New Year, New You: How To Let Go Of The Past And Look Forward

It can be hard to think of a holiday more closely associated with new beginnings than New Year’s. From seasonal cleaning to changing out the calendar and setting New Year’s resolutions, it may seem like everywhere you look, change is happening, and people are clearing out the old to make way for the new. But despite all the talk of new beginnings surrounding the start of a new year, letting go of the past can sometimes be easier said than done. 

As the year comes to a close, it can be natural to dwell on the past actions or events that didn’t go the way you hoped.

Why it can be hard to let go of the past

It can be common for people to think of the new year as a clean slate: a chance to leave the past behind and prioritize personal growth. So why can letting go of painful thoughts and past trauma feel like such a difficult task? 

There may actually be a scientific explanation: research suggests that negative memories tend to stick in our minds more than positive ones. In a 2019 study, researchers asked 20 adults to recall either a happy memory or a sad one. 16 of the participants chose a sad memory, even when the memories were further in the past. 

The reason for this may be connected to stress. In a different 2021 study, researchers put 64 participants through a mock job interview. For half the participants, the interview was designed to be stressful, while for the other half, the interview was designed to be friendly and relaxed. Using an MRI scan the following day, researchers found that the participants in the stressful group had stronger memories of objects they saw during the interview. 

The exact reason for this phenomenon has been a topic of discussion, but it may have an evolutionary explanation. Remembering a stressful event can help us take steps to avoid a similar, painful experience in the future. While it may have been a useful survival tool for early humans, this can make it easy to dwell on past experiences, even when they only trigger negative thoughts. 

You may have learned at a young age that touching a hot stove will result in feeling pain, therefore you remember to avoid touching hot surfaces in the future. In a similar context, both emotional hurt and anger affect us by causing pain. As it is a natural first response to avoid pain, we tend to stay stuck on these past experiences in an unconscious effort to protect ourselves moving forward. 

Unfortunately, in regards to psychological well-being, this response often causes us to feel pain even more intensely. While the journey can be challenging, letting go of painful feelings is often possible through self-care, practicing mindfulness, or working with a clinical psychologist. 

Why is moving forward important this New Year’s?

The saying that “the past hurts” can have some truth to it, especially as the end of the year approaches. As we reflect on this past year, it can be natural to recall emotional pain and focus on what we wish we could change, which can have negative effects for our mental health. However, because New Year’s is often associated with new beginnings, it can also be an opportunity to refocus on the future and challenge limiting beliefs. 

Although anyone can benefit from moving on from past negative experiences, it can be especially helpful in certain situations. Some examples include:

Relationship challenges: It can be natural to want to cling to a current relationship, even when it isn’t healthy or happy. It can also be tempting to dwell on past relationships and wonder if things could have worked out differently. This can cause you to feel guilt and make healing harder and be open to the possibility of a new, more fulfilling relationship. Whether you can’t stop thinking about your ex or you sense that it’s time to end your current relationship, this new year can be a chance to move forward in a healthy way. 

Major life transitions: Big life changes such as moving, changing careers, getting married, or having a child can be filled with mixed emotions. Even when the change is positive, it can be easy to get caught up in thoughts of what things used to be like. This can lead to frustration and unhappiness and make it harder to enjoy the positives of your new situation. Letting go of your past and focusing on your future can help you fully embrace new opportunities. 

Perfectionism: For people with perfectionistic tendencies, letting go of the past can be especially difficult. Perfectionism can make it easy to fixate on past mistakes and be hard on yourself for things you wish you had done differently. Although breaking this habit can be a process, the new year can be an opportunity to start practicing self-forgiveness and viewing past mistakes as learning opportunities. 

Anxiety: Anxiety is often associated with worrying about the future, but it frequently originates in past experiences. Remembering past mistakes can make a person worry about repeating them. It can also accelerate procrastination, fear of taking risks, and overthinking about possible negative outcomes. Taking steps to be more present can help reduce these worries in this new year. 

Even if you don’t fall into one of the above groups, letting go and moving forward can still have various benefits, including reductions in stress to a greater ability to embrace change—in the new year and beyond. 

How to let go of emotional pain this New Year’s: New year, new you!

Although it may not always be easy to move on from things that happened before, a few methods may make the process easier, allowing you to start your new year with greater clarity and motivation. If you’re interested in getting a fresh start this New Year’s, consider making one of the following strategies your first step:

• Practice self-compassion: When you reflect, consider what you’re saying to yourself. How would you talk to a best friend or family member in this same situation? Although it can be tempting to be hard on yourself for previous mistakes, forgiving yourself can be useful for improving your well-being. 
• Practice mindfulness: Putting your attention on this present moment may help you break your habit of dwelling on past events. Consider meditating for a few minutes each day, wherever it’s most convenient for you. Put all your focus on what you can feel, hear, smell, and see, allowing thoughts—and memories of the past—to pass through your mind without judgment.
• Give yourself space: Getting physical distance from reminders of the past can be helpful for moving forward. If you have mementos, photos, or other negative reminders, consider putting them somewhere out of sight. If an old relationship is causing you stress, you might also consider taking a break from contact while you process your emotions. 
• Look for learning opportunities: Sometimes, reframing negative experiences can help put those memories in a more positive light. When you catch yourself dwelling on the past, ask yourself what the experience taught you, and how you can use that information in a positive way going forward. Try writing down your insights so you can look back the next time you’re feeling regret. 
• Seek closure: If an unresolved conflict is weighing you down, a new year can be an opportunity to look for resolution. You might try reaching out to those you’ve argued with as this year closes. If you’re holding onto a grudge, consider extending forgiveness to the other person. This may help you start the year with a clean slate. 
• Practice gratitude: Appreciating your past and present may boost your mood and improve your mental health. Consider starting a gratitude journal to record a few things you appreciate each day. You can also sit down and make a list of everything you’re grateful for from this previous year. This may help you refocus on the positives in your life. 
• Set positive goals: Goal-setting can be a helpful way to reconnect with your aspirations and give yourself something to look forward to in this coming year. Consider setting a New Year’s resolution that you feel enthusiastic about and breaking it down into actionable steps. This can help you shift your focus toward the future and away from the past. 

These practices may be helpful for letting go of your past year and setting a positive mood for the year to come. That said, some people may need extra support in moving forward from negative emotions and past traumas. 

How a mental health professional can help

This year and every year, it is important to encourage individuals to seek professional help for emotional and psychological challenges. Mental illnesses like depression and PTSD can make it harder to let go of the past, which is why speaking with a mental health professional may also be worth considering. A licensed therapist may be able to provide more personalized advice for navigating this new year and adopting a positive outlook for the future. When you are able to make this commitment, therapy can help improve overall well-being in a number of ways. Online therapy platforms like BetterHelp can match you with a therapist that fits your individual needs and may offer more flexibility during the busyness of a holiday season. Additionally, you can connect with a family therapist or licensed marriage therapist that meets your needs.

New year, new you with online therapy

Online therapy has been studied as a treatment for various mental health concerns. In a 2017 review, researchers analyzed data from over 300 research papers on the effectiveness of online therapy. They found that internet-based therapy was an effective treatment for mental illnesses that may lead to rumination about the past, such as PTSD, depression, and various anxiety disorders.