Can You Find Love On Dating Sites?

With the rise of the internet in the 21st century, multiple methods of finding love have become more prevalent, including dating websites and apps. These sites offer a way to match quickly and talk to people from various backgrounds, which may make dating easier for some people and more difficult for others. Understanding the implications of online dating on mental health can be helpful for those who want to try to meet a partner online. Below, explore how people find love on dating sites, whether free sites and apps are as good as paid, the downside of dating apps, and what to do if you get dating anxiety.

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What is online dating? 

Online dating describes the process of meeting and getting to know potential romantic partners through websites, apps, or social media. The terms "dating sites" and "dating apps" are often used synonymously, but they are somewhat different. Dating sites are websites you visit from a browser, while dating apps are downloadable apps you must open to access the platform. Often, an online dating company will have both an online dating site and a dating app, providing two routes to access the same platform.

Dating apps have been around for nearly 20 years, and in that time, they've dramatically changed the way people worldwide date. While dating apps often have a reputation for only being good for hook-ups and casual dating, many people also turn to them to find long-term relationships. According to a Pew Research survey, about 30% of Americans have used a dating site or app, though that number varies significantly by age. When looking at those under 30, 53% have used a dating site or app. 

Online dating site success: Do people find love online? 

Pew Research data shows that some people find dating sites successful. Of partnered American adults, defined as married, living with a romantic partner, or in a committed romantic relationship, about 10% say they met their partner on a dating app or site. When looking at American adults under age 30, this percentage increases to 20%. Of lesbian, gay, and bisexual (LGB) adults in relationships, about 25% report having met on a dating site. These numbers show that online dating wasn't the start of most serious relationships in the US but has led to relationships for many people.

Online dating site benefits

Online dating can provide benefits not found in traditional ways of meeting romantic partners. For example, a significant feature that attracts people to online dating is that most dating apps can connect a person with a much larger dating pool than they'd be able to access through in-person interactions. The best dating apps also offer ways to identify the most compatible matches. 

Some dating apps use extensive surveys to match people with similar values and lifestyles, while others use proprietary algorithms to pair people based on various factors. With online dating, a person may recognize dealbreakers like particular religious or political affiliations from another's profile that, if the two had initially met through an in-person interaction, might not have surfaced until much later.

Dating apps statistics

In one survey, 42% of US adults said online dating made searching for an online partner easier. In the same study, 44% of those who had used dating apps in the past year reported doing so to find a long-term partner. However, only 21% reported believing that the algorithms used in dating apps can accurately identify who will eventually fall in love. 

Dating apps safety

A 2023 survey of US adults found that 48% view online dating as generally safe. This number dipped from 53%, which was the survey result in 2019. A majority of respondents said they support dating apps requiring background checks before someone can join. Currently, dating apps do not require background checks. While a few dating apps had a background check option for a couple of years, their partnership with the background check company ended, and that option is no longer available. 

Is a free dating app as good as a paid one?

Many dating apps offer both free and paid versions. While the paid versions offer additional features, many dating app users find that the free versions work well enough for them. Whether you prefer the paid or free version depends on your preferences. Some dating apps offer access to more features to those who pay the monthly subscription cost, while others sell features individually without a subscription. About one-third of people who use dating apps have reported paying for them.

Free dating app drawbacks

Free dating app accounts often don't provide all the available features that the app has to offer. On some dating apps, there's a limit to how many people you can "like" when you're using a free version, while you can like as many profiles as you want with the paid version. This limit could, in turn, limit how many matches you receive. Some dating apps will "boost" or promote your profile for a fee, which could increase the number of people who see your profile and, in turn, your number of matches. The free version may not return as much interaction.

In some cases, paying for a dating app allows you to be pickier as you refine your search for a potential partner. The free version may only allow you to sift through potential matches using a few filters, like age and religion. In contrast, the paid version may allow you to filter by height, education level, and whether a person smokes. More specific filters could save time and reduce the number of ill-fitting matches you receive.

Do dating apps have video chat?

