What Is Self-Sabotage, And How Can You Prevent It?

Self-sabotage is a negative behavior pattern and can be defined as behavior that undermines a person’s goals and well-being, sometimes without them even realizing it. Self-sabotaging behaviors can impede personal growth, potentially leading to feelings of frustration and stagnation in various areas of life. It can be possible to prevent self-sabotage by practicing self-reflection, cultivating self-awareness, engaging in self-care, and working with a therapist to address any underlying challenges during your mental health journey.

Understanding self-sabotage and self-sabotaging behavior

Self-sabotaging behavior often stems from past traumas and low feelings of self-worth, when a person’s inner voice shoves uncomfortable feelings like being afraid or the intense desire for affection or connection away by pushing away other people and opportunities to pre-empt potentially painful scenarios where they may fail or get hurt. In doing this, the person creates a self-fulfilling prophecy of negative outcomes.

These self-defeating behaviors may seem counterintuitive, but they often stem from deeper emotional concerns and negative beliefs about oneself. People are often unaware of their self-sabotaging behaviors.

A few common triggers for this type of behavior can include the fear of failure, low self-esteem, and past trauma. There can be many reasons why people self-sabotage, from dysfunctional beliefs learned from one’s parents or environment to unresolved childhood experiences. Self-sabotaging behaviors can be a way to cope with uncomfortable emotions or to defend oneself from perceived threats. 

Self-sabotage is often seen as a cycle of negative thought patterns and destructive behaviors. People engaging in self-sabotage may create excuses for their actions rather than learning from them, potentially leading to repeated negative behaviors in the future. Often, negative perceptions about others and beliefs about themselves can perpetuate the cycle of self-sabotage that cane be difficult to overcome. This cycle of destructive behavior can contribute to various mental health concerns, so it can be important for people to become aware of the cycle so that they can adjust their thought patterns.

Recognizing self-sabotaging behaviors

It can be vital for individuals to recognize self-sabotaging behaviors, break the cycle, and focus on their well-being. Engaging in these behaviors creates problems in a person’s relationship to themselves and others and can keep them from achieving true happiness and healing.

Here are some common self-sabotaging behaviors to look for:

• Procrastination: Failing to complete projects until the last minute can be a sign of self-sabotage, potentially having a negative effect on schoolwork, a person’s professional life, and relationships.

• Self-medication: People may turn to an unhealthy relationship with substances and alcohol for relief rather than working through difficult emotions.

• Perfectionism: Sometimes, people can sabotage themselves by setting unrealistic goals that are impossible to reach, ultimately leading to failure.

• Negative self-talk: Having constant negative thought patterns that are demeaning and critical of oneself can become self-fulfilling prophecies in some cases. These thoughts may make a person not feel worthy of happiness or achieving their goals; they may constantly feel that they are in the wrong and feel a need to prove themselves.

• Courting temptation: Individuals can set themselves up for failure by putting themselves in situations that undermine their goals. For example, a recovering alcoholic may sabotage themselves by choosing to spend their free time at a bar.

• Pushing others away: Sometimes, the fear of being vulnerable or committing to a single person can cause people to push loved ones away, especially in romantic relationships.

• Inaction: The fear of failure can stop people from trying in the first place and allow them to make excuses for not attempting the things they wish to accomplish.

These are just a few of the self-defeating behaviors in which a self-saboteur may engage. There are certain areas of life to which self-sabotage can be particularly detrimental, impacting relationships with loved ones, career trajectories, and overall health, especially if they act in ways that are at odds with their values. 

In a relationship, individuals may push away loved ones, avoid intimacy, or create unnecessary conflicts. Meanwhile, in career pursuits, self-sabotage may involve procrastination, self-doubt, or fear of failure, possibly leading to missed opportunities. 

Self-sabotage can also affect overall health and well-being by contributing to unhealthy habits like frequent overeating, failing to exercise, or engaging in substance misuse. These self-sabotages are dangerous in their own way.

