Valentine's Day: A New Relationship Guidance For Celebrating

Valentine’s Day can be a significant holiday in the US, with many popular stores putting out decorations, greeting cards, chocolates, stuffed animals, and red and pink gifts. This holiday generally celebrates love, connection, and marriage, and it can be a positive way to connect with a partner. However, if you’ve just started dating someone or haven’t made your relationship official yet, you might face a dilemma related to whether you want to celebrate or find it appropriate for your relationship. In these cases, you have a few options. You might skip Valentine’s Day celebrations altogether, purchase low-key gifts, make cards for each other, or enjoy a date at home, for example. A licensed therapist can help you address relationship challenges through in-person or online therapy sessions.

The significance of the holiday 

The first Valentine’s cards often had images of Cupid, hearts, doves, and other birds as symbols of love. Many of these themes remain today, although the holiday continues to be a relatively commercial and corporate-focused event that couples can choose to celebrate, whether in a committed relationship or not. 

In modern times, Valentine’s Day cards can be purchased at major stores, including Hallmark, which is typically considered to be one of the first companies to commercialize holiday cards. In some cases, it may be seen as a “Hallmark holiday” due to its connection to this company. Individuals can also purchase stuffed animals, chocolates, heart-shaped items, and various gifts in pink, red, white, and other “romantic” colors. 

How to navigate level of celebration

In a new relationship, partners are often still learning about each other and discovering each person’s interests, dislikes, personality, and romantic tendencies. You may be unsure whether your new partner wants to spend Valentine’s Day with you or how much celebration would be appropriate for your level of connection with this person. 

When deciding whether to celebrate, consider asking your partner the following questions: 

• What is your opinion on Valentine’s Day? 
• Would it be comfortable for you if we went on a date for Valentine’s Day? 
• How do you want to celebrate Valentine’s Day this year? 
• Do you want a special Valentine’s Day gift? 
• What are your favorite gifts to receive on Valentine’s Day? 
• What is your love language? 
• Do you think it would fit our level of relationship to go on a date for Valentine’s Day this year? 
• Would you prefer to wait until next Valentine’s Day to celebrate? 

Ways to celebrate early on

If you’ve decided with your partner that you’d like to celebrate together this year, consider the following methods of celebration that may be more appropriate for a new relationship. However, note that you don’t necessarily have to be at a certain level in a relationship to celebrate if both parties are comfortable doing so. Communication can be crucial to ensure a healthy relationship at any stage. 

Communicate about expectations or wishes beforehand 

Before you make plans for Valentine’s Day, it can be best to communicate your thoughts, feelings, and opinions regarding this holiday. That way, you both understand what you expect from celebrating Valentine's Day. Whether it's a simple dinner, drinks, or a thoughtful present, discussing how to celebrate the day together can strengthen your brand new relationship. You might find that you and your partner are on the same page about your interests. Contrarily, you may have different expectations, which could require a compromise. 

If your partner isn’t ready for Valentine’s Day celebrations, ask them what they’re comfortable with and whether they want to celebrate at all. You don’t have to rush or feel pressured to create a specific course for your relationship. If you’re uncomfortable with celebrating, you can set boundaries on what you want this year and let them know if you’re comfortable with gifts, dates, or other expressions of love or affection. Communication can reduce the chances of one or both of you being hurt or having your boundaries crossed, especially regarding sensitive topics like sex. 

Choose a low-key gift  

If you want to get your new partner a gift as a token of your connection, consider choosing something small and thoughtful but not too intense. You can choose a gift that reflects your brand of affection and romance. For example, you might offer the following: 

• A cute card 
• A stuffed animal 
• Flowers
• Inexpensive jewelry 
• A baked sweet treat, like a cake
• A nice meal at home  
• A box of chocolates 
• A cute souvenir 
• A photo frame of a memorable moment
• A gift card for a fun night out 

Try to avoid “over-the-top” gifts like expensive jewelry, lingerie, sexual items, or vast displays of affection unless you’ve previously discussed these types of gifts and know your partner would enjoy them. When you’re starting to date someone, getting to know their interests can be crucial before choosing more extravagant gifts. 

Have a low-energy date at home

Some couples choose to go out on dates for Valentine’s Day. However, making reservations and having a fancy date night can seem too intense for some new couples. In this case, you might consider having a low-energy date at home. For example, you could cook food together, watch a movie while drinking wine or eating popcorn, or play a card game together. Valentine’s Day dates don’t have to be intense and romantic; they can also be a way to get to know someone more profoundly. Spending time at home provides a comfortable space to talk and connect, perhaps while planning future adventures together. 

Write a card 

Writing a card can be a cute way to show affection and care for someone if you’re not ready to give a gift or celebrate the holiday fully. In the card, you might write a sweet sentiment about how you’re feeling about your partner. Keep it short and positive to show your care for them in a simple way. 

Go to an event 

Have a casual date 

You don’t necessarily have to go on evening dates to celebrate Valentine’s Day authentically. Consider having a daytime date with your partner to take some of the pressure off making late-night reservations for a restaurant. During the day, you might try some of the following date ideas: 

• Go to a coffee shop 
• Go to a tea shop 
• Walk around the mall together and window shop 
• Have breakfast or lunch together 
• Go bowling 
• Go on a bike ride
• Try mini golf 
• Go ice skating or roller skating 
• Walk in a scenic park
• Go to the beach 
• Get ice cream 
• Show each other your favorite spot in the city 
• Go on a short hike 

Remember, you don’t have to make it a big deal to have the perfect date or feel like you're supposed to celebrate Valentine's Day in any specific way. From falling into deep conversations to finding some of the best food joints in a hidden alley, you can add some spontaneity to the date. Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to look a certain way, and there may be many ways to celebrate your connection without following specific trends. 

Skip the celebration

You don’t always have to celebrate Valentine’s Day to validate your love or care for one another. You might decide to put a hold on Valentine’s Day if you don’t believe your relationship has reached that level yet. 

You can have dates and impart your love with someone at all times of the year, so if you find that your connection is more intense over the next weeks or months, consider showing your love at another time. Let your relationship progress naturally, and try to communicate when your feelings or desires change. 

Support options for relationships and communication 

Communication challenges can be difficult to overcome on your own, especially if you both have different points of view. Practicing healthy communication can be a sign of a mature relationship, in which both partners can forget the nerves and focus on building a world together, possibly forever. Talking to a therapist may be one way to build your communication skills and improve your connection with a partner. A therapist can guide you through common relationship coping skills and may be able to aid in communication. 

Benefits of online therapy

If you’re unsure how to reach in-person therapy, online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp can also be valuable. Online platforms typically allow users to match with a therapist with experience in their area of concern, such as a licensed marriage and family therapist for couples encountering challenges. In addition, you can have resources like worksheets and group sessions. 

Effectiveness of online therapy

Studies suggest that online therapy can be effective, especially for couples. In one study, clients reported that internet-based interventions were more effective than face-to-face options, often leading to increased session comfort due to the video format.