Eggshell Parenting: What Is It, And How Can It Affect Mental Health?

Being a parent isn’t always easy, as parents often have to find the right balance between structure and autonomy for their children. Despite trying to maintain balance, sometimes parents can skew toward a more authoritarian approach, and their behavior may make a child fear making a mistake or disappointing them. This is sometimes referred to as “eggshell parenting.” 

What does the term “eggshell parenting” mean?

The term “eggshell parenting” took off after being used by a psychologist on TikTok, and it refers to a parenting style that makes a child feel that they must walk on eggshells to keep their parents happy. Eggshell parents often have trouble with maintaining their own emotional stability. They may show loving care one moment and lose their temper the next. 

An eggshell parent may have difficulty with emotional regulation for a number of reasons. They may experience mental illnesses like mood or personality disorders, or their own childhood may have lacked dependable emotional support. They may also have had a repeated and ongoing experience of trauma in their own lives. 

How eggshell parenting can affect children

Having moments of frustration or anger does not make you an eggshell parent. Eggshell parenting is when the levels of emotional instability demonstrated by a parent cause fear and uncertainty in a child. This can look like a pattern of love and affection, interspersed with inexplicable rage or bouts of criticism. 

Eggshell parenting can lead to a variety of challenges for children. A child may become unsure about what reaction they will get from a parent at any given time, which may lead to: 

• Low self-esteem. Because they can’t predict how a parent will react to them, a child can end up questioning everything about themselves and end up with a feeling of poor self-worth.
• Difficulty regulating their own emotions. Because eggshell parenting doesn’t provide secure guidance of how to handle feelings, a child can show signs of emotional instability or dysregulation.  
• An avoidant attachment response. Unstable parenting styles like eggshell parenting can lead to a child to this self-protective attachment style. Someone with an avoidant attachment style can be very independent and experience difficulty building close relationships. 
• A lack of boundaries. Someone with an eggshell parenting style may have a child who is overly attached to them, as they can have difficulty separating their own emotions from those of their child. 

Signs of eggshell parenting 

There are signs you can look for to help determine whether you use an eggshell parenting style. Simply becoming stressed or frustrated at times does not necessarily mean you’re developing eggshell parenting styles. Eggshell parenting typically requires creating an ongoing environment of unpredictability and fear. Here are some common signs to look for:

• Your child may have physical symptoms, such as frequent stomach aches, headaches, or difficulty sleeping.
• You have a tendency to set extremely high standards for your child.
• Your child has difficulty discussing thoughts or feelings with you because they are nervous or fearful of how you will react.
• You have a tendency to change rules to suit different moods or situations, which can make your child feel confused about how to behave.
• You have a strong emotional reaction to minor situations.

The effects of eggshell parenting on adults and parenting styles

Eggshell parenting can have a negative impact on a child’s well-being, and this impact can follow them into adulthood. Adults who are the product of eggshell parenting may be more prone to depression, anxiety, and other mood disorders. They may also have difficulty building and maintaining healthy relationships due to low self-esteem and an unstable attachment style. 

Another consideration is that this type of parenting style can create a cyclical effect. Research published in 2021 shows that parenting styles can be passed on from one generation to another. A child with eggshell parents can grow up with the same emotional instability that their parents demonstrated and therefore engage in eggshell parenting themselves. 

How to avoid eggshell parenting 

Even if you were raised by eggshell parents or notice certain tendencies in yourself, it doesn’t necessarily mean that you are doomed to repeat the cycle—parenting styles can be changed with some time and effort. Here are some strategies you can use to break free from eggshell parenting: 

Build self-awareness. The first step is to find out more about yourself and how you interact with others, including your children. Recognizing eggshell parenting tendencies can lead to taking action toward changing these behaviors. 

Heal your relationships. Genuinely apologizing to your child and acknowledging your past behavior may help with the healing process. 

Work on stress management skills. Often the instability of a parent’s emotions can spring from unresolved or overwhelming stress in their lives. It may help to implement positive coping mechanisms for stress to avoid taking it out on those around you.

Create strong and healthy boundaries. A child with eggshell parents often becomes fearful because they don’t know what to expect. By setting clear boundaries and expectations, you can provide a stable and comfortable environment. 

Practice patience and non-judgment. It may help to talk to your child often about how they are feeling and about what is going on in their life. You might practice speaking calmly and positively without judging their decisions. This may take time, but you can rebuild trust with your child if you work at it. 

Offer positive comments. If you find that you’ve been overly critical in the past, it may help to take some time to honestly praise your child for their accomplishments. 

Work with a therapist. Therapy can help with any of the above strategies. A therapist is professionally trained in interpersonal relationships, communication styles, and stress management. 

Therapy can be a helpful tool for anyone who has been the child of an eggshell parent, as well as for someone who exhibits eggshell parenting tendencies. With an evidence-based approach like cognitive behavioral therapy, a therapist may be able to help you identify undesirable thoughts and behaviors and work on changing negative patterns. 

For busy parents who may not have the time or energy to schedule and attend in-person appointments, online therapy can be an effective solution. Studies show that online therapy can be just as effective as in-person therapy, and it allows you to meet with your therapist from home via audio, video, or live chat.