How To Interact With Someone Experiencing Bipolar Anger And Rage

Living with bipolar disorder can present unique sets of challenges, including difficulties around mood control. However, the symptoms of bipolar disorder don’t just affect those who experience this mental health condition—they can also affect their friends and loved ones. If you feel overwhelmed or hurt after trying to communicate with your partner after bipolar-related outbursts and anger, you’re not alone. There are many different strategies you can try that can benefit everyone in the relationship. Read on to learn more.

Bipolar disorder – Overview of the mental health condition

Bipolar disorder (BD) is considered by many to be a complex disorder that generally requires a doctor’s diagnosis to confirm. A person with bipolar disorder will typically experience extreme shifts in mood and behavior, among other symptoms. These mood swings can occur without warning and may severely impact an individual’s life.

Unpredictable, risky, or irrational behavior patterns can make it difficult for people with bipolar disorder to carry out day-to-day tasks. Those patterns may also affect the individual’s energy and activity levels. People experiencing the symptoms of bipolar disorder often go through polar opposite phases, meaning they’re either “up” (during a manic episode) or “down” (during a depressive episode) in mood or behavior. This can be unpleasant for them, and also for those in their immediate relationships or social circles.

During the “up” times, people living with bipolar disorder may be full of energy. They may even appear to be “overly happy” and easily excited. On the flip side, the “down” times come with extreme lethargy, apathy and anger. Psychologists may refer to these “lows” as depressive episodes. 

How do bipolar symptoms lead to anger?

Bipolar disorder-related anger may not appear as many might assume. Like happiness and sadness, anger can be a natural reaction to meaningful or upsetting experiences for most. However, bipolar disorder-related anger can be different from traditional presentations of anger or frustration, as it may not always be caused by external events and can be less easily controlled.

Stress and irritability frequently arise out of episodes of both mania and depression. These feelings can be exacerbated by other bipolar disorder symptoms like trouble sleeping or irrational thoughts. In this context, frustration around seemingly small things can trigger a big reaction. This could manifest differently for everyone, often taking the form of an angry outburst or internalized frustration. This tension can cause communication difficulties across a range of relationships. 

If you feel as if you’re on the receiving end of bipolar disorder-related anger, it can be helpful to remember that your loved one may even recognize that their anger is unwarranted. The intense emotions a person with bipolar disorder can be experiencing could still feel difficult to control, especially during a depressive episode. 

After establishing this understanding, many find it easier to pursue alternative means of resolution and support—positively impacting the person who lives with the condition and others who may be a part of their social circles and family. 

Exploring the impact of bipolar disorder-related anger

While it can be helpful to recognize that anger management can feel more difficult for those living with the condition in certain contexts, it can be equally important to validate your own experience as the recipient of an anger outburst. This first step can be an important one, possibly laying groundwork for a more authentic, empathetic and intimate connection between you and the other person (or people) in the relationship. 

After you acknowledge the pain you may have experienced, it can be helpful to get a clear understanding of what the person living with bipolar disorder may be experiencing during “lows” or times of intense anger. Many might experience intense feelings of guilt or overwhelm, and they may turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms to get by in these seasons. Some of these mechanisms can include: 

Substance use

A substance use disorder can start with small urges to drink for many, such as wanting or “needing” a glass of wine at the end of a bad day. While drinking alcohol in moderation can be fine, using it to cope with a mental health condition or rocky relationship can lead to addiction-aligned behaviors later on.

Circumstances can become even harder to manage as well. If you or a loved one has turned to drugs or alcohol to cope, consider seeking help through the American Addiction Centers.

Detachment

Disconnecting with the people and things you love can be a common coping disorder for those living with a mental health condition like bipolar disorder, as they may wish to spare their loved ones from mood fluctuations and related symptoms. 

If you believe that your relationship has been affected by detachment or similar defense mechanisms, couples therapy can help. Communication changes, intimacy exercises, and other supportive strategies can foster an environment that can promote reconnection and closeness.

