Support In Grief: Worldwide Bereaved Spouses Awareness Month

Every April, Worldwide Bereaved Spouses Awareness Month is observed. This time can provide recognition and support for those grieving the loss of their spouses. Bereaved Spouses Awareness Month generally offers a reminder to all to extend compassion to those who have lost a spouse, as going through the grieving process for one’s partner can come with many challenging emotions, including pain, heartbreak, anger, and depression. For support in healing from loss, consider scheduling an appointment with a licensed therapist in person or online.

What is grief?

To get a better understanding of Worldwide Bereaved Spouses Awareness Month, it may be useful to know the definition of grief and to understand how it can affect people. According to the Oxford Dictionary, grief can be defined as “deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death.” 

Everyone tends to experience grief differently. For some, it can be all-encompassing and lead you to feel overwhelming emotions that make life extremely challenging. Grief usually seems much more intense than a typical bout of sadness; it can be stressful and confusing on many levels. Particularly in the case of losing a spouse, going through the motions of everyday life while managing grief can prove to be very difficult without support. Many spouses enduring the grieving process may cry at seemingly innocuous things that bring up a memory of their spouse, find it difficult to accept living in the home they had without their partner, or have trouble seeing a future without them present. 

You may be familiar with the five stages of grief, which is a model that generally describes the stages people tend to go through when they’re grieving. These stages typically include denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance, although not everyone may experience each stage, and some may experience these stages in a different order. Understanding the stages of grief can be integral in supporting loved ones who may be struggling.

What is Bereaved Spouses Awareness Month?

Bereaved Spouses Awareness Month usually occurs during the month of April each year to raise awareness for people who have lost their spouse, life partner, or “person.” Whether their spouse passed away from natural causes, a sudden accident, or a terminal illness, grappling with the loss can be extremely painful and challenging. 

In general, Bereaved Spouses Awareness Month creates an opportunity to recognize grieving spouses who are in this difficult position, provide them with support and resources, and educate the masses on how to be there for anyone who may be grieving the loss of their spouse. It can give them a chance to share happy memories that keep their loved one’s memory alive or seek out support from a community of people who understand the stressful time they’re dealing with.

Worldwide Bereaved Spouses Awareness Month can also provide a timely opportunity for those who have lost their partner to look back on fond memories and celebrate and honor the lives of passed loved ones.

The impact of grief on bereaved spouses

Losing a partner can be particularly challenging in ways that are different from losing friends or other family members, especially if you spent a lot of time with that person. If you shared a bed, you may struggle to go to sleep each night without them there. Trying to eat a meal at the table the two of you sat at daily may be too painful to bear. You may experience feelings of shock, numbness, guilt, anger, and depression. It can be important to know that if you’re grieving a spouse, the difficult feelings you’re going through are likely normal.

People who have recently lost a spouse may experience the following challenges:

• Struggling to eat

• Difficulty sleeping or worse sleep quality

• Inability to concentrate or focus

• Frequent crying spells

• Having a hard time making decisions

• Withdrawing from friends and family

There may be no right or wrong way to mourn the loss of a spouse; your mourning may start when they are in hospice care or even before hospice care is initiated, or it may not begin until the person is truly gone. If they pass without warning, your grief may be sudden and unexpected, uprooting your life more thoroughly. As time passes, you may find yourself feeling a little better – laughing a little more often or having more good days than bad. For some, this may spur feelings of guilt, but know that this can be normal. With time, feelings of intense grief often fade, but the memories of your loved one will likely remain.

The impact of grief on families

Losing a spouse can affect the whole family in addition to the bereaved spouse. All members of the family, including the bereaved spouse and children who may still live with the bereaved, can experience the five stages of grief, along with other challenges that can come along with losing a loved one, such as depression, anxiety, fear, sleep difficulties, appetite changes, and more.

When the entire family is grieving, this can impact the family dynamic. The matriarch or patriarch may be unable to provide the emotional support they typically give to the children. The children may struggle with their moods, schedules, and overall mental health. The entire family may become closer as they mourn together, or they may become distanced from one another as they cope with grief. Leaning on a solid support system, attending support groups, or working with a family therapist can be helpful in navigating these challenging circumstances.

Supporting a grieving loved one

Seeing someone you love experience grief can make you feel helpless. You may not know how to help them, or you may believe that nothing you do or say will help them feel better. While it’s true that you may not be able to take their pain away, you can support them as they heal. Below, we provide suggestions for supporting a grieving loved one.

Help them with household chores

In the weeks and months following a loved one’s death, and/or in the weeks or months that a person is in hospice care, it’s likely their spouse will be overwhelmed with mourning. When visiting your grieving loved one, it may be helpful to take care of everyday tasks, such as doing the dishes, taking the kids to school, and buying groceries. Keep in mind that some people may not want this type of assistance, so it can be important to ask first.

Bring them meals

Many people struggle with their appetites when they are experiencing grief. Even if your loved one doesn’t want to talk or visit, they may appreciate a quick, convenient meal. You can drop off meals that just need to be heated, such as soup or lasagna, so the bereaved doesn’t have to put much effort into preparing food. 

Take them to support groups or therapy appointments

If your loved one has opted for support groups or therapy, show that you are there for them by attending support group sessions with them or dropping them off at their appointments. This can be a simple way to show up for your loved one as they heal.

Hold space for their pain

One of the most important things you can do for a loved one who is grieving a major loss may be to learn to listen compassionately without trying to solve their problems. It may feel tempting to say things like “They’re in a better place now,” or “I know just how you feel,” but these sorts of comments are rarely well-received. 

Instead, being an empathetic listener can help your loved one feel comfortable talking about what they’re going through. You don’t necessarily have to fix their grief; you can simply say things like “I hear you,” or “I know you’re struggling, and I’m here for you.”

Ask them what they need

Because everyone tends to experience grief differently, it can be important to ask what you can do to support your loved one. Some may need help with childcare, while others may just want company. Sometimes, they may be too wrapped up in mourning to know exactly what they need. In this case, you can do simple things like calling or texting regularly to check in, tidying up when you visit, and bringing meals when you can.

Keep in regular contact

Sometimes, we may believe we need to give someone space when they’re grieving. For some, space may be needed, but for many, grief can be lonely and all-encompassing. Calling your loved one or stopping by on a regular basis can be ways to support your friend or family member as they cope with loss. You don’t have to “do” anything when you visit. You can just sit together quietly or watch TV together. It may not seem like a lot, but just your presence can make a big difference for someone as they mourn.

Therapy for grief

For most people, the intense pain of losing a spouse lessens with time. However, some people may need support from a mental health professional in order to heal from losing their partner. Therapy can be especially helpful for people who may be experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder, depression, or anxiety related to the loss of their spouse. Therapy for grief can come in many forms, including support groups, one-on-one therapy, and online therapy. 

Benefits of online therapy

Online therapy may be a convenient and available option for those new to therapy or for those who prefer to work through their issues in a familiar environment. If grief is making it challenging to leave the house, online therapy can be an easy way to receive the professional help you deserve from your home, and you can even attend sessions via phone call or online chat if you don’t feel comfortable video conferencing with your therapist.

Effectiveness of online therapy

According to a 2021 study on the effectiveness and feasibility of internet-based interventions for grief after bereavement, participants usually experienced significant effects on symptoms of grief, depression, and post-traumatic stress.