How To Cope With Becoming An Empty Nester: A Practical Guide

The departure of your children from home, whether to begin work, attend college, start their own families, or embark on an independent journey, can mark a significant transition in a parent’s life. This period, often called “empty nest syndrome,” can stir a range of positive and negative emotions. Many of these emotions can be conflicting. For example, while you might feel excited about your next chapter as empty nest parents, you may also feel anxious about what lies ahead. 

Understanding what empty nest syndrome is, hearing common experiences, and knowing your options for mental health support may put you in the driver’s seat during your transition. 

What is “empty nest” syndrome?

Empty nest syndrome refers to a period of transition and potential psychological distress affecting caregivers — men, women, and nonbinary people alike — which can occur when their children suddenly leave home for the first time.  Note that this “syndrome” is not a clinical diagnosis or disorder but rather a phase of life that can lead to a sense of loss and emptiness in adults.

As a parent, your role for the past few decades may have centered primarily on caring for your children. When your children leave home — perhaps as soon as they graduate from their senior year of high school — it can cause a significant shift in your daily life, roles, responsibilities, and identity, potentially leading to a sense of loss. While many empty nesters may expect to feel a sense of grief and loss of meaning during this time, this stage in your life can also offer a moment for personal growth and exploration.

The full spectrum of emotions in empty nest syndrome 

Becoming an empty nester can stir up a colorful palette of emotions. This so-called “new freedom” may be frightening and overwhelming, yet exciting and challenging. Whatever you are feeling, you are not alone. Below are some feelings commonly experienced during this period of change in parents’ or caregivers’ lives. 

Nostalgia

A sense of nostalgia can be natural as your family home may seem quieter and the rooms emptier. This nostalgia may be a beautiful reflection of the fond memories created over the years with your children. Alongside nostalgia, it can be normal to experience feelings of grief, loss, or difficulty transitioning to a new normal. 

Concern

As a parent, worrying about your children’s well-being as they age can be natural. This concern may underscore your deep care and love for your children, even when they’re not under the same roof. If you find your concern transitions into persistent anxiety, seeking the support of a licensed therapist may help you develop coping strategies to lessen this experience. 

Solitude or loneliness

After your last child has left home, you might experience periods of solitude or loneliness. This newfound quiet and free time can provide the perfect backdrop for self-reflection, allowing you to rediscover your interests and aspirations.

Self-rediscovery

With your role as a hands-on parent shifting, you may find yourself on a journey of self-discovery. This journey can be a profoundly enriching phase as you explore aspects of your identity beyond parenthood.

Marital stress

For couples, a transition like your children moving out can provide an opportunity to refocus on your relationship. Some couples may find their relationship has been neglected during child-rearing years, and finding a new normal without children poses challenges of its own. However, this stage of life can also be an opportunity to rekindle the spark and explore the new dynamic in your marriage or partnership.

A mixture of emotions 

It can be natural to experience a range of emotions during this transition, and it’s healthy to take time to adjust. If emotions related to becoming an empty nester are overwhelming or persistent, seeking professional help can be a proactive step toward navigating this transition with resilience. The empty nest phase, like others, can be filled with potential for personal growth, self-exploration, and newfound joy.

Tips for coping with empty nest syndrome

It is normal and safe to grieve. Your feelings of loss are real, and it can be crucial to give yourself time to adjust. Below are several strategies to manage these emotions and create opportunities for personal growth.

Find new social outlets

As your daily routine changes focus, you may have more time for socializing and hobbies. This space can offer an opportunity to expand your social circle. Consider joining clubs, groups, or community organizations that align with your interests. Doing so may provide a chance to make new friends and engage in rewarding social interactions. Don’t hesitate to step out of your comfort zone and try new social activities.

It might also be beneficial to discuss your feelings with friends or family members who are going through a similar experience. Increased social support has been correlated with lower rates of depression for empty nesters, along with decreased loneliness.

Stay involved

While your children start their independent lives, try to remain a supportive figure. Try to stay involved in their lives without intruding on their newfound independence. This effort could mean being there for important events, offering advice when asked, or providing emotional support from a distance. 

Becoming an empty nester doesn’t mean you stop being a parent, but the dynamics may evolve. In addition, with the popularity of technology, it can be easier to stay connected, even if your children are hundreds of miles away. 

Rediscover your identity

With your primary role shifting from a hands-on parent, you may question your identity. This part of the transition can be normal and may offer an opportunity to rediscover yourself. Reflect on your values, passions, and dreams. Who are you beyond being a parent? What do you want to achieve in this next phase of your life? Self-reflection can guide you toward a fulfilling path that aligns with your identity. If you’re married or in a relationship, use this time to reconnect with your spouse without the complexities of raising children.    

Invest in personal growth

When your children leave home, it can offer time to invest in personal growth. You might want to pursue further education, develop new skills, or start a business. Personal development can bring a sense of achievement and purpose to your life, reducing feelings of emptiness or loss.

Professional support options for empty nesters

If the transition to an empty nest is particularly challenging, or if feelings of sadness, depression, or anxiety persist, it can be beneficial to seek professional help. Therapists can provide tools and strategies to cope with loss, redefine your identity, and plan a fulfilling future. 

Several factors influence the psychological response to having children leave home. If you face barriers to finding in-person support, online therapy can help you navigate the individual factors affecting you. Online therapy platforms like BetterHelp for individuals and ReGain for couples offer convenience and availability, allowing you to get support from the comfort of your home. In addition, you can choose session times that align with your schedule, including outside of standard business hours. 

In addition to its benefits, research has shown that online therapy can be as effective as traditional in-person therapy for treating various mental health conditions, including anxiety and depression, often associated with the transition to an empty nest.