How Christian Premarital Counseling Can Help Engaged Couples
Christian premarital counseling can play an important role in the lives of Christian couples who are engaged to be married. A common tradition in many faith-based communities, premarital counseling may help couples prepare for some of the challenges of marriage and learn communication strategies that could serve them well during future times of conflict. It may also help them plan ways to cultivate a strong spiritual and faith connection in their relationship. Here, we’ll explore Christian premarital counseling, its role in the lives of Christian couples, and ways for partners to get support, regardless of the stage of their relationship.
What is Christian premarital counseling?
Who provides Christian premarital counseling?
Christian premarital counseling is often provided by a pastor or leader in a church community. Many pastors undergo some type of training in helping couples prepare for a healthy marriage. This training may take place as part of a program at a Bible college or seminary. This type of counselor might also obtain a master’s degree in ministry with a counseling emphasis. In other words, the training and educational background of a pastor or minister in a church may vary widely.
Some licensed marriage and family therapists may also provide Christian premarital counseling. These professionals usually have a bachelor’s and master’s degree in psychology or a related field and a certain number of practice hours, and they typically must be accredited to practice in their state. Christian marriage and family therapists may also pursue specific additional certifications to practice therapy that integrates this faith tradition.
How is premarital counseling different from marriage counseling?
Premarital counseling tends to be different from Christian marriage counseling in that the former typically focuses on preparation for a successful marriage. Traditional Christian marriage counseling, in contrast, tends to focus on helping couples resolve conflicts and navigate difficult life changes. A licensed Christian counselor may provide one or both types of counseling to clients.
What happens during Christian premarital counseling sessions?
Christian premarital counseling sessions may vary in format according to the counselor. However, there tend to be some common elements across sessions. First, in many cases, the counselor may open a session by leading the couple in prayer, followed by reading a passage of scripture together.
The counselor may then take some time to get to know each participant and give them the opportunity to discuss their personal testimony of Christian faith. This may include when they came to believe and how they’re involved in the church. A counselor may then ask about what brings them to therapy and what they’re interested in focusing on.
In some cases, Christian premarital counseling may also involve a discussion of physical intimacy. This part of counseling may prepare couples for some of the common challenges surrounding sex in a marriage. A Christian premarital counselor might also offer advice about how to avoid temptation and preserve intimacy within marriage.
Topics covered in premarital therapy: communication skills, long-term goals, and more
In general, premarital counseling can take whatever form the couple needs it to. That said, this type of support often involves covering a couple of key topics, such as the following.
Communication skills
A Christian premarital counselor often focuses on helping an engaged couple develop or sharpen healthy communication skills. Examples may include:
- Building conflict resolution skills for times when couples have to navigate difficult conversations
- Learning how to compromise when necessary
- Avoiding destructive communication patterns, such as sarcasm, criticism, and stonewalling
- Developing a plan to address past traumas or insecure attachment styles that may affect the relationship
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
Values and long-term goals
Before getting married, it’s usually important for a couple to be on the same page about both their key values and their long-term goals. In Christian counseling in particular, this could involve discussions of how the partners will practice their faith together in their marriage, such as when and where they’ll attend services and how they’ll incorporate spirituality into their bond. Premarital counseling could also help partners ensure alignment on long-term goals, such as location, children, and careers, and clarify responsibilities regarding parenting, working, and caring for the home.
Finding a premarital counselor
Couples who are seeking premarital Christian counseling may find a provider through their local Christian church. Couples who don’t belong to a local church or whose church doesn’t offer such services can search for a Christian marriage and family counselor in their local community, as licensed counselors with their own practice may also provide this type of care.
Online Christian counseling
Another option for finding a Christian marriage counselor is to explore an online therapy platform. For example, BetterHelp (for individuals) and Regain (for couples) partner with a vast network of professional therapists, and users can specify in their onboarding questionnaire if they’d prefer to work with a Christian counselor. Online counseling allows clients to communicate with a qualified therapist from home via audio, video, or live chat, which can be more convenient for couples with busy schedules.
