Maintaining A Positive Mindset While Using Online Dating Apps

Medically reviewed by Corey Pitts, MA, LCMHC, LCAS, CCS
Updated November 13, 2024by BetterHelp Editorial Team
Content warning: Please be advised, the below article might mention trauma-related topics that could be triggering to the reader. Please see our Get Help Now page for more immediate resources.

Being single can be challenging, but dating with a busy schedule can be even more difficult. Traditional dating may seem outdated, and meeting new people may seem impossible when your schedule is packed and your social circle is small. That's why online dating apps can be useful.

In addition, dating can be stressful due to the pressure and expectations that tend to come with it. It can be normal to experience anxiety or struggle with self-esteem while trying to connect with someone new. However, support is available to help you manage those feelings and potentially make the experience easier. One way to receive support is to attend sessions with a licensed mental health professional.

A man in a blue shirt sits in his home and looks down at the phone in his hand with a stressful expression while pressing his hand to his forehead.
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The dating process can come with mental health challenges

Types of online dating apps

There are many types of online dating apps. Some may be used for casual connections, while others focus on serious relationships.

  • Traditional dating apps: These apps tend to be quite common and include platforms like Tinder. They generally help users find matches based on location, interests, and mutual attraction.
  • Niche dating apps: These apps usually target specific groups of people. For example, there are dating apps for pet lovers, gamers, and farmers. Niche dating apps may make it easier for people with specific interests to find someone who shares the same passions.
  • Matchmaking apps: Apps like Bumble and Hinge typically use algorithms to match users based on personality tests and detailed profiles. These are often geared toward people looking for serious relationships.

It may be helpful to try different apps based on your interests. Finding the app that works best for you may take some time and experimentation.

Setting expectations on online dating sites and apps

It can be important to know what you want from online dating and to treat others respectfully. Being clear about your intentions and respecting others’ boundaries may make the experience more positive for everyone involved.

Be honest about your intentions

Being truthful about your dating goals may save time and emotional energy. Whether looking for something casual or a long-term relationship, communicating clearly may set the stage for genuine connections. You don't need to share every detail right away, but providing some context may help potential partners understand your expectations.

Respect others' boundaries

Respecting boundaries tends to be non-negotiable in online dating. Everyone has different comfort levels, so it can be crucial to recognize and respect them. This generally means being aware of personal space and moving at a comfortable pace for the other person. Avoid pushing them for information they’re not ready to share or actions with which they aren’t comfortable.

Keep initial conversations light and respectful

The first few messages often set the tone for how things will go moving forward. Starting with light and respectful conversations may build trust and rapport. You can start with simple introductions, share interests, or ask about their hobbies. It can be best to avoid diving into deep or controversial topics too soon. Conversations about politics, religion, and personal trauma are usually better saved for later, when you are both more comfortable.

Managing rejection on an online dating app

Facing rejection on dating apps can be common, and while it may be difficult, focusing on self-care and keeping a positive outlook may help you maintain your confidence. Everyone experiences rejection at some point, so it can be important not to take it personally.

Practice self-care

Self-care can be key to managing rejection. Taking time to treat yourself may lift your spirits and improve resilience. Certain actions, like enjoying a favorite meal, watching a show you love, or taking a hot bath, may be helpful. Regular self-care activities may also lower stress and boost your overall well-being. As a result, you may find it easier to let go of setbacks and move forward with confidence.

Surround yourself with supportive people

Having a support system of friends and family may help you cope with rejection. Loved ones can offer a listening ear, advice, or simply a reminder of your worth. They can also offer perspectives that may help you see that rejection on a dating app doesn’t reflect your value. Spending time with supportive people may bring emotional comfort.

Celebrate small wins

Celebrating small victories may keep you motivated. Acknowledge the little wins, like improving your profile or having a fun conversation with a match, even if it doesn't lead to a date. You don’t need extravagant rewards; even treating yourself to a favorite snack or watching a movie may be enough. Celebrating these small successes can help you focus on what’s working rather than what isn’t, which may boost your confidence over time.

Limit negative self-talk

Negative self-talk can worsen difficult feelings associated with rejection. Stay aware of your inner dialogue and make a conscious effort to replace negative thoughts with positive ones. Instead of thinking, "I'm not good enough," remind yourself that everyone faces rejection. Positive affirmations can reinforce your self-esteem and keep you from spiraling into negativity.

