Marriage And Relationship Counseling Goals For A Stronger Partnership
Marriage counseling can provide a safe space to explore relationship issues and challenges with things like communication, trust, emotional intimacy, and parenting differences. During these sessions, couples can set long-term goals, which may help the pair stay motivated as they work on their marriage. Nearly half of all married couples attend marriage counseling at some point, with 70% of them finding that relationship counseling positively impacts their relationship.
Common challenges addressed in therapy
Many couples experience relationship problems and disagreements and disputes that can be difficult to resolve without the help of an unbiased, licensed professional. The following are some of the most common reasons couples seek out therapy:
Communication skills
Communication is often seen as the foundation of healthy relationships. However, communication skills may be eroded over time by things like breaches of trust, resentment, fear of abandonment, pursuer-distancer dynamics, financial challenges, yelling, parenting differences, or unwillingness to compromise.
Emotional intimacy challenges
Emotional intimacy is important for establishing and maintaining trust, safety, comfort, connection, and happiness in relationships. Without it, couples may feel distant or argumentative with their partner.
Physical intimacy challenges
Unlike emotional intimacy, physical intimacy is not always considered essential to relationship satisfaction.
Life changes
Major life events, such as the birth of a child or job loss, can harm mental and physical health in the short or long term. In some cases, stressful life changes may reduce marital satisfaction and increase rates of depression.
Trust issues
Many couples seek out marriage counseling due to underlying challenges with trust. While the cause for these challenges can vary, those who struggle to trust others may have experienced trauma, abuse during childhood, challenging romantic relationships, or infidelity in their marriage. If you find your marriage is marked by infidelity, frequent jealousy, suspicion, accusations, avoidance, anxieties, and abandonment fears, it may be helpful to talk with a therapist.
Finances
Finances can cause significant stress and relationship strain, and longitudinal data from the National Survey of Families and Households indicates that financial strain may be a strong predictor of divorce. To cope with financial stressors, some people may turn to avoidant behaviors, which can make problems worse. A counselor can work with couples to address these challenges by offering actionable solutions and reestablishing healthy communication and problem-solving.
Parenting differences
While parenting differences can vary, disagreements often arise from a disparity in parenting styles. There are a number of parenting style classifications, but a commonly accepted model comes from Psychologist Diana Baumrind. Baumrind posited that there are four common parenting styles: authoritative, permissive, uninvolved, and authoritarian. Differences in styles may cause conflict, which may be helped by seeking out the assistance of a therapist.
Trauma
The American Psychological Association defines trauma as “an emotional response to a terrible event…”, after which individuals may see long-term ramifications. Trauma can impact all types of relationships, including those of a romantic nature. Relationship therapy can be an effective way to address the impact of trauma on a marriage. In many cases, mental health professionals can provide ways to address and manage the emotions surrounding traumatic events in order to reduce their negative impact.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
“The Four Horsemen”
Dr. John Gottman, couples therapist and creator of the Gottman Institute, identified four characteristics he defined as the “Four Horsemen” of marital decline: criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. If you recognize any of these behaviors in your relationship, it may be beneficial to consider booking a therapy session to talk with a marriage counselor.
Considering ending the marriage
For couples deciding whether it’s time to separate, discernment counseling is a type of therapy that can help evaluate the relationship with more clarity. Through discernment counseling, couples can learn what is needed to heal their relationship and make an informed decision about divorce. If both parties decide to stay together and work on their marriage, traditional marriage counseling is usually recommended to address relationship challenges.
Goals of relationship counseling
When it comes to goals for couples therapy, couples may have a diverse array of relationship counseling goals. When these goals are the same and understood by both parties, they can provide direction and clarity about each spouse’s needs.
Finding the type of therapy that suits your relationship
After you’ve decided to try couples therapy and know your goals for couples therapy, you may find yourselves overwhelmed by the different techniques practiced by licensed therapists. Some common methods utilized during couples therapy include:
- Emotionally focused therapy (EFT): EFT can be particularly useful for couples experiencing disconnection, as it emphasizes improving attachment and bonding.
- Gottman method: The Gottman method aims to replace harmful conflict patterns with positive interactions and conflict management skills.
- Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT): CBT can help couples identify negative automatic thought patterns that lead to unhealthy behaviors. By questioning and reframing these thoughts, couples can effectively improve problem solving and behaviors.
