Cognitive Empathy And Its Effects On Relationships

The American Psychological Association defines empathy in general terms as “understanding a person from their frame of reference rather than one’s own.” Under the umbrella of empathy, however, there are various subtypes. Cognitive empathy is one of these. Read on to find out what it is, the role it can play in interpersonal relationships, and how to increase your sense of it.

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What is cognitive empathy? 

Cognitive empathy is when a person has the ability to understand how another person thinks, feels, or experiences life. It’s a logical aptitude that allows you to put yourself in somebody else’s shoes, imagining how they might feel without necessarily feeling the same way.

For example, say your best friend recently broke up with her significant other. Because of a sense of cognitive empathy, you may understand that this is why she has been acting distant and irritable for the last couple of weeks. Logically, you know that breakups are a difficult and emotional experience for many people, so you can imagine that she’s still processing her pain and that she may not be herself for a while. As a result of these insights, you may approach her behaviors with grace and let her know that you’re there for her if she needs you.  

Other forms of cognitive empathy 

There are three main types of empathy: 

• Cognitive empathy

• Emotional empathy (also known as affective empathy)

• Compassionate empathy 

Understanding emotional, compassionate, and cognitive empathy

Cognitive and emotional empathy are often lumped together, but they have some major differences. While practicing cognitive empathy means understanding a person’s thoughts and feelings, emotional empathy takes it a step further.  

Emotional empathy is when you feel another person’s emotions yourself. For example, if you have a friend who is angry about a frustrating situation at work, you may find yourself becoming angry, too. People with a strong sense of emotional empathy may also find themselves crying over a sad movie or book or feeling genuine happiness when seeing someone else experiencing joy.

The third type of empathy, compassionate empathy, is when you feel motivated to provide help to a person or people experiencing a challenge. For instance, someone with compassionate empathy may hear about a nearby town that was flooded and feel moved to jump in their car and head there to offer practical help.  

Are there downsides to empathy? 

In some cases, the level of empathy a person feels or displays can cause problems in their life. When someone feels too much empathy, it may negatively impact their health, emotional well-being, and relationships. For a person who has a strong sense of emotional empathy in particular, continually experiencing emotional responses to the feelings of others can lead to personal distress, emotional dysregulation, and burnout. 

On the other hand, cognitive empathy without emotional empathy can sometimes feel performative and may be perceived as disingenuous, which could strain relationships. In fact, studies suggest that individuals with antisocial personality disorder are often adept at cognitive empathy. They may have an excellent understanding of how humans tend to react to various situations—which can either be used to manipulate others or to fit in, build relationships, and contribute to society.   

For these reasons, it’s generally best to try and find a balance between both cognitive empathy and emotional empathy. 

Improving cognitive empathy skills 

Empathy is considered a cognitive skill. As such, it can typically be targeted and improved over time. Here are a few different strategies you can try to potentially strengthen cognitive empathy skills, empathetic responses, and empathic accuracy:  

• Practice active listening. Active listening involves focusing on tone, words, nonverbal cues, and context when someone else is speaking and asking clarification questions as needed to understand the complete message. This may help you connect to the emotions behind what a person is saying rather than only taking in the facts conveyed by their words.

• Be curious about others. Having a sense of curiosity about others—particularly those who are different or live differently than you—may help increase empathy. Learning about individuals from different cultures or with different life experiences through documentaries, books, and conversation could broaden your sense of cognitive empathy. 

• Engage in mindfulness. Mindfulness is about cultivating a state of awareness of the present moment without judgment. Research suggests that a regular mindfulness practice may help increase empathy and compassion for the self and others over time.  

Managing emotions and empathy through therapy

Engaging in therapy can be another way to work on building skills to improve empathy and strengthen relationships. A therapist may help you learn to identify the emotional reactions of yourself and others, heal from any past trauma that may be interfering with your ability to feel empathy, and share techniques for strengthening communication and other interpersonal skills. Cognitive behavioral therapy in particular is a popular and effective therapeutic approach that may help you better understand your own thoughts and feelings. 

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

Online therapy and cognitive empathy

While therapy can be helpful for people facing many different types of emotional challenges, it can often be difficult to find a provider or make time to commute back and forth from appointments. Online therapy can be a convenient solution for those with busy schedules, as it allows you to meet with a licensed therapist virtually from the comfort of your own home. Studies suggest that online therapy can be just as effective as in-person therapy in many cases.