Mental Health: What To Do When Someone You Love Has Erratic Behavior
When someone you love acts unpredictably, lashes out with hurtful statements, or has erratic behavior, it can be challenging to decide how to proceed. However, there are steps you can take to support your loved one while keeping yourself safe, happy, and healthy.
What causes unpredictable behavior?
Many people enjoy turning to education when they don't know how to solve a problem. When someone you love has unpredictable behavior, you might feel responsible for helping them cope or predicting how they might act in any circumstance.
Understanding why a behavior occurs might help you understand the patterns this individual showcases. Unpredictable behavior is sometimes a symptom of mental illness. Talk to the person about how their behavior is impacting you. If they have a mental illness, you might educate yourself on the common symptoms of their condition and how it might align with their behaviors.
Other causes of unpredictable behavior might include the following:
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
A medical condition
Chronic stress
A significant life change
Personality traits
Difficulty with commitment
If you believe you or a loved one is experiencing a medical condition, consult a medical practitioner for support.
How to cope with unpredictable behaviors
If your loved one's behavior is impacting you negatively or you're worried about the consequences of their actions, you might benefit from the following coping skills.
Prioritize your well-being
When someone you love is hurting, trying to fix all their problems can be tempting, but you might forget to pay attention to your needs. You may have heard the phrase, "You can't pour from an empty cup." This phrase explains how becoming mentally, emotionally, or physically drained may do the opposite of what you're hoping, as you might not be able to support those you love.
Try to set aside time for yourself, even while you are taking steps to support someone with unpredictable behavior. Self-care might include practicing mindfulness, taking a few days alone, setting healthy boundaries with this individual, or playing with your pets. Whatever makes you feel happy and fulfilled, try to spend more time focused on it.
Consider rationality
If you love someone with unpredictable behavior, you might notice that you struggle to rationalize the situation with them or yourself when they act this way. Try to consider the logical conclusions of their behavior. If someone is acting illegally or dangerously, let them know, and try not to include yourself in the situation.
If an outburst occurs, keep your composure. Talk in a calm and even voice. Avoid phrases like "That doesn't make sense" or "You're ridiculous." While those phrases might reflect your feelings, they can be invalidating and painful for another person to hear.
Although you can offer this individual advice or try to help them make a healthy decision, it isn't your responsibility to care for someone else unless they are your child or dependent. If you find that someone else's behavior is putting you in an unsafe situation, leave the situation and return to them when you feel it is healthy to do so.
Have an open conversation
If you're considering offering support or resources to this individual, include them in the conversation. Wait for a time when they seem to be in a positive mood and are receptive to having a serious discussion. Approach them and let them know you are concerned for them and want to help them with their behavior. You may also choose to illustrate the hurt, fear, or anger you've felt due to their actions.
Once you've discussed your feelings and any boundaries, ask your loved one what you can do to help them make changes. Pay attention to their responses, actively listen, and note the points they make. If you feel their suggestions are unhealthy or put too much responsibility on you and not themselves, you might let them know you're uncomfortable with their suggestions.
As a team, you can use the points discussed in the future. When you see patterns of unpredictable behavior returning, you might remind them of the conversation you had. Redirect them using the feedback they gave you, and consider what they stated might help them regulate.
Validate the feelings that might come with erratic behaviors
When someone is acting unpredictably, try not to call them names, invalidate their feelings, or tell them you're better than them. Even if you find their behavior unhealthy, outrageous, or unfounded, it is up to you whether you want to remain in a relationship or proximity with this individual.
Validating someone's feelings may be possible even if you feel their actions are unfounded. For example, you can tell someone, "Your anger is valid in this situation, and I need to take a break to think more about what you've said so I can understand." If you don't need a break but want to support them in their feelings, use a reassuring tone and ask them how you can help.
Specific phrases and approaches may prove ineffective or worsen the situation. If your approaches aren't helping, ask this individual what would help them. They may know what support means to them and be able to help you help them.
Exercise compassion
Compassion can help you build a bridge between yourself and your loved one. When used in conjunction with the other skills you have learned, it can be a powerful tool against erratic behavior.
Compassion can mean genuinely caring for the person you are interacting with and wanting the best for them. Compassion often comes from the heart and with no expectations for return favors. It can involve acts of service, kind words, gifts, gentle touches, or quality time together.
