Ways To Celebrate Valentine's Day While Experiencing Relationship Problems

In general, Valentine’s Day is a holiday centered around love, relationships, and romance. It can be a fun time to appreciate your connection with another, whether you’re in a new relationship or a long-term marriage. However, it may be challenging for couples experiencing relationship problems to fully enjoy Valentine’s Day. You might choose not to celebrate at all or to have a relaxed date night at home instead of going out. It may also be helpful to consider each other’s love languages, take time to write love letters to each other, and revisit old memories. A couples therapist can help you get to the root of conflict and grow closer as a couple through online or in-person sessions.

Seven ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day with relationship problems 

If you’re experiencing relationship challenges this Valentine’s Day, consider the following methods of working through these challenges and celebrating the holiday. 

1. Consider whether you want to celebrate the holiday at all 

Valentine’s Day can be seen as a corporate-based holiday focused on the sale of items like greeting cards, chocolates, stuffed animals, and other expressions of love. Some people choose not to celebrate this date, as there isn’t one way to celebrate love, and you don’t have to wait until Valentine’s Day to celebrate your relationship. 

Valentine’s Day can bring challenges for some people, and it may not be a joyous occasion for all couples. You might discuss with your partner whether celebrating this holiday is right for your relationship. If you decide it doesn’t fit your current energy, you might try scheduling a date in the future or looking at ways to reconnect with your partner positively outside of the holiday. Holidays can come with a lot of pressure, so try not to force yourself to celebrate an event that doesn’t resonate with you. 

2. Write love letters to each other 

One way to move through relationship challenges on Valentine’s Day may be to express your love in a pure and honest form.

It can be best to avoid talking about conflict, negative comparisons, or significant differences. In addition, steer clear of only complimenting what they do for you rather than complimenting who they are as a person.

If you struggle to write or don’t know what to say, below are some prompts for Valentine’s cards: 

• Which aspects of your partner’s personality made you fall in love with them? 
• What are your favorite memories with your partner? 
• What memories do you still want to make together? 
• What was your favorite moment together? 
• If you could give your partner anything in the world, what would it be? 
• What is the most special and unique part of your relationship? 
• Tell a story about the time you met. 
• What core values do you share? 

3. Consider each other’s love languages

Gary Chapman’s “Five Love Languages” is a theory about how people show and receive love. These love languages typically include the following: 

• Physical touch
• Words of affirmation
• Gift-giving 
• Acts of service
• Quality time 

In some cases, couples may experience conflict when both share or expect love in different ways. For example, one partner might only believe they are loved when their partner is physically close to them. If the other partner expresses love through acts of service, such as cleaning the house or filling their gas tank, the person with the physical touch love language might not realize their partner is showing love at all. The partner with the acts of service love language might not understand why their partner is not feeling loved or why they don’t do the same in return. 

Consider showing your partner love in the way they understand by taking a love languages quiz and learning more about what each of you craves to be happy in a relationship. By showing love in the way your partner understands and having them do the same, you can receive love in healthy ways without sacrificing your desires. 

4. Have a romantic day or night at home  

Valentine’s Day dates don’t have to be extravagant or all-consuming. If you and your partner aren’t up to a night out, consider having a romantic night at home. You can light candles, set up your couch for a movie night, or make a romantic dinner together. Another way to connect could be to watch a cooking tutorial together and make something new, such as a Valentine’s Day dessert or a gourmet meal. You could also play board games, talk about love, or have an art night together. 

5. Create a V-Day “date jar” for spontaneous dates

If you and your partner don’t like to plan extensive dates for the future, consider creating a “date jar.” On tiny pieces of paper, write down date ideas that you can afford and would enjoy. Put them in a jar and mix them up. When you’re ready to go on a date, pick a paper out of the jar and do what it says. In this way, you might find activities you wouldn’t normally do and learn more about each other through exploration and adventure. 

6. Avoid conversations about conflict

When experiencing relationship challenges, conflict might seem to rear its head at every chance. You may both be sensitive to specific comments, tones, and facial expressions. Try to commit to having a day without conflict on Valentine’s Day. Leave conversations about your challenges to the future and commit to reconnecting and enjoying each other’s energy. If you’re struggling to do so, asking for support from a couples counselor or someone you trust might be helpful. 

7. Revisit old memories

When relationship conflict occurs, it may be challenging to remember the positive memories with your partner or the reasons you got together. Consider revisiting old memories by looking through photos, talking about your favorite memories, or going somewhere you used to go together. You might also consider “recreating” your first date by returning to the location and talking about your favorite moments together. 

How to work through relationship problems during the holidays

The holidays can be stressful, as some people may form expectations around what they “should” look like. If you’re stressed about Valentine’s Day while experiencing relationship conflict or sexual and intimacy difficulties, below are a few ways to move forward healthily. 

Compromise

If you and your partner have different ideas about how to celebrate Valentine’s Day, it may be beneficial to compromise on your plans. For example, if you want to go out and your partner wants to stay in, you might plan to spend a couple of hours at a restaurant before going home to spend the rest of the night together. You could also choose to celebrate your love on a different day if you’re experiencing conflict on Valentine’s Day, potentially allowing for a two-week period or longer before you’re ready. 

Communicate openly

Studies show that open and healthy communication tends to be the most crucial predictor of marital success. Healthy communication can involve active listening, calm body language, and respect for one another’s opinions and feelings. 

Try to validate the way each of you feels, even if your behaviors aren’t always healthy. Having emotions can be part of being human, and showing your partner that you see them and know they are feeling a certain way can communicate to them that you are working as a team rather than against each other. 

Set expectations 

Before Valentine’s Day arrives, set expectations with your partner about how you want the holiday to go. Ensuring you’re on the same page can reduce the chances of conflict when the day arrives. If one of you isn’t interested in celebrating, devise a way to compromise. For example, you might plan a date for another day instead of Valentine’s Day. 

Talk to someone you trust 

A person you trust can be a significant source of support when experiencing relationship challenges, and this person may offer some clarity about what you’re going through. Although updated research may be beneficial, existing studies suggest that social connection can be linked to improved mental health and well-being. Having someone outside of your relationship with whom you can discuss issues can ensure your social needs are met on a platonic or familial level. 

Consider couples therapy

You’re not alone if you’re struggling to cope with relationship problems. Many couples consider couples therapy to discuss these challenges with a neutral third party. Starting with the first session, a therapist can guide you through evidence-based techniques for improving communication and working through disagreements, traumatic events, and other challenges that may arise in a relationship. 

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

Benefits of online therapy

If you and your partner are in a long-distance relationship or face barriers to in-person therapy, you might also consider online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp. With an online platform, couples can have joint sessions from two separate locations and access resources like journaling prompts, worksheets, and group sessions.

Effectiveness of online therapy

Studies generally back up the efficacy of online therapy. In one study on couples therapy, researchers found that couples typically preferred online methods to in-person treatment, as they tended to be more comfortable with the remote nature of video calls with their therapist.