How To Read Body Language: Understanding Social Cues
Verbal communication is often an essential social tool, but not everyone utilizes it the same way. However, many people use body language to communicate. Before ancient ancestors had the means to use complex language to express themselves, the ability to use gestures and actions to communicate with others was crucial.
Learning to interpret body language can help you connect with others without saying a word if it is correctly communicated and understood. You can take a few steps to improve your ability to read body language, and support options are available if you struggle to do so.
How to read body language: Tips for interpreting nonverbal communication
It may be helpful to keep the following tips in mind to understand what people are attempting to communicate with their body language.
Look at context in nonverbal communication
A part of understanding someone's body language may involve the context of the situation they're in. For instance, someone fidgeting and wringing their hands at a family gathering may be experiencing a different emotion than someone fidgeting before a major presentation. When you're familiar with what a behavior itself may indicate, like nervousness, it can be helpful to understand where it may stem from.
If you're on a date with someone and they are fidgeting, they might be nervous in a positive way, wanting to impress you. However, suppose you are having a conversation with someone about breaking up, and they are fidgeting. In that case, they may be nervous about the end of the relationship or uncomfortable with the vulnerable topic of conversation.
Start with the head: How to read body language
Facial expressions can be an essential clue into whether someone's words and feelings align. Many people use facial expressions like smiles and frowns to communicate their emotions from birth, suggesting that some level of body language may be inherent to human behavior rather than learned.
When you're trying to gauge how someone feels, look at their face. Pay attention to their mouth, eyes, and eyebrows to look for signs of happiness, stress, fear, anger, and other emotions. Even if you struggle to interpret facial expressions and other bodily cues, manually teaching yourself to make and understand observations can be possible.
For example, you can learn that full cheeks, upturned corners of the lips, and wrinkled eyes can indicate happiness. When looking for happiness in those you care about, look for these signs, even if you might not spot them immediately.
The power of eye contact
You may have heard the phrase, "The eyes are the window to the soul." Eye contact can help you gauge how someone feels, how sincere they are, and whether they're interested in you. Making eye contact can boost your connection with others, convey a sense of safety, and help you identify when your communication may be aggressive or communicating the wrong message.
One area of the eyes that cannot be faked is pupil dilation. When stressed, your pupils may naturally dilate as part of the body's stress response. Blinking frequently can also subconsciously occur. In this way, the eyes may be a clue about a person's true thoughts or feelings that are not susceptible to manipulation.
Note that some people may struggle to make eye contact and do not perceive eye contact in the same way as others. For example, neurodivergent and autistic individuals or people living with social anxiety disorder may avoid eye contact due to discomfort. Studies have found that forcing autistic children or adults to make eye contact can worsen their cognitive function and may not assist them in social interaction like it assists neurotypical individuals. For this reason, using eye contact as the only way to determine someone's confidence, kindness, or trustworthiness can be unreliable.
Consider the arms
In difficult situations, people may cross their arms or adopt defensive poses. Defensiveness may involve tense muscles, turning away from others, and crossing the arms in front of the body. By keeping these postures, individuals can physically place their arms between themselves and the person or situation causing discomfort. Likewise, hands on the waist or hips may indicate a person is uneasy or defensive, especially if other cues like furrowed brows and pursed lips are present.
Look at the legs
Some people may not pay much attention to their legs or feet, especially when communicating. The subconscious mind can prepare an individual to react to a situation as it happens by allowing them to grow closer to or distance themselves from another person. For instance, when a situation is uncomfortable, your subconscious may prepare you for "fight or flight" by changing your posture.
If you're speaking to someone you like about a topic that makes you happy, you may notice your toes point toward the person you're talking to. In contrast, when you're ready to leave, one or both of your feet may start to point away. Similarly, when you're sitting and talking with someone, you may cross your legs away from them if you're uncomfortable or don't like the conversation.
Consider quirks and habits
While the above cues are common, every person's body language can be nuanced. For example, someone may only be comfortable crossing their legs to the left because of a bad knee, and this behavior may not be accurate enough on its own to allow you to gauge their feelings or thoughts.
When interpreting the meaning behind body language, it may sometimes be more productive to focus on learning to trust your gut feelings rather than trying to determine the precise meaning behind an observation. If you believe someone is uneasy, uncomfortable, stressed, angry, or otherwise in a place where communication might be tricky, it may be healthiest to assume you are correct.
Gut instincts and communication
For some, a "gut instinct" may be incorrect. Struggling to read bodily cues and understand how they function as a form of communication can be a sign of a mental health condition or neurodivergence, and it can also stem from a lack of positive communication throughout life. In these cases, you can ask others how they feel, what they're thinking, or how you can best support them.
