How To Start A Conversation With A Girl

When you’re interested in starting a conversation with someone, you may feel intimidated or unsure of where to start. Initiating a conversation can seem daunting, especially when you don’t know someone very well. However, there are some tips and tricks you can use to get the conversation flowing and get to know a person better when you first start talking. It can be helpful to begin with small talk, ask open-ended questions, listen as much as you talk, and pay attention to the other person’s nonverbal cues. A licensed therapist can help you address social anxiety disorder or a lack of confidence that may prevent you from starting conversations with others.

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Creating a deeper connection

The first step to starting a conversation with someone can be deciding what you want to talk about. If you know the person already, it may be useful to start a conversation based on a shared interest or experience. For example, if you want to talk to a girl in your class, you could ask her what she thought of a recent reading assignment. 

If you are interested in talking to someone you don’t know well, you may wish to initiate a connection by simply introducing yourself, then following up with, “What’s your name?” From there, you can continue the conversation by complimenting the person: “I love your shirt!” Or asking a simple follow-up question, such as “How is your day going?” or “Do you come here often?” depending on the context of your conversation.

Here are some general conversation tips:

• Start with small talk. If you don’t know a person well, it’s generally not a good idea to ask about their deepest childhood wounds or their saddest memories. Topics like music, movies, and the weather are examples of easy topics to discuss when you’re first getting to know someone.
• Keep the conversation going with open-ended questions. Asking open-ended questions generally prompts the other person to say more than “yes” or “no.” This can give you more information to respond to and continue the conversation.
• Be sure to listen as much as you talk. Try not to dominate the conversation, and make sure to actively listen to the other person’s answers – don’t just wait for your turn to speak. It can be important for the other person to feel heard.

It may be helpful to understand that not everyone will be interested in having a conversation, especially if you do not know each other. Some people feel uncomfortable speaking with individuals they don’t know well. If the person with whom you’re trying to converse doesn’t seem interested in talking to you, it is likely a good idea to pull back and end the conversation. 

Talking in person versus online

When it comes to starting a conversation with someone, you may approach the situation differently depending on whether the conversation takes place in person or online. Studies show that about one in 10 partnered couples met on a dating app, and those connections likely began with an online conversation. 

A major factor to consider when speaking with someone online rather than in person may be that tone of voice and body language are usually absent. This can mean that some messages may be easily misinterpreted. For example, a friendly “Hey!” to someone in person may be an easy conversation starter, but online, sending a message that just says “Hey” may not be enough to prompt a reply. Instead, sending a message that involves a greeting and an open-ended question may be a better way to get a conversation going. Adding emojis and using punctuation can also help you better express yourself.

Creative conversation starters

Although a straightforward “Hello” can work for many people, you may be interested in a more creative conversation starter to get to know someone better. Below, we offer several potential conversation topics to get their attention.

• What’s your favorite hobby?
• Who was your favorite band or musician as a kid?
• What’s the best movie you’ve seen recently?
• If you could be any animal, what would you be, and why?
• Have you ever met anyone famous?
• Are you a morning person or a night owl?
• What’s your hidden talent?
• Are you an introvert or an extrovert?
• Do you like your job?
• What fictional character do you wish was real?

Whether you’re speaking with someone online or in person, asking a great conversation starter like the questions above may pique a person’s interest and facilitate a more engaging conversation. After you’ve asked a conversation starter, be sure to let the conversation flow naturally. In general, you don’t want to ask question after question, because the other person may sense they’re being interviewed or interrogated.

How to tell if they are interested

Imagine that you’re talking to someone new, and you’ve gotten the conversation flowing. How do you know if the person is genuinely interested in you, or if they’re just making conversation?

Someone who is not interested in future conversations with you will likely offer short answers to your questions, stick to small talk, not ask you any questions, and avoid eye contact. 

Talking to new people: Mental health support

If you’re struggling with starting conversations with new people, know that you’re not alone. Many people experience challenges in this area due to a mental health condition called social anxiety. Others may struggle with a lack of confidence, which can make it tough for them to approach people they’re interested in. 

Despite the challenges that can come with meeting new people – whether it’s in the form of dating or making new friends – there are many options available to strengthen your conversation skills and social life. Many people find they can improve their conversation skills by changing a few things in their everyday lives, like becoming more active listeners, learning to pause and think before speaking, and paying more attention to nonverbal cues. 

Working with a therapist can also be beneficial, especially for those struggling with social anxiety or low confidence. A therapist can help you identify thoughts, emotions, and behaviors that may be contributing to your social anxiety or confidence difficulties and provide tools to address these concerns. Research indicates that therapy can be an effective treatment method for social anxiety.

Does starting a conversation make you feel anxious?

Get advice from a licensed therapist

Additionally, you can choose a therapy setting that works best for you and your needs. Those looking for social support and therapy may benefit from group therapy. 

Others who want a convenient option may opt for online therapy, which generally enables you to connect with a licensed mental health provider from the comfort of your home. Online therapy can be a more accessible option for those with busy lifestyles or limited transportation, and research indicates that it can be as effective as traditional, in-office therapy. 

A 2022 study found that 86% of participants achieved remission from social anxiety disorder after going through an online cognitive behavioral therapy intervention.