- Behavioral couples therapy (BCT): This approach involves identifying and discouraging harmful behaviors while rewarding and reinforcing behaviors that improve relationship satisfaction.
In addition to emphasizing different types of therapeutic approaches, couples therapists may allow clients to attend sessions in-person or online. When choosing between the two, consider the following:
In-person therapy: Marriage counseling can be a helpful outlet to learn relationship skills, and research shows that 70% of couples who attend in-person therapy experience positive relationship outcomes.
If you don’t have reliable internet or space free from distractions (such as pets, children, or roommates), you may prefer in-person couples therapy.
Online therapy: A 2021 study found that in-person and online couples therapy are equally effective, with participants experiencing the same therapeutic alliance, mental health benefits, and relationship satisfaction improvements between the two. Additionally, a 2019 study on the experiences of attending online couples therapy found that the physical distance from therapists can help couples feel more relaxed and in control of their sessions.
If you have difficulty coordinating schedules to meet during standard business hours, or if your insurance doesn’t cover couples therapy, you may prefer online therapy. Additionally, online platforms like BetterHelp let you use in-app messaging to reach out to your therapist at any time, and they will respond as soon as they can. This feature may be helpful if you often experience marital conflict outside of your therapy sessions.
Takeaway
Marriage counseling is very common, with nearly 50% of married couples attending it at some point. Counseling can equip your relationship with the tools to navigate healthy communication, build trust, and re-establish intimacy. Whether your relationship is already happy or on the brink of divorce, most couples find that couples therapy improves their relationship. For some couples, attending online therapy from home may feel more comfortable, and it’s just as effective as in-person therapy.
What is the goal of a marriage counselor?
A marriage counselor’s goals often vary according to the couple’s specific needs and therapy progression. Typically, couple’s counselors collaborate with their patients to determine which areas to prioritize or which may require more time and effort. Overall, the core goal of marriage counseling is to help couples gain better insight into their relationship and its conflicts so they may effectively resolve them. Once they identify the areas of opportunity for improvement, a marriage counselor can help couples set and achieve their therapy goals and provide them with the tools they need to strengthen their bond.
What are examples of treatment goals?
The goals of couple’s counseling vary according to the type of issues that couples have. Often, couples have multiple challenges that require a combination of goals. Some examples of treatment goals in couple’s counseling include:
- Improving and strengthening communication
- Building (or rebuilding) trust
- Addressing emotional disconnection
- Bringing closure to past issues
- Managing unhealthy or unconstructive coping mechanisms
- Cultivating greater intimacy
- Cultivating stronger empathy
- Deepening the commitment
- Establishing shared meaning
- Building stronger bonds and unity
- Improving conflict resolution skills
Can couples counseling save a relationship?
Research shows that couples counseling can play a significant role in mending relationships, but there must be participation from both parties for it to work. Ultimately, counseling can help couples understand each other better and provide tools and guidance for facing challenges. Still, there won’t be a quick “fix” or resolution without a commitment from the couple.
What are the seven goals of counseling?
Like couples counseling, there is no set number of goals for individual therapy. There may be more than seven or less, depending on the individual’s needs and situation. Further, counseling goals can be overarching, like achieving better overall well-being, while some can be specific, like overcoming an isolated phobia. Here are a few common goals of counseling:
- Changing problematic behaviors
- Improving decision-making abilities
- Developing better conflict resolution skills
- Strengthening communication skills
- Increasing self-esteem
- Strengthening emotional management skills
- Developing healthier habits
- Fostering stronger relationships
- Healing from trauma
- Managing stress
- Coping with overwhelming or traumatic situations
- Reducing the symptoms of a mental health condition
Can marriage counseling help you fall back in love?
Marriage counseling can help couples fall back in love, but it often takes time, effort, and commitment from both parties. Working closely with a licensed marriage counselor can help couples set and achieve goals that pave the way for reigniting love.
Should I go to couples therapy if I want to break up?
Only you can ultimately determine if going to couples therapy is going to be productive or helpful when you’ve decided you want to break up. There are situations when going to couples therapy can help if one person wants to stay committed and the other doesn’t. For example, you may learn more about yourself and your attachment style. Couples therapy might help you recognize patterns in your current relationship that match your past relationships.
