Dating Questions To Ask To Get To Know Someone On A Deeper Level

Often, the goal of dating isn’t only to have fun and try something new. Those who go on dates are often seeking to connect with a prospective partner, and potentially someone they may consider a possible future life mate. Asking questions to get to know each other or to further a more profound connection can be a component of building a strong relationship, from the first date to marriage and beyond. 

How to navigate small talk

A first date often starts out with some small talk. Small talk can be frustrating for people who want to dive right in with meaningful questions, but one way to establish a good impression and move closer to asking more thoughtful questions is to listen actively to more light-hearted questions. 

What to do if you find small talk annoying

Note that small talk is not necessarily a requirement for a first date. If both you and your date are comfortable diving into more intense questions as soon as you meet each other, there may be no harm in doing so. Finding someone with whom conversation flows easily can be a step toward a strong connection. 

Conversation starters: Favorite childhood memories, personal growth, future ambitions, and more

If you believe you have reached a point where you have already established a rapport with someone, you could move beyond the typical “first date questions” to topics that could help you get to know someone a little better. These topics could include stories about childhood or hopes and dreams for the future. 

Conversation starters about favorite childhood activities

When asking a person about their childhood, try to keep the conversation lighthearted and fun at first. Starter questions could include: 

• What is your favorite childhood memory?
• Did you have a favorite word when you were a child? What about now?
• What do you think was the most pivotal moment of your childhood?
• What was your favorite game to play when you were growing up? Did you have a favorite toy or type of toy?
• What was your most memorable field trip or vacation as a kid?
• Are there any childhood traditions that you enjoyed and continue to participate in as an adult?

Conversation starters about personal growth

Personal growth can span a wide range of topics, such as career interests, future plans, and a person’s hopes and dreams. Ask follow-up questions, as the questions below can be starting points for complex conversations: 

• What is your dream job?
• What is one activity on your bucket list of experiences to have before you die?
• What is the most adventurous thing you have ever done or want to do?
• What is one skill you have always wanted to learn?
• What is the biggest challenge or setback you have overcome? What has it taught you about handling future challenges and setbacks?
• Who has had the most impact on you in your life?

Conversation starters about mental health and personal well-being

Mental health can be a sensitive and stigmatized topic for some people, so you might avoid probing questions in this area. You may still learn a lot about how someone prioritizes their well-being and takes care of themselves with less intense questions, such as the following: 

• What do you like to do to relax?
• What “fills your cup”?
• How do you recharge yourself after a stressful day or week?
• What’s your favorite form of self-care?
• What’s a coping skill that helps you? 
• What does mental health mean to you? 

Deeper questions: Relationship preferences and love language

Bringing up questions about what a person is looking for from a relationship might be off-putting on a first date for some people. If you have been hanging out with someone for a while or are seeking a serious connection, these questions may help you better understand their desires for a partner and what makes them happiest within a relationship, such as their love language. 

Questions to discover a person’s love language

To determine their love language, you and your date might take the official love languages test together. However, if your prospective partner is not interested in taking the test, or you believe it’s a little early in the relationship to ask them to do so, you could ask the following questions:

• What has made you feel loved in past relationships, friendships, and connections with family members and other loved ones?
• How do you prefer to show love to those you care about, including romantic partners?
• How important would you say physical affection is to you?

If you know your love language, share it with them. Doing so may inspire them to share their own preferences in return. 

Mental health support for people on the dating scene

Dating and relationships can be fun and exciting, but they can also be complicated and take a toll on your mental health. Connecting with a therapist when working through relationship concerns, whether those concerns involve burnout from trying to meet a partner or issues you are experiencing in a current relationship, may be helpful. However, finding time for an in-person therapy appointment can be challenging. 

Those who are actively dating may already be juggling different plans and obligations, and for people in long-term relationships, finding a time that works for both of your schedules can be complex. Online therapy through a platform like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples may be more accessible. These platforms can be accessed from the convenience of home and are often more cost-effective, allowing clients to focus on dating while still receiving support. 

Research has indicated that online therapy may be as effective as traditional in-person therapy at supporting people with a variety of mental health concerns, including those related to love and relationships. One study found that online therapy increased relationship satisfaction and improved sexual intimacy in a group of couples.