Can You Find Love Through Speed Dating?
If you are single and looking for a connection, you may be considering your options for dating methods. While some may turn to dating apps and others meet partners the old-fashioned way, through work or friends, there is another option. Speed dating events allow you to speed-meet potential partners face-to-face in hopes of finding your next date. Below, explore the definition of speed dating, potential downsides, speed dating compared to online dating, and ways to find support for dating anxiety.
What is a speed dating event?
A speed dating event is an in-person event in which people go on rapid back-to-back "dates" with others so they can decide who they would like to see again. Speed dating events have been held nearly everywhere, in spots ranging from brewpubs to public libraries. In 2011, the reality TV show Geek Love filmed self-proclaimed "geeks" and science fiction fans speed dating on camera.
In many speed dating events, each round of dates lasts between two and ten minutes. The entire event may last an hour, two hours, or more, depending on the number of participants and the length of the speed dating sessions. At the end, additional time may be allotted to allow everyone to mingle and talk to their matches.
Often, a speed dating service puts on a speed dating event to help people find romantic love. However, the term "speed dating" may also be used to describe events that aren't truly dating events, like speed networking events designed to help businesspeople make professional connections. Whether or not a speed dating session is a true dating event is typically made clear in the event's description.
Downsides of speed dating events
Speed dating events are often heteronormative, meaning they cater to cisgender, heterosexual daters. This type of event is often set up so that single women sit in a circle or line of chairs, and men sit in chairs across from them. Then, after each speed date, the men stand up and rotate to the next chair for their next date. While this approach is efficient, speed dating may not be helpful for gay and lesbian singles. Those in this community may seek speed dating events geared explicitly toward lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer (LGBTQ) people, but these events may not be as common, especially outside of big cities.
Another potential downside of speed dating is the heavy emphasis on first impressions. Since dates are usually only a few minutes long at these events, people aren't generally able to get to know each other at a deeper level. Conversations may be superficial, and people may decide whether to see a person again primarily based on their appearance.
How to find a speed dating event
One way to find speed dating events is by doing an internet search. Search for the words "speed dating" plus the name of your town or region, and you may find upcoming speed dating events. If doing so doesn’t prove helpful, search for speed dating events in your area on the following sites. Searching on news and event sites specific to your area may also be fruitful.
Speed dating events vs. online dating
While online dating appears to beat speed dating in popularity, speed dating is becoming more popular. USA Today reported that the Eventbrite platform saw a 63% increase in speed dating from 2021 to 2022 and a 43% increase in attendance at singles events from 2022 to 2023. The article also reports that speed dating is particularly making a comeback with Gen Z and millennials, who are most likely to have been using dating apps and become tired of them.
Each approach to dating has its pros and cons. Those who prefer speed dating may like its in-person nature and quickness. Speed dating offers people a chance to stop looking at their phones, which some may believe they do too much of. With speed dating, people can often recognize if they experience a base level of chemistry with another person within minutes. In contrast, those using online dating could take days or weeks of messaging back and forth to come to the same conclusion.
When to use online dating instead of speed dating
While speed dating is becoming more popular, many people still prefer online dating. Speed dating is synchronous, meaning it requires engagement in real-time. Online dating is asynchronous, so people can swipe and reply at their leisure. As a result, online dating may be easier to fit into a busy schedule. If you cannot make speed dating events because they conflict with your schedule, online dating may be more effective for you.
Are there speed dating apps?
Traditionally, speed dating is an in-person event. However, there are some virtual speed dating options. Online speed dating operates similarly to speed dating in that you talk with people directly for a limited time, except virtual speed dating occurs through a screen instead of face-to-face.
Speed dating apps
A few companies allow people to try virtual speed dating through a website or an app. Roundhop says that with their platform, you can "meet ten people face-to-face in half an hour on video chat." The dating app Plenty of Fish (POF) has an option called NextDate, which they call "an interactive speed dating game on our livestreaming feature." When people use POF's NextDate, they can add themselves to the queue of other people on live, and when their time comes up, matches ask each other prompted questions in front of an audience.
Speed dating vs. using a dating app
The differences between speed dating and using a dating app mirror those between speed dating and online dating in general. Speed dating generally requires you to be at a certain place at a certain time, while a dating app can be accessed whenever you find it most convenient.
While speed dating introduces you to many people quickly, the number of people you meet doesn't compare to what is possible with a dating app. However, some experts say that having a wider variety of choices may not be an advantage, as having fewer options may make choosing more accessible and make a person happier with their choice.
Why some prefer using a dating app
Some people may prefer online dating or a dating app for the same reason others avoid it — online dating requires you to communicate from behind a screen. Going on a first date can spur nervousness in many people. Speed dating is essentially several or even dozens of mini-first dates, one after the other. While some people find this process exhilarating, others could be overwhelmed or stressed by it and, as a result, struggle to put their best foot forward as they think of what to say on the spot. In contrast, a dating app allows people time to relax and think about how they want to respond to messages.
The accessibility of speed dating
Since speed dating is often offered in person, events may be less accessible to some people than online dating. Driving or other travel to and from the event is often required. Going upstairs or downstairs may be required depending on where a speed dating event is held. The building may not be wheelchair accessible or designed to be easily navigable by blind people. Chairs might not be designed to support people above a certain size or weight. Unless the event is specifically for people who are deaf, there may not be a sign language translator present. Speed dating usually costs money, whereas online dating platforms often offer a free version.
Each individual speed dating event may differ in terms of accessibility. If you are considering attending an event and wondering if the event will be accessible to you, consider contacting the event's organizers. If they become aware of your needs in advance, they may be able to accommodate them.
Accessibility in dating
Because traditional forms of dating aren't always accessible to everyone, a company created a dating app specifically for people who have disabilities or chronic illnesses called Dateability. On the app website, the company states, "We understand the unique circumstances that present when dating with a disability, which is why we created a safe and accepting space to create meaningful connections for people with physical, intellectual, and psychiatric disabilities."
When to seek support
In some cases, people experience stress or anxiety related to dating. These symptoms may appear regardless of whether a person is speed dating or online dating, and they may stem from a fear of rejection or underlying anxiety. Irrespective of why a person struggles with dating, therapy can help. Therapy provides a safe space for people to talk about their dating-related worries.
Some people may avoid therapy for similar reasons they avoid in-person dating events. Remote therapy, in particular, offers the comfort of attending sessions from the comfort of your home or the location of your choice. Through an online platform like BetterHelp, you can match with a provider within 48 hours and choose between phone, video, or live chat sessions.
Therapy for dating anxiety hasn't been widely studied. However, research has found that dating anxiety is linked to anxiety about one's appearance. One study’s authors postulate that because cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) can help a person improve their body image, CBT may also help reduce dating anxiety. Studies have also found online CBT more cost-effective.
Takeaway
Speed dating events are in-person events where people go on minutes-long back-to-back "dates" with multiple others. The purpose of speed dating is to allow people a chance to find potential people to date in a short amount of time. Journalists have recently reported that speed dating is surging in popularity, especially among Gen Z and millennials. Virtual speed dating options are available for those who can't attend in-person speed dating events. In addition, if dating of any kind is causing a person anxiety, remote therapy can be an accessible way to receive counsel.
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