Couples therapy might also be helpful for breaking up amicably and moving forward in your life. You might apply what you’ve learned in couples therapy to improve your relationships in the future.
What makes a good marriage counselor?
Perhaps one of the most critical traits of a good marriage counselor is their ability to create a comfortable atmosphere where both parties can feel heard without judgment. Equally as important is their ability to listen actively, communicate effectively, and build good therapeutic relationships with their clients. Here are a few other signs of a good marriage counselor:
- They respect the needs of each individual equally
- They can work with couples from diverse backgrounds and experiences
- They work with couples to set therapeutic goals and develop plans to achieve them
- They are professionally trained, qualified, and licensed to practice according to their state licensure requirements
- They have a master’s degree or higher in marriage and family therapy or related field
- They adhere to the ethical guidelines established by governing bodies like the American Psychological Association (APA)
What is the essence of marriage counseling?
At its core, marriage counseling is about helping couples understand and work through underlying issues that challenge their relationship. One of the primary goals of marriage counseling is to empower couples and provide them with the tools they need to manage conflict and challenges after therapy is over. In addition, marriage and family therapists can help each individual explore their attachment style, past relationship experiences, and role within the family unit.
How do you set goals in couples therapy?
When setting goals for couples therapy, the therapist and the couple will collaborate in determining what areas they feel are a priority to address. They’ll then break down the goal into smaller “action steps” they can work on each day and set a specific, realistic time frame for when the goal can be completed. The Couple’s Institute has outlined three types of common goals that relationship counselors address in couple’s therapy:
- Doing: These types of goals require action on the part of the couples. For example, taking a vacation together, participating in an activity or hobby together, or doing something thoughtful for each other.
- Getting/Having: These are goals outlining what the individuals in the relationship want. For example, one may want to have children while the other wants to focus more on getting a job promotion. In setting these types of goals, the therapist may first ask each partner what they want to have.
- Being: These types of goals describe the types of qualities an individual aspires to have in different situations. For example, a partner might want to be more empathetic and loving. Another might want to be more patient and a better listener.
When used in combination, these three goal structures can help couples become more focused and understanding of each other’s needs and wants in the marriage. They can also help cultivate greater participation from both partners and create accountability for their part in the process.
What are common goals in marriage?
Each marriage is unique; as such, they often have different goals and motivations. Working with your partner to identify and prioritize your goals and set a plan for achieving them can build a stronger, healthier marriage. Here are a few goals for couples to work towards:
Unconditional love and emotional support
When challenges or conflicts arise, couples who express unconditional love and support may be more confident in their bonds. They may be better at handling challenging issues as a team so they can emerge from the conflict with a deeper connection. Unconditional love often requires empathy, acceptance, and compromise.
Effective communication
It’s common for couples to have communication issues that lead to misunderstandings, resentment, and frustration. However, communication can be integral in helping couples better understand each other’s needs, express love, resolve conflicts, and provide support. Maintaining open, honest, respectful communication can ensure both partners feel heard and understood.
Trust and loyalty
It’s typically healthy for couples to have their own space and independence in some areas of life, such as keeping their own hobbies or spending time with friends. However, independence like this can create conflict in marriages that lack trust. Consistent, reliable behavior and loyalty are often necessary for building and maintaining trust in a relationship.
Intimacy and affection
Greater mental, physical, and emotional closeness is a goal many couples prioritize in their marriage. Intimacy can help individuals feel more valued in the relationship, and spending quality time together in meaningful conversation or engaged in physical touch helps create a deeper bond between partners.
Conflict management
Conflict and disagreements are common in relationships—addressing them productively with respect and empathy can help couples build and maintain stronger bonds. Couples for whom conflict management is a priority can work together on developing strategies to resolve conflicts healthily without avoiding them or letting them fester.
Common goals
Whether it’s building a business, starting a family, or working towards a cause—having a shared dream can create unity in the marriage. Successful couples often work together to achieve personal goals like furthering a career, shared goals like traveling the world, and practical goals like retirement.
Continual growth
Successful marriages often require couples to grow together and encourage each other to grow personally. Partners who prioritize growth in the relationship learn about themselves and each other, adapt to changing circumstances, and improve their connection over time.
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