How To Let Go Of The Past And Move Into The New Year Without Emotional Pain

The start of a new year is often viewed as an opportunity to set goals, let go of limiting mindsets, and renew motivation. It’s a transitional time for many, characterized by moving forward, newness, transformation, and commitment to self-care and personal growth—whether that’s setting a new goal or letting go of a past relationship. However, in some cases, fears, limiting beliefs, or negative past experiences can lead to difficulties with the motivation to go after one’s goals. To move into 2024 with a renewed mindset, it may be valuable to look at common causes of feeling “stuck” in the past along with ways to let go of unhealthy or constraining patterns. 

Reasons you might have difficulty letting go of the past

Many people want to use the changing of the calendar as an opportunity to turn over a new leaf in their lives. However, the sense of being stuck in the past or controlled by previous experiences, thoughts, and emotions can limit one’s potential to start fresh. Below are examples of some mindsets that might contribute to making a person feel stuck in this way.

Fear of taking risks

In some cases, having trouble letting go of old patterns or trying something new could be related to a general fear of taking risks or of the unknown. Not knowing what might happen if you let go of certain paradigms may feel scary, which is why a common first response to the unknown is to avoid it, rather than embrace it. 

However, studies suggest that positive, thoughtful, and calculated risk-taking behavior has the potential to lead to an increased sense of identity, improved self-esteem, and a higher quality of life. For this reason, embracing the unknown to some degree may sometimes be a healthy way to move forward.

Limiting routines 

Healthy routines can support a person’s physical and psychological well-being and provide them with a sense of stability in their daily lives. However, as with many things, moderation is often key. Some people may have trouble experiencing a sense of renewal or forget to focus on their goals because their routines have become “too comfortable.” 

Getting overly caught up in certain routines—especially those that are unhealthy or no longer serve you—can result in living on “auto-pilot” and not thinking about the future. In cases like these, injecting a sense of newness and refreshment into your day-to-day life even in small ways could help you gain a sense of control and productive forward motion.

Emotional pain or traumatic experiences

Our tendency to take the past into account before acting is an evolutionary mechanism that helped us avoid pain, predators, and other dangers in the early days of human life. For modern humans, learning from the past can still be a helpful tool, but it also has the potential to generate fears and negative thoughts, making us feel stuck.

Negative past experiences can even contribute to the development of mental illnesses in some cases, with disorders like post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) being strongly linked to past trauma. That’s why working toward healing from such experiences—usually with the support of a mental health professional—is often a cornerstone of personal growth and improved mental health.

Tips to let go of the past and embrace the new year

The sense of possibility that the new year often brings can get people excited about their goals and the direction their lives may take over the next twelve months. In addition to addressing factors like the ones above that may be holding you back, trying out some of the tips below may also help you realize your goals and move into the new year with hope and purpose.

How to let go of the past: Switch up your routines

Again, while some routines can be beneficial, others may be limiting or stagnating. Even people with healthy routines could sometimes benefit from the novelty of making some changes if they’re looking to reach new goals or explore other parts of themselves in the new year. 

Whether you’re looking to boost productivity, make progress on your to-do list, or simply enrich your life in 2024, trying things outside of your normal patterns could help. Some examples include picking up a new hobby, exploring a part of your town or city you’ve never been to before, striking up a conversation with a neighbor you’ve never met, or taking a different route home from work now and again. You might also take inspiration from successful people whom you admire, creating new rituals for your mornings, your self-care, or the way you interact with friends. 

Connect with a sense of purpose, belief, or spirituality

Research suggests that having a sense of purpose can help a person feel less lonely, and loneliness has been closely linked to adverse mental health experiences. Having a sense of belief, connectedness, or purpose may also help an individual feel more stable or comfortable with their place in the world, potentially allowing them to release the past, try new things, or take healthy risks. Tips for finding a sense of purpose or leaning into your own sense of spirituality could include:

• Reflecting on your skills, talents, and passions
• Reflecting on the things that matter most to you
• Cultivating strong social connections with people who make you feel seen
• Volunteering for a cause that’s meaningful to you
• Journaling
• Practicing gratitude

Practice good sleep hygiene

According to a wealth of research on the topic, sleep is one of the most essential aspects of overall wellness. In addition to supporting physical and mental health, it can also promote improved cognitive function, emotional resilience, and an increased ability to handle stress. For those who are looking to release the past and actively move toward their goals in 2024, focusing on getting enough quality sleep may be an important step toward success. 

Some tips for practicing good sleep hygiene can include: 

• Put your devices away at least an hour or two before you sleep
• Create a relaxing bedtime ritual, such as taking a warm shower, drinking tea, or reading a book
• Use a dim and warm-toned lamp if you need light before you sleep
• Sleep in a dark, quiet place
• Practice mindfulness, gratitude, self-compassion, or meditation before you go to sleep
• Only use your bed for sleeping and sex, not for work or other activities

Try somatic grounding practices

The past can sometimes hurt, metaphorically and literally. This is because the body may sometimes hold onto a painful experience even if the mind isn’t consciously doing so. In fact, the experience of past trauma—especially childhood trauma—is strongly associated with autoimmune conditions, chronic pain, difficulty identifying negative emotions or feelings in the body, and various other medical and mental health conditions and challenges.

Using somatic grounding practices may help you release tension, focus on the present moment, and find a deeper level of relaxation. If you also engage in self-reflection and healing processes such as journaling or therapy, you may be able to link these practices with this kind of physical work to enhance your own healing. Some examples of somatic grounding practices include:

• Yoga
• Progressive muscle relaxation
• Mindful breathing
• Self-hugging
• Body tapping

Consider a goodbye ritual for mistakes and negative emotions

New Year’s Day is often considered a symbolic holiday representing fresh beginnings. Completing a symbolic ritual to let go of outdated thoughts, beliefs, behaviors, relationships, and past mistakes may be a helpful way to solidify your decision to move forward in your mind. Below are a few ideas for a “goodbye” ritual: 

• Make a list of everything that happened in the past year that you want to leave behind and then rip it up
• Write a letter to your past self, thanking them for their efforts and expressing your commitment to change
• Create a time capsule you can open at the end of 2024 when you’ve met or made progress on your goals
• Throw a “goodbye party” for your old self, outdated habits, and limiting beliefs that you’re ready to leave behind

How to let go of the past: Talk to a mental health professional 

Another way to move forward from the past is to seek professional help from a clinical psychologist, such as an individual or couples therapist, or a licensed marriage and family therapist. 

In some cases, lifestyle changes may not be enough to help you work toward the healing of significant emotional wounds or mental barriers. In addition, those experiencing symptoms of a mental health condition—whether trauma-related or not—should know that such symptoms generally do not resolve on their own and can be compassionately addressed by a licensed professional. A variety of types of therapy can be useful for healing and growth, from acceptance and commitment therapy to cognitive behavioral therapy, psychodynamic therapy, and others. A professional may be able to help you find the right one for you. In general, a therapist can also guide you toward healing and coping skills that may help you in the new year, which is why seeing a therapist can be a powerful New Year’s resolution.

If you face barriers to finding a therapist in your area, such as distance, finances, or scheduling, you may find it easier to receive support through an online therapy platform. With BetterHelp, for example, you can connect with a therapist from the comfort of home via phone, video, and/or in-app messaging. 

A growing body of scientific evidence suggests that online therapy can be as effective as in-person sessions for addressing various mental health concerns. One study, for example, suggests that online therapy may be even more effective than face-to-face options in reducing symptoms of anxiety and depression.