Some people may wonder about the effectiveness of online counseling. Many studies have investigated this question in recent years, with largely promising results. For instance, one study suggests that digital therapy can offer comparable outcomes to traditional in-person care in many cases.
Takeaway
How long is most Christian premarital counseling?
The duration of quality time spent in Christian premarital counseling can vary according to the counselor and the needs of the couple. Some couples may attend premarital counseling sessions regularly for two to six months. Others may find that five to seven sessions are enough to help them prepare for their future marriage.
Who attends Christian premarital counseling?
While young couples may be more likely to attend Christian premarital counseling, it may help any Christian couple getting ready for marriage. For example, older couples preparing for a wedding—whether it’s their first or second marriage—may benefit from Christian premarital counseling too.
Do all marriage counseling professionals provide premarital counseling?
Many marriage and family counselors can provide premarital counseling. However, it’s typically a pastor or Christian counselor who offers Christian premarital counseling. If not, you might ask about a prospective counselor’s training and areas of focus to find someone from a similar faith background.
What’s the training for a Christian counselor and a biblical counselor?
Before signing up for counseling, you might find it helpful to ask about a prospective counselor’s credentials. Someone who provides biblical counseling may have studied in a seminary or Bible college. They may or may not also have a master’s degree in ministry or a similar credential.
On the other hand, a licensed Christian counselor or therapist typically has a master’s degree in counseling or Christian counseling. They must also hold state licensure, which typically means that they have completed a certain number of hours of supervised clinical practice. Christian counselors may also provide premarital counseling, but this may depend on the focus of their practice. Good Christian counseling may help people navigate relationship difficulties or mental health challenges in the context of their faith.
What happens in Christian premarital counseling?
In Christian premarital counseling, the counselor helps a pre-married couple have important conversations about the wedding day and core elements of life after marriage. Topics discussed by many couples could include difficult questions, organizing finances, creating a strong foundation, building a financial plan, sexual history, and conflict resolution.
These conversations are often held from a biblical lens, drawing on the Christian faith to help God-honoring couples follow Jesus while they do the hard work of building conflict-resolution skills and getting ready to be future spouses. For some, premarital counseling is used only to discuss challenges like becoming parents or navigating money problems. Christian counseling examines these issues and how they relate to one’s faith.
What does the Bible say about premarital counseling?
The Bible doesn’t specifically mention couples therapy or premarital counseling. However, it often recommends asking for help when you need it and being open to getting advice from others on important questions. The Bible also explores themes like forgiveness, which can be helpful for new spouses as they build their concept of a great relationship and set goals for their daily lives.
What questions do they ask in Christian premarital counseling?
Questions your therapist might ask you in Christian premarital counseling could include the following:
- What are you most worried about going into this marriage?
- Do you believe any of your expectations for marriage are causing you stress?
- Have you discussed the topic of sex after marriage?
- How has God impacted your relationship?
- Are there any religious traditions you want to incorporate into your marriage?
- What are your plans for a family, if you have any?
- Do you have any differences in faith that concern you about going into this marriage?
Do churches offer free premarital counseling?
Some churches offer premarital advice from a pastor or coach. However, they are not real counselors unless they are licensed to provide mental health counseling. Premarital coaching can also be helpful, especially in an environment you’re comfortable with. However, if you’re looking for an official counselor, consider getting premarital counseling with a Christian provider outside the church.
What are the top three topics couples should discuss during premarital counseling and why?
You can discuss any topics relevant to your relationship in counseling. However, common topics discussed in premarital counseling include finances, family planning, and beginning to share your lives together. If you don’t already live together, the counselor can help you discuss your expectations for the marriage and explore how God or faith will be a part of your connection.
How much does premarital counseling cost?
Costs of premarital counseling can vary, depending on the therapist and modality practiced. Often, in-person premarital counseling ranges from $100 to $200 a session. Online therapy modalities may be more affordable, as well as sliding-scale therapy.
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