Is Dating Your Best Friend A Good Idea?
Throughout your life, you may meet many people with unique personalities. Over time, people can go from strangers to acquaintances, from acquaintances to friends, and, in some cases, friends to best friends. A “best friend” can be associated with different ideas for each person. However, often, this relationship is close, caring, and beneficial.
Given this level of closeness, many people develop romantic feelings for a best friend. However, romantically or sexually caring for someone you have previously had a platonic relationship with can be challenging, and you may wonder if dating your best friend is a healthy choice or if you should move on.
Deciding to pursue a romantic relationship with a friend
The decision to date your best friend is yours. However, while weighing your decisions, you might ask yourself the following questions to consider how your dynamic might evolve.
Do you have common goals for your relationship?
If you’ve known your best friend for a while, you might know more about them than others. You may have discussed your career or educational goals, hopes for a future family, mental health challenges, political orientations, and other personal topics.
After discussing these topics, you may better understand what your best friend is looking for in life than the information you might know about someone you just met. While knowing your friend might be helpful, consider whether your goals, values, and hopes align with their vision for the future. Managing different life goals may be possible. However, if your relationship turns romantic, it could require more communication and compromise.
Are you prepared for your friendship to change?
Progressing from friendship to romance will change the nature of your relationship and require significant effort to make the relationship work with the new dynamics. You may establish new ground rules for communication and physical intimacy, and it could initially feel strange to start seeing your friend in a new light. While you might already know your friend on a profound level, a romantic relationship often involves getting to know someone in new and exciting ways.
Are you trying to date them out of convenience?
It may feel like your best friend is always around, ready to take a spontaneous trip, dive into a deep talk, or hang out at a moment’s notice. The convenience factor might be a driving force for some people to pursue a romance. However, ask yourself if these feelings are based on whether this friend means more to you than just companionship.
In the moment, it may feel natural to spend your free time with your best friend. However, misaligned values, goals, or interests could become inconvenient in the future. Healthy relationships may feel “easy,” but they’re not always convenient. Even if you begin as best friends, starting a serious relationship with another person can require work. If your best friend has feelings for you and you don’t feel the same, starting a relationship out of convenience or primarily physical attraction might cause conflict in your friendship and your relationship.
Are you ready to talk about your expectations?
You may have certain expectations of your best friend that help the relationship run smoothly. Maybe you commit to a weekly “coffee chat,” check in over the phone every Sunday, or show up for each other when you’re sick.
Some of these expectations may be more casual or unspoken in a friendship. In a romantic relationship, you may find value in stating your expectations more intentionally and addressing other topics like family issues, mental health challenges, and physical intimacy.
Establishing realistic and healthy expectations can be crucial in many relationships. As relationships start to take a romantic turn with your best friend, discussing and aligning your expectations is also key. A healthy, trusting relationship requires at least two people, with expectations that are fair and agreed upon by both parties.
Do you both show each other romantic feelings and compatibility?
You may be excited to change your relationship with your best friend, expecting a romantic partnership to be the same as your friendship. You could create an ideal story in your head about how it will go and how long you will be together. Although these best-case scenarios might occur, it can also be beneficial to consider what you don’t want to happen.
Your best friend may not be interested in pursuing a romantic relationship, or you may try to date only to find that you’re incompatible. These and other outcomes are possible. However, embracing vulnerability can lead to a more fulfilling experience, potentially deepening your romantic connection.
Go slow, carefully consider your feelings, and express them to your friend while allowing them to set boundaries. If your friend rejects your move beyond the friend zone, accept their answer. Continuing to talk about your feelings for someone when they’re not interested may constitute harassment and disrespect of boundaries. Some people experience rejection sensitivity in relationships, which can be painful and confusing. If you’re experiencing this symptom, consider contacting a licensed therapist for guidance.
Potential benefits of dating your best friend
Expressing romantic interest in your best friend may feel nerve-wracking. However, if feelings are mutual, the benefits of dating your best friend may include the following.
An established connection
As you and this individual are already best friends, you may already understand the person inside, beyond the surface that others see. You may deeply understand each other’s needs, sense of humor, and life goals. You could also discuss specific interests and hobbies that deepen your relationship. As you start your romantic relationship, you might notice that these bits of knowledge help you show love to your friend in new ways.
