Sapiosexuality can be considered a relatively new term to describe sexual attraction that is based primarily on intellectual stimulation or connection. Sapiosexual people may not experience sexual attraction, or physical attraction, toward another person until they understand them on a deep intellectual level. They may eschew more “traditional” settings to meet potential partners, such as bars or clubs, in favor of environments that may foster chances for intellectual connection, such as poetry readings or university lectures. Such settings may be more conducive to intelligent conversation about common interests. Sapiosexual individuals may not have preferences regarding a person’s physical appearance or even their gender identity. If you have questions about sapiosexuality or sexual identity in general, a licensed therapist can offer professional insight.
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Do you have questions related to your sexual preferences?
Is sapiosexuality an official sexual identity or sexual orientation?
The term “sapiosexuality” is not currently considered to be part of the LGBTQIA+ community, and some people may think of it more as a sexual preference (or, in some cases, a fetish) than as a sexual identity. However, sexual orientation is complex, and no one group has a monopoly on creating new identities.
As with other sexualities, sapiosexuality can be fluid and mean different things to different people who identify with this label. Sapiosexuality also functions in a similar way to other sexual orientations, as it is not a conscious choice in who the person finds attractive. It can be complicated to define a sexual orientation or determine if there is an “opposite” sexual identity to sapiosexuality, as many other sexualities are both similar and different. Being attracted to intelligence could be considered another form of demisexuality, for example.
Sapiosexual “opposite” sexual orientations
There may be many different ways for people to approach dating and relationships based on their personal experience, desires, and who they find sexually attractive. Sapiosexuality may have many traits with other sexual orientations, and whether it is truly an identity of its own is a subject for debate, but distinctions also exist. The following sexual orientations aren’t necessarily opposites of sapiosexuality, but they tend to have several differences.
Demisexuality: How does a demisexual person experience sexual attraction?
When some people think of the opposite of sapiosexual, they may immediately jump to demisexuality. Demisexuality is a sexual orientation in which a person generally needs to have a strong emotional connection with another person in order to feel sexual attraction toward them.
On the surface, sapiosexuality may seem as though it is a natural contrast to demisexuality. Demisexuality typically requires a connection on an emotional level as the primary factor for feeling sexual attraction, while sapiosexuality usually requires a connection on an intellectual level to lead to sexual desire.
Emotions and intellect are sometimes seen as opposites and may even be associated with different areas of the brain. In addition, some people identifying as sapiosexual may express distaste with people they might consider to be overly emotional and not logical, finding only intelligence to be sexually arousing.
However, sapiosexuality and demisexuality may have more aspects in common than they do differences. In general, both are terms to describe sexual identities that are based on features other than gender identity. People who identify this way and demisexuals may be sexually attracted to people of the same gender or different genders. They may feel attraction toward men, women, transgender people, or nonbinary people. Both sapiosexuals and demisexuals may not care about the physical attractiveness of a person, or they may come to find the person physically or sexually attractive regardless of their appearance after an intellectual or emotional connection has formed.
In fact, for some sapiosexuals and demisexuals, gender is a secondary characteristic when it comes to sexual or romantic attraction. A sapiosexual or demisexual may care less about a person’s gender identity than they do about the person’s mind or the emotional connection they may have with that person. For other sapiosexual or demisexual people, however, they may identify both as sapiosexual or demisexual and a term that defines which gender or sex they primarily experience attraction to, such as lesbian, queer, gay, heterosexual, etc.
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Both sapiosexuality and demisexuality can describe forms of attraction that go beyond physicality and require getting to know a person on an individual level before engaging in a sexual relationship with them. It can also be important to note that emotions and intellect may not be considered “opposites” by many people. In fact, some sapiosexuals describe emotional intelligence as the primary form of intelligence to which they find themselves attracted.
One crucial difference between sapiosexuals and demisexuals may be as follows: While demisexuals usually require an intimate emotional connection between themselves and another person to experience sexual arousal, some sapiosexuals may not need to speak to the other person or even to be in the same room as them to find them attractive. For example, a sapiosexual could be turned on by someone demonstrating their intelligence through a lecture or a TED Talk.
Pansexuality and allosexuality
Some people may think of sapiosexuality as a highly selective sexual preference, so they might consider its opposite to be pansexuality or allosexuality, which they may associate with a broader category of sexual interest. However, this comparison might not be accurate.
