Attracted To Intelligence? Understanding Sapiosexual Signs

Sapiosexuality generally refers to a type of attraction that occurs when someone is attracted more to someone’s mind or intelligence than they are to a person’s physical appearance. For sapiosexual individuals, it may be difficult to be sexually attracted to someone if they are not first intellectually stimulated by them. Research suggests that between 1% and 8% of the population aged 18 to 35 years old may be sapiosexuals. If you’d like to explore and embrace your sexuality with the help of a licensed mental health professional, online or in-person therapy may be helpful.

Understanding sapiosexuality and the spectrum of attraction

Sapiosexuality is a relatively new term, with its first known use in 2004. It has roots in the Latin word “sapien,” which usually means intelligent or wise. The term sapiosexual is less known than many other terms for sexuality, and may not be as recognized.

Unlike other sexual orientations, such as heterosexual, bisexual, or homosexual, which generally refer to individuals who are attracted to others based upon gender identity, sapiosexuality usually refers to intelligence regardless of gender. Someone who is sapiosexual can also be bisexual, for example. 

It can be important to note that, like other sexualities, sapiosexuality may exist on a spectrum. Some people may find intelligence to be an important attribute in a partner, but not the most important part of a connection, perhaps prioritizing a significant emotional bond. For others, sexual attraction will be completely absent if there is a lack of intellectual stimulation.

Anyone can be sapiosexual, regardless of gender identity, sexual orientation, or level of intelligence. Research suggests that how intelligent a person is (measured with an IQ test) does not necessarily correlate with which people identify as sapiosexual. Additionally, people who look for intelligence in a partner tend to be most attracted to individuals in the 90th percentile for intelligence, meaning individuals who are more intelligent than 90% of the population. Attraction tends to go down when individuals are above this threshold of the 90th percentile.

A sapiosexual partner may not need someone to have an impressive intellect, but might want someone who can engage in critical thinking and stimulating conversation. They may reject potential partners who are not of the same intellectual level or who are incapable of participating in deep conversation or smart conversation. 

Demisexuality versus sapiosexuality: Sexual attraction from emotional connection or intellectual connection

Though demisexuality and sapiosexuality can be similar in that they both bypass physical characteristics when considering attraction, the two sexualities tend to be different. Demisexuality is a sexuality in which a person is generally attracted to someone with whom they have an emotional connection. People who are demisexual are usually not sexually attracted to others based on appearance, intellect, or other characteristics unless a close emotional bond is present. Sapiosexuals are normally attracted to intellect, even if an emotional bond is not present.

For example, someone who is sapiosexual may find watching a speech or lecture arousing, while this probably would not be the case for someone who is demisexual. Demisexuality and sapiosexuality are similar, however, in that people from both groups are generally not attracted sexually to people based on appearances, rather developing that sexual arousal after a connection is formed.

Sapiosexual signs to consider

Are you wondering if you or someone you know may be sapiosexual? Below, we’ve compiled a list of characteristics that can be common in sapiosexual individuals. 

Desire for deep, intellectual conversations with a partner

Sapiosexual people may be drawn toward deep conversations. Sapiosexual people will likely want to dive deep on dates, discussing topics that may be complex or philosophical in nature. Deep conversations can be a form of flirting for sapiosexuals, as they may allow them to appreciate their date’s mind. 

They typically enjoy long conversations. Sapiosexuals usually enjoy connecting with other smart people via intellect. They may feel disconnected from their partner if they don’t regularly engage in deep conversations around complex issues.

Sapiosexual people are generally good listeners. Because they tend to value conversation and intelligence so much, it is likely that a sapiosexual person will ask many questions and have a lot of intellectual curiosity.

They tend to avoid small talk. While most people would likely stick to easy, superficial topics on dates (especially first dates), sapiosexuals tend to hate small talk and usually prefer to dive into complex ideas and theories. A sapiosexual may feel aroused by great conversation. 

Attraction to those with emotional intelligence

They usually appreciate emotional intelligence. Sapiosexuals may appreciate emotional intelligence just as much as other types of intelligence. They often look for potential partners who know themselves well, are self-reflective, and know how to communicate effectively.

A desire to date an educated person

Sapiosexuals may look for well-educated partners. Although you can be intelligent without earning a college degree, for example, people who are sapiosexual may be more interested in education and academia than others. 

Wanting slow-moving and long-term relationships based on intellectual connection

A sapiosexual may not be impressed by just a pretty face. The relationship may move slowly. It’s unlikely that a sapiosexual person will want to dive into intimacy before they have developed an intellectual connection. You may go on several dates that involve only conversation before things move in a more traditionally romantic direction.

A good date involves intellectual stimulating activities

A sapiosexual individual may prefer dates that involve stimulating activities and conversations. Potential first date ideas could be documentary screenings, having a debate or conversation in which their positions are challenged, having exploratory conversation about interesting ideas and theories, playing board games, and so on. 

Additionally, you or someone you know may be sapiosexual if:

• You find debates or intellectual conversations sexually arousing
• You enjoy dates that involve some element of deep thinking, like going to museums or watching documentaries
• You are less excited by physical touch than you are by deep conversations
• You find yourself attracted only to people who are intellectually stimulating
• You enjoy witty dirty talk

Keep in mind that it can be possible to be attracted to someone’s intelligence without being a sapiosexual. In fact, many people are attracted to intelligence; research shows it’s frequently ranked the number one most important trait in a partner, although updated research may be beneficial. It’s also possible to be sapiosexual and find things other than intelligence very attractive. For some, they may find intelligence an attractive trait, but only as one of several potential redeeming qualities to make up for a person being less physically attractive to them. For a sapiosexual person, the opposite may be true, where they may be able to be attracted to someone who is not as intelligent as they wish if the person has other redeeming qualities. Sexuality can be seen as a spectrum, and everyone’s preferences may be different. Not everyone will experience intellectual attraction in the same way. If you want more help determining your sexual identity, you could consider pursuing psychometric evaluation. 

Therapy for embracing your sexual identity

Sexuality can be complex, and for some people, it can be difficult to feel confident in your sexuality. Additionally, it can be discouraging to try to date others if you believe your sexuality is uncommon or not talked about often, as can be the case with sapiosexuality. If you’re looking for support as you explore your sexuality, you may wish to consider therapy. Working with a therapist can help you embrace who you are and discover what you’re seeking in a partnership. 

For those who are new to therapy, you may enjoy the convenience of online therapy since you can connect with a therapist from the comfort of your home. This can be particularly beneficial for those with hectic schedules and busy lifestyles, as there may be no extra time spent on a commute to your therapist’s office. Online therapy can help you seek support in a way that makes sense for you. 

Online therapy can be equally as effective as traditional, in-person therapy when it comes to treating a range of mental health concerns. According to a 2022 study, client outcomes produced by online therapy tend to be the same as those produced by in-office therapy.

A therapist can also help with other issues, such as if you feel pressure to engage in physical activities before you are ready when you start dating new people, or if you are encountering relationship issues or stigma as a result of your sexual orientation and preferences.