13 Tips For Overcoming Shyness
While socializing comes naturally for some, it can be a struggle for others, leading to discomfort, trouble communicating, and the desire to isolate. Shyness is a normal, common personality trait—but one that can make it hard for people to connect with others and achieve their goals. If you’re often hesitant to engage in social situations, you may be looking for ways to interact with those around you in a more comfortable way. Below, we’re outlining 13 strategies for overcoming shyness in your life.
What causes shyness?
Before we discuss ways to overcome shyness, it can help to gain an understanding of the reasons a person might be shy. According to the American Psychological Association, is “the presence of anxious reactions and excessive self-consciousness and negative self-evaluation in response to real or imagined social interactions”. Shyness can be caused by a variety of factors, including genetics, low self-confidence, upbringing, and mental health challenges. Many people attribute the development of shyness to early interactions with caregivers. Overprotectiveness, in particular, is thought to be a major contributor.
The effects of shyness
The avoidance or inhibition of people who are shy can make it hard for them to take advantage of the benefits of social interaction. Common effects of shyness include:
- Canceling social events at the last moment
- Avoiding situations that provide positive social interaction
- Having few or no friends
- Struggling to assert oneself
- Low self-esteem
- Engaging in isolating activities
- Struggling in workplace interactions
Tips to overcome shyness
Although shyness is considered to be partly an inherent characteristic, it is an attribute that can be kept in check with the right strategies. The following are several tips for feeling more confident and less bashful in social situations.
1. Put yourself in social situations
Sometimes the best path toward addressing a fear is exposure. Think about moments when you overcame shyness—the time you introduced yourself to a stranger or performed in a high school play. Did you feel more confident afterward? Putting yourself out there can help you feel more self-assured and may make future interactions less daunting.
2. Pay attention to your words
The words we use to communicate with and characterize ourselves can be powerful. Talking to yourself in a negative way or using limiting language when describing yourself can damage your self-confidence. Consider replacing phrases like I am shy with I am learning to be more comfortable in social situations. This can go a long way toward moving from shyness to confidence.
3. Breathe deeply
Socializing or speaking in front of others can cause stress for someone who is shy. Taking a few moments to breathe in and out deeply can help to reverse these effects. are effective stress management tools that you can employ almost anywhere. A common deep breathing technique is box breathing. To practice box breathing, take a deep breath in for a four count and hold it for a four-count, then breathe out for a four count and hold your breath again for a four count. Repeat these steps three to four times.
4. Appreciate your uniqueness
Embracing your shyness may help you avoid feeling self-conscious when you’re out with others. Many people find shyness endearing, and you may find that those around you will work hard to ensure you feel comfortable, regardless of how engaged you are. Celebrating and leaning into this unique quality of yours can help you feel better about participating in social situations, even if you don’t necessarily interact with others as frequently.
5. Get excited about a new adventure
One way to approach an uncertain and possibly difficult time is to look at the journey toward the new you like an adventure. You may have been shy most of your life, and if so, that’s a part of you that you’re used to. Working through shyness and developing increased confidence may seem like a daunting task, but viewing the journey as an exciting adventure to parts unknown can be exciting and, in turn, may boost your self-esteem. If you’ve made up your mind to attend more social situations and events, you can look at each of those moments as exciting and new adventures.
6. Practice mindfulness
Mindfulness involves drawing your attention to the present and being aware of your thoughts, feelings, and surroundings. There is evidence that mindfulness can help reduce symptoms of social phobia, which can lead to severe discomfort interacting with others. In one study, participants in a mindfulness program experienced reduced symptoms of social anxiety disorder, increased self-esteem, and an improved view of their self-worth.
7. Look the part to build confidence
If you have an upcoming job interview, wedding, or other potentially uncomfortable social situation, taking time to tend to your appearance can make a big difference. Dressing well and managing personal hygiene can increase confidence, lead to more comfortable interactions with others, and help you convey a composed attitude.
8. Take small steps towards overcoming shyness
Getting started can be the hardest part of learning how to be more social for those who are shy. But engaging with people doesn’t have to be practiced at a 200-person wedding or an important work presentation. Start out small. Try chatting with the teller at the bank or the person ahead of you in the checkout line, and then move up to talking to strangers at stores or the gym. This can help you build confidence and work your way up to more difficult challenges.
9. Utilize confident body language
Your body language and tone of voice can give off cues, even subconsciously, to the people you’re interacting with. People who are shy often display body language that reflects a lack of confidence. Making eye contact when talking to someone, avoiding hanging your head, and projecting your voice clearly can help you express self-assuredness without words.
10. Try creative visualization to practice social skills
Forming a mental image of how a successful interaction will play out can help you prepare for social situations. Visualization is a common technique used to help people perform their best in various scenarios. For example, if you have a work presentation, imagining the way it will progress can help you prepare for it. Visualization gives you the opportunity to practice what you’re going to say and how you’re going to communicate your message so that you feel more confident when the time comes.