Stay physically active

Exercise may boost your mood and reduce stress. Physical activity typically releases endorphins, which can be seen as natural mood lifters. Something as simple as walking, dancing, or practicing yoga can help you stay active. Setting fitness goals can give you a sense of accomplishment and take your mind off negative feelings.

A woman in a plaid shirt leans against a wall while looking down at the phone in her hand.
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Building confidence and self-esteem on dating apps like Bumble

Using the best dating apps, like Bumble and Hinge, may improve your confidence if you approach them with the right mindset. It can be vital not to take rejections personally. Many factors influence a match, and not matching with someone doesn't reflect your worth.

Online dating can damage some individuals’ self-esteem. Many users believe that dating apps can damage how they see themselves and negatively impact their mental health. Studies show that using these apps can lead to or worsen depression in some cases.

Creating a profile that focuses on your strengths may be key. Use clear, happy photos and a bio that genuinely represents you. Be honest and positive about your interests and personality for the best results.

The benefits of video chat in online dating

Video chat can be said to have transformed online dating by adding a more personal touch. It generally allows you to see the other person's facial expressions and hear their voice, which can make interactions seem more real. This can help you gauge their sincerity and interest better than text messages. It can also reduce the risk of being misled by fake profiles.

Advantages of video chat may include the following:

  • Authenticity: You can verify whether the person looks like their photos and assess their authenticity.
  • Real-time connection: You can have real-time conversations that are more natural and spontaneous.
  • Safety: You can safely screen potential dates from your home before meeting them in person.

Online dating with video chat can bring a new level of intimacy and authenticity that traditional text-based chatting often lacks. It may be a feature worth trying if you're exploring the online dating world.

Instagram and mental health in online dating

Instagram may play a role in online dating for many people. It can shape how they see themselves and others. Many people check Instagram profiles to learn more about potential dates, often judging them based on their photos and the number of likes or followers they have.

This constant comparison can hurt self-esteem. Users might experience pressure to look perfect or lead exciting lives to attract attention. Watching others' highlight reels may contribute to a sense of inadequacy or anxiety.

In addition, looking for validation through likes and comments may lead to stress. People may post pictures not for enjoyment but to gain approval from others. This need for approval can increase loneliness and dissatisfaction.

To manage these challenges, it can be important to use Instagram thoughtfully. Try to limit your time on the app and focus on real-life connections. Keep in mind that not everything you see online accurately reflects reality.

Finding support for dating struggles

Dating can be stressful, whether you use free dating apps or meet people in person. You may want to find support when you encounter obstacles.

One potential support option is a dating coach who can offer advice and strategies to improve your dating profile and interactions. They can also help you build confidence and increase your chances of finding a connection.

Mental health professionals can help you identify and address underlying concerns, like low self-esteem or past relationship trauma. Speaking with a therapist may offer long-term benefits for both dating and overall mental health.

Getty/AnnaStills
The dating process can come with mental health challenges

Online therapy

Online therapy can bring mental health support right to your home. It may be especially helpful if you struggle with dating anxiety or relationship stress. With online therapy, you can schedule sessions anytime, making them easier to fit into a busy schedule.

Therapists on platforms like BetterHelp offer various therapy types, from marriage counseling to individual sessions focusing on self-esteem and anxiety. This flexibility may enable you to find the type of support that fits your needs.

Studies suggest that online therapy can effectively address mental health challenges, which can often arise from struggles with dating. A 2017 study reviewed the effectiveness of internet-based cognitive behavioral therapy (ICBT) for treating mental health challenges. The results showed that ICBT may be effective in helping with conditions like depression and anxiety.

Takeaway

Dating can be challenging, especially with a busy schedule and a small social circle. Most online dating apps offer a convenient way to meet new people, but the experience can also come with stress and anxiety. It may be helpful to set clear expectations, be honest about your intentions, and respect others’ boundaries when using these platforms. 

Rejection can be a common part of online dating, but focusing on self-care, surrounding yourself with supportive people, and maintaining a positive mindset can help you navigate the ups and downs. Remember, support is available to help you manage the challenges of dating. You can turn to online resources, dating coaches, and online or in-person mental health professionals for insight and guidance.

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