A feeling of comfort
The first few dates with someone can be exciting, but they can also be nerve-wracking, overwhelming, and scary. If you date your best friend, you might skip past awkwardness while dating, as you may already have emotional intimacy and trust with this person. However, if you're nervous about dating your friend, this benefit might not apply to you.
Common values, beliefs, and goals
Often, people choose friends who have common beliefs, values, and aspirations with their own. Transitioning from just friends to a romantic relationship, you may find that common beliefs and values may make it easier to reinforce your new connection. In addition, a best friend may challenge your assumptions and gently encourage you to consider alternate perspectives. In this partnership, you may learn and grow with your romantic partner. Additionally, as a best friend, you might have already done some growing together.
A common social network
Your best friend, one of the most important people in your life, may already know your friends, acquaintances, and loved ones. There may be no need to introduce them to your parents, as they might already have spent time with you at home. A common social network can be beneficial if your family and friends are supportive of your new romantic relationship.
Finding support in making a decision
If you’re on the fence about beginning a romance with your BFF, a licensed therapist may help you consider these risks, benefits, and questions to help you make the healthiest decision for you. Some people prefer in-person therapy to work through these concerns. Still, a growing number of people are using online therapy to invest in their mental health while balancing work, family, and other obligations.
Digital platforms like BetterHelp for individuals or Regain for couples can make it easy to connect with a licensed therapist. Within 48 hours of finishing a brief questionnaire, you can be matched with a licensed mental health professional based on your mental health history and future goals.
Based on current research, online therapy can be as effective as face-to-face therapy for various mental health concerns. One 2021 study found that during the COVID-19 pandemic, couples therapists experienced a positive shift from traditional to online therapy, based on survey responses from 58 therapists. Most therapists were able to treat couples as effectively over teletherapy as in-person therapy. Additionally, many therapists found that online therapy was more comfortable and convenient for couples, as they could seek mental health care from the comfort of their homes.
Takeaway
Many people care about their best friends. However, when affection turns romantic, it can be challenging to decide on the future of your relationship. With reflection and mutual interest, there may be potential for a new connection.
If you’re wondering how to date your best friend, the decision is up to you. However, a therapist can guide you through these questions, validate your emotions, and help you make a healthy choice. Ask yourself the above questions, take your time, and consider contemplating the risks and benefits of this decision before taking the next step.
What do I need to know before dating my best friend?
Friendship commonly leads to romantic attachments, although dating a friend can have serious implications. Perhaps the most significant to consider is the risk to the friendship. Romantic relationships are emotionally charged, and switching from friends to romantic partners can introduce a new level of emotional connection than what can be found in platonic friendships.
Of course, any emotionally charged situation comes with inherent risks. Just because two people are best friends does not guarantee they will be romantically compatible. However, evidence suggests that the friends-to-partners dynamic is popular and preferred, at least among young adults in the United States. Despite the relatively good chances of success, everyone should take time to consider that entering into a relationship with their best friend may end with both the relationship and friendship ending.
What are the pros and cons of dating your best friend?
There are a few different pros and cons to dating your best friend, but not all of them are weighted equally. It’s important to consider your circumstances and friendship before dating your best friend.
Pros:
- You have a solid foundation. Usually, friendship means getting to know someone well. You likely know how to communicate well and may already be used to supporting each other. You also probably have common interests, making it easier to participate in activities that you both enjoy.
- You know what to expect. Your best friend probably doesn’t come with many unpleasant surprises. When dating someone you don’t know well, you may learn over time that there are red flags or incompatibilities you didn’t anticipate.
- You can be yourself. Your best friend probably knows you well. You don’t need to worry about putting on airs or slowly introducing them to your personality quirks.
Cons:
- You risk the friendship. It may be hard to return to being just friends if a romantic relationship doesn’t work out. It’s important to consider whether the benefits of a relationship outweigh the risks of losing the friendship.
- You’ve already built a platonic relationship. While starting as friends can have benefits, it may also be challenging to transition to a romantic relationship. It is possible you and your best friend may not have the same chemistry as you did while friends.
