Where Can I Find Premarital Counseling Near Me?

You might have an extended list of tasks to complete before you get married. Many couples look for wedding outfits, book a venue, hire entertainers, or sample wedding cakes, for example. You may not think about counseling amid marriage planning, but premarital counseling can be a valuable option to add to your marriage planning list. If you want to learn communication skills, know what to expect after marriage, and connect with your partner, a premarital counselor can help.

What is premarital counseling?

Premarital counseling often helps a couple discuss the essential aspects of their relationship and prepare for their upcoming marriage. This type of counseling may help couples avoid frustrations, conflicts, and arguments in their marriage. Working with a premarital counselor can help couples be on the same page about their expectations and the roles each of them could play in their marriage.

Couples can discuss these topics on their own. However, they might find these conversations challenging during the often-exciting period before an upcoming marriage. Premarital counselors can help facilitate these discussions in a safe space where both partners can feel heard and understood.

Why participate in premarital counseling? 

You may have opinions about how a marriage should work. These opinions are often formed based on how marriage was modeled to you by your caregivers and other couples in your life. You may not realize that you are forming these opinions and expectations. 

It’s possible some of these opinions and expectations are not associated with healthy, communicative relationships. While this situation is normal, unhealthy expectations, or expectations that are in conflict with your partner’s, may cause potential conflicts in your future marriage. Your spouse-to-be may not have grown up with the same expectations or examples. A premarital counselor can facilitate a discussion on these topics. 

Premarital counselors are often skilled at identifying the areas where potential problems can arise within a marriage. They help couples discuss their expectations in these areas so they can work out any potential problems before their wedding day.

What is discussed in premarital counseling?

There is no limit on what can be discussed during premarital counseling. An experienced premarital counselor may be able to identify areas in the couple's life together that could lead to potential conflict. Many couples approach premarital counseling with goals they hope to accomplish in the sessions. Some of the commonly addressed areas include the following:

Finances

Premarital counselors might facilitate discussions around finances. Many marital disagreements can arise about finances and how each individual handles them. Some people may be savers, while others are spenders. Money can also be personal to some people, and they might have strong opinions about how it should be handled.

A premarital counselor can help couples work through these topics as a neutral party. They might facilitate discussion on how bank accounts will be set up and who will handle paying the bills. They might discuss creating a budget to help the couple enter marriage on the same page about money.

If applicable, the conversation can also turn toward the couple's jobs and future family planning. These topics may prove beneficial to discuss before marriage to ensure a plan is in place. 

The past

While our pasts do not determine our future, they likely play a role. Premarital counselors can help you examine how your past impacts your current relationship. If either partner has had challenging experiences in their lives, these challenges might arise during arguments or conflicts. 

Plans

Often, premarital counselors may open a discussion on your future plans. At times, couples may have different ideas of what they want in life. For example, one partner might want to have children and settle down, while another wants to focus on a career and is not interested in children. These differences could cause conflict and distress, so talking about them early on can be valuable. Your counselor may help you come to a compromise or decide how you want to proceed with these plans. 

Roles within the marriage

Some individuals may have ideas of marital roles according to gender stereotypes or personal preferences. However, many couples today may share housework or parenting duties equally. Additionally, marital roles may continue to move away from gender expectations, as anyone of any gender can get married. 

Although any role distribution can be normal, it may be helpful for both partners to agree on their role and feel that it is healthy. If you want to work, but your spouse wants you to stay home and manage most of the home duties, you may discuss this with your premarital counselor. 

Sex

Some couples may have intense expectations about sex. Regardless of whether or not a couple has engaged in sexual intimacy, a premarital counselor can help a couple learn more about these potential conflicts before the commitment of a marriage. If you are a couple that has decided not to have sex until marriage, discussing the topic may help you prepare yourself and learn how to consent, and how to ensure healthy sexual activity. 

Communication

Studies have found that commitments such as marriage require healthy communication to succeed. Premarital counselors can help you improve your communication skills and learn coping techniques for conflicts. If you don't already have strategies in place for healthy communication, learning these skills before marriage could be beneficial. 

Children

Many couples may find themselves having conflicts or differing expectations about children and parenting. In premarital couples therapy, you can discuss the following questions: 

• Do you want to have kids? 
• How many children do you want to have? 
• Will someone stay home with the children, or will you hire childcare? 
• What is your parenting style? 
• How will you deal with a child's sickness, conflict, or behavior? 

If there are significant differences between your goals related to children, a premarital counselor can oversee this conflict and help you come to a resolution. 

Boundaries

It can be beneficial to establish boundaries within your marriage before you exchange vows. Boundaries are rules set on your own body, time, possessions, and mind, not rules imposed on someone else to control their behavior. Learning to say "no" and make rules for yourself can be a healthy way to connect in a relationship. If there is a behavior you don't accept in your relationship due to its impact on you, you may let your partner know that if that behavior occurs, you may have to take some time out or return to the conversation at a later point. 

How to find premarital counseling near me

When looking for a premarital counselor, you may seek someone who feels compatible with you and your partner and also fits your schedule. For example, if religion is an important component of you and your partner’s life, you might look for a counselor that integrates their spiritual principles into their work, such one offering Christian premarital counseling.

As you may both have to take time off from other responsibilities to meet with a counselor, finding a local therapist can be challenging. To start your search, look online for premarital counselors in your area and send an email or call them to ask about their availability. 

If you struggle to find the time to commute to an appointment or cannot find a therapist within your budget and schedule, you can also consider online counseling. Online therapy may allow you to prioritize your wedding planning while receiving professional support from home. You can cut commute times and find an appointment that works for you. 

If you're interested in trying premarital counseling online, you can sign up for a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples. Both platforms offer a growing database of therapists specializing in various topics and concerns. No matter where you live (or where you’re traveling to have your wedding), from London to New York City, online counseling can provide your access to relationship therapy.