The terms “pansexuality” and “allosexuality” may be easily confused, but they generally refer to different forms of attraction. Allosexuality is sometimes interpreted as meaning that a person is sexually attracted to everyone, but this assumption is largely incorrect.
Allosexuality, with its root “allo” from the Greek word meaning “other,” can mean that a person experiences sexual attraction to other people. This form of sexuality usually contrasts with experiencing sexual attraction only toward oneself (autosexuality – more on this form of sexuality below), or not experiencing sexual attraction at all (asexuality).
Allosexuality also tends to be distinct from pansexuality. With pansexuality, gender normally isn’t a factor in determining sexual attraction. Pansexual people may be attracted to men, women, transgender people, and nonbinary people.
A person can be both allosexual and pansexual. A person can also be allosexual, pansexual, and sapiosexual, meaning they may be attracted to other people’s intellect and that gender identity does not play a role in their sexual attraction.
Autosexuality
Autosexuality can be defined as feeling sexual attraction toward yourself. Autosexual people can experience sexual attraction primarily or exclusively toward themselves, or they can experience it toward both themselves and other people. Because of this, autosexuality should not necessarily be regarded as an “opposite” of sapiosexuality or other forms of sexuality that involve attraction to other people.
Autosexuality and sapiosexuality can overlap. For example, someone could be primarily attracted to intellectual qualities in themself and occasionally attracted to similar qualities in other people.
Asexuality: Can asexual people be sexually attracted to anyone?
There are many common misconceptions within society and culture about asexuality. Asexuality is usually defined as experiencing little or no sexual attraction, regardless of another person’s gender, emotional connection, intellectual prowess, or other qualities. Asexuality is sometimes considered to be the “opposite” of any sexuality that involves attraction, but this perception may not be entirely accurate. For example, some people could identify as both asexual and sapiosexual. They may experience sexual attraction only rarely, but when they do, it may be primarily associated with intellectual stimulation.
It can be important to note that many people who identify as asexual people who feel no sexual attraction at all may still choose to participate in sexual activity as an expression of love or intimacy, not necessarily to satisfy sexual arousal.
Graysexuality
Graysexuality can be considered a variation of asexuality that is also closely related to demisexuality. A person identifying as graysexual typically does not feel sexual attraction to another person unless there is an emotional connection, but they tend to experience such attraction infrequently.
Although there may be little overlap between graysexuality and sapiosexuality, the two identities can be similar in that they are usually based on non-physical attributes.
Fraysexuality
If there is one form of sexuality that can be said to most closely reflect the “opposite” of sapiosexuality, it may be fraysexuality. If a person is fraysexual, they are typically sexually attracted only to people whom they do not know very well. The more a fraysexual person gets to know someone, the less sexual attraction they typically feel for that person. A fraysexual person may find small talk more interesting because it allows them to keep more distance from the person, as opposed to having deep conversations.
With sapiosexuality, this pattern typically plays out in the opposite trajectory. Sapiosexual people may need to get to know someone on a deep intellectual level before they experience sexual attraction toward them.
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Do you have questions related to your sexual preferences?
Finding support for understanding your own sexuality better
If you are wondering about your sexuality, or if you’re questioning another type of sexual identity, you may want to speak to a professional with expertise on sexual identities and sexual health. However, sexual identity can be a deeply personal part of your life. If you want to answer questions about your sexuality or gain greater self awareness, a therapist can provide a safe and non-judgmental space to do so.
A therapist can help you answer questions such as, “What can I do if I am attracted to a guy who is sapiosexual?” They can also provide reputable resources and professional support in your journey of self-discovery.
If you are hoping to have these kinds of conversations in a more comfortable setting, you may want to consider online therapy. With an online therapy service like BetterHelp, you can speak to a therapist from the comfort and convenience of your own home.
Research indicates that online therapy may be just as effective as traditional in-person therapy. One study found that sexuality-affirming therapy provided online can make a significant difference in people’s well-being. If you have questions about your sexual preferences or identity, online therapy could be a helpful resource for you to gain a deeper understanding of yourself.
Takeaway
In general, sapiosexuality refers to primarily experiencing attraction due to intellectual stimulation or connection. While there may not be a clear “opposite” to sapiosexuality, there tend to be several other sexual identities that have similarities and differences with this identity, including demisexuality, pansexuality, autosexuality, asexuality, graysexuality, and fraysexuality.
The information on this page is not intended to be a substitution for diagnosis, treatment, or informed professional advice. You should not take any action or avoid taking any action without consulting with a qualified mental health professional. For more information, please read our terms of use.
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