These patterns of behavior can have severe effects on overall well-being, be difficult to overcome, and hinder personal growth and fulfillment. Recognizing self-sabotaging behaviors can be the first step toward addressing them and letting a person achieve positive change.

Consequences of self-sabotage

Individuals can face adverse health outcomes when they engage in self-sabotaging behaviors like procrastination. Research among students shows that procrastination is often related to anxiety. A student’s emotions often have a direct impact on their academic engagement and learning process. Academic success can be so core to a person’s values that they may see it as the only measure of success, and see a relationship or other outside process as being in the way of success. 

By addressing the underlying anxiety leading them to procrastinate, students may regain emotional balance and stop sabotaging themselves. They may be able to reassess their values and build a healthier relationship with themselves to achieve success in other settings. In academic or professional settings, the failure to address self-sabotage may result in missed opportunities for advancement, reduced job satisfaction, and ongoing feelings of regret or disappointment. 

Self-sabotaging behaviors can have a significant impact on an individual’s physical health and well-being, especially during treatment for illnesses and other ailments. Although updated evidence may be needed, research suggests that some patients may engage in various self-sabotaging behaviors, like not taking prescribed medication or failing to seek treatment when necessary. This can lead them to experience worse health outcomes.

Strategies to prevent and stop self-sabotaging

Overcoming self-sabotaging is an incremental process that takes time and dedication. It can be difficult to change the way we act, especially if we’ve been seeing “success” from our actions (even if that success is short-lived and dangerous long term). 

Here are some actionable steps that you can take to prevent or stop self-sabotaging behavior and foster health and well-being in your life.

1. Practice self-reflection: Whether it’s journaling or doing a recap of your day, taking a moment to reflect on your behavior can help you identify actions that may be holding you back and give you a starting point for self-compassion, which can help you stop self-sabotaging.

2. Recite positive affirmations: You might take note of negative thoughts as they arise and use them as opportunities to recite positive affirmations. This can stop self-sabotaging by slowing your reaction times and replacing the negativity with positivity, building healthier thought patterns in the long run.

3. Set realistic goals: Turn larger goals into smaller, more achievable ones. Give yourself plenty of time to complete each task. This can foster a sense of accomplishment in your daily life, contributing to improved self-confidence and reducing negative emotions that might lead to self-sabotaging behavior.

4. Develop a support network: Pulling away from friends and family can be a sign of self-sabotage since it can inhibit you from receiving help and support. By prioritizing relationships with friends, family, and loved ones, you can foster an environment of care and warmth in your home or community, enabling you to be there for each other during difficult times. These connections can help stop self-sabotaging through accountability and support.

5. Practice self-care: From prioritizing nutrient-rich foods to spending time outdoors, performing regular exercise, and getting plenty of sleep, you can reduce self-sabotaging behaviors by taking care of yourself mentally and physically.

6. Cultivate self-awareness, compassion, and mindfulness: Self-awareness generally refers to the recognition, acceptance, and understanding of your thoughts, emotions, and behaviors. By cultivating self-awareness, you can identify self-sabotaging behavior and patterns and make conscious choices to change them. Compassion can refer to treating yourself and those around you with kindness and understanding, especially during difficult times. Try to acknowledge your humanity and offer yourself the same care and support you would a loved one. You can invoke mindfulness in your life through various techniques, such as yoga, meditation, and deep breathing. Mindfulness can help you become aware of your thinking patterns.

7. Seek professional help: Consult with a therapist to explore and address any underlying issues that could be contributing to self-sabotage, such as childhood trauma or other mental health concerns. A therapist can help you develop skills and techniques to stop self-sabotaging. While many people enjoy working with a therapist in person, it’s not always feasible to attend in-office sessions. Those seeking additional availability and flexibility in the therapy process may benefit from trying online therapy.

While not much research currently exists on the efficacy of online therapy specifically for self-sabotaging behaviors, a large body of evidence suggests that online therapy typically produces the same client outcomes as face-to-face therapy. It can be an effective form of treatment for a variety of mental health challenges.