How To Celebrate Valentine's Day After A Breakup: Self-Care And Transformations

Experiencing a breakup close to Valentine’s Day can be challenging, especially if others around you are excited about the holiday. Whether or not you were the one to initiate the breakup, you may be confused about how to spend Valentine’s Day on your own. It may be helpful to see this holiday as a chance for self-love and transformation rather than a reminder of what you have lost. You can cultivate self-love in a few ways, starting with redefining what Valentine’s Day means to you this year. It may be helpful to take a short trip, partake in a closure ritual, practice self-soothing skills, and avoid reaching out to your ex. A licensed therapist, whether online or in person, can offer professional guidance in healing after a breakup.

Can you celebrate Valentine’s Day after a breakup? 

Valentine’s Day is often associated with romantic love, relationships, marriage, and dates. However, anyone can celebrate Valentine’s Day, and you don’t have to be in a relationship to enjoy and appreciate love in all its forms, including self-love. 

10 ways to celebrate Valentine’s Day after a breakup 

If you choose to celebrate Valentine’s Day or commemorate the day in some way, the below options may be helpful to you. 

Chocolate, wine, and movies: Take yourself out on a V-Day date

You don’t have to be in a relationship to go on a date. Consider taking yourself on a “self-date” by doing what you’d typically do on a romantic date on your own. For example, you might take yourself out to dinner at a fancy restaurant, dress up in clothes that increase your confidence, and watch a movie at the theater. 

You might end the night with a hot bath and a spa treatment to thank yourself for your own company. Doing so may remove your focus from preconceived notions of what Valentine’s Day “should” be. In addition, taking yourself on a date may bring a sense of joy and excitement to the holiday that can take your mind off your past relationship. 

Partake in a closure ritual 

Getting closure from a relationship can be challenging, especially if it ended on poor terms. In these cases, the energy of the holidays might offer a moment to practice a closure ritual that makes sense to you, such as writing and burning a letter, going to a location you used to frequent with your ex to say goodbye in your mind, or lighting a candle in honor of the end of your relationship. If you have spiritual beliefs, you might include them in this practice. 

Go out with friends or family 

Valentine’s Day can be a day to celebrate love in all forms. If you have other people in your life who aren’t planning to celebrate or aren’t in relationships, consider inviting them to a fancy dinner reservation or a night at home playing card games. It can be helpful to find ways to connect with other people to distract yourself from thoughts about romantic love, and social connection can improve mental well-being. 

Offer yourself support and learn to sit with grief 

A breakup can be a challenging experience, and it may lead to grief. Although breakups can be common, they may be isolating, and you might notice negative self-talk or challenging thoughts about “what could’ve been.” 

Sitting with your grief and having empathy for yourself can mean being open to what your grief has to teach you. Let the emotions pass without trying to judge them, label them, or come up with solutions. Cry if needed and give yourself the patience to go at your own pace. You may notice that your emotions come and go in waves, so try to ride through those waves and give yourself the space and time to do so. 

Practice self-soothing skills from DBT

Self-soothing is an emotional regulation skill from the dialectical behavior therapy treatment modality to help you develop self-care rituals. This skill generally involves finding self-care activities that support all five of your senses. It can be a helpful skill when going through a breakup and a way to treat yourself on Valentine’s Day. 

Below are a few ideas: 

• Sight: Look at a photo album, try on a new outfit, apply makeup, watch a movie or TV show, go people-watching, spend time outdoors, read a book
• Scent: Light a candle or incense, bake a sweet treat, cook an aromatic dinner with spices
• Sound: Listen to a new artist, create a fun Spotify playlist, play white noise, listen to nature sounds
• Touch: Wear comfortable loungewear, change your bedsheets, wear slippers, cuddle with your pets, hug someone you love, apply lotion, complete a skincare routine, take a shower or bath 
• Taste: Try a new food, order takeout, eat a nutritious snack, practice mindfulness as you eat

Don’t celebrate

You aren’t obligated to celebrate or acknowledge Valentine’s Day this year. If you would be more comfortable following your regular schedule, viewing Valentine’s Day as just another day may be cathartic. You can also ask other people in your life to avoid mentioning the holiday to you if it makes you uncomfortable. 

Practice Self-care and focus on healing after a breakup

Physical activity and self-care may be grounding for you when experiencing strong emotions after a breakup. Activities like going for a walk, practicing yoga, hiking, stretching, or getting a massage may help you get in touch with your body if you’re experiencing a sense of dissociation. You might also benefit from eating nutritious foods or having a treat you enjoy. Another way to care for your body could be to have a spa night with skincare, a hot bath, and a self-massager for your back.

Journal your feelings about Valentine’s Day after a breakup

Psychologists have found that writing after a breakup can be significantly healing. You don’t necessarily have to write about your breakup, but writing about your feelings and experiences may help you move through the emotions and thoughts. 

In addition, expressive writing (like journaling) has been linked to increased well-being, although updated evidence may be beneficial. If you don’t enjoy writing, you might journal through audio notes on your phone or via doodles in a notebook. 

Avoid reaching out to your ex

On Valentine’s Day, seeing other people with their partners may cause you to consider reaching out to your ex. However, try to avoid contact with them, as reaching out to someone out of loneliness or a desire not to be left out of the holidays can be unhealthy and may lead to more emotional pain in the future. In addition, try to avoid looking for a future partner or new relationship, as it may be unhealthy to begin a new relationships only out of the desire not to be alone. 

If you have the urge to talk to your ex, find someone in your life you can speak to instead and try to distract yourself with activities that take up a lot of your mental space, such as board games, video games, reading, or spending time with someone you love. 

Go somewhere new 

If you’re experiencing a sense of being “stuck” after a breakup, it might be helpful to take a quick trip somewhere else. You could book a hotel room or vacation rental in your city and take a few nights away to have time to yourself in a new environment. Sleeping in clean sheets, running a long bath, enjoying a complimentary breakfast, and being “on vacation” may be beneficial for you. You don’t necessarily have to leave your city to take a healing trip. 

Support options for Valentine's Day after a breakup

If you struggle to heal after a breakup, you’re not alone. A therapist may be a beneficial resource as you navigate this phase of life. They can help you process what occurred in your relationship and guide you in moving forward healthily. 

Benefits of online therapy

If you struggle to attend in-person therapy, you’re not alone. Many people have found success accessing therapeutic services remotely. Online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp can offer flexibility and control over the therapy process, enabling you to attend therapy from home and match with a professional from a database of over 30,000 therapists. In addition, you can participate in weekly group sessions focused on various topics to meet others who may be struggling with similar challenges. 

Effectiveness of online therapy

The boom in online therapy participants in recent years has spurred a large wave of research examining its effectiveness. In these studies, researchers have generally found that internet-based interventions can be as effective as traditional therapy.