Some of the best dating apps have video chat as a feature. Some apps already had video chat years ago. In contrast, others added the feature during the COVID-19 pandemic so people could continue going on "dates" while practicing distancing for health and safety. Examples of dating apps that have a video chat option include Match, Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, eHarmony, and Plenty of Fish.

Advantages and disadvantages of video chat

One advantage of video chat being available within a dating app is seeing your potential match "live" before sharing your personal contact information or meeting in person. For some people, video chatting before sharing information or meeting up acts as another screening layer and increases their sense of safety. However, there are some downsides to video chat. 56% of women under 50 report having been sent an unwanted sexually explicit message or image through a dating app. Using video chat may increase the possibility of receiving an unwanted sexually explicit video or having a match engage in lewd behavior while meeting live.

Is social media an alternative to dating apps?

Of people who met their romantic partner online, 61% met through a dating app. In contrast, 21% met through social media. While meeting a romantic partner through social media isn't as common as meeting through a dating app, this option may work for some people. 

The popular social media platform Facebook has added Facebook Dating to its features. People can use their Facebook profile to create a Facebook Dating profile, but the two apps are not the same. Facebook Dating is a dating app, not a social media app, and what a person posts there cannot be seen on their profile or friends’ feeds. 

Social media and dating

Using social media for dating can have pros and cons. When people meet on social media, they may do so through mutual connections or a shared interest that brings them to the same group or page. These commonalities, especially mutual friends a person knows in real life, may increase safety and comfort. In addition, people on social media aren't necessarily using these platforms to look for romantic partners, so there may be less risk of encountering someone who is using others for sexual encounters or attempting to perpetuate a scam rather than looking for a real relationship. 

The commonalities on social media that act as advantages in dating can also become drawbacks if the relationship doesn't work out. When you meet someone on a dating app and go on a few dates, you can decide never to speak to them again if you lose interest or realize you're not a match. When you have mutual friends on social media, they may continue to see posts you are tagged in, or vice-versa, which could cause awkwardness for some people.

The downside of dating apps

In one survey, 52% of US adult respondents believed someone they met on a dating app had tried to scam them. Men under 50 were most likely to have had this type of experience, while women and men over 50 were less likely to have it. The Federal Bureau of Investigations (FBI) reiterates that there are dating app scams, which they call a form of romance scams. In such scams, a person often acts caring and tries to form a virtual relationship while promising to meet in person. However, the meeting doesn't happen, and eventually, the scammer claims to have an emergency and asks for money. Other scams can include catfishing (pretending to be someone they aren’t) and attempting to withhold information to get a relationship, such as age or marriage status. 

In addition to scams, another downside of dating apps is the risk of harassing behavior mentioned earlier. People may receive sexually explicit images they didn't want, have someone keep contacting them after they say they're not interested, or be called an offensive name. These experiences are more common among women, and 6% of women have been threatened with physical harm.

When to seek help

While individuals often have positive experiences with dating apps, some people experience stress or anxiety. This anxiety may stem from receiving harassment, being rejected, or struggling with the confidence to put oneself out there repeatedly. Therapy provides a safe space in which you can discuss dating-related anxiety to make finding a romantic relationship easier. 

Remote therapy may be comforting for some since they can attend from a chosen location instead of traveling to a therapist's office. In addition, through platforms like BetterHelp, clients can get matched with a therapist with experience in their concerns. You don’t have to have a mental health condition to get help, and therapists can be supportive in guiding you through dating. 

Experts haven't yet studied remote therapy for dating anxiety. However, one study found a connection between anxiety about one's appearance and dating anxiety. The study authors note that cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) has improved body image. They hypothesize that CBT may also help with dating anxiety since the two are connected. Online CBT is also often more cost-effective than in-person options. 

Takeaway

Although dating sites have a reputation for only producing casual relationships, some people find a serious relationship on them. According to Pew Research, 10% of US adults in a long-term relationship found their partner on a dating site or app. The best dating app for you depends on your specific wants and needs. While people can use dating apps safely, some have bad experiences or develop dating anxiety for other reasons. If you're facing dating anxiety, therapy may be helpful, whether online or in your area.