Cooling Down Quickly: Tips For Controlling Anger In The Moment
While anger isn’t an inherently negative emotion, it can have serious consequences if it’s not managed in a healthy way. Uncontrolled angry outbursts can affect interpersonal relationships and success at work or school. In extreme cases, they may even put the safety of the individual and those around them at risk of harm and legal consequences. Over the longer term, frequent experiences of anger may even contribute to serious health problems.
For all of these reasons, it can be important to learn how to control feelings of anger. Let’s take a closer look at the nature of this emotion and how it can impact a person, and then we’ll cover a few evidence-based strategies for how to control anger immediately.
What causes anger?
For some people, anger is a relatively rare emotion that catches them by surprise when it does appear, while others may spend a large part of their lives feeling angry. Personality type may affect how much anger a person feels, as high neuroticism and low agreeableness per the Big Five personality model are associated with higher levels of anger expression.
Other potential causes of higher anger levels
- Environmental factors, such as growing up in a household with frequently angry family members
- Childhood abuse or other trauma
- High stress levels
- Instances of unfair treatment or discrimination
- Substance misuse
- Certain mental health conditions
- A hormonal imbalance
- Certain illnesses
If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.
If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.
If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.
How uncontrolled anger can impact your life
Again, anger is not inherently bad and can even have some benefits when properly managed. For one, bottling up emotions you feel can lead to negative health consequences, so expressing your anger in an appropriate way can be healthy. In addition, research suggests that anger may increase civic engagement and help a person identify their needs and boundaries in relationships.
Poorly managed anger can have many negative effects
However, uncontrolled or poorly managed anger can have many negative effects. It can cause you to say things you regret, which could damage relationships. It could lead to consequences at school or work, and anger that turns into aggression could result in arguments or fights. Even if you’re simply spending a lot of time ruminating on things that have irritated you, that energy may be better spent on more constructive activities. Rumination can also contribute to or worsen anxiety and depression.
Uncontrolled anger can impact gut health
It can also impact gut health, potentially leading to gastrointestinal problems like diarrhea, heartburn, and even irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) or gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) in more severe cases. Frequent anger can also negatively affect sleep, creating a self-sustaining cycle of more stress and irritation.
Tips for controlling anger and angry feelings
If you experience frequent anger that’s difficult to control, using anger management techniques like the following may help you improve your relationship with this emotion and decrease your risk of negative consequences.
Breathe instead of venting
While venting about your anger may be tempting, research suggests that techniques like counting to 10 and breathing deeply may actually be more effective for decreasing anger and aggression in the moment. Strategies like these may help counteract the stress response and give you a chance to clear your head before speaking or acting.
Get active
Exercise can be a powerful tool for managing stress and anger. Like deep breathing, engaging in physical exercise like going for a run or a brisk walk may help counteract the stress response when you feel anger growing. It can also produce endorphins, which may help boost mood. Over the longer term, regular physical activity could help you manage stress and tension and contribute to improved emotional regulation as well.
Communicate and take breaks
Don’t be afraid to step away from a contentious conversation or situation when you feel your anger escalating. If you know that you have difficulty not reacting with anger or are afraid you might say something you’ll regret, you could practice communicating, “I’m going to need to step away and come back to this later” and then calmly retreating to take a walk or do some deep breathing. This can give you time to decompress when you feel angry.
Practicing mindfulness may be effective for anger management
Deep breathing exercises, visual imagery, and progressive muscle relaxation are examples of mindfulness techniques that may be effective for anger management. After practicing them over time, they may become second nature to rely on when you’re having an angry moment. An added potential benefit is that these practices may also reduce stress and improve mental health and well-being in general.
Try to change your perspective
Anger can sometimes grow as a result of a skewed or narrow perspective, so attempting to broaden it may sometimes help you find calm. For example, if you find that your mild irritation is growing into anger when the employee who is helping you at the store isn’t hearing you, you might try to put yourself in their shoes and extend a sense of compassion. They themselves may be having a bad day. They may be tired. They may be frustrated because they are unable to help. Recognizing both of your humanity, expanding your sense of patience, and aiming for a more balanced perspective may help you reconnect to a sense of calm.
Choose a mantra
For moments when you feel your emotional state shifting and your anger rising, it may be beneficial to have a go-to saying to remind yourself that losing your temper is not helpful. For example, you might repeat to yourself something like, “Stay calm” or “Getting angry doesn’t help.” You could also try looking up and then repeating your preferred translation of the Gayatri Mantra, which comes from ancient Indian Vedic texts. Research suggests that doing so may help reduce anxiety, stress, and anger.
Identify what triggers your anger
Finally, over the longer term, developing the self-awareness of what typically makes you upset may make it easier to head off angry feelings before they take hold. You may also be able to limit or prevent certain situations that tend to upset you. Some examples could include carrying a charger with you to avoid feeling angry when your phone dies in the middle of the day, or leaving the house earlier so you might feel less angry when a traffic jam or public transit delays slow you down.
