Attachment Articles

Medically reviewed by Melissa Guarnaccia, LCSW

Attachment can play a critical role in how we connect to other human beings. As children, we usually learn to bond with the people who bring us into the world or care for us. Whether it’s our biological parents, caregivers, or adopted family, we generally form bonds with our guardians when we are young, and the strength and quality of these connections can influence whether we develop a secure or insecure attachment style. Learn more about how attachment can influence relationships and mental health and how it may be possible to change your style even in adulthood, particularly with the help of online or in-person therapy.

Types of attachment styles

In attachment theory, there are normally four different types of attachment, three of which are insecure styles. 

Each of these types is explored in more detail below. 

1. Avoidant attachment

The first insecure attachment style is usually referred to as avoidant. Those who have an avoidant attachment style often feel uncomfortable with closeness in their relationships. Therefore, they may have a difficult time forming meaningful connections. 

A potential cause of this attachment style may be early childhood neglect. Caregivers may not provide for their children, failing to give them the basics, like food, shelter, and clothing. If a child doesn’t feel loved and cared for by their guardians during their most formative years, it can lead to an avoidant attachment style. 

The child typically neglects their own needs to avoid making their caregiver upset, which can carry into their adult lives, potentially causing them to avoid conflict at all costs. These individuals may find it challenging to form attachments to others and prefer to be alone rather than risk opening themselves up. 

2. Anxious attachment

Anxious attachment is another one of the insecure attachment styles. In children, anxious attachment can develop due to inconsistent responses by caregivers. A child may feel that their needs are met some of the time, but not all the time. These children generally want the love and affection of their caregivers but are not sure they can trust them to provide it. 

In adults, anxious or ambivalent attachment can affect a person’s mental health and relationships. Adults with this attachment style may crave the emotional intimacy of a romantic relationship but have a hard time trusting anyone enough to develop a relationship with them. This can cause difficulties with boundaries, clinginess, and excessive worry. The individual may fear being abandoned and constantly ask for reassurance that their partner still loves them.

3. Disorganized attachment

The final insecure attachment style is disorganized. Also known as fearful-avoidant attachment, someone who has a disorganized attachment style typically has both anxious and avoidant traits. Typically, this develops when a child has an inconsistent or unpredictable caregiver who instills a deep sense of fear into them. For instance, the caregiver may be nurturing in one moment and cold or angry the next. 

Often, a child comes to fear the very person who is supposed to be there for them. When these children grow up, they might experience confusing feelings in their relationship and believe they’re unworthy of being loved. They may also display unpredictable or inconsistent behaviors of their own, which can be confusing for the person they’re in a relationship with. Coping with distress may be more challenging for these individuals, who often lack the skills they need to get through tough times in a healthy way. 

4. Secure attachment

Secure attachment is normally considered to be the healthiest attachment style. When people are secure, they generally feel confident in themselves and sure about their relationships with loved ones or romantic partners. Securely attached children usually believe that their caregivers will be there both emotionally and physically and trust that they are loved and taken care of. 

In adulthood, those with a secure attachment style can form healthy, lasting relationships without excessive worry that they will be abandoned. They may believe themselves to be worthy of love, see others as responsive to their needs, and feel accepted as they are in their relationships. 

Developing a secure attachment style

Many adults have attachment patterns that are not secure. These may fall under the categories of disorganized attachment, anxious attachment, or avoidant attachment, among other names. People with insecure attachment behaviors or styles can sometimes have difficulties forming and maintaining healthy relationships. 

In a dysfunctional relationship, there may be one person with an avoidant attachment style and one person with an insecure attachment style. The anxiously attached individual may consistently want reassurance from their avoidant partner, who might avoid talking about their emotions or pull away when they feel a sense of vulnerability or closeness. This can lead to a negative push-pull cycle that might leave both partners feeling trapped in the relationship. Working on attachment concerns in therapy can help couples come together as stronger, healthier units. 

Exploring attachment styles with therapy

Therapy can provide a safe place to discuss attachment style concerns and find healing. Even if you have a secure attachment style, you may have tendencies of other styles that can be improved. Additionally, you might be in a relationship with someone who has an insecure attachment style, and it may benefit you to learn how to navigate the partnership in a healthier way. 

An online therapist can help you learn how to develop a more secure attachment style and support you in forming lasting relationships with other people. With online therapy, you generally won’t need to leave your home, drive long distances, or wait for a spot to open on a waiting list. Rather, you can begin receiving care according to your schedule and connect with your therapist in a way that feels comfortable to you.

Online therapy can be a useful resource for addressing mental health concerns and attachment-related issues. In one study, researchers assessed the efficacy of an online group psychotherapy intervention and explored participants’ attachment styles in relation to the results. Researchers found that attachment generally did not play a role in the effectiveness of online therapy, meaning that most individuals can find some benefit from online therapy regardless of their attachment style. Those participating in the study normally experienced reduced symptoms of anxiety and depression, as well as a decrease in the attachment dimension of avoidance. 

Takeaway

Attachment styles can be complex, forming from a variety of factors from the time a person is young. Whether you have a secure or insecure attachment style, you deserve to feel comfortable and confident in each of your relationships, including with friends, family members, or romantic partners. According to attachment theory, it can be possible for anyone to change their attachment style or adopt a more secure attachment style. By working with an online therapist, you can learn how to move toward security and form relationships that are both safe and healthy.