How To Figure Out If A Guy Likes You

Some body language is obvious in its execution: If you touch your hair a lot, you are likely grooming yourself. If you lean in toward someone while they are talking, chances are you’re interested in what they have to say. If you take steps to back away from someone, you’re usually trying to create distance. Many body language cues are straightforward, easy to detect, and simple to understand. 

However, there are several different meanings that can be associated with certain kinds of cues, especially based on the context of the behavior. The people involved can also alter what body language might mean. How, then, does body language play a role in attraction, and can it be a way to answer to how to determine if a guy (or someone else) likes you?

What is body language?

"Body language" refers to any communication that does not involve verbal indicators. It can mean broad movements, such as crossing your arms or moving away from someone. It can also refer to even smaller movements that are much harder to detect, such as flaring your nostrils or raising a single eyebrow. All of these large and small expressions come together to create a person's body language. Oftentimes a dating coach will use these sorts of indicators as signs to help clients understand interactions with people they are interested in romantically.

Body language is a powerful thing, as it can clue you into a person's feelings, motives, and thoughts, even when none of them have been spoken aloud. Body language can be used in relationships of all kinds, from those with a new partner to your work and familial relationships. It can help unravel hidden feelings, such as the anger of a coworker or the guilt of a spouse. It can help you determine how other people are feeling about you or a situation without ever having to ask. Often, when you spend time with someone on a regular basis, you can get a better feel for their body language.

It is good to note, though, that although there are some broad generalizations regarding body language, not all indicators are identical across people and people groups. Therefore, body language should not be taken as a hard and fast rule. Instead, body language functions as a supplementary tool when trying to determine what people are thinking, feeling, and experiencing. It should always be used in context rather than as a definitive reason for assigning feelings to someone else. Body language can be used to set yourself at ease in a relationship or may be used to unsettle you in a situation in which you would otherwise be unaware of tension.

Body language is a typical social engagement and is likely to be difficult for people who have challenges reading nonverbal cues, such as those with social anxiety disorder or autism spectrum disorder. These nonverbal cues can be hard to determine when social interactions are already tricky to navigate. Body language discernment can be learned and is often a part of therapy within these disorders. Still, there is some element of intuition involved both in putting forth your body language and in evaluating others’.

Body language and attraction

Signs they like you

In addition to these signs, though, there are often more subtle signs that a man is interested. When men are interested, their nostrils often flare, and their eyebrows quirk up. They may seem to touch their faces or bodies more often than usual. Nostrils typically flare to take in more air and, consequently, more of your scent. The eyebrows lift for a similar reason in that the eyes are trying to grow wider to take more in. These subtle ways guys act when they talk to you can be a good sign that a guy is paying attention and may be interested on a personal level. 

Touching the face and body more may come for two reasons: One might indicate more grooming and expressing masculinity, as is the case in a man who strokes their chin, touches their hair, or rubs their hands together. Touching the body more can also indicate nervousness. They might rub their palms against their pants to wick away sweat, or they may tuck their arms and elbows in tightly to hide underarm sweat.

Moving toward you and filling up more space may also indicate that a man is interested in you. When men puff up and try to take up more space, they are often unconsciously trying to demonstrate dominance in the situation and show that they are strong and masculine. This has been dubbed "manspreading," and is most often seen when a guy is sitting: men may lay their arms across the back of a couch and spread their knees, taking up almost double the amount of space they need.

Body language and behavior

Body language can be an invaluable tool for anyone hoping to understand human behavior. Body language is often the unconscious, unfiltered version of a person's experience. It can be used to determine what someone is feeling in situations when they are unwilling to be forthright or have not yet explained their behavior. People often look at others’ body language to determine whether there are signs a guy like them.

Although it cannot be relied upon entirely as the sole proof of someone's affection for you, it can certainly lend insight into a situation and set your mind at ease if you are uncertain about how someone feels toward you. There are several predictors of a man's interest, and signs he likes you can include eye contact, their body with regard to yours in space, physical touch, and subtle indications, such as flared nostrils and open lips. Using these small clues, you may be able to determine whether or not the object of your affection is giving you undivided attention, and whether they are similarly interested.