Resist the urge to argue
If you disagree with someone's behavior, you might want to argue with them. However, this person may not have a rational mindset when acting erratically. Engaging in an argument with this person may make you both feel unheard.
If you feel a conversation with another person is going in circles, let them know you're upset and aren't comfortable discussing the subject at that moment. If the individual often experiences anxiety when you pull away, you might tell them you still care for them and want the best for your relationship. If they continue to try to argue, politely let them know that you are leaving the room until the situation has settled.
After you both feel more regulated, you may be able to return to the conversation. Ask them if what you said helped or made the situation worse. In addition, encourage them to confer any feedback they may have for you. Since the ins and outs of erratic behavior can be internalized and challenging to access, try to work together.
Be patient
Avoiding unpredictable behavior can be difficult for some people, including those living with a mental illness. With mental health, recovery often takes time and support. These behaviors may not have developed overnight and may not be resolved overnight, either.
Understanding how behavior impacts relationships can help you see how you and this person may be able to work through the challenges you're facing. If you're dedicated to continuing this relationship and are confident in building a healthy connection with this person, try to be patient and understanding of what this individual is experiencing.
Speak to a mental health professional about their erratic behavior
If you feel helpless or that you've hit a wall while trying to support your loved one with their behavior or emotions consider seeking support from a professional. Someone trained in the causes of unpredictable behavior may be more equipped to help. If your loved one is your partner, you may also be able to participate in couples therapy together.
For some people, unpredictable behavior can make it challenging to stick to appointments. If you relate, you might be able to try online therapy. Research shows that electronically delivered therapy is as effective as traditional face-to-face counseling, which makes it a convenient option. One study by Brigham Young University researchers found that internet-based therapy could provide benefits, including lower cost, no travel time, a straightforward approach, no waitlists, and trackable progress.
If you're seeking convenience, an online platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples might benefit you. Online counselors can treat mental health conditions and symptoms like face-to-face providers. When you connect with an online provider, you may also be able to choose the session format that works best for you, whether it's video, phone, or live chat sessions. If you're attending relationship therapy, you and your partner can attend sessions in two rooms or locations.
Takeaway
What is an example of erratic behavior?
Erratic behavior in humans and animals refers to actions or conduct that are unpredictable, irregular, and deviate from the expected or usual patterns of behavior. Individuals exhibiting erratic behavior may display inconsistency, impulsivity, or unpredictability. Here's an example to illustrate erratic behavior:
Example: Workplace Conduct
Imagine an employee named Alex who has generally been punctual, responsible, and collaborative at work. However, over the past few weeks, Alex's behavior has become erratic:
Attendance: Some days, Alex arrives early and completes tasks efficiently, but on other days, Alex is absent without prior notice or explanation.
Work Performance: Alex's work performance fluctuates. While there are days of exceptional productivity, there are also instances of incomplete or subpar work.
Communication: Alex's communication patterns are inconsistent and unclear. There are times when Alex is engaged, communicates clearly, and collaborates well with colleagues. However, on other occasions, Alex is unresponsive, avoids team interactions, and fails to communicate necessary information.
Mood Swings: Alex's mood seems to vary dramatically. Colleagues notice that Alex can be cheerful and cooperative during one interaction but irritable and confrontational in the next.
Decision-Making: Alex's decision-making appears impulsive and lacks consistency. Decisions that affect the team or projects seem to be made without a clear rationale or adherence to established processes.
Social Interactions: In social interactions, Alex's behavior becomes unpredictable. Colleagues may find it challenging to anticipate how Alex will respond or contribute to discussions.
Unexplained Changes: Without any apparent reason, Alex undergoes unexplained changes in behavior. This erratic conduct contrasts sharply with the previously established norms and expectations.
How do you manage an erratic person who doesn’t have a mental health professional?
Dealing with an erratic person can be challenging, but approaching the situation with empathy, understanding, and clear communication can be helpful. Here are some strategies to navigate interactions with an erratic individual:
Remain Calm: Stay calm and composed in your interactions. Avoid reacting emotionally to the person's erratic behavior, which may escalate the situation.