Seek anger management tips from a mental health professional
If you’re looking to get to the root of your anger or better manage angry feelings, you might decide to seek professional support from a therapist with experience in anger management techniques. They may guide you in identifying underlying sources of your anger, finding healthy ways to express your anger, and discovering tools and strategies that could help you reduce stress and feel calmer and more in control over time.
Cognitive restructuring: Tips for controlling anger and angry feelings
According to the American Psychological Association, cognitive restructuring can be an effective therapeutic technique for long-term anger management. This approach is designed to help you learn to identify negative thoughts and replace them with more reasonable and healthy ones. Cognitive behavioral therapy is an evidence-based therapeutic approach that’s built on elements of cognitive restructuring, which is why it’s often recommended for individuals looking to better manage their anger.
Convenient online therapy with a mental health professional
If you have trouble adding in-person therapy sessions to a busy schedule, online therapy may be a more convenient way for you to seek support. Research suggests that online therapy can be as effective as in-person therapy, and it doesn’t require travel and often allows for more flexible scheduling. With video call, phone call, and in-app messaging options, you can meet with your therapist from the comfort of your home or anywhere you have an internet connection.
Takeaway
What are the 5 keys to controlling anger?
There are not five magic keys to controlling anger, but the following five tips can help you to control anger when it arises. 1) Listen to your body and recognize the emotion that you are feeling. 2) Identify what triggered the emotion. 3) Be aware of negative self talk as a result of the emotion. 4) Breathe deeply and temporarily remove yourself from the situation so that you avoid sarcasm and lashing out. 5) When you are calm and ready, express your needs in a clear and assertive manner.
How to control anger and frustration?
Frustrating situations like the extra tension from a long and busy daily commute are impossible to avoid, but you have control regarding how you express anger and frustration. Chronic anger can lead to problems with physical health and in relationships, so it is important to learn to recognize and manage your anger. You can learn and practice relaxation techniques, and you can also seek out the support of a therapist.
How do I cope with my anger?
If you feel angry, there’s a reason behind your emotions. You may be reacting to a real threat or injustice in your life, or you may be triggered into a reminder of a past trauma or unpleasant experience. You can cope with your anger by learning anger management strategies and relaxation techniques such as visualizing a relaxing scene. It may also be helpful to seek a therapist who can teach you these strategies and techniques, as well as help you get to the root of your anger issues.
How to calm down an angry person?
An angry person can be frightening to deal with. They may yell, say scary things, or throw things. If you are in danger, you need to remove yourself from the situation. But if you are not in danger or you don’t have a way to escape the situation, there are things you can do to help calm the person down. First of all, it’s important to stay calm so that interpersonal conflict doesn’t exacerbate their anger. You can also listen actively, identify solutions if the person wants them, use humor to diffuse the situation, or distract them. Which strategies will work depend on the person or the context.
What are the 7 steps to defuse anger?
The seven steps to defuse anger are: 1) recognize triggers, 2) take a time out, 3) deep breathing, 4) clarify the cause, 5) empathetic listening, 6) assertive communication, and 7) healthy coping mechanisms.
What are the 4 Ts of anger?
The four Ts of anger describe the anger cycle. First, there are “triggers,” which are events that set the anger in motion. Next, there are “thoughts,” which involve negative self-talk. Then comes “tantrums,” which is an explosion of angry behavior/words. And finally, “trouble” signifies the problems resulting from the consequences of anger.
How can I calm my angry mind?
The best way to calm your angry mind in the moment of feeling anger is to take deep breaths and focus on your body, removing yourself from the anger-provoking situation if posssible. In the long run, if you find yourself to be quick to anger, practicing mindfulness and meditation can go a long way in calming your mind. Therapy can also be useful in helping with anger.
Why do I get so angry so easily?
First of all, understanding anger is important for understanding yourself and your emotional responses. Anger is a healthy emotion and a natural response to an unpleasant, unfair, or unsafe situation. Sometimes, however, people have an exaggerated anger response to perceived threats, or they have a legitimate reason to be angry, but they don’t know how to express it constructively. Anger problems typically result from childhood or past trauma or as a stress response to current circumstances. They can also result from mental illness and substance misuse (formerly called substance abuse). Expressing anger in a healthy way is important for your physical and mental health, as well as for your relationships. You can learn communication skills to help express your anger in positive ways in therapy or in an anger management class or support group.
How to stop yelling when angry?
The first step in stopping yelling is recognizing that your angry emotions have taken you over and to know that you can regain control over the situation. Focus on taking deep breaths for a few minutes, and remove yourself from the situation with the yelling and get some quiet time, if possible and appropriate. That way, you can stop your words from hurting other people, and you can come back and talk with them once you feel calm.
How to stop being irritable?
If you have anger issues, you might get irritable easily in the course of daily life. One way to avoid an irritable mood is to pay attention to warning signs that your anger might be getting triggered. Then, you can use positive coping strategies to calm yourself down or remove yourself from the stress-provoking situation so that you don’t respond to others negatively. You can learn positive coping strategies in therapy, and therapy can also help you get to the root of your anger and irritability, perhaps investigating how past events affect your mood, especially events from when you were a child. Taking these steps can help you manage your anger in the long run and improve the overall quality of your life.
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