Cooling Down Quickly: Tips For Controlling Anger In The Moment

While anger isn’t an inherently negative emotion, it can have serious consequences if it’s not managed in a healthy way. Uncontrolled angry outbursts can affect interpersonal relationships and success at work or school. In extreme cases, they may even put the safety of the individual and those around them at risk of harm and legal consequences. Over the longer term, frequent experiences of anger may even contribute to serious health problems.

For all of these reasons, it can be important to learn how to control feelings of anger. Let’s take a closer look at the nature of this emotion and how it can impact a person, and then we’ll cover a few evidence-based strategies for how to control anger immediately. 

What causes anger?

For some people, anger is a relatively rare emotion that catches them by surprise when it does appear, while others may spend a large part of their lives feeling angry. Personality type may affect how much anger a person feels, as high neuroticism and low agreeableness per the Big Five personality model are associated with higher levels of anger expression.

Other potential causes of higher anger levels

• Environmental factors, such as growing up in a household with frequently angry family members
• Childhood abuse or other trauma
• High stress levels
• Instances of unfair treatment or discrimination
• Substance misuse 
• Certain mental health conditions
• A hormonal imbalance
• Certain illnesses

If you or a loved one is experiencing abuse, contact the Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233). Support is available 24/7.

If you are experiencing trauma, support is available. Please see our Get Help Now page for more resources.

If you are struggling with substance use, contact the SAMHSA National Helpline at (800) 662-4357 to receive support and resources. Support is available 24/7.

How uncontrolled anger can impact your life

Again, anger is not inherently bad and can even have some benefits when properly managed. For one, bottling up emotions you feel can lead to negative health consequences, so expressing your anger in an appropriate way can be healthy. In addition, research suggests that anger may increase civic engagement and help a person identify their needs and boundaries in relationships. 

Poorly managed anger can have many negative effects

However, uncontrolled or poorly managed anger can have many negative effects. It can cause you to say things you regret, which could damage relationships. It could lead to consequences at school or work, and anger that turns into aggression could result in arguments or fights. Even if you’re simply spending a lot of time ruminating on things that have irritated you, that energy may be better spent on more constructive activities. Rumination can also contribute to or worsen anxiety and depression.

Uncontrolled anger can impact gut health

It can also impact gut health, potentially leading to gastrointestinal problems like diarrhea, heartburn, and even irritable bowel syndrome (IBS) or gastroesophageal reflux disease (GERD) in more severe cases. Frequent anger can also negatively affect sleep, creating a self-sustaining cycle of more stress and irritation. 

Tips for controlling anger and angry feelings

If you experience frequent anger that’s difficult to control, using anger management techniques like the following may help you improve your relationship with this emotion and decrease your risk of negative consequences.

Breathe instead of venting

While venting about your anger may be tempting, research suggests that techniques like counting to 10 and breathing deeply may actually be more effective for decreasing anger and aggression in the moment. Strategies like these may help counteract the stress response and give you a chance to clear your head before speaking or acting.

Get active

Exercise can be a powerful tool for managing stress and anger. Like deep breathing, engaging in physical exercise like going for a run or a brisk walk may help counteract the stress response when you feel anger growing. It can also produce endorphins, which may help boost mood. Over the longer term, regular physical activity could help you manage stress and tension and contribute to improved emotional regulation as well.

Communicate and take breaks

Don’t be afraid to step away from a contentious conversation or situation when you feel your anger escalating. If you know that you have difficulty not reacting with anger or are afraid you might say something you’ll regret, you could practice communicating, “I’m going to need to step away and come back to this later” and then calmly retreating to take a walk or do some deep breathing. This can give you time to decompress when you feel angry. 

Practicing mindfulness may be effective for anger management

Deep breathing exercises, visual imagery, and progressive muscle relaxation are examples of mindfulness techniques that may be effective for anger management. After practicing them over time, they may become second nature to rely on when you’re having an angry moment. An added potential benefit is that these practices may also reduce stress and improve mental health and well-being in general. 

Try to change your perspective

Anger can sometimes grow as a result of a skewed or narrow perspective, so attempting to broaden it may sometimes help you find calm. For example, if you find that your mild irritation is growing into anger when the employee who is helping you at the store isn’t hearing you, you might try to put yourself in their shoes and extend a sense of compassion. They themselves may be having a bad day. They may be tired. They may be frustrated because they are unable to help. Recognizing both of your humanity, expanding your sense of patience, and aiming for a more balanced perspective may help you reconnect to a sense of calm.

Choose a mantra

For moments when you feel your emotional state shifting and your anger rising, it may be beneficial to have a go-to saying to remind yourself that losing your temper is not helpful. For example, you might repeat to yourself something like, “Stay calm” or “Getting angry doesn’t help.” You could also try looking up and then repeating your preferred translation of the Gayatri Mantra, which comes from ancient Indian Vedic texts. Research suggests that doing so may help reduce anxiety, stress, and anger.

Identify what triggers your anger

Finally, over the longer term, developing the self-awareness of what typically makes you upset may make it easier to head off angry feelings before they take hold. You may also be able to limit or prevent certain situations that tend to upset you. Some examples could include carrying a charger with you to avoid feeling angry when your phone dies in the middle of the day, or leaving the house earlier so you might feel less angry when a traffic jam or public transit delays slow you down.

Struggling to cope with strong emotions?

Learn healthy ways to manage anger

Seek anger management tips from a mental health professional

If you’re looking to get to the root of your anger or better manage angry feelings, you might decide to seek professional support from a therapist with experience in anger management techniques. They may guide you in identifying underlying sources of your anger, finding healthy ways to express your anger, and discovering tools and strategies that could help you reduce stress and feel calmer and more in control over time. 

Cognitive restructuring: Tips for controlling anger and angry feelings

According to the American Psychological Association, cognitive restructuring can be an effective therapeutic technique for long-term anger management. This approach is designed to help you learn to identify negative thoughts and replace them with more reasonable and healthy ones. Cognitive behavioral therapy is an evidence-based therapeutic approach that’s built on elements of cognitive restructuring, which is why it’s often recommended for individuals looking to better manage their anger.

Convenient online therapy with a mental health professional

If you have trouble adding in-person therapy sessions to a busy schedule, online therapy may be a more convenient way for you to seek support. Research suggests that online therapy can be as effective as in-person therapy, and it doesn’t require travel and often allows for more flexible scheduling. With video call, phone call, and in-app messaging options, you can meet with your therapist from the comfort of your home or anywhere you have an internet connection.