If You Miss Someone, Can They Feel It?
Whether you’re healing from a breakup or processing the death of a loved one, missing someone can come with a wide range of emotions, including sadness, anger, guilt, and disbelief. People cope with these feelings in many ways. Some may believe that if they miss someone, that person can sense it. While this may be a comforting thought, evidence generally doesn’t support it. Still, there are various strategies you can try to cope in situations where you cannot or should not be in contact with the person you miss, such as writing them a letter (but not sending it), practicing self-care, and talking with a therapist.
What causes us to miss someone?
When a relationship is interrupted or ends, missing someone can be a way of learning to cope with the loss. If someone is a part of your life, it can be natural to miss them when they are no longer there. You may look back at your time together with rose-colored glasses, remembering only the good times, or you may experience a sense of emptiness or grief.
The reason why the person is no longer present in your life can also impact why and to what extent you miss them. For example, if you have a friend who moved to another state, you may miss their daily presence in your life, but you can still reach out and connect with them. Being able to maintain a relationship can make your feelings more manageable.
If you miss someone after a romantic relationship ends, those feelings can be more challenging. When you are the one who chooses to end the relationship, you may experience more of a sense of acceptance, but you may still miss the person. However, when the end of the relationship is not your choice, research shows people usually go through two mental stages: protest and resignation.
During the protest stage, you might try to win the person back. This stage is usually fueled by a surge of extra dopamine and norepinephrine in the brain. You may desperately search for what you’re missing, and this desperation can be frightening. In the resignation stage, you may stop protesting and accept that the relationship is over, but you may still miss the other person desperately. In this stage, dopamine and serotonin usually decline, and sadness may set in.
The death of a loved one can be exceptionally challenging to navigate. You may experience many emotions, including shock, denial, disbelief, yearning, sadness, despair, guilt, and more. All these feelings can be common and expected reactions to this type of loss, and they may help you come to terms with it. You may never stop missing a loved one who passed, but the pain may ease with time, allowing you to go on with your life.
What does missing someone feel like?
Missing someone tends to be a personal experience that can vary between individuals. You may experience physical symptoms, like nausea or an ache in your chest. You may cry when you think about them, experience a deep sense of longing, or feel angry or guilty. It may seem like you cannot concentrate on anything else, and you may be desperate to see or talk to them again. Missing someone can also affect your mental health, leading to changes in appetite, loneliness, and a lack of interest in activities you once enjoyed.
Sometimes, these feelings are temporary. They can come and go, but they generally improve over time. In other cases, missing someone can lead to symptoms of depression, and you may need help coping with them.
If you miss someone, can they feel it?
Some people may believe that others can sense when you’re missing them due to the strong connection you may have shared. For example, they may think they see signs that the other person is somehow acknowledging that they are thinking about them or that they miss them. Some occurrences that people may find meaningful in this respect include the following:
- Having dreams about the other person
- Getting a call, text, or message from them out of the blue
- Hearing about them from friends and other people in your life
- Seeing reminders of them everywhere
- Running into them randomly
There is currently no scientific evidence that this type of extrasensory perception (ESP) exists. While it may be unlikely that someone can sense that you miss them, believing that they do may be a way to cope with your own emotions.
How to cope with missing someone
Learning how to cope with missing someone can be challenging. In the case of a break-up, it can be hard to accept that the other person does not feel the same way anymore or that the best thing for both of you may be to cut off communication altogether. If you’re experiencing the death of a loved one, it can be challenging to come to terms with the idea that they are truly gone. Here are some things you can try to cope.
Write them a letter
When you miss someone, you might think about everything you wish you’d said to them. Writing them a letter, even if you never send it, can help you externalize your thoughts and feelings, potentially lessening your pain.
Make a scrapbook
Making a scrapbook can be a way to honor your memories of the person and the time you spent together. Fill your scrapbook with happy memories, like photos of funny moments or maps, napkins, brochures, and other reminders of experiences you had together. After you create the memory book, set it aside. Allow yourself a set time to look at it, such as 15 minutes every day or an hour each week. Focus entirely on your good memories of the past. Then, put your scrapbook away and focus on the present moment.
Take care of yourself
Ensure that you are taking care of your needs. Try to eat nutritious meals, engage in daily exercise, and get enough sleep. You can also pamper yourself by getting a massage or a manicure. Participating in mindfulness practices may also be helpful. For example, you can list the things for which you are grateful or take a long walk and pay attention to your senses as you experience the world around you.
Get professional help
Sometimes, talking to a mental health professional can help you cope with your grief and move forward. It isn’t unusual to experience a range of emotions when you’re missing someone, but if you are experiencing symptoms of depression, like sleep disturbances, feelings of hopelessness, irritability, loss of interest in most activities, lack of energy, changes in appetite or weight, or difficulty concentrating, therapy can help.
You do not have to have a mental health condition to work with a therapist, and there are many options for accessing care. Online therapy can be a less costly, more convenient option. If you’re interested in trying teletherapy, consider an online platform like BetterHelp. With BetterHelp, you can work with a provider from the comfort of your home at a time that suits your schedule. There are more than 30,000 therapists on the platform, and you can switch providers at any time until you find the right fit.
Research shows that online therapy can be an effective treatment for the symptoms of grief. A 2020 study found that internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy treatments “can help to reduce the symptoms related to the loss of a significant person in a relatively short time.”
Takeaway
Missing someone to whom you feel deeply connected can result in complicated emotions that can be hard to manage and overcome. Whether you’re going through a breakup or navigating the death of a loved one, working with an online therapist can help you manage these challenging feelings, focus on the present, and move forward. Strategies like practicing self-care or creating a scrapbook of happy memories may also be beneficial.
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