house, you may qualify for disability benefits.
What questions can I ask to support someone with anxiety?
If you know someone with social anxiety, understanding how they feel and what they need can help you learn the best ways to support them. Here are some things to ask someone with anxiety:
- How often do you experience anxiety?
- Have you ever had a panic attack?
- What situations set off your anxiety?
- What are some things you do to cope with your anxiety?
- Do you have any tools that you use to manage your anxiety?
- Do you have any strategies for handling anxiety in the moment?
- Is there anything I can do to help?
What do people with social anxiety want?
Everyone with social anxiety is different, so they may not want the same things. Social anxiety is not the same as being shy or having stage fright. People with social anxiety may just want those around them to be supportive and understand that it is not just something they can easily overcome. They may want to spend time with people but prefer to do so one-one-one with a close friend or in small groups.
How do you help someone with social anxiety and low self-esteem?
You can do many things that may help someone with social anxiety. First, try to understand and accept what they’re going through, even though it may not be rational. Focus on how they are feeling, and try to help distract them by suggesting taking a walk or playing a game. Sometimes, the best thing you can do in these relationships is to ask them how they’re feeling and what you can do to help.
What triggers social anxiety or fear of social situations?
Many things can trigger social anxiety, and everyone experiences different triggers. Some may include social interactions like speaking in public, meeting new people, being the center of attention, having someone watch you while you’re doing something, talking to people you don’t know, having to go around the room and say something or introduce yourself, making small talk, meeting authority figures, entering a room full of people, or going to a party. They may have trouble doing things like using public restrooms or eating their favorite thing if they are in a large group.
What are some techniques for overcoming social anxiety and awkwardness?
Social awkwardness can result from social anxiety. Talking to a therapist can help you learn how to cope with your social anxiety and alleviate any social awkwardness. Other techniques you can try include:
- Accept that you feel awkward and then attempt to redirect your attention to other people. For example, asking other people questions can help you take your mind off yourself, which can help you feel more comfortable.
- Don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself. If you know you have done something socially awkward, laughing at yourself may make you and the people around you feel more comfortable. For example, if someone asks you about your favorite season, and you respond by saying it’s salt, it’s okay to laugh!
- Let it go. When you experience social awkwardness, try not to let it define you. Whether you run out of things to say or trip over your own feet in front of other people , it can help to remind yourself that it doesn’t define who you are. Also, it may help to remember that social skills can be developed with practice.
According to Mental Health America, “People who are naturally more reserved and those who have experienced trauma like childhood abuse or neglect are more likely to develop the disorder.” But researchers do not know the cause of social anxiety disorder. People with family members who have social anxiety are more likely to have it themselves, and stress and environment can play a role. Because there are so many unknowns, it can be hard to determine what kind of person has social anxiety disorder. The disorder may manifest differently in adults, younger people (adolescents), and children.
Sometimes, the best thing you can do for someone with this mental health condition is to tell them you are there for them. Try something simple, like “Thinking of you” or “What can I do to help?” If you suspect they are having a difficult time, you can offer to go to their house and sit with them or bring them a meal. Ask them if it’s an ideal day for a visit and try to create opportunities that show them you are not judging and are there to listen and support them.
People may assume that social anxiety and shyness are the same, but they are quite different. Many people with social anxiety disorder may think they are just extremely shy by nature, but there may be some ways to tell the difference between social anxiety disorder and shyness. People with social anxiety may have anxious feelings that interfere with their ability to function in their everyday lives. The intensity of their fears in social anxiety disorder may be much worse, and they may go to extremes to avoid situations that trigger their anxiety.
For example, someone who is shy may be a little nervous about speaking in public at work or school, but someone with social anxiety may feel anxious for months or weeks about it and experience intense physical symptoms during the speech, like shaking, sweating, or shortness of breath. In this hypothetical situation, someone shy may settle into the speech and feel more comfortable as it goes on, while someone with anxiety may experience worsening symptoms. Someone living with social anxiety may practice avoidance of such situations altogether, and they may lean on coping mechanisms that don’t help in the long run, such as alcohol or substance use.*
*If you are experiencing challenges related to substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at 1-800-662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.
- Previous Article
- Next Article