Establish Boundaries: Set clear and respectful boundaries to maintain a safe and healthy environment. Communicate and give examples of what behaviors are unacceptable and the consequences for crossing those boundaries.
Listen Actively: Listen attentively to the person's concerns, if they are willing to share. Sometimes, erratic behavior may be a result of underlying stressors or personal challenges. Understanding their perspective can be crucial.
Express Empathy: Show empathy and understanding, acknowledging that everyone goes through difficult times. Expressing empathy can create a more supportive atmosphere.
Avoid Confrontation: Avoid confrontational or aggressive approaches. Instead, focus on de-escalating the situation and finding common ground.
Seek Professional Help: If the erratic behavior poses a risk to the individual or others, consider involving a mental health professional or a supervisor. Professional intervention may be necessary to address underlying conditions.
Why do people act erratically?
Erratic behavior can stem from various factors, and it's often a complex interplay of internal and external influences. Understanding the potential reasons behind erratic behavior can help provide insights into how to address or support individuals exhibiting such conduct. Here are some common reasons why people may act erratically:
Stress: High levels of stress, whether related to work, relationships, or personal challenges, can lead to erratic behavior. Stress can affect emotional regulation and decision-making.
Mental Health Conditions: Conditions such as anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, or other mental health conditions can contribute to erratic behavior. Changes in mood, energy levels, and thought patterns may be evident.
Substance Use: The use of drugs or alcohol can impair judgment or problem-solving skills and contribute to unpredictable behavior. Substance use can exacerbate underlying mental health conditions or create new challenges.
Medical Conditions: Certain medical conditions, such as neurological disorders or hormonal imbalances, can impact behavior. It's important to consider potential physical health factors contributing to erratic conduct and emotional problems.
Trauma and Past Experiences: Individuals who have experienced trauma or challenging life events may exhibit erratic behavior as a coping mechanism. Trauma can affect emotional regulation and interpersonal relationships.
Are bipolar people erratic?
Bipolar disorder is a mental health condition characterized by extreme mood swings, including episodes of mania (elevated mood, increased energy) and depression. While individuals with bipolar disorder may experience erratic behavior during certain phases of the illness, it may be important to note that the term "erratic" may oversimplify the complexity of this condition.
During manic episodes, individuals with bipolar disorder may indeed display behaviors that can be considered erratic. These behaviors may include:
Impulsivity: During manic phases, individuals may engage in impulsive behaviors, such as excessive spending, risky sexual behavior, or substance use.
Increased Energy: Manic episodes are often associated with heightened energy levels, leading to increased activity, talkativeness, and a reduced need for sleep.
Grandiosity: Individuals experiencing mania may have an inflated sense of self-esteem, confidence, or grandiosity. They may undertake unrealistic projects or believe they have special powers.
Rapid Speech and Thoughts: Manic episodes can be characterized by rapid speech, racing thoughts, and an inability to focus on one topic.
Erratic behavior is not the only characteristic of bipolar disorder. The condition, by definition, also includes depressive episodes, during which individuals may experience symptoms such as persistent sadness, loss of interest in activities, fatigue, and changes in sleep and appetite. Bipolar disorder may be treated by a combination of psychotherapy in the form of cognitive behavioral therapy and medication.
Is erratic behavior a symptom of schizophrenia?
Erratic behavior can be observed in individuals with schizophrenia, particularly during certain phases or manifestations of the illness. Schizophrenia is a serious mental health disorder characterized by a range of symptoms that affect thinking, emotions, and behavior. While erratic behavior is not a specific symptom of schizophrenia, the disorder may contribute to behaviors that appear unpredictable or unusual.
What does it mean to act erratic or have erratic behavior?
To act erratic means to display behavior that is unpredictable, irregular, or inconsistent with the expected or usual patterns. Erratic behavior is characterized by actions that deviate from what is considered normal, stable, or customary. Individuals exhibiting erratic behavior may demonstrate inconsistency, impulsiveness, or unpredictability in their actions, reactions, or decisions. Erratic behavior may impact an individual at school or their job and it may be difficult to function in the world.
How do you know if someone is experiencing emotional instability?