Overcompensation 

Overcompensation can occur when a loved one living with the condition feels guilty and attempts to “win” back the other’s affection through material means. While this can make some feel better temporarily, it can cause more problems and stress in the long term. It can also undermine other more authentic forms of intimacy and connection. 

Financial counselors and therapists can help couples break out of overcompensation patterns if they are present, instead redirecting individuals in the relationship to different methods of connection. 

Nine tips for interacting with someone who experiences bipolar disorder-related anger

Interacting with someone who experiences the symptoms of bipolar anger can be challenging. It can be helpful to practice some healthy coping skills to avoid common pitfalls to ensure that individuals in the relationship have the highest quality of life possible over time. 

Here are nine helpful strategies to consider the next time you’re interacting with someone who might be experiencing bipolar disorder-related anger:

1. Foster accountability

It can help to let the person know how their angry outbursts make you feel. They may not be aware that they are coming off angrily, or they may need the reminder to change how they are acting in order to safeguard the relationship. Doing this doesn’t have to include threats or aggression. Instead, you can simply let them know that you don’t appreciate how you are being treated—asking them to choose other, more effective methods of communication. 

2. Guard boundaries

When you and a loved one with bipolar disorder set clear boundaries, both of you can better understand which behaviors are acceptable and which are not. You deserve to feel cherished and loved in your relationships. We want to encourage you to avoid becoming complacent or easily persuaded to change your boundaries as a result of anger you might observe or experience from a loved one with bipolar disorder. A therapist can help you to create, maintain and restate boundaries as needed. 

3. Stay cool and calm 

Both you and your partner(s) can benefit when behaviors are responded to in a kind, calm way. In fact, you may encourage civil discourse and de-escalate the situation by doing so. If you or your loved one are angry, consider waiting until these feelings have subsided to address the conflict. This can help you both communicate effectively, avoid exacerbating stressful situations, and feel heard.  

4. Engage with positivity

It can be helpful to avoid being discouraging or overly critical of their condition, instead choosing to respond in kindness (or avoiding a response until both parties are calm enough to communicate calmly).

5. Be (proactively) encouraging

If you’re looking to establish yourself as a “safe place” for your partner, it can be helpful to offer proactive, consistent encouragement. If your partner’s anger comes from a place of insecurity or fear, this can be especially impactful. 

6. Redirect outbursts

If your partner is in a place of anger, it can be helpful to find a way to distract them and redirect their attention elsewhere. You and your partner can determine what these types of distractions will be ahead of time, keeping these strategies in mind during times of anger. 

7. Avoid triggers

It can be helpful to learn what bothers or triggers anger in your partner, avoiding these triggers when possible. Couples therapy can be a helpful place to begin identifying and working through these possible trigger points. Understanding how certain situations can cause or worsen anger may help you both stay calm and alleviate tension in your relationship. 

8. Practice self-care

Taking care of your own physical and mental health can help during times of tension with your partner. It has also been linked to higher levels of resilience and adaptability in the face of hardship, guarding your quality of life as a whole. 

9. Discuss family or couples counseling

Mental health treatment that involves other family members can help an individual with bipolar disorder and their loved ones improve communication, set boundaries, and avoid arguing. It can be an emotional topic to approach, so many choose to bring it up gently and talk about the pros and cons rather than making it an ultimatum.

Online therapy for bipolar disorder: How can it help? 

Therapy can be a recommended supportive strategy for those living with bipolar disorder, as well as their loved ones. However, many may object based on the stigma that can surround therapy and mental health care. 

For example, some may feel guilty about discussing a loved one’s symptoms in a traditional in-person therapy setting. Additionally, a clinical environment like a therapist’s office could make counseling seem even more intimidating. Online therapy can provide a more comfortable route to treatment for many, allowing them to seek support from their home or a secondary safe place. 

Science generally supports the use of online therapy to support those who live with bipolar disorder. A recent study found online mindfulness-based therapy to be both effective and feasible for individuals with late-stage bipolar disorder. Results showed significant improvements overall, specifically in those who sought treatment for at least three weeks.