- You might overlook red flags. There may be parts of your best friend’s personality that are red flags in a relationship. Because they are your friend, and you’re not currently dating, it is possible you’ll overlook some potential dealbreakers.
Is it a good idea to date my best friend?
Dating a best friend is a common and popular way to initiate a romantic relationship. Many people have found love and companionship by transitioning a friendship into a romantic commitment. Dating your best friend can certainly be a great idea, but it does come with some risks. The most significant risk is likely to the friendship itself. While best friends can make excellent romantic partners, there is no guarantee that a strong friendship leads to a successful relationship. Deciding whether dating your best friend is a good idea likely depends on whether you believe you both have the strength and foundation to succeed as romantic partners.
What are the benefits of dating your friend?
Dating a friend does have some risks, but evidence suggests it can also have many benefits. Dating a friend is also a common way to start a relationship; a recent analysis discovered that 66% of couples began as friendships, many of which spanned months or years before becoming romantic.
Perhaps the most significant benefit of dating a friend is having a strong foundation for the relationship. Friends likely know each other fairly well, and although there may be more to learn, a strong friendship likely comes with a lot of knowledge that will be useful in a relationship. Friends can likely communicate well with each other and probably already have common interests. Mutually enjoyable activities are a common ingredient in a healthy romantic relationship.
What do you do when you're in love with your best friend?
If you’re in love with your best friend, you might be tempted to turn the friendship into a dating relationship. Relationships often start as friendships, and a solid friendship can provide an excellent foundation for a new relationship. However, it is important to consider whether your feelings are reciprocated. If your best friend doesn’t feel the same about you, it may be awkward if you try to initiate a romantic encounter.
It is likely best to speak to your friend directly. It may make things awkward for a moment, but as long as you can move past your feelings if your friend doesn’t feel the same way, it is likely that the friendship can remain strong. It’s okay to catch feelings for a good friend, but it is also okay if those feelings are not returned.
Is your best friend more important than your partner?
Generally speaking, romantic partners may be more important than best friends. Many people feel that a partner should be the top priority in a person’s life, and placing a best friend above them may be seen as disrespectful to the relationship. However, that doesn’t mean a partner gets to decide whether a person stays friends with their bestie. Even if a partner is the top priority, it doesn’t mean that a best friend isn’t also a high priority. Maintaining good friendships is important for a person’s overall well-being, and if a partner is restricting someone from seeing their friends, it is almost always unhealthy relationship behavior.
Is a best friend better than a relationship?
Every person decides the relationship dynamics that work best for them. Some people don’t prefer romantic connections and pursue close friendships instead. Others adopt a “friends-with-benefits” relationship where they engage in physically intimate encounters with a friend but don’t commit emotionally. Many people consider friendships to be lower maintenance and less of a hassle than relationships. For those people, a best friend is likely better than a relationship. It is important for every person to consider what matters most to them and go with the best idea that resonates clearly.
How do you know if your best friend is in love with you?
While there is no surefire way to be sure that your best friend is in love with you, there are some common clues that may give you an idea. If you think they are in love with you, it is important to discuss the issue and find out if you are on the same page.
Here are some common signs that your friend may be in love with you:
- Their body language includes behaviors like mirroring, leaning into you, smiling, and hugging you.
- They take an active interest in what you like beyond that of your other friends.
- Mutual friends make friendly jokes or positive comments about you being a couple.
- They avoid discussing your other romantic pursuits and don’t like acting as a dating coach.
- Spending time with you is something they almost always want to do.
Can true love be between friends?
True love can absolutely happen between friends. In fact, evidence suggests that the friendship-to-relationship dynamic is one of the most common ways people enter relationships. While some consider entering into a relationship with a friend a bad idea, a strong friendship can likely provide a solid foundation for a healthy romantic relationship.
However, it is important to remember that some caveats may make love between friends a bad idea. Perhaps the most significant is the fact that transitioning from a platonic friendship to a romantic relationship comes with inherent risk; if relationship issues develop, it may not be easy to regain the friendship. For this reason, many people choose to stay friends rather than risk the friendship by dating romantically.
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