Identifying emotional instability in someone may involve observing patterns of behavior, recognizing changes in mood or emotional states, and paying attention to how the person copes with stressors. Emotional instability can be indicative of various factors, including mental health conditions, life stressors, or interpersonal challenges. Here are some signs that someone may be emotionally unstable:
Frequent Mood Swings: Rapid and extreme changes in mood, where the person goes from happy to sad, or calm to angry, without apparent reason.
Intense Emotional Reactions: Reacting disproportionately to situations with intense emotions, such as extreme anger, sadness, or anxiety, that seem out of proportion to the trigger.
Difficulty Regulating Emotions: Struggling to manage and regulate emotions, leading to emotional outbursts, impulsive behavior, or difficulty calming down after an emotional event.
Unpredictable Behavior: Engaging in unpredictable or inconsistent behavior that is not aligned with the person's usual patterns or societal norms.
Impulsivity: Acting on impulses without considering the consequences, which may manifest in impulsive decision-making, risky behaviors, or sudden changes in plans.
What causes someone to be emotionally unstable?
Emotional instability can be caused by a variety of factors, and it often results from a complex interplay of biological, psychological, and environmental influences. Understanding the potential causes of emotional instability can provide insights into how to address and manage this condition. Here are some common factors or circumstances associated with emotional instability:
Genetics and Biological Factors: Genetic predispositions and underlying neurological or biochemical imbalances may contribute to emotional instability. Individuals with a family history of mood disorders or mental health conditions may be more vulnerable.
Brain Chemistry: Imbalances in neurotransmitters, such as serotonin and dopamine, can impact mood regulation and contribute to emotional instability. Changes in brain chemistry are often associated with mood disorders like depression or bipolar disorder.
Childhood Trauma: Experiencing trauma during childhood, such as abuse, neglect, or significant loss, can have lasting effects on emotional regulation and contribute to emotional instability in adulthood.
Personality Disorders: Certain personality disorders, such as borderline personality disorder (BPD), are characterized by emotional dysregulation. Individuals with these disorders may struggle to manage intense emotions, leading to instability.
Mood Disorders: Conditions like major depressive disorder or bipolar disorder can manifest with emotional instability. Mood swings, intense emotions, and difficulties regulating mood are common symptoms.
Chronic Stress: Persistent exposure to chronic stressors, such as work-related stress, financial difficulties, or ongoing interpersonal conflicts, can contribute to emotional instability over time.
Substance Use: Substance use or addiction can alter brain function and contribute to mood instability. Drugs or alcohol may provide temporary relief from emotional distress but exacerbate emotional instability in the long run.
Can you be with someone who is emotionally unstable?
Being in a relationship with someone who is emotionally unstable can be challenging, but it is not impossible. It depends on various factors, including the severity of the emotional instability, the willingness of the individual to seek help and work on themselves, and the level of support and understanding within the relationship. However, if the emotional instability poses a risk to the well-being of either partner, seeking professional advice and considering the overall health of the relationship may be important. Each situation is unique, and decisions about the relationship should be made with careful consideration and, when necessary, consultation with mental health professionals.
How do you calm down a person who is experiencing instability?
Calmly and effectively managing a situation with an emotionally unstable person requires a compassionate and understanding approach. Here are some strategies that may help:
Stay Calm Yourself: Maintain your composure. Remaining calm can help de-escalate the situation and provide a stable presence for the person.
Speak in a Calm Tone: Use a calm and gentle tone. Avoid raising your voice or sounding confrontational, as this can exacerbate the person's emotional state.
Listen Actively: Practice active listening. Let the person express their feelings and concerns without interruption. Show empathy and validate their emotions.
Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge the person's feelings and let them know that you understand. Validation can help the person feel heard and supported.
Offer Reassurance: Reassure the person that you are there to support them. Offer words of comfort and let them know that their feelings are valid.
Avoid Judgment: Refrain from making judgmental or critical statements. Criticism can escalate the situation and increase feelings of distress.
Use Non-Threatening Body Language: Maintain open and non-threatening body language. Avoid crossing your arms or displaying aggressive postures.
Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage the person to share more about what they're experiencing by asking open-ended questions. This can help them express themselves and may facilitate problem-solving.
Offer Space if Needed: Respect the person's need for space. If they express a desire to be alone, allow them to step away temporarily.
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