Non-Attachment: The Concept, Practice, And Impact On Mental Health

Attachment is a broad term for identifying how children and adults connect with others. Attachment is first experienced in childhood between a child and their primary caregivers. If the child’s needs are met, a secure attachment may be formed, which is linked to positive psychological outcomes. If their needs are not met, an insecure attachment may be formed. 

In these cases, children can develop attachment disorders, mental health conditions showcased by challenges attaching to others in a healthy way. If these patterns persist into adult development, they are often called insecure attachment styles. Detachment from a child's primary caregivers can significantly impact their emotional well-being, leading to struggles in forming healthy relationships later in life.

This article explores attachment styles and non-attachment from multiple perspectives, including that of self-acceptance and Buddhist psychology. Keep reading to learn more about these perspectives and whether they could help you find happiness and self-esteem in your life.

The theory of non-attachment describes similar symptoms to insecure attachment styles. For example, Buddhism posits that "clinging and grasping" onto unhelpful patterns, thoughts, and relationships can be unhealthy and that practicing non-attachment may help to shift these patterns. When you cultivate non-attachment, you may be able to let go and feel more free in life, potentially enabling personal growth.

However, unlike attachment theory, non-attachment is not focused primarily on social relationships. It also focuses on letting go of and accepting life changes, status and ego, self-beliefs, money, material objects, worldly concerns, unwanted personality traits, and other factors in a person’s life. It demonstrates a connection between attachment and the individual's beliefs about themselves, their relationships, and the world as a whole, which can lead to a greater sense of well-being, self-actualization, and advanced psychological development. Although the practice of non-attachment can be difficult and often takes time, it may lead to significant changes.

Is non-attachment a contradiction to attachment theory?

Attachment theory showcases the need for humans to attach instead of disengage. For this reason, the term "non-attachment" might seem like a synonym for insecure attachment or an avoidant attachment style. However, the concept of non-attachment differs from the symptoms of insecure attachment. In practice, non-attachment is a positive coping mechanism, not a lack of ability to attach to others.

How to practice non-attachment techniques

Non-attachment techniques can involve the following: 

• Accepting that your thoughts are thoughts and don’t define you 
• Moving away from clinging to what no longer serves you 
• Practicing meditation or mindfulness to ground yourself in the present moment 
• Accepting that humans have innate desires for connection 
• Practicing loving kindness toward others
• Reducing unhealthy behaviors based on indulgences (excessive spending, etc.) 
• Moving on from painful experiences when you're ready, accepting they've occurred as part of the ever-changing nature of life
• Interacting with others with the understanding that relationships can be temporary or long-term 
• Not expecting behaviors or reactions from others 
• Letting go of beliefs that harm you from your childhood 

Although one may assume that the goals of healing from an insecure attachment style are either becoming less or more attached, a secure attachment style can involve a mixture of both—a balance between connection and independence. Non-attachment can be used to disengage from patterns or ideas you no longer want. 

However, becoming fully "non-attached" may not be healthy. Overall, finding a balance between connection and disconnection can be beneficial. The Non-Attachment Scale can help measure non-attachment levels and assess how to find this balance. Practicing non-attachment in moderation may be healthy.

What types of therapy use non-attachment for positive psychological outcomes?

Non-attachment may not be officially used in any specific therapeutic modality. However, therapists taking a Buddhist or mindfulness-based approach may be familiar with the idea. Attachment-based therapies may also use similar coping skills to help clients let go of unhealthy attachments and form healthier ones. A few forms of treatment that might be used with non-attachment can include the following: 

• Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy (MBCT) 
• Mindfulness-based cognitive-behavioral therapy 
• Mindfulness-based stress reduction therapy (MBSR) 
• Mindfulness training 

Clients might also practice techniques such as visualization, yoga, or deep breathing, which all have a basis in historical spirituality and Buddhist principles, as discussed by spiritual teachers. 

Can children try non-attachment therapy? 

Many attachment-based therapies are available to children experiencing an insecure attachment style or attachment disorder. A qualified therapist can use non-attachment techniques to help these children cope with anxious attachment behaviors. However, therapy using non-attachment and mindfulness may be more popular for adults. Treatment for children's attachment disorders often focuses on family connections, trauma healing, and talk therapy techniques. 

Other forms of childhood attachment therapy 

Before beginning therapy with a child, the therapist may conduct an assessment to look for attachment disorders. The child's interaction with the caregivers or parents may be observed during this assessment. The child's behavior may also be observed in different situations, and parenting ability and style might be evaluated. 

While the DSM-5 does not recognize non-attachment as a disorder, many children live with avoidant attachment challenges, causing them to withdraw from connections. The therapist can provide a treatment plan that delivers strategies for managing these challenges. A few ways parents can support this process include the following: 

• Providing a caring, responsive, and nurturing environment
• Providing consistency in babysitters, daycares, and other care environments
• Ensuring the child's environment is stimulating and interactive to encourage interaction with others
• Ensuring the environment is safe, secure, and appropriate for a child 
• Receiving counseling and support for parenting techniques 
• Taking parenting classes to practice adaptive parenting skills
• Learning about the concept of non-attachment

There are many pseudoscientific therapies (non-scientific options) for attachment disorders. These therapies consist of methods that may seem compelling but lack evidence and support from the broader science community. For example, "rebirthing therapy" or other types of forced attachment therapies may be recommended online but are not safe, healthy, or endorsed by psychologists. These techniques may worsen attachment disorders and harm children, potentially causing further trauma. 

In the best interest of the health and safety of children, seek qualified, licensed therapists or psychologists practicing evidence-based treatments to provide a proper diagnosis and treatment strategy for any attachment disorder.

What alternative forms of therapy are available for adults?

Therapy for adults with an insecure attachment style may include various forms of psychotherapy, also known as talk therapy. There are many techniques a therapist may use when treating attachment concerns:

• Identifying unhelpful behaviors (maladaptive behaviors)
• Creating scenarios and walking the individual through them to teach them new coping skills
• Revisiting past traumatic events and situations to address them
• Helping the individual recognize past traumatic events and situations that have produced maladaptive behaviors and thoughts
• Using cognitive techniques to help restructure maladaptive thought patterns
• Using behavioral techniques to help identify and change maladaptive behavior patterns
• Teaching about attachment styles
• Using mindfulness-based techniques like non-attachment 

How to find mental health support as an adult 

There are many ways to find a professional if you want to try non-attachment techniques or another form of attachment therapy. You can ask your primary care physician for a referral or consider contacting a professional online. Online therapy can benefit those who face barriers to in-person treatment or feel uncomfortable discussing vulnerable topics in person. It may be comforting to remember that most therapists have a policy in which they do not spread what their clients talk about in sessions with others, and you generally also have the right to switch therapists as needed or desired.

Recent research has shown that online therapy can effectively treat insecure attachment styles arising from trauma or other sources. In one study, researchers examined the effects of online cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) on those experiencing symptoms of PTSD. Post-treatment, participants reported a significant reduction in symptoms and severity of PTSD and a more substantial level of trust in the relationship with the therapist. CBT is a widely accepted method of treatment in which a therapist helps the individual understand and replace the maladaptive thought patterns that can lead to difficulty with relationships and everyday life. Online mindfulness-based CBT has also been found effective in improving quality of life. 

If you're experiencing difficult-to-process emotions due to an attachment difficulty, online therapy may help you work through those feelings. With a platform like BetterHelp, you can participate in counseling from the comfort of your home. You won't have to worry about commuting to an office or sitting in a waiting room. In addition, you can choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions for flexibility and control over your sessions.