How to find support for reading body language
Body language may not be an exact science. Therefore, relying on general trends in body language as a guide for communicating with others can lead you to misunderstand who someone else is or what they feel. Body language can be a tool and a secondary form of input that helps you navigate social situations. However, it may not be the only way to get to know someone at first glance.
Online therapy for social skills and body language
If you struggle to read body language but aren't sure you have the time or finances for in-person therapy, online platforms like BetterHelp offer flexible treatment options, and you don't need to be diagnosed with a mental illness to receive support. You can connect with a provider to discuss socialization and body language from home and choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions.
In addition, online therapy has been proven effective for many clients. One study surveyed individuals trying online therapy for several mental health conditions and challenges. 71% of participants found online therapy more effective than in-person options, while 100% found online therapy more convenient.
Takeaway
How do you read a person's body language?
Interpreting body language cues isn't an exact science, and it's essential to consider context and individual differences. A gesture or expression can't tell you a person's exact thoughts. They might mean different things in different cultures or circumstances. This is why it's vital to practice observation and, if possible, use it as a tool to complement your understanding of someone's emotions or intentions rather than making definitive judgments.
With that in mind, here are a few tips that may be helpful in reading a person's body language:
Facial Expressions
Pay attention to facial movements, like smiles, frowns, raised eyebrows, or squinted eyes. These often convey emotions or reactions. For example, raised eyebrows signal discomfort for some people. For others, a clenched jaw signals stress. Usually, genuine smiles reach the eyes and may create crow's feet.
It's critical to note, however, that current research suggests that facial expressions can be easily misinterpreted. For example, a person may scowl when angry— but they may also scowl when concentrating. Context and circumstances should always be considered.
Postures And Gestures
Notice how someone is sitting or standing. A relaxed posture might indicate comfort, while crossed arms or fidgeting might suggest discomfort or defensiveness. Sometimes, crossed arms or legs signal resistance or create physical barriers. Gestures like pointing, nodding, or hand movements can be telling.
Eye Contact
The amount and type of eye contact someone makes can reveal interest, confidence, or even deceit— but it's crucial to consider cultural differences. For example, a person may deliberately hold someone's gaze if they're attracted to them or interested in what they have to say. However, in some cultures, it's considered disrespectful to deliberately hold eye contact.
Consistency
Look for consistency between verbal and non-verbal cues. If someone says they're fine, but their tone of voice or body language tells otherwise, there might be more to the situation.
What are the four types of body language?
While there are many types of body language, the following four may be the most impactful on how we present ourselves and communicate with others nonverbally:
- Eye Contact— How we control the muscles around our eyes or look at one another can send clear signals about our thoughts. For example, raising our eyebrows can indicate surprise, or holding someone's gaze may show romantic interest. Giving someone the "side eye" may tell them you're dubious or even annoyed.
- Facial Expressions—In many cases, spontaneous facial expressions can communicate our thoughts and feelings more effectively than words.
- Body Movements And Gestures— Movement and gesture can capture attention, influence other people's perceptions of our intent, and even affect how we feel about ourselves.
- Touch— In addition to body movement and gestures, touch can be used to communicate feelings and intentions.
How do you read body language to know if someone likes you?
Body language can provide clues about whether someone is interested in you, but it's just one part of the bigger picture. Here are a few signals that might suggest someone is interested:
- Sustained eye contact or dilation of pupils can indicate interest or attraction.
- Facial expressions including genuine smiles (especially those that reach the eyes), raised eyebrows, or flared nostrils, may be clues that someone likes you. Mirroring your facial expressions is also a sign.
- Leaning in, facing towards you, or orienting their body in your direction can suggest they're engaged and interested in what you're saying.
- Light, casual touches—like a brush on the arm or a pat on the back— can signify attraction and send the message that they'd like to be closer to you.
- Mirroring body language like your gestures or posture may indicate a connection.
What can someone's eye contact and body language tell you?
When read carefully, someone's body language can convey thoughts, opinions, emotions, and feelings. However, these cues often vary based on individual personalities, cultural differences, and situations. Sometimes, nervousness or shyness can also impact body language, making it more challenging to interpret.
Always consider the context and the person's overall behavior rather than relying solely on individual gestures. Confidence, openness, and direct communication are often the most reliable ways to understand someone.
What are some examples of bad body language?
"Bad" body language can inadvertently convey disinterest, discomfort, or even hostility. As in any case, body language can be easily misinterpreted— but that's especially true if we have preconceived notions about them. If you think an individual's body language is negative, it's essential to consider the context and the individual's baseline behavior. Sometimes, people exhibit these signs due to stress, fatigue, or other factors unrelated to their feelings about you or the situation.
Here are a few examples:
- Excessive avoidance of eye contact might indicate discomfort or disinterest in the conversation or the person you're speaking with. Or it may signal respect in some Asian, African, and Latin American cultures.