Body language is best used as a supplementary sign to tell if a guy likes you. Notice if he initiates conversation, and spends a lot of time talking with you. Another classic sign is that they try to spend time one-on-one with you. You might also consider the way they interact with you on social media, if applicable. This type of behavior alongside body language clues like prolonged eye contact may be a fairly good indicator of romantic interest and positive feelings toward you.

Is body language inherent?

To a large degree, yes. Body language is primarily an unconscious form of communication, particularly where attraction is concerned. Although many people work hard to mask their emotions by making their faces inscrutable, the smaller indications of attraction, such as flared nostrils, fidgeting, and even a slight lift of the eyebrows are harder to keep under control. These subtle signs a guy likes you may peek through despite careful machinations designed to keep any indicators of emotion under wraps.

Body language can be particularly difficult to hide when intense emotions are involved. For instance, you might bare your teeth, flare your nostrils, or clench your fists when you are extremely angry. On the other hand, you might break into a wide smile and flush when you are particularly pleased. These gestures may be corrected after they have already been put forth, but avoiding them altogether is often difficult, if not downright impossible. This can be why body language is often a good sign of your internal state.

Can you manipulate body language?

Although it is certainly possible to create specific cues to demonstrate a particular intent or hint at something, most body language is unintentional and subconscious in its delivery. Determining attraction and meaning through body language is an art, a science, and a largely subjective domain that often takes time to learn.

Body language is far more likely to be manipulated if you are working to achieve something. In business, for instance, you can make a conscious effort to square your shoulders, smile, and step toward a broker of a large deal to make yourself seem more engaging or confident. In romance, you might make a concerted effort to resist the urge to wipe sweating palms on your pants. You might even lift your chest and stand firm to indicate to someone that you are interested and are not going anywhere.

While body language can, to some degree, be manipulated, there are still likely to be indicators of how you are feeling or what you are seeking in the smaller gestures, including the way your eyes look, whether you fidget, and how you hold your mouth. Even a small sign, like eye contact, can hold meaning.

How reliable is body language?

Body language can be a reliable means of determining what people are thinking and feeling provided that it is evaluated in context with other indicators. If someone is outright awful to you (i.e., treating you like less than nothing, mocking you, or being otherwise cruel), but their body language indicates they are interested, it is often wiser to follow their verbal language instead of their bodily expressions. While they might be interested, entering a relationship with someone who feels it is appropriate to treat others this way could set you up for a difficult situation.

Body language can also be interpreted in multiple ways: If someone is fidgety, sweaty, and uncomfortable, it could be because they like you and feel extremely nervous and on edge in your presence. For other guys, though, it could be that they sincerely dislike you, feel uncomfortable, and are eager to conclude the interaction. If a man's nostrils flare, it can indicate that they are interested in you and are trying to take in more of your natural scent. Or it could mean that they are angry and defensive. Many of the potential signs a guy likes you can be interpreted in multiple ways.

Although body language is incredible for the insight it can provide into others' experiences, beliefs, and feelings, it can also be interpreted in a multitude of ways, especially across cultures. This is why body language should never be used as the sole source of proof that someone is interested in you. Instead, body language should be evaluated alongside actual verbal communication and behavior.

Online therapy with BetterHelp

It’s possible that you have difficulty understanding body language or find yourself using cues that are not in line with how you are feeling. If this is your experience, know that you can learn and develop the skills you need to express yourself more clearly and effectively. An online BetterHelp therapist can work with you to teach you how to use your own body language to show what you’re thinking and feeling. They can also work as a sort of relationship coach, to help you understand the best ways to communicate or initiate physical contact with someone you are interested in. 

A therapist may be able to help you learn how to read the body language of others or how to align your own body language to get across the messages you desire to. This may be particularly useful in the case of people with social anxiety disorder, autism spectrum disorder, or even someone having trouble being assertive. When you’re struggling with these issues, it may be difficult to confide in others who are not having the same problems. 

The effectiveness of online therapy

Online therapy can be a viable option for those wanting a non-traditional approach to mental health treatment. In a study of 26 participants receiving online and in-person cognitive behavioral therapy to treat symptoms of anxiety, stress, and low quality of life, results showed that online therapy was comparable to traditional therapy. Online cognitive behavioral therapy was also shown to significantly reduce symptoms of depression. CBT is a type of therapy that works by changing negative thoughts and behaviors into more positive ones.