11. Find shy role models
You may have friends, family, or co-workers—or you may know about public figures—who are naturally shy but display the confidence in social situations that you would like to develop. Many highly successful people have overcome obstacles like social anxiety in order to achieve their goals. Learning from role models and realizing that overcoming shyness is possible can provide you with encouragement and inspiration.
12. Give yourself grace
Although social interaction can be beneficial, your self-worth is not derived from how sociable you are. Try to be kind to yourself if you experience setbacks. It’s OK if you struggle in some social situations as you work through shyness. Giving yourself grace can help you avoid damaging your self-confidence.
13. Address the sources of your shyness and anxiety
Many times, shyness is caused by a deeper concern, and working through that challenge can help you feel more comfortable in social scenarios. What is the source of your shyness? Is it a result of self-esteem? Does it relate to a childhood event? Are you living with social anxiety disorder? If you’re having trouble identifying the roots of your shyness, a mental health professional can provide useful insights and valuable guidance.
How online therapy can help in overcoming shyness and building confidence
Studies show that online therapy can help individuals manage mental health challenges that may lead to shyness. In a study on the efficacy of online therapy for social phobia, researchers found that over 50% of participants no longer fit the criteria for social anxiety disorder. They also noted that participants experienced improvements in shyness, fear, and discomfort, all of which were sustained at a six-month follow-up.
Effectiveness of online mental health support to overcome shyness
Online therapy can help you feel less self-conscious and more confident in social situations. With an online therapy platform like BetterHelp, you can chat with a therapist remotely, which can be helpful if you’re not comfortable meeting face to face due to symptoms of social anxiety disorder or similar concerns. You’ll also have the option of contacting your therapist outside of sessions; so, if you have a question about overcoming shyness, you can send them a message, and they’ll respond when they’re able.
Takeaway
Why am I so shy and awkward?
Shyness may be caused by a variety of factors, including low self-esteem, genetics, mental illness, and upbringing. Some research even shows that overprotective parenting might contribute to shyness.
Does shyness go away with age?
For some people, shyness may lessen with age as they become more confident and have more life experiences, but this may not be the case for everyone.
Is extreme shyness a symptom of anxiety?
People may experience shyness if they’re feeling anxious, but it is important to distinguish that shyness is not the same as social anxiety disorder. Social anxiety is “an intense, persistent fear of being watched and judged by others.” People with this condition may have difficulty with school, work, or other activities, which may affect their relationships and ability to make friends.
Is shyness part of a mental health condition like ADHD?
Shyness can be a feature of ADHD, particularly the inattentive type, but it isn’t always, and it is not named in the DSM as a symptom of ADHD. Some studies show that there may be a connection between ADHD and social anxiety disorder, which can be misinterpreted as shyness.
Is shyness a form of autism?
No, shyness is not a form of autism. Shyness is one of many personality traits, while autism is a developmental disorder, but it can be hard to differentiate between the two sometimes. Some people with autism may also be shy, and some shy people may also have autism. But, people with autism may have additional social, behavioral, and emotional problems.
Does low self-esteem cause shyness?
Many factors, including genetics, mental illness, upbringing, and low self-esteem, may cause shyness. Shyness and self-esteem can interact with one another in many ways. Research has found that shy people tend to avoid disapproval of others rather than seek approval and that shyness may be related to the perception of one’s inadequacy, negative self-judgment, and a “high personal responsibility for any lack of success.”
Why do I feel so shy around everyone?
There are many reasons why you may feel shy around everyone. Some causes of shyness may include genetics, mental illness, low self-esteem, and an overprotective upbringing. Shyness is considered a personality trait, and it can be challenging to overcome, but there are some things you can try to keep it in check. This article covered many strategies, including putting yourself in social situations so you get more accustomed to being around other people, practicing deep breathing exercises or mindfulness to help with physical symptoms, appreciating your own uniqueness with positive self talk, silencing your inner critic, addressing the sources of your shyness, and learning social skills with a mental health professional.
Is shyness normal in adults?
Shyness is common in adults, and it affects people differently. For some, it can be a big deal. Some may have difficulty making small talk or making new friends, while others may find that their shyness affects their personal lives and careers. Talking to a mental health professional may help you figure out how to overcome your shyness.
How can I overcome shyness if I have poor social skills?
People can be unsocial for many reasons. You may be shy or feel self-conscious, but there are other things to consider, too, including depression, anxiety, introversion, low self-esteem, fear of rejection, or a variety of mental health conditions. Talking to a mental health professional can help determine the root of your social isolation, identify physical symptoms, and help you learn how to overcome shyness at your own pace.
Are all introverts shy?
Not all introverts are shy. People who are shy do not necessarily want to be alone. They may really want to interact with people socially, but their shyness prevents them from doing so. Introverts generally prefer time alone to a bustling social life and may get emotionally drained after a social event or spending time with people, even if it’s a close friend or family member.
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