- Closed-off body positions like crossing arms or legs can signal defensiveness or a desire to create distance. But some people are taught that sitting with your legs crossed is polite. Someone may cross their arms over their chest because they're cold.
- Continuously glancing at a watch or phone can signal boredom or a lack of interest in the current interaction. Or it may signal they're late for something or expecting an important call.
- Depending on culture and personal preference, invading personal space or standing too far away can make the other person uncomfortable, signaling a lack of awareness or respect for boundaries.
- Physically turning the body away or facing toward an exit can indicate a desire to end the conversation or leave the situation. Or it can mean the person is self-conscious they may have forgotten to brush their teeth that morning.
What are the seven types of body language?
There isn't an exact consensus on a fixed categorization of body language, but broadly speaking, body language can be broken down into several types based on the signals they convey:
- Facial expressions including smiles, frowns, raised eyebrows, squinting, and various movements of the eyes and mouth.
- Gestures such as hand movements, arm positions, pointing, waving, thumbs-up, and handshakes are examples of body language. The meaning and purpose of these gestures can vary significantly across cultures.
- Posture— whether standing, sitting, or leaning— can convey confidence, openness, or defensiveness. Posture includes things like slouching, sitting upright, or leaning in.
- How someone uses their eyes to engage or disengage in a conversation can be significant. Maintaining eye contact, breaking it, or shifting gaze can all communicate different things.
- Touch is a powerful form of non-verbal communication. It can include handshakes, hugs, pats on the back, or even just a light touch on the arm. The level of intimacy and comfort with someone often determines the type of touch.
- Different cultures have different norms about proxemics (personal space), and how close someone stands or sits by you can convey their comfort level or relationship dynamics.
- While not strictly body language, the tone of voice, pitch, speed of speech, and other vocal cues are essential in communication. They often complement or contradict the verbal message.
What are the three Cs of body language?
The "Three Cs" of body language refer to three critical aspects often considered when analyzing or understanding non-verbal communication. They may provide a deeper understanding of non-verbal cues and their implications:
Clusters
Clusters involve looking at groups or clusters of body language signals rather than isolated gestures. Observing multiple cues simultaneously—facial expressions, gestures, posture, and more—makes it easier to interpret someone's feelings or attitudes accurately. A single gesture might not convey much, but combining it with other cues can provide a clearer picture.
Context
Context is crucial in understanding body language. The same gesture or expression can mean different things in different situations or cultural contexts. Understanding the environment, the relationship between individuals, and the broader circumstances helps accurately interpret body language. For example— one may assume it's such common knowledge that avoiding eye contact signals disrespect— but sustained eye contact is considered rude in some countries.
Congruence
Congruence refers to the alignment or consistency between different forms of communication—verbal, non-verbal, and emotional. When someone's verbal message aligns with their body language, it's considered congruent. For example, an easy, open stance with comfortable eye contact is congruent with a relaxed casual conversation.
Incongruence occurs when there's a mismatch between what is said and what the body language suggests. For example, a closed stance with little or no eye contact may indicate discomfort, even if the verbal communication reflects a pleasant conversation.
Paying attention to congruence helps in understanding the genuine feelings or intentions behind communication.
What is a nervous body language for a female?
Nervous body language can manifest differently in individuals, regardless of gender. However, some common signs of nervousness in females might include:
- Fidgeting, tapping fingers, or shifting weight from one foot to another could indicate nervous energy.
- Looking away frequently or avoiding direct eye contact might suggest discomfort or nervousness.
- Crossing arms, hunching shoulders, or creating barriers with objects (like holding a bag in front of the body) could signal a desire to make distance or a sense of safety.
- Adjusting her hair and clothes or repeatedly checking the mirror may signify nervousness or self-consciousness.
- Increased sweating, especially in the palms or forehead, can be a physical indicator of nervousness.
What does defensive body language look like?
Defensive body language is often a natural response to perceived stress in various situations, such as feeling criticized, threatened, or uncomfortable. It typically involves postures or gestures that signal a person's desire to safeguard themselves emotionally or physically.
For example, crossed arms, hunching the shoulders, or leaning away from someone may signify defensiveness. Gripping onto objects tightly or clenching fists or jaw muscles might indicate tension and defensiveness.
Avoiding direct eye contact or creating physical distance by taking a step back or shifting away from someone may be a way of safeguarding oneself from confrontation or perceived threats. Sometimes, when feeling defensive or threatened, a person might freeze momentarily, almost like they're bracing for something.
Facial expressions like a tightened jaw, narrowed eyes, or a tense or forced smile might suggest defensiveness or discomfort.
What body language shows a man is attracted to you?
Men and women often use similar body language cues when showing interest or attraction. These may include sustained eye contact, smiling (genuinely), and mirroring your facial expressions. Physical gestures like leaning into or facing towards you in conversation or brushing your arm can indicate they'd like to be closer to you and